It's not a rip-off, it's a parody!

PS: An early Merry Christmas to everyone. And merry days to those who don't celebrate too.

Phantom of the Basilicom: Act 1

"How horrible… Y-you won't get away with this." Nepgear announced weakly to the dark knight in front of her, while stretching the sword ahead of her like she was holding a broomstick to get rid of a rat.

"Ha. Ha. Ha. I am not relinquishing the princess even if you beg it of me." Cave said in a monotone voice while holding the 'princess' over her shoulder.

"Save me please…" Blanc shouted very quietly and then yawned.

"H-here I coooome!" She tripped forward and moved towards Cave (who was wearing a really unfitting black helmet that had openings for her red hair at the sides). She took a vertical swing, which Cave instantaneously dodged. Afterwards she tripped Nepgear's feet instinctively to make her fall over.

"Ah." She realized her mistake. "Sorry Nepgear. It was not my intention to hurt you." She apologized and bowed down to reach out a hand, which made the 'princess' fall off her shoulder.

"Ouch!" Blanc unceremoniously landed on her butt. "That hurt dammit! Don't let go of the princess so easily Cave." Blanc got angry.

"I'm fine, honest." Nepgear rubbed her red forehead and accepted Cave's hand with a smile.

This entire scene had been observed by the 'audience' with mixed feelings.

"This doesn't look good." IF commented with a raised brow.

"Oh dear." Vert agreed with creased brows and an awkward smile.

"The black knight dodged the hero's strongest blow just like that and then helps her up instead of paying attention to the princess he kidnapped." The guild member checked a few points on her list. "I wonder if we can sell this as a comedy somehow?"

"That might be the best course of action."

"Gear, please don't stumble over your lines like that. And Cave… just… a tiny bit more emotion please?" IF rubbed her head in exasperation. Why was she even doing this job?

"And hold me more gently." Blanc added as she adjusted her fur coat.

Oh yeah.

"Lady Blanc… this is your script, so it would be a real help if you gave directions instead."

"I can't. I am an actor." Blanc said matter of factly and yawned again.

'Then at least come to practice without that tired expression and all the yawning!' IF somehow managed to keep her snappish reply inside.

Blanc had written the play, but she had also cast herself as the main heroine. The princess.

"I apologize again. Acting has never been one of my strong suits." Cave put down the helmet that was blocking her vision (how did she manage to dodge Nepgear without seeing anything?) and walked over to the others.

"Well, don't be too harsh on yourself." Vert stepped in and calmed everyone down.

"I only joined this event due to my duty to protect 5pb. during her pre-show concert. It would be highly appreciated if you didn't make me act in this play afterwards Lady Vert." There was animosity in her voice, right? Vert didn't just imagine that part, right? And it was all directed at Leanbox's goddess, right?

"Now, your expertise with security and battles made you a splendid candidate." Vert countered.

"When I wrote the role I had a soft-spoken pretty-boy in mind." Blanc added at the worst moment. Cave's eyes were covered in shadows.

"I do not have that kind of appeal. I'm very sorry." She turned away as if to leave.

"W-wait!" Nepgear who had just put a band-aid on her forehead stepped into Cave's path. "I think that you are perfect for the role! You are really stylish and cool."

"She couldn't bring herself to say 'cute', huh?" IF mumbled. Considering that Cave had a huge complex about not being very charming this was probably a really bad idea.

"Then I shall try once more." Cave accepted Nepgear's good will.

"It worked?!"

The practice was a struggle beyond explanation. Not that it came unexpected or anything.

During a break a few minutes later Vert and IF held a small meeting with Blanc, Nepgear and Noire. Lastation's CPU seemed to be awfully distracted though. Like she was only present physically.

"Okay, first what can we improve?" Vert asked patiently.

"Everything." IF replied stoically.

"Yes…" Vert put a hand on her lap and tapped her finger. "Blanc, I know you put a lot of effort into your script, but did you really consider all options with the casting in mind?" It was the most neutral way she had found to formulate her issue.

"Mhm." Blanc just nodded vaguely.

"Why do you seem so tired if I may ask?"

"Didn't sleep much." She replied curtly again. Her attitude was infuriating enough to make even saints blow up. But Vert stayed composed.

"I see. It would be a real boon to our project if the playwright and main heroine in one would at the very least rest enough to be awake during practice."

"I'm awake." Blanc replied while rubbing her eyes. Vert's brow twitched!

