Day 10: Together at Last

Journal of the Princess Leia Organa of Alderaan

26th Day, 4th Month, 3902nd Year

Is this what love feels like? I can't say I've ever experienced this sort of love, so I wouldn't know. I, of course, loved my family, and I still do even though they are gone. I love Luke, but that's more like a brother-sister kind of love. I love Chewie, but that's a friend kind of love, and I love many others, but it's not like this.

My love for Han is completely different. I guess I'm still unsure about it because I haven't let myself love until this point, and I'm still not sure why his love broke through the walls surrounding me now. I worked so hard for so long to keep myself from being crushed by love, because we all know that it has to come to an end, at some point. For some, it is sooner than others, and I know that will be the case. But Gods, it feels good to finally let it in, the thing I have been denying myself for so long.

His confession last night almost made me cry, but instead I found myself kissing him. Eventually, he stopped and told me to get some sleep. Was I happy that he left, no probably not, I could have kissed him all night! But it was for the better. This territory is new for me, and maybe for Han too.

I'm thinking about asking 3P0 about his log on the falcon again, but when I think about doing that I scold myself, saying that I wouldn't want him to be reading my own words. 3P0 did say that Chewie knew the password though, and when I asked him about it, he just laughed…it worries me. It made me wonder if Han knew MY password.

And so, I changed the password on this thing to something he'll NEVER guess.

[Well you know Cub, it really wasn't a very creative password] Chewie said before taking another drink of his Caf.

"What wasn't a very creative password?" asked Leia as she walked into the galley and poured herself a cup of Caf of her own.

"Nothing Sweetheart" Han mentioned quickly, maybe a little too quickly. "How did you sleep?"

Leia eyed him for a moment, wanting to ask again about the password, but she dropped it. "I slept pretty good Captain, why do you ask?"

He moved towards her, "Well can't a Captain make sure his passengers are treated fairly?"

"I don't know Flyboy, am I really considered a passenger?"

"Are you saying you want to be a member of the crew?" he asked, his face just inches from hers.

"I don't think…" she said before he finally kissed her.

[Oh get a room!] Chewie growled from the other side of the room, before walking out. His comment broke the kiss.

"Han, we really should talk."

"'Bout what Sweetheart?"

"About us."

"I thought we already went through this. I told you…"

"No, that's not what I want to talk about Han. I want to talk about us right NOW. What exactly are we?" A puzzled look came across Han's face. "See, I don't know either, and that's why we need to talk about it."

"I think the real question here is what do you want us to be?"

"And what about you? I think you have some say in this too…"

"I'm fine with whatever you choose Sweetheart. I don't want to push you any further than you want to go."

"Well in the best case scenario, what would you want?"

"There never is a best case scenario…you know that."

"But let's just say there was" she said, sitting down on the bench and crossing her legs under her, "then what would you want?"

"I suppose…I don't know Leia." He looked to find her staring at him, as if unable to answer. "What? What do you want me to say?"

"I don't know Han."

"Why is it that every time something finally goes right between us," he yelled, "you have to bring THIS up again and we're back to square one?"

"Because if we don't figure THIS out Han, there will be no US."

"Is that what you want then?"

"No."

"Then can't you just drop it?"

"But…"

"No your Hignessness, I told you last night how I felt…and I certainly don't want to waste any more time with this pointless arguing. We're together for now…and it shouldn't matter officially what we 'are' because no one is here to see it. If you want to have this little fling now and completely throw it out the back door when we get to the alliance, then that's fine, but I'm not wasting any more time with it."

"Why won't you just say it?"

"What?"

"That you love me."

He was shocked by her response, and he forcefully kissed her, pushing her back up against the bench. He kneeled on the floor and moved her legs so they were around him. When he finally pulled back Leia smirked. "Is that how you answer all the tough questions?"

"It might be."

"It still doesn't solve our problem Han."

"Like I said Leia, this is about what YOU want this to be, not me. If you want me to get as far away from you as possible when we get to the alliance…"

"Just shut up and kiss me."

He didn't need to be asked twice.

Sometime after lunch Chewie walked into the main hold to find Leia sitting in one of the larger chairs reading a book. He moved to the opposite side of the room from Leia to work on one of the power stations. [What are you reading Princess?]

Leia shook her head and then looked up, trying to find the source of the voice. "What…oh, Chewie. I'm reading that book Han suggested, about Corellia."

