Stephenie Meyer owns The Host.
Thanks to everyone who is reading this story! You guys are great and I love hearing that you're enjoying my writing ;)
Blurring The Lines
Chapter 10
The next day, everything went back to normal, or as normal as it was going to get. Kyle stalked through the halls, glowering every time he saw Wanda. There was nothing I could do about it, he'd get over it in time, but I hated the look on her face every time she saw him. It was a mixture of fear and guilt. She shouldn't feel guilty for being here, for being alive.
That night after dinner, I went to her class. I sat on the counter next to the stove where she was baking bread. Geoffrey was asking her about the Soul's medicines.
Walter was sick. He had cancer, and it was very bad according to Doc. He wouldn't last much longer. Everyone in the caves was upset, except Wanda, because Jamie and I decided she didn't need to know about it right now. She had enough on her plate as it was.
But she was a Soul and everyone knew that the Soul's had ways to cure diseases. When they had taken over they cured most diseases, if not all of them. I had never heard of one of them getting sick. So now, Geoffrey was questioning Wanda. Only problem was, Wanda didn't know anything about it. She hadn't learned about Healing. When Geoffrey realized she couldn't help heal Walter, he hung his head. He wasn't mad at Wanda, but from the look on his face she would think he was.
No one said anything, the room was completely silent. Most of the people there had angry looks on their faces, some even staring at Wanda. It wasn't Wanda's fault that Walter was sick. They shouldn't be angry because she couldn't just snap her fingers and cure cancer. We never figured out how to cure cancer and even though the Souls knew doesn't mean Wanda should. That would be like asking Kyle to quote Shakespeare, I thought. Not everyone knows everything.
"Uh―about the Vultures…" I said, trying to think of someway to change the subject. I could tell Wanda was already trying to figure out what she had done to offend everyone. "I don't know if I missed this part sometime, but I don't remember you ever explaining about them being 'unkind'… ?"
So she explained. Jamie and I kept asking questions until Jeb basically sent us all to bed. He said it was late and we had an early day ahead of us.
"What did I say?" Wanda whispered to me once the room was almost empty.
"Nothing. They've got mortality on their minds." I sighed.
"Where's Walter?" she demanded.
I sighed again. She was quick putting it together. "He's in the south wing. He's… not doing well."
"Why didn't anyone tell me?"
"Things have been… difficult for you lately, so…"
She shook her head, annoyed that I hadn't told her. "What's wrong with him?"
Jamie walked over and took her hand. "Some of Walter's bones snapped, they're so brittle," he whispered. "Doc's sure it's cancer―final stages, he says."
"Walt must have been keeping quiet about the pain for a long while now," I said quietly.
She flinched at that. "And there's nothing to be done? Nothing at all?"
I shook my head. "Not for us. Even if we weren't stuck here, there would be no help for him now. We never cured that one."
She bit down on her lip and shifted her gaze to the floor. I could tell she was thinking about something―maybe she was trying to remember something she had forgotten about Healing. She looked so sad, so... grieved that Walter, a human, was dying.
"He's been asking for you," I said. "Well, he says your name sometimes; it's hard to tell what he means―Doc's keeping him drunk to help with the pain."
"Doc feels real bad about using so much of the alcohol himself. Bad timing, all around," Jamie muttered.
"Can I see him?" Wanda asked. "Or will that make the others unhappy?"
I frowned. "Wouldn't that be just like some people, to get worked up over this? Who cares, though, right? If it's Walt's final wish…"
"Right," she said softly. She looked on the verge of tears. "If seeing me is what Walter wants, then I guess it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, or if they get mad."
"Don't worry about that―I'm not going to let anybody harass you," I assured her, my voice tight.
"Is it too late to go tonight? Will we disturb him?"
"He's not sleeping regular hours. We can go see."
Before I even had time to turn around she had dragged Jamie halfway down the hall. I chased after them and we all walked into the main plaza together. There were a few people gathered around talking or just passing through. They barely even looked over at the three of us making our way to the southern tunnel. Then I saw Kyle.
He was talking to Brandt and some of the others. But when he saw us, when he saw Wanda and Jamie holding hands, I thought he might run over and start a fight right here, regardless of what Jeb had told him.