"Next let's talk about the acting." IF moved on before it could get worse. "Gear, you fought actual villains before, so why are you so meek on stage?" She inquired.

"Uhm… it feels so weird to say these things to Cave though." Nepgear tapped her index fingers against each other in shame.

"You actually might be too nice to be the hero of this story." IF smiled in amusement. "Where's Uni by the way? She was supposed to be here, even if she doesn't get any lines yet."

"I don't know." Nepgear tilted her head. "She said she wanted to practice by herself a little, but she didn't come back."

"I am here!" Uni's voice rang through the hall and they all turned their heads to see her stride in confidently. She was wearing her knave outfit already. It was a perfect fit.

"Welcome back." Vert greeted her and then offered her a seat.

"That looks really nice on you." Nepgear complimented her.

"Did your practice go well?" IF asked curiously.

"Yes! I memorized the script now." She handed it back to Nepgear with a serious expression.

"What?"

"Er… you mean you learned all your lines already?" IF was impressed.

"No." She shook her head. "I memorized the entire script."

"…" Everyone was silent. Uni was looking at Noire specifically, whose eyes were unfocused. She clearly didn't really note anything around her.

"That's awesome Uni." Nepgear's eyes sparkled in admiration.

"It's just been a few hours…" IF looked at Lastation's CPU candidate in concern. Hardworking was one thing, but wasn't this almost obsessive? And Noire had been completely unresponsive for a while as well. Even Neptune hadn't shown up for practice yet. Something was afoot.

"Wonderful. Then let us give her an opportunity to show us the results of her efforts." Vert clapped excitedly and urged them to go back on stage. The actors complied and prepared to move, but the sudden appearance of Cave stopped them.

"Lady Vert, if I may have a moment of your time." She looked stern. Some sort of letter was in her gloved hands.

"Go ahead." The blonde CPU didn't make an attempt to leave, so Cave was deducing that she could tell this important information to everyone.

"This letter arrived at the doorstep this morning. The only other thing close to it was a red rose. We checked if there was any dangerous substance on it, but it is clean." She handed it to Vert and waited for her reaction.

"Oh my. What beautiful handwriting." She seemed delighted.

"Yes… it seems familiar to me, but I can't place it. Even after comparing it to my database."

"Now I get why she is Leanbox's only secret service member." IF took notes to not mess with Cave.

"Ahem. Let me read it out loud then." Vert recited the contents of the letter.

[Greetings to everyone present,

And welcome to my theater.

First let me introduce myself. I am a connoisseur of the fine arts and stage plays as well as a composer of great tragedies! Some refer to me as the Angel of Solitude; others only know me as the Phantom.

Now for my explicit desire. It is a simple matter, be assured of that.

This play that you hold so dear and close to your decaying hearts… Belongs to me now. There is nothing to fear, honestly. You will follow my instructions and the play will be a great success. No more, no less.

I am not asking for acceptance, but for obedience. Should you not heed my warnings, a terrible disaster beyond your imagination will occur. So for all of our sakes, please devote yourself to this performance with body and soul.

Do not feel obligated to write back.

Yours truly,

Phantom]

Vert had given it her best to sound like a creeper with dark intentions. It didn't sound as convincing as she wanted.

"What is that about?" Uni broke the silence.

"There was another page with instructions inside the envelope." Cave pulled out another piece of paper from her white overcoat and handed it to Vert.

"Hm, yes. These are mostly instructions on how to change up the play." She skipped through it and then handed it to IF.

"This… Phantom character sure is daring." The brunette guild member looked the page over with a suspicious feeling.

"They sounded serious about those threats." Nepgear seemed to be uneasy as well.

"Now, now. Let me calm your worries. There is nothing this person can do to endanger the play. Isn't that so, Cave?" She nodded towards the red-head.

"I wonder about that." She cupped her chin.

"Pardon?" A sweat drop ran down Vert's temple.

"This letter couldn't have arrived without being noticed by the security cameras. But there is no footage of the messenger delivering it." That certainly was a bit worrying.

"Even so, our security around here is top notch. You have nothing to fear." She calmed everyone with her relaxed treatment of this threatening letter. Vert could be really convincing when she wanted to be. "We should simply return to business as usual until we get more clues. What were we talking about again?"

"You wanted to see Uni's acting, but first I need to talk to you Lady Noire." IF faced the twintailed goddess.

"…yes?" At least she had enough sense to realize when she was spoken to. For now she snapped out of her dream like state.

