A/N: news flash: i still suck at updating on-time

whooooooooooooops

=== Be John Egbert

It literally takes about three minutes after I step on-campus for Dave to walk up and notice what's wrong.

"Jesus fuck, Egbert, the hell did you do to yourself?" He still has that indescribably stoic face up, not giving anything away past his dark glasses. Still, though, I'm actually pretty sure he's somewhat concerned; after being best friends our entire lives, seeing the coolkid act break down when we're alone, I get it sometimes.

Dating him for about six months probably helped, too.

"I kind of fell out of a tree." Giving him a slight smile, I recite my admittedly terrible cover story, the only one I've managed to come up with. I want to turn away from him, but, realizing there's no fucking way he'll be able to understand me if I do, I keep my face turned more toward him. "You know I like climbing trees, but I misstepped."

There's an expression of distinct disbelief on his face. "Out of a tree into a pile of rocks?" He holds out a hand, and I unwillingly place mine in his. Quietly, his fingers trace up my cloth bandages, and, when he's done, he quirks an eyebrow. "You fell out of a tree? How much of a dumbass do you take me for?"

I shrug slightly, feeling my cheeks blush hotly. "Well, it was worth a shot."

"At least come up with a half-decent cover story next time." He releases my hand, but walks with me to my locker. "Douchebags been beating you up again?"

"I guess." More mentally than physically, but if you drop a cover story in my lap, I'll take it. "It isn't anything big, don't worry about it."

"Dude, I'm your best fucking friend, I have a right to get worried when you show up to school smelling like a hospital and bandaged to all hells, with just some lame-ass story for cover." He leans up by my open locker door, arms crossed loosely, looking over at me. "Obviously it was big enough to go to the fucking hospital, so spill it."

I wince, pulling notebooks out and pushing textbooks in, awkwardly handling the books; my thoroughly bandaged forearms are definitely getting in the way. "I tried to scrub the hospital smell out, but these kind of get in the way." Sighing, I wave my bandaged arms slightly, glad they didn't have to wrap my hands as well. I wouldn't have been able to do anything.

"Cut on your fingers, too," he notes, only nodding his head slightly toward me. "Seriously, what the hell did you do?"

I swear under my breath, clenching my fingers shut. Didn't think about that. "I didn't do anything," I lie, sighing. "It really isn't a big deal."

"Like fuck it isn't a big deal." He's concerned, I can hear it in his voice. "Fine, then. How'd you even get to the hospital?"

I know there's a slight flush on my cheeks, but I choose to ignore it. "Karkat took me. He was the only one I could get ahold of, so I managed to get him to come drive me to the hospital."

"Vantas willingly drove you to the hospital?" His head cocks slightly, and I can tell from the million other ways that his head moves that he's widened his eyes. "Okay, every cover story you have is complete shit. Vantas wouldn't give half a fuck unless you were actively bleeding to death."

That kind of hurts, if only because I'm desperately trying to pretend that the date tonight isn't going to be just a promise kept. Some attempt to placate me. I know that's really all it is, that he doesn't actually feel anything toward me like what I feel about him, but I just can't help it. "I guess," I mutter, shutting the locker and walking off.

Dave pulls me off into the classroom our school doesn't use this hour and shuts the door, leaning up against me so close I can see his red irises through his glasses. He isn't wearing the reflective ones, which is almost odd for him. "John, cut the shit. What did you do?"

It dawns on me that this should be a lot more uncomfortable than it is.

"I just got hurt, okay?"

"Not good enough." He raises his eyebrows, blonde hair hanging slightly in his eyes behind the glasses. "Listen. I really do care about you. So just tell me."

"I did it to myself," I finally breathe after endless seconds of silence. My eyes drop to his chest, avoiding his gaze. "There was just too much for me to handle, and I wanted to die."

He doesn't move for a full ten seconds, then he gently, ever so gently lifts my chin so he can still see my lips. "Shit. Suicide attempt?" It's less a real question and more unbelieving, unable to really understand.

"Yes, okay?" My eyes are clouding with tears, finally allowing myself to process the emotion from that attempt, safe in a friend's care. I've broken down with him a couple times, so I know he's safe. He never expects the normal stupid cultural perspective of males, never needs me to stay strong and refuse to bend, is okay with my showing emotion in front of him. "I fucking hate myself, Dave. The stuff they say hurts, and it gets to me, it makes me wonder why I'm alive. I don't deserve any of this, I shouldn't be alive, I'm just a stupid failure, and it would be so much better for everyone if I just died."