[It looks like you're almost finished.]

"Yeah, I'm almost done…only a few pages left. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with my time now that I finished this entire book."

[I can see your problem. That book isn't small by any means, and when you finally finish something of that size you just don't know what to do with yourself.]

"Exactly" she said closing the book. "I suppose I'll stop for now though, that way I can save the end for later."

[It's not going to last any longer Princess.]

"No, but it will seem like it because I'll finish it tonight instead of now…meaning I'll have something to do with myself later" she laughed. "What are you working on?"

[This power station. It seems there are more things wrong with this ship than we originally thought.]

"Doesn't surprise me."

[I heard your,] he paused, [Conversation with Han last night.]

"How did you…"

[Wookiee's have enhanced skills Princess. Generally I go to the other side of the ship when things like that happen, but I didn't want to get out of bed.]

"Oh. Sorry if we were bothering you, I didn't mean…Han just…"

[It's fine. You two seem to be getting along well though?]

"Yeah, I guess you could say that."

[You guess I could? It seemed like it to me this morning.]

"Oh that…I'm sorry you had to…"

[Once again, it's fine. Han really cares about you Princess, don't waste the time you have left.]

"It seems everyone is saying that to me."

[It is true though.]

"Well of course it's true, but what happens when we get back to the alliance and my heart is broken. How will I feel then?"

[Is that why you so closely guard you heart Princess? For fear of it breaking?]

"It's been broken too many times already Chewie, and I just can't imagine what another crack might do. I'm so fragile as it is, with everything I've been through. The only way to protect it is to guard it."

[But you feel Han has broken through the walls?]

"Yes, very much so. I've never felt this way before Chewie."

[You've never been in love?]

"No, not like this at least."

[I understand. You are afraid that you love him too much, and when he leaves he will take your heart with him.]

"Exactly."

[Well, no matter what, he is going to take a piece of your heart with him. You two and Han are always with each other, joined at the hip, and that won't change, even when you are separated.]

"So you're saying that I should ignore my fears?"

[No, your fears are legitimate, but you should follow what your heart tells you to do. I can't make the decision for you, and neither can Han. We both want to see you happy, and if being with Han makes you happy, then do that. If your heart tells you to stay friends, then follow that.]

Leia was silent for a moment, taking in the Wookiee's wise words. "Thanks Chewie. I think I know what I need to do." She then got up from the chair, book in hand, and headed towards her cabin.

"Han? Han? Where are you?" the princess yelled throughout the ship, in search of the pilot.

"In here Sweetheart!" he yelled back, hoping she would hear him. He figured she would and went back to work, kneeling to reach a lower portion of the board, not even looking up when he heard the door cycle open.

"There you are Flyboy!" she said, walking over and wrapping her arms around his neck, "I've been looking everywhere for you."

"So I've heard."

"Was I really that loud? I didn't hear you until just now."

"Probably because you WERE that loud" he said, standing up and turning to face her. "But you did find me. What's up?"

"I just wanted to tell you that I made up my mind."

"About?"

"Us."

"Oh, that again."

"No, not that again Han. I really did make up my mind."

"And what did you decide on."

"I want us Han. I want us to remember these next 30 days as the best days of our lives, because if that's all we have to hold on to after we get to the Alliance, then that's that. But I don't want to fool around and act as if there isn't something between us, because there is, and if the galaxy permits it, maybe it will last beyond Jabba and Vader."

He kissed her, slowly, his lips pressing lightly against hers. He pulled away, "Interesting choice of enemies, but I agree completely."

"So then that's it then. There's an us."

"Yes, as long as that's what you want."

"It's always been what I want."

"You sure had a funny way of showing it" he said with a grin. "Always arguing and running away…"

"Whatever, you were just as funny! Making me angry, jealous, arguing, pretending to leave to get my attention…"

"Point taken" he whispered before kissing her again. "You hungry?"

"Han, it's not even that late…"

"I just asked if you were hungry."

"Alright, yeah. I am."

"Thought so" he said grabbing her hand and leading her towards the galley to find something to eat.

After deciding on a meal of just some fruit and rations, to conserve the food supply, Han and Leia settled into the main hold. Han grabbed a data pad and sat down in the oversized chair located there for Chewie, and he motioned for Leia to sit next to him. There was plenty of room for the both of them, but she still hesitated.