"Your costumes are immaculate and all, but what's up with Cave's helmet?" IF asked curiously. She picked up the hopelessly camp looking tin can of a prop.

"Oh, I didn't make that one." Noire shook her head. "My design for the black knight was a little more exotic." She raised a finger while explaining.

"I see?"

"I thought I would make her a charming black veil instead of a stuffy metal helmet." Noire drew the design on the back of the Phantom's note…

"That looks beautiful." Nepgear said.

"Reminds me of a wedding veil actually." IF nodded impressed by the design. "But it doesn't really make sense on a knight I think."

"I pictured a foreign knight, forcing his way on the battlefield with elegance and pride. His fighting style would be like a mesmerizing dance." Noire recited her ideas from back when she made the designs.

"Can't we let her write the script instead?" IF whispered to Vert, who decidedly made a poker face.

"Also isn't it a shame to leave the actresses face covered?" Noire added.

"I… don't mind." Cave adjusted her gloves and put a lot of effort into looking disinterested.

"In the first place making a metal helmet for a play seems pretty extreme. Lady Noire isn't a blacksmith. Let's just make something out of cardboard-"

"If it's such a big bother then I will forge one for you I guess." Noire shrugged and drew another blueprint for it.

"You can actually do it?!" IF's eyes turned white.

"You're amazing big sis!" Now it was Uni's turn to compliment her.

"Obviously. I only do everything!" Pride was one of Noire's strong points and it somehow pulled her out of her current slump. Doing work had strange effects on her mental well-being. Even at the worst of times she always seemed to return to a calm state if the duty called.

"I wish some other people would have the same work ethic right about now."

"Is there something on my face?" Blanc asked IF who had subconsciously looked her way.

"N-not really."

"Are you saying I am lazy?" She was really grumpy when she was lacking sleep… Also she had apparently not even processed anything that had happened since she left the stage.

"How could I? Haha!" IF put a hand on her hip and tried to come up with an excuse. "Right. I was just talking about Nep. Can you believe she didn't even show up once for today's practice?" Crisis averted!

Clank…

Noire had accidentally crushed the bad helmet inside her grip of steel. She was shivering almost imperceptibly.

"Noire?" Vert was the only one who seemed to notice her odd behavior. But the raven haired goddess just gave her a thumbs up to show that she was fine and still working.

Uni looked away.

The next hour went by tediously at best, but not much could be done with this cast. The other actors would only appear after the prologue so these were the only people necessary for today's practice, but it was still hard enough with this few. IF wanted to quit this profession, but then remembered that she wasn't actually a director.

"Siiiiiis!" Suddenly the loud voice of a young girl reverberated through the stage.

"H-hello Miss Nepgear…" And a much softer voice was aimed at the play's klutzy hero.

"What're you doing here you two?" Blanc got up from her position on the floor (she had just fallen off the fake horse for the third time in a row) and put her hands on the twins' heads.

"We want to play with everyone too!" Ram declared.

"Your part will come up later." Blanc said with a yawn.

"But you can watch us if you want." Nepgear added with a smile towards them.

"I would like that." Rom returned the smile.

"Don't make a mess, got it?" Blanc was far less inclined to accept them into the audience than Nepgear was, but she didn't object.

"We aren't kids anymore!" Ram raised her arms above her head rebelliously.

"You're my kid sisters, no way around it." Lowee's CPU smiled faintly.

"But we are totally more grown up than Neptune! You said we aren't supposed to climb up walls, so we didn't." Ram said proudly.

"Huh? Are you implying that…?" Nepgear tilted her head and looked questioningly at Rom.

"Uhuh. Miss Neptune is playing with the birdies aaaall the way up." Rom opened her arms and flapped them to imitate a bird. Her cuteness was actually lethal to most people, you know?

"You can't be serious-" IF didn't want to believe it, but then her eyes met with some mysterious observer on the ceiling windows. "…"

"…"

They managed to have a staring contest for a whopping thirty seconds straight before IF drew her Qatar out of her sleeve and aimed it at the purple haired spy.

"…!" The girl in question shook her arms and head rapidly, to make her stop.

"I apologize for the broken window Lady Vert." She said with a hollow smile.

"Come again?"

But just as IF was about to throw her weapon with precision that could have hit a fly from half a kilometer away, the shutters in front of the windows closed by themselves.

"Hey! I would have hit bullseye!"