And maybe I shouldn't have done it, maybe I should have just growled right back at Kyle and left it at that, but I couldn't. He needed to understand that people here cared about Wanda and that we weren't going to let him hurt her.
I reached down and took Wanda's hand in mine. Kyle made a sound like gagging and then turned away as we entered the southern tunnel.
Wanda tried to pull her hand away from me once we were safely in the dark corridor, but I just held her tighter.
"I wish you wouldn't make him angrier," she murmured.
She thought I was only holding her hand to make Kyle mad. But that wasn't the reason. I took her hand to show her and Kyle that she was considered a friend here, someone we all cared about. But her hand was so soft and warm, it felt nice. I started to think about those things Kyle had said again. About me feeling something other than just friendship for Wanda.
"Kyle is wrong," I said, trying to distract myself from the warm tingling feeling in the hand that held Wanda's. "Being wrong is sort of a habit with him. He'll take longer than anyone else to get over it, but that doesn't mean we should make allowances for him."
He would get over it, but in the meantime I wasn't going to act differently around Wanda or stay away just to protect my brother's feelings.
"He frightens me," she whispered. "I don't want him to have more reasons to hate me."
I squeezed her hand and felt completely ashamed of my brother. She was afraid of him. I mean, I knew that she was, but this was the first time she had ever admitted to being afraid of anything. She had walked around the caves with me when she thought I was planning on killing her and she never once said she was afraid. I felt horrible that it was Kyle that she was so scared of, that it was my family. It made me feel responsible.
"Jeb's made his opinion very clear," I said at the same time Jamie said, "Don't be afraid."
"What do you mean?" she asked, looking up at me even though it was too dark for her to see my face clearly.
"If Kyle can't accept Jeb's rules, then he's no longer welcome here."
"But that's wrong. Kyle belongs here," she cried.
"He's staying… so he'll just have to learn to deal," I told her.
None of us spoke for the rest of the walk. When we finally reached the glowing blue light of the hospital, Wanda seemed to tense a little. She didn't like this place, even if she wasn't scared of Doc, the hospital would always scare her.
Doc was asleep on one of the cots and Walter was on another. He was awake, but probably still drunk.
When he looked toward me I asked, "Are you up for visitors, Walt?"
"Ungh," he moaned.
"Is there anything you need?" Wanda asked, pulling her hands free from both me and Jamie.
My hand felt empty without hers wrapped in it. I had an urge to reach out and grab her again, but she stepped forward to stand closer to Walter.
"Is there anything we can do for you? Anything at all?" she asked him again.
His eyes were rolling around in his head, but the second they crossed her face they focused.
"Finally," Walter gasped, sucking in a wheezing breath. "I knew you would come if I waited long enough. Oh, Gladys, I have so much to tell you."
Wanda froze and then looked behind her like she was expecting to see someone standing there.
"Gladys was his wife. She didn't escape," Jamie explained when Wanda caught his eye. She was still confused, only now she looked like she was about to panic.
"Gladys," Walter mumbled. "Would you believe I went and got cancer? What are the odds, eh? Never took a sick day in my life…"
Wanda was standing between me and Walter's cot looking like she was about to turn and run. I gave her a gentle push forward.
"What should I do?" she asked, her voice shaky and low, desperate.
". . . grandfather lived to be a hundred and one. Nobody ever had cancer in my family, not even the cousins." Walter rattled on, barely audible. "Didn't your aunt Regan have skin cancer, though?"
I gave her another gentle poke in the back.
"Um..." she said, unsure of what to do.
"Maybe that was Bill's aunt," Walter answered himself.
Wanda looked back at me, asking me, pleading with me for an answer. She even mouthed, "Help," so I motioned for her to take Walter's hand. Once she was holding his frail hand in her soft, tan one, he began to mumble again.
"Ah, Gladdie, it's been hard without you. It's a nice place here; you'll like it, even when I'm gone. Plenty of people to talk to―I know how you need to have your conversation.…"
There was a wet rag lying on the cot next to Walter. I walked over and began gently wiping it over his forehead.
"I'm not good at… at deception," she whispered. She never took her eyes off of Walter. "I don't want to upset him."
Well, obviously she wasn't any good at deception. I doubt she could lie to save her own life.
"You don't have to say anything," I told her. "He's not lucid enough to care."
And it was the truth. Walter's eyes were rolling around in his head and, even though he spoke, it was just old memories. He was speaking to ghosts, not to Wanda. He wasn't even really aware that Wanda was in the room.
"Do I look like her?" she asked.
"Not a bit―I've seen her picture. Stocky redhead." I couldn't help but smile at her. She looked absolutely nothing like Walter's wife and still for some reason he was seeing her as his Gladys.
She was still slightly panicky, but much better than before. As always though, she had to busy herself with something.
"Here, let me do that," she said, taking the wet rag from my hands. She started to wipe Walter's sweat stained face.
"Thanks, Gladdie, that's nice," Walter thanked her.
Doc came up behind me, then. We must have woken him up, Doc always was a light sleeper. "How is he?" he asked.
"Delusional," I whispered. "Is that the brandy or the pain?"
"More the pain, I would think. I'd trade my right arm for some morphine."
"Maybe Jared will produce another miracle."
"Maybe," Doc muttered. He was really taking this hard. He felt guilty about using up the brandy, yes, but I think he also felt guilty about not being able to cure Walter. To fix him. Doc felt guilty that Walt was going to die, but it wasn't his fault. Like I told Wanda, even if we weren't stuck here, there just wasn't anything to be done for him.
To get his mind off of it, I told him about some things that had been going on around the caves while he was... incapacitated.
"What happened to Wanda's face?" Doc whispered, trying to keep Wanda from hearing.
"More of the same," I managed to get out through the rage that was building inside me. I had almost forgotten about that. Well, maybe not forgotten, but when he asked about it I couldn't help but be reminded of how angry I was.
I glanced over my shoulder at Wanda, she was holding Walter's hand and wiping the beads of moisture off of his pale, pain-contorted face. How could anyone think that she was dangerous? How could anyone want to harm her?
Doc made an angry―well, for him anyway―groan.
"Geoffrey was asking about the Soul medicines during her class tonight," I told him. I needed to talk about something else and this seemed like a topic he might be interested in. "They all got a little upset when Wanda told them she had never learned about Healing."
"It would have been convenient if Melanie had been possessed by a Healer," Doc said. He had a far off look in his eyes, like he was imagining what he could've learned if Melanie had been implanted with a Healer.
"We're lucky it was Wanda. No one else ―"
"I know," Doc interrupted. "I guess I should say, it's too bad Wanda didn't have more of an interest in medicine."
"I'm sorry," Wanda apologized. Her voice was quiet, almost like she was ashamed that she wasn't what Doc wanted.
I hated when she did that to herself, when she would make herself feel guilty about something that she had absolutely no control over. Wanda was Wanda and that was good enough. She should know that no one expected anything more from her. None of this was her fault.
I walked over and put my hand on her shoulder. "You have nothing to apologize for."
Wanda didn't say anything, but she did look around the room. When I followed her gaze, I noticed Jamie, sound asleep on the cot Doc had been lying on. Walter had also fallen asleep.
"It's late," Doc said. "Walter's not going anywhere tonight. You should get some sleep."
"We'll be back," I uttered. "Let us know what we can bring, for either of you."
Wanda put Walter's hand back down on the cot, patting it gently. As she did, Walter's eyes opened abruptly.
"Are you leaving?" he breathed. "Do you have to go so soon?"
"No, I don't have to leave," Wanda said, wrapping her hand around his again. This calmed him down and he closed his eyes.
I sighed, already knowing what she was going to say.
"You can go," Wanda told me. "I don't mind. Take Jamie back to his bed."
"Hold on a sec," I said, walking over to the closest empty cot and bringing it back for Wanda. I placed it next to Walter's; Wanda had to stretch her arm so I could put the cot in its place while she kept her grip on Walter at the same time. Then I put one arm under her shoulders, while the other scooped up her legs and I lifted her onto the cot. She gasped quietly.
"Do you think you can sleep like that?" I asked, motioning with my head toward Walter's hand locked around hers.
"Yes, I'm sure I can," she assured me.
I smiled at her. "Sleep well, then."
Then I turned and picked Jamie up off of his cot. "Let's go, kid," I said to the sleeping boy as I carried him from the hospital.
When I got to his room the kid was still sleeping. I tried to remove the green room divider that covered the doorway, but it was proving to be more difficult than I had originally thought.
When a hand reached out and moved the screen out of my way, I turned to thank its owner. But instead of Trudy or Lily or someone, anyone else, I turn around to see Kyle standing next to me―green screen in hand.
A scowl just sort of broke out onto my face. I guess it was because of Wanda, because of everything she was doing for Walter, but somehow his hatred of her turned into my hatred of him. I could feel it sweep through me. I'm sure, if I really thought about it, I would probably realize I didn't hate my brother, but right now it sure felt that way.
Kyle shook his head and laughed as I placed Jamie on the bed. "What are you doing?"
"We were visiting Walter and the kid fell asleep," I explained, hoping he'd drop the subject.
"So she told you to take him to bed," he laughed again.
"Shut up, Kyle," I whispered fiercely, afraid that if I raised my voice any louder I might wake Jamie. "I'm too tired to deal with you right now."
Kyle just laughed and walked back to our room.
Why did he have to be such an idiot? Why couldn't I have a reasonable, intelligent brother? No, instead I got a meathead who couldn't tell his right from his left. He'd never even be able to comprehend the difference between Wanda and a Seeker. He'd always see her as a threat.
I hung out in Jared's room with Jamie for a while. The kid was out cold, but I had more than enough to think about to keep me busy.
I sat there thinking about how Wanda was selfless enough to stay with Walter tonight, even though I knew how much she hated the hospital. I thought about how uncomfortable she must be, sleeping on that cot, if she was able to get any sleep at all. I can't imagine falling asleep next to a dying old man is easy. Hearing him moan in pain, holding his hand...
...holding her hand. Wanda's hand was so soft and warm. It was nice holding her hand. We had walked the entire way to the hospital like that. Yeah, sure, she tried to pull away, but that was only because she didn't want to upset Kyle. Once we were away from him she hadn't seemed hesitant.
What am I saying? I asked myself, shaking my head.
I was all alone in the dark cave, just me and the dead-to-the-world Jamie.
What was I doing? I knew I liked Wanda, sure, but as a friend, right? That was it, she was just my friend. I could be friends with a Soul, I could protect her from Kyle and Jared and anyone else who tried to touch her, but could I do anything more?
I wasn't sure.
Wanda was an amazing person, but did I like her because of what Kyle had said? Did he put this idea in my head and now I'm stuck with it? Or did I like Wanda because of who she was?
Definitely because of who she is, I told myself. I didn't even really have to think about that. It had nothing to do with Kyle, my feelings for Wanda were strictly because of Wanda.
She really was an amazing person. I mean, just take what she was doing for Walter. And she was so sweet. I bet she never said a bad word about anybody in her entire life, which was a really a long time. And the way she always smelled like baking bread. She never smelled like dank, musty cave like the rest of us. She always smelled good. And...
And, she's an alien, Ian. That was Kyle's voice in my head, telling me that I'm being stupid, that it could never work. And he was right. I could never be with Wanda.
First off, she is an alien. I'm a human. Her kind hate us, they eradicated us from our own planet. Why should she feel any different?
Second, she's inside of Jared's girlfriend's body. That presents a whole other set of issues to deal with. Jared would probably blow a gasket. Even if he wanted nothing to do with Wanda, he would still freak out if anyone else went near Melanie's body. And then there's Melanie. Wanda told me she's still in there with her. I could never do anything with Wanda if Melanie was still there. It would be so unfair to her, disrespectful. It would be like forcing Melanie to be with me, even if Wanda wanted to.
Which leads me to my third point. Why would Wanda want me? She could probably get any guy on this planet, hell, in the universe. She's beautiful, tall, athletic... those legs! But that wasn't what I found most attractive. Her eyes, they had a way of holding my gaze every time I looked at her. It was like I got trapped in those lustrous, silver eyes.
She was beautiful, body and Soul. Why would she want to be with someone who had tried to kill her? She could do so much better than me...
But she was stuck here, in these caves, with us. She couldn't leave, they wouldn't let her, so I guess it didn't really matter. I'm just going to forget about all of this and just keep her safe, I thought.
It was all I could do. The rest of it, it didn't matter. As long as she was safe, I was happy.