He lets me sink down the wall, following me quietly and not even making a sound when I start to sob, leaning my head on my knees. Soon enough, his arms are laced awkwardly around me, letting me cry into his shirt. Dave's never been one for much physical contact, but he's grown to it through me and Jade. It's still awkward, as he hasn't really picked up how to put his arms, but he's there.

And sometimes, that's all that matters.

He sits there and lets me cry, not saying anything, not offering anything, just being a warm body and letting me trust that he really does care.

My moirail's good at this too, but she goes to a different school. I'm kind of scared for the next time I see her, honestly. There won't be any guarantee of her taking it calmly, and she'll probably freak out quite a bit. She's also going to get mad because I didn't tell her for a few days.

But right now, I just need to last the day.

After a few minutes, I pull away from Dave, wiping my eyes with the palms of my hands. He brings his hands down to his knees, sitting cross-legged next to me. "Thanks," I mutter.

"You realize you can just fucking call me, right?"

"Well, you were busy." I look down at my lap, slightly embarrassed.

"Egbert, your life is more important than a date with my girlfriend." He sighs slightly. "Just call me next time, okay? If you're thinking about trying this again? We're best friends for a fucking reason." This is the first time I've tried that he's actually recognized a suicide attempt, from the extent of the injuries I gave myself.

He does care, I know he does. I nod. "Okay."

"So." He leans up against the door, getting into a more comfortable position. Coincidentally, it also keeps the door closed. "I mention Vantas and you start blushing like a shota schoolkid. Worse than usual. What's up?"

I grin slightly, rushing rapidly back to my usual happy, joking self. "He promised me a date on the way to the hospital." I know he was scared to death; I could see it in his eyes even past the blood-loss-induced fog. But looking back on it, it strikes me as rather amusing, the amount of things that had to happen for this to work. "To keep me alive."

Dave shrugs. "You got the hots for Vantas, I already knew that."

I sigh, ever so slightly irritated at his choice of words, as always. "Dave, how many times do I have to tell you, I don't even understand what that means."

"Unfortunately," he snorts. "You and your 'romantic attraction' to that kid."

"Hey," I object, slightly stung. "It's a legitimate thing. I just-"

"Oh, I know," he replies with just the slightest smile. "Calm down, Egbert, I got you. So what, is this a two-way street, or are all the Egbert cars trucking to Vantasville on their lonesome?"

I wince slightly. "Nah, he's Karkat. He barely even admitted being friends with me, and he thought I would forget about this promise." With a shrug, I continue, "I get one date. The first date I've actually had with someone I like, and he doesn't like me back. Take notes, I think that's the actual definition of irony."

"I still have no idea how the hell you dated me for six months without being attracted to me." He smirks slightly. "I am damn attractive, after all."

Laughing, I shove at him playfully. "That's not how it works, and you know it. I find you handsome, but-"

"You just don't want to fuck me. It's all cool," he replies. "Don't think Jade would much like us being best friends if you did."

"At any rate," I laugh over his voice, "Karkat said I could have one date, which I'm getting tonight. Then I'll go on my way and wonder if I'll ever find someone else." I shrug. Really, I haven't been romantically attracted to anyone other than Karkat, so it'll just be normal life again.

There's a short pause. Then Dave replies, "You really counting Vantas entirely out like that?"

I'm kind of surprised, honestly. "Well, yeah. Why wouldn't I?"

He shrugs. "You're fucking adorable as hell, Egbert. You and the little douche would just fit well. Opposites attracting and all that shit."

"He hates me," I reply, rather befuddled. "Or, well, hated."

"No, he hates me. Trying to pull me into that clusterfuck he calls 'romance.' Bane of my goddamn existence," he shrugs, turning his head slightly toward me. "But he admitted you were a friend. Vantas just doesn't do that."

"Well, at that point I was telling him I wanted to die." A bright pink flushes across my cheeks. "That probably prompted it."

"Probably," he concedes. "Still, though. I wouldn't entirely count him out; he's a douchey little brat, but there's a heart in there somewhere."

"All right." His words boost me just a little bit. "Thanks."

"No prob."

The bell rings, and I scramble to pick my books up. "Oh shit, gotta get to class."

"Calm down, Egbert." He helps me work past the bandages, then opens the door. "After you."

I stick my tongue out at him, but walk through, speeding pretty quickly to my next class.

Today's actually shaping up to go pretty well.