"Uhm, why are you doing this? Are we going to act in the dark?" Nepgear wondered.

"Not to sound too clichéd, but I'm not doing this." Vert replied while looking at the all-purpose remote that was handed to her after the construction of the theater. All the buttons were untouched.

The whole hall and stage turned completely dark and even the few backlights went out. Until a spotlight shone above the headlights. The whole construction net of metal bars and runways for the maintenance and light crew was completely empty, yet one of the lights had still went on and shined unto that one spot.

"You have not followed my demands." A deep voice echoed throughout the place. All the staff and actors looked upwards in surprise. "It is not wise to take the Phantom lightly!"

"How did they get in here?!" IF looked around in shock. Her eyes met Cave's and they both nodded and then headed for the exits. But in the middle of their sprint something unexpected happened yet again.

"Miss Vert!" Uni called out her name, but the noose had already fallen around her slender neck.

"And now you shall pay in full! Hahaha!" The Phantom declared boldly and with a snap of their fingers…

"Oh dear, isn't this awfully tiiiiiiiiiight...?!" The noose had closed around Vert's neck and then she was pulled up at very unhealthy speeds! Although her last line was less than alarmed…

She disappeared into the darkness and with a loud slamming noise and a light shriek from her she was gone. An incredibly painful cracking sound followed.

Then silence.

The lonely spotlight was still aimed at an empty place and the Phantom didn't say a word.

"Miss V-Vert…" Nepgear's eyes were widened in shock. The horrible implications of what had just transpired made her feel dizzy.

Uni went pale.

Rom hugged Ram's arm in fear.

"It… it can't be." Blanc glared into the darkness.

"Ouch." Vert's voice rang through the hall from somewhere.

"IF YOU ARE FINE DON'T STAY SILENT THE ENTIRE TIME!" Blanc and Noire shouted in unison.

"Do not concern yourself with her anymore. She won't be fine for much longer." The Phantom's voice returned. It was filled with incredible disdain.

"What's your deal? Are you gonna tell us that we won't see her again unless we do what you say?" Blanc raised her finger and pointed at the spotlight. Finally a figure emerged from the shadows. A masked person of indefinite height. It was hard to tell any features from this distance let alone with these squirming shadows.

"Nothing of the like." The Phantom raised one gloved hand in contempt. "You will never see her again. Period." Although her voice was deep it was still clearly female. She leaned forward and opened her arms widely.

"W-what do you mean?!" Nepgear was still shocked, but now she showed more determination to fight this foe.

"I have gotten rid of my greatest obstacle now, so everything is going according to plan." She simply said in triumph. Now that light shone upon it, the mask became more visible. It was completely white, but two eyeholes were left to reveal the deep dark sapphire eyes behind it that seemed as deep and cruel as the depth of the oceans themselves. Additionally lips were ingrained into the material, giving the Phantom an eternal doll like smile on the left half and a frown on the right. "If you do not wish to repeat this tragedy…" She bowed sarcastically. "…let us get along from now on."

"You come in here and attack one of our friends and then you have the gall to ask us to work with you?!" Noire was pissed off as well now.

"It is essential for your survival. And to prevent a scandal of course. You CPUs are always so very attached to your good image, am I wrong?" The Phantom laughed. "This is my domain! Nobody knows this place as well as me. All of you are at my mercy and I suggest you do not test me." The threat felt all too real.

"If… if we do as you say, will you release Vert?" Nepgear questioned with a wavering voice.

"Forget about that wretched woman already and you will be much happier." The Phantom seemed utterly disgusted at the mention of Vert's name. "For now I will deliver to you this present." She announced and then threw something down, right in front of Blanc's feet.

For a moment she looked at it hesitantly. As if she wasn't sure whether to pick it up or stomp on it. She exhaled once and then took the thin book into her hands.

Her eyes darted back and forth as she flipped through the pages.

"This shit can't be…" Her face turned rigid.

"But it is! I have written you a stage play, far superior to what you have known." The shadowy woman put a hand on her mask. "Such amateur work was an insult to my eyes. Fate forced my hand to bring you down a size."

"You bitch!" Blanc's right eye turned red.

"Ad-libbing in the instructions." The Phantom growled. "It was beyond hopeless. The main heroine - a self insert. For shame!"

'She isn't wrong…' IF caught herself agreeing, just a little bit.

"Entire passages written with no clear goal. It would have taken on the audience the greatest toll! Nobody desires a play that droll." She walked along the runway and half merged with the shadows.

