A HALF OF THE WHOLE

H/N, obviously. Very decidedly AU, in which Harry and Nikki are together before he goes away, and manage to make it work.

Imagine, in this universe, they were together from just before the beginning of series 15.

Disclaimer: None of this belongs to me, but this might just be my new canon at the moment.

Thanks for the reviews! Always appreciative of your feedback :)

Love is what you put into it

The next months are tough, but they were always going to be tough. Harry seems to be in her flat for a few days, and then away someplace else in the country for a brief period, working, anything up to a week. And if it's far enough away, as most of the places seem to be, he's not in her bed for a few nights either, and she doesn't think that's something she could get used to. She wakes up in a cold sweat more than once, for moments unable to comprehend the way the world is right now, unable to catch up with everything that's really happening. In those moments, Harry's still in New York.

But then, when Harry's still in New York, everything's still somewhat normal, and Leo's still there, the constant, ever-present friend, and in her awakening moments, sure, that Harry's nearer to home and going to marry her seeps into her consciousness, but also the fact that everything's changed and she's never going to talk to Leo ever again comes crashing down around her.

The first time she tells Harry about this, he tells her to ring him, if she wakes up like that. She shakes her head and refuses – no one wants someone ringing you in the middle of the night for anything other than an emergency – but then it's happened one time too many, and she finds herself ringing him.

"Dr Cunningham." He answers blearily, and a wave of guilt hits her, because he sounds like he'd been sleeping deeply.

"Harry, it's me."

She can almost see his eyes open slightly more widely, suddenly appear more awake.

"It's ok, I'm here." He murmurs, knowing exactly what she's going through, even if she can't really find the words for it.

"I'm not even managing to get to sleep anymore. I… I just… I can't stop thinking."

He chuckles slightly at her choice of words. "Too much brain, that's your problem. Too much thinking."

She smiles at him slightly, feeling all the more at ease, purely at the sound of his voice.

"I'm sorry for waking you up, Harry. I just… you said-"

"Sleep's overrated." He muses, making her laugh a little. "Let's talk about something else. Let's plan this wedding."

She's stunned into silence for a moment, and he takes the opportunity to make a jibe. "You remember that, don't you? You're going to be the centre of attention all weekend, and you'll walk down the aisle to The Final Countdown and-"

Nikki sniggers. "I'm not walking down the aisle to The Final Countdown!"

He sighs, "But it would be so appropriate, it sort of is your final countdown..."

She rolls her eyes to herself, a smile on her face. "Yes, but I want it traditional, Harry. Like the old fashioned church wedding I was dreaming about when I was little…"

His voice softens slightly as his heart swells. "You'll have your dream wedding, Nikki. We'll make your dream wedding…"

The next time she rings, it's 3:17am.

"Hey." He breathes, sounding wide awake, having been in control of his consciousness enough to check the caller ID.

She sniffs, loudly. "Leo was supposed to be there, Harry. He was going to be your best man, and have the first father-daughter dance with me, and… he was supposed to be there."

"Shhh. It's alright." He's been half expecting this for weeks. Neither of them can deny the weight Leo's absence is putting on their wedding plans.

"It's not alright though, is it, Harry? That someone who was supposed to be such a massive part of the whole thing isn't going to be there at all…"

There's silence for a moment, and it sounds like Harry thinking.

"He could be there." He finally replies.

Rage courses through her, then, because that doesn't make any sense. It's either patronising, like a parent talking to a child about their first dead pet, or it's a terribly placed start to one of his jokes. "What?" she spits.

"We could get married in Sheffield. In the church… the church next to the graveyard."

She shakes her head to herself, but a little seed of the brilliance of the idea has already planted itself in her mind. "People wouldn't come all the way up there, Harry. It's too much to ask."

"Everyone that matters would. And it was a nice church, and we saw that lovely stately home hotel place down the road on the way out, do you remember?"

"I hardly remember anything about that day, Harry."

"Well, there was a big old stately home just along the road, with lovely grounds… it would be lovely under a marquee in summer, Niks… we could do this, you know we could."