"I don't bite you know" Han said, a serious look on his face.

"Well maybe you don't, but your Wookiee might" she laughed, grabbing her book and sitting down against him, her head settling against his chest.

"I suppose you're right, but you know Chewie. He wouldn't hurt you" he mentioned, setting his data pad down on a nearby table and wrapping his arms around her. "What you reading?"

"You know exactly what I'm reading!"

"No I don't" he kidded, trying to make her angry.

"Fine, I'll give you a hint, but you have to guess" she said playfully. "Let's see, it's a book about a planet."

"Dantooine."

"Wrong. Another hint," she paused and thought for a moment before continuing. "One of my best friends is from said planet."

"Kashyyyk?"

"Incorrect again. Third hint – they have some VERY interesting music."

"I don't know about you Sweetheart, but that Cantina band on Tatooine was pretty strange."

"Nope, last hint," she said, turning her body slightly so she was more against him face to face, "There's a certain smuggler that I know that is from this planet."

"There's another smuggler in your life? If there is, I think I have to break this off right now…"

"No Han" she playfully hit him. "I'm reading that book you gave me about Corellia!"

"Oh, that book. You're still reading it?" he asked, almost surprised.

Leia turned back to her original position and opened the book to her current page, "Yeah, but I'm almost done…see" she pointed.

"How in the galaxy did you read that so fast?"

"I loved reading as a kid, so I guess it just got faster for me as I got older."

"Well sure, but still. That's really fast. Took me a couple months."

"But I bet you spent a good part of those two months away from your ship. I'm stuck around her all day long for several weeks! With NOTHING to do."

"Oh, I can think of plenty we can do."

"Such as?"

"Well, for starters, we could go back to your cabin and…"

"Don't even say it Han" she interrupted. "Seriously though, what else is there to do around here for the next 30 days?"

"29 days Sweetheart, and I could always teach you some games, like Sabacc, or we could play HoloChess."

"I heard a story from 3P0 about Wookiees ripping arms out of sockets when they play games and lose…."

"That's only if you beat him and he doesn't like you. 3P0 is in plenty of danger. You, not so much."

"I see. So what else?" she asked.

"Let's see" he set his head back against the chair, his arms still loosely around Leia's waist, "I could teach you how to cook."

"Seriously, we've been through this…I CAN'T COOK!"

"That would be why I'm teaching you Princess."

"Fine, what else?"

"You sure need a lot to keep yourself busy huh?"

"I'm so used to working all the time Han, so this is a complete difference. I haven't had a break in years."

"And do you like having a break?"

"Yeah, I guess, but there's still so little to do, and it annoys me."

"Such a busybody. Hey wait!" he said enthusiastically, "We could finish cleaning out my cabinet."

"That sounds nice, but not tonight Han."

"Fine by me. Like I said, anytime you feel like it, and I'm not in the middle of something, we can clean it out."

Leia pushed her head more into Han's chest and he tighten his embrace, his head settled back and they sat there, Leia reading, Han watching over her shoulder.

Log of the Milennium Falcon

4/26/3902

I suppose you can say the Princess and I are definitely on speaking terms, but it's probably more than that. Not only are we on speaking terms…but she kisses me willingly!

A while back Chewie told me to put together a list of things I wanted to accomplish in my lifetime. I thought he was nuts, but I ended up putting one together anyway. It had stuff like get the Falcon from Lando (done), Accomplish the Kessel run in Less than 12 Parsecs (done), kill Greedo (done) and a bunch of other stuff, but I guarantee that Kiss a Princess was not on the list. So when earlier she told me to kiss her, I was a pretty surprised guy.

Either way, I feel like we are finally at some sort of peace, although there is still something that's preventing her from opening up completely. I can't put my finger on it though.

Oh, and Chewie…if you're reading this, get out of here, and shut up about my password, the only one I really need to protect it from is Leia, and she'll never figure out that password. Therefore, she will never be able to read these logs, and will never know what my personal thoughts are.

On the otherhand, I have gathered that Leia does indeed keep a journal on a data pad she found somewhere around here. I have no idea what her password is though, but hopefully one of these days I'll be able to read a little from it. It would be awful nice to get a little insight to her feelings toward…well, everything, but especially me.

But I don't want her mad at me again either…I much prefer kissing to arguing. Although she is pretty cute when she argues.