Blanc's hands were clamping up so hard that the new script was starting to tear apart from the pressure.

"B-Blanc calm down!" Noire whispered. If Blanc blew up now and attacked the Phantom, there was no telling what she would do!

"But do not deign me a cruel woman. I have found for you the most fitting of roles." The masked woman probably smirked below the white plate that separated her face from the world.

"…" Blanc looked at the conveniently opened page that was hanging out of the crumpled script. Written on it was the cast list.

Blanc – Horse #3.

"It's over." IF resigned herself to the inevitable nuclear explosion.

"We had a good run." Uni looked at the shut windows above as if to watch the starless sky.

"I wanted to see my sister at least one more time." Nepgear lowered her head in defeat.

"Ahahaha big sis is going to smash that masked freak!" Ram cheered.

"…scary…" Rom said with more expectation than fear.

Blanc's hat fell almost off as she raised her face and glared at the Phantom!

"Okay." She said with a wide smile and a soothing voice.

"…." The rest held their breath, but the explosion never came.

"I will take those changes into consideration then. You said it would be a great success after all." Her smile didn't crack. It was too solid. Her eyes were closed in relieved tension as well.

"H-how could this be?!" The confusion was written over all their faces.

"Wait a minute… Could this be the 'eye of the storm'?" Nepgear suggested.

"Blanc can be a storm of destruction, alright." Noire's eyes dulled.

"Are you saying she is actually so angry that she has gone to the opposite end of the spectrum and turned calm?" The mere idea made IF shiver in unbridled fear.

"That's crazy!" Uni was freaked out by Blanc's sagely face.

"You shall not regret your decision, White Heart." The Phantom had stayed silent for a moment to assess the situation, but decided that Blanc's current state was beneficial. "Be prepared my actresses and actors. Be prepared for the never ending solitude that awaits at the apex of stardom. We shall display to your believers just what you are worth!"

And with unnerving laughter the ominous Phantom disappeared into the shadows as the spotlight flickered out and died.

The deathly silence was only broken by the sound of the shutters above opening again.

"Neppu?!" Neptune exclaimed as she fell through the opening window below her.

"Yes, this part has been lacking. I see. Good work." Blanc kept reading the pages as if she was being taught new tricks by an instructor.

CRASH!

And so Neptune's and Blanc's skulls engaged in the ultimate contest of crack-the-egg. Who could possibly win?

Neither.

"Argh…" The white hat atop Blanc's head was turned into a bona fide disc.

"I'll name this headache after my father…." Neptune's eyes were spinning as she and Blanc collapsed next to each other.

"Rrrgh… The heck happened to me?" Lowee's CPU's mind was magically reset. But her memory hadn't been wiped… "OHHHH I'm gonna kill that biiiiitch!"

"There it is." Uni held Ram's ears shut, while Nepgear did the same for Rom. They were too young to go deaf yet.

In an instant Blanc went HDD and crashed into the runway above. Her giant axe was making short process of the equipment. But no matter how much she smashed and no matter how much she thrashed, there was no sign of the Phantom left. She hadn't been bluffing when she said she knew this place better than anyone.

It took her way longer than necessary, but eventually she calmed herself enough to float down to the others who had engaged in the fun rubble dodging activity.

"Are you fine Sis?" Nepgear asked the unstable Neptune. Noire had almost extended her hand towards her, but then she spun around and made some distance. Clearly she wasn't ready to face her yet.

"Nepgear, will you be my eyes?" The short-haired girl said gravely and touched her sister's cheek.

"Always!" The eyes in question were tearing up.

"Then put those gawkers to use and tell me if Noire is worried about me."

"Eh?" The younger sister looked over to Noire who was definitely not worried in the least. It was obvious from the way she crossed her arms and tapped her foot and seemed desperate to rush over…

"If she is, then tell her I am fine… just need to get a new spleen or two." Neptune turned her face in the opposite direction from her girlfriend.

"We don't have time for your jokes Nep." IF pulled her up forcefully and held her hurting head. She didn't need to crash into Neptune to feel a migraine. "Lady Vert is MIA and we got a whole new script to work through."

"Ah…" Uni gasped.

"Is she back?!" IF and Nepgear pulled out their weapons (Nepgear's was a wooden sword though).

But Uni was just holding the new script in her hands.

"What was the point of me memorizing the entire old ooooone?!" She lamented to the unforgiving world.

(To be continued)