"We could?" she sounds almost scared.

"If you wanted to, if you thought… if you think it would be right… We could do anything."

There's another long silence, as if she's weighing up two opposing halves of one of the most major decisions of her life. When she speaks, although quiet, her voice sounds somehow strong.

"I guess we've chosen a summer wedding, then. We should start booking that place for next summer."

Thomas Chamberlain isn't all that bad really, though Nikki doesn't want to like him. He's in Leo's chair, at Leo's desk, in Leo's office, seemingly too soon, though she's sure anytime would be too soon. Jack seems to be taking it harder than she is, even, adjusting to the new man, which is odd, because she was working behind and with Leo for years, and Jack hadn't even been a year, but she supposes something in it is Jack's general inability to labour under anyone's superiority.

The weeks seem to slip between her fingers, a repeating cycle: Harry's arms around her for a few days, followed by Harry's faraway-sounding voice at the end of a phone line for another few days.

She's booked the stately home not far from the church Leo's funeral was held, for a weekend in the middle of August, and they continue with further wedding planning over the phone, usually in the early hours of the morning. Type of flowers, music, entertainment at the reception, they are all sorted at a time when they should both have been asleep.

If she thinks about it too hard, she struggles with the thought of going back in that church where she said her goodbyes to Leo. But she can't even bring herself to talk to Harry about it, because it seemed like such a lovely suggestion when Harry made it to her, all for her, and now it just seems to be getting darker and more putrid with time, like a rotting carcass.

She doesn't say anything about it to him until she's had a few too many glasses of wine at a work function, and she still finds it necessary to ring him in the early hours.

"Dr Cunningham." He answers blearily. They've both started sleeping better, their late night conversations have seemed to fade.

"It's me!" she shouts, giggling, and if she'd been less tipsy, she'd have imagined his eye-roll.

"You're drunk, Nikki. Go to bed."

She frowns. "I am perfectly sober, thank you." She pauses for a moment, considering. "And I love you. I really love you."

He can't help but smile at that. "And I love you too. Now, go to bed."

All of a sudden, there are tears in her voice, her throat starts catching on every word. "I don't know if I can do it, Harry. I don't know if I can walk down the aisle in that church… all I can see is hundreds of people dressed in black, and Leo's coffin, and Leo never being there anymore…"

He takes a deep breath. He didn't see this coming, but he can see where she's coming from, now. "We don't have to. We can speak to the vicar, ask him to marry us in Bramall House… we've got the function rooms all day…"

There's a brief silence. "You'd do that, for me?"

He smiles again, hearing the colour returning to her voice. "I'd do anything for you, Nikki, don't you know that by now?"

"I'd like that then."
"You can go and see Leo in the morning, but it'll be separate. It'll make the wedding less… bleak…"

It all seems to make sense.

The next time he rings her, this time from Cheltenham, it's not in the middle of the night. It's a Saturday, he's doing some out-of-hours temp work, and she's at home.

"I'm coming home, Nikki." His voice sounds rich, and full of a new lease of life.

"What?"

"I didn't tell you, I didn't want to get your hopes up. But there was a vacancy for a lecturer in criminal pathology at Kings College…. And I applied… and for some reason, they've picked me. I got the job."

"Kings College London?"

He rolls his eyes, and sarcasm lacing his tone, returns: "No. Kings College Timbuktu. I'm coming home. As of January, I start working only a few miles away from home…"

She doesn't know what to say for a moment. She's waiting for there to be a catch, there's always a catch.

Harry starts talking again when she doesn't say anything.

"Maybe we should do something about home, Nikki. Shall we start looking for a place? You know, a slightly bigger place, for the two of us?" he asks, a sudden nervousness coursing through his body, as if he fears her answer for a second.

"And for a family, one day?" It's so quiet he's not even sure he's heard it, but it would be unspoken if she hadn't said anything. He finds a grin splitting his face.

"And for a family."

Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Would love to hear what you think. Only two chapters to go now!