*So a warning for a bit of fluff and sexy times. I finally gave Merlin something nice so enjoy because it won't last, nope not at all. Thank you for sticking with this fic it's sad and terrible but I do like writing it.
I haven't cut myself again. Arthur never said but I know he doesn't approve, thankfully he doesn't say anything. I resist the temptation with that knowledge. Arthur's happiness is my top priority and it turns out that the Prince is a cuddler.
Waking in Arthur's arms every morning is a dream and a nightmare at the same time, he sees everything now. I opened myself up to him and now he is aware. He hears my night terrors and witnesses my body's reaction to them. I wake either screaming or moaning there is no in between. Arthur is quick to comfort and doesn't mention anything in the morning like I fear he might. My mother was the only one I have ever been so close to but this experience is completely different.
Over a span of a few days my dreams shift and it's not me that is suffering under my captor's hand. The first night it happens I end up getting sick all over the floor. Arthur is there humming softly and stroking my back. Every night for a week the dreams grow darker and darker
It's near dawn when I wake in a sweat, swallowing back bile. Arthur is awake as always, pulling me closer and kissing the side of my face. My body is shaking uncontrollably and I nestle into Arthur's chest and squeeze my eyes shut wishing my mind would stop replaying the dream.
"Merlin," Arthur whispers, "Can I ask you a question?"
"You just did." I point out.
He sighs heavily, "I'm trying to have a serious conversation."
Sighing as well I turn my head to look up at him. "Yes, fine what's your serious question oh royal prattness." I say and see something flash across his features. I fear for a moment that I might have gone too far. "I'm sorry, I want to hear your question." I find his hand and squeeze it gently. Arthur returns the pressure.
"I know your dreams have changed." He pauses seeming to be fighting for his next words. "Do you want to tell me about them, your dreams, I want to know."
My stomach flips and I pull myself away from him closer to the edge of the bed. Arthur doesn't try and stop me but I feel him tense. "Why?" I ask sticking with the one word unable to trust my voice.
Arthur touches my hand. "I want to understand what scares you, I want to know. Please?"
I move my hand out of his reach and roll on to my side facing away from him. I don't want him to know the darkness that larks within in my dreams. I don't want him to have to listen to the atrocities my mind came up with but a small part of me is thrilled. I had opened up to him finally and he knows my secrets why shouldn't he know my fears? That is selfish of me, him knowing won't benefit to his happiness but it will bring him closer to me.
"Why? Why is so damn important to you to see how disgusting I am?" I'm not angry I just don't want him to hear this side of me.
Arthur doesn't flinch. "I just want to know. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."
My heart nearly stops when I hear the stiff tone he uses. I roll on to my back keeping my body separated from him. "You really want to hear about my dream?" I already know his answer.
"I wouldn't be asking if I didn't." He replies.
I rub a hand over my face. "It isn't pleasant."
His hand finds mine, "I know."
I know he thinks he knows but he can't understand fully no matter what. The contact of his skin on mine is too move and I squeeze his hand before folding my arms over my chest.
"You are right my dreams have changed before they were mostly the same. I am back in that castle with my captor and he is…punishing me in the ways he usually did. He liked to hold me down with magic until I screamed." I feel Arthur shift and expect a touch but it never comes.
"He appears as he always does, naked. He arranged me as he always did with my knees up and a pillow under my hips. Sometimes he would prepare me but not this time…this time he pushes in with nothing." My backside burns with my words and I breathe in sharply. "It doesn't matter how much I scream or struggle. I can't stop him. I could feel everything all over again." Tears begin running down my face and I hadn't even gotten to the worse part.
"My dream changed and I am watching while he…" My voice falters and pain erupts in my chest, more tears course down my face.
"Merlin," Arthur whispers quietly a hand stroking my arm.
Somehow that bring my voice back. Swallowing thickly I continue, "I watched while he did things to you." My words are steady even though I hate saying them out loud.
Arthur's hand halts in its stroking but only for a moment before resuming. "I was just as helpless. I only wanted to protect you and I couldn't. He just laughed…he laughed and hurt you more." My voice is a whisper and I roll on my side away from Arthur, curling my legs to my chest.
"I'm always so helpless, how can you stand it?" I ask as Arthur slides closer pressing into my back. His nose is in my hair inhaling deeply and he nuzzles.
"You aren't helpless Merlin, you have saved my life countless times. There was nothing you could do but it was just a dream." Arthur tries to comfort.
It doesn't help. I know my dream is more than what it is giving away. I feel it. Arthur is so strong all the time I have never seen anything else from him even in the most dire situations. Why would fate be so cruel as to give Arthur someone like me?
Arthur's stroking hand trails down my sides trigger and completely different sensation and I wriggle against it before realizing that it tickles. Arthur's hand stops but press inquisitively on my side. I suppress a gasp but wiggle instead.
"Are you ticklish?" He asks with a hint of a chuckle. He feathers his fingers down my side and I barely cut off my giggles. "You are!" He says in triumph.
In an instant I find myself on my back with Arthur straddling my hips, his fingers are a whirlwind along my sides.
I'm withering and laughing on the bed. "Stop, please stop!" I gasp.
Arthur's efforts increase instead.
I haven't laughed like this in a long while. "Arthur, please I'm going to peed if you don't stop!" I manage.
Arthur gave a wicked grin but his fingers still as he leans forward, kissing me deeply. The pressure of his mouth on mine is intense so full of want. My body freezes but my mouth moves on its own accord. Whatever it is doing Arthur seems to like it because he moans and his hands tangle in my hair.
His mouth ravages mine, his tongue diving in and out of my mouth, twisting and pulling on my tongue. Groaning my hands slide to his hips dragging his body closer, grinding our arousals together.
Arthur jerks and pulls away. His eyes are blown wide with lust but his face is contorted into a look of horror. He pulls his hands away from me and moves back. "Merlin, I'm sorry."
Blinking in confusion I move to him and wrap around him. "Don't be sorry," I tell him pulling him on top of me, "don't ever be sorry about making me feel this way." I rub against him.
Arthur's eyes flutter shut and he lets out a gasp.
I continue teasing him, kissing along his jawline and running my hands over his naked back. "You will never do something that will drive me away." I breathe against his lips, our mouths brushing. Darting out my tongue I trace the bottom of Arthur's lips with the tip.
"Merlin," Arthur pants thrusting out hips together.
"Gods." I moan.
I've never felt like this. My body tingles with every sensation and a warmth is building in my chest it sizzles through my system in a way I can only describe as love. I know I love Arthur but this is deeper, this is more.
"Arthur," I hiss as teeth nip down my neck, "I love you." The words come out of me in a wave.
Arthur's mouth stops, everything stops, and he pulls away to look at me. I think I may have said something wrong but the look of wonder on his face and the smile stretching his mouth reassures me.
"Merlin," he purrs resting his forehead against mine, "for so long I have loved you."
I can't contain the whimper that breaks from me with his confession and my hips buck on their own accord.
"I love you." He repeats as he kisses every inch of my face.
Over and over the words are repeated, I believe them with every fiber of my being. I've felt this intensity for Arthur since shortly after becoming his manservant. I just never thought anything would be replicated. My very soul is on fire with the knowledge that Arthur loves me.
"Merlin!" Arthur pants.
Him panting and moaning my name thrills me and increases my arousal, I feel a little primal and growl. Using my weight I roll us over so my straddling Arthur's hips.
"Mine," I breathe licking behind his ear, nipping at the lobe lightly. The possessive tone that came from me is surprising.
Arthur's eyes widen and he gasps in a sound of pure pleasure, his fingers dig into my skin. "Yours," That simple word makes my chest tighten, "yours, always yours." He moans, arching into me.
Moving my head down I brush my lips along his jaw and suck on his ear for a moment, "Arthur," I whisper darting my tongue out to trace the shell, "I'm going to mark you so everyone can see my claim, so everyone will know you're mine."
Arthur's breathing hitches and a loud moan echoes through the room.
"Would you like that? Would you want everyone to see? Would you want everyone to know?" I ask slowly feeling Arthur's body vibrating beneath me.
"Yes!" Arthur groans his hips thrusting wildly, "do it, mark me. Make me yours."
Meeting his abandonment I lean my head down attaching to the skin between his neck and shoulder. Sucking and biting I know that I will leave a lovely and colorful mark.
Arthur gives several cries and a hand cradles the back of my head as I suck. Our hips are a blur, finding a chaotic rhythm but there's not enough friction and we are hovering on the edge.
As I claim Arthur I slid a hand between us, stilling Arthur's bucking and push down his night pants releasing him before moving to mine. Our lengths start rubbing together and it's the right amount of pressure. Several minutes of skin on skin contact is all it takes before Arthur shouts his release coating me with a large amount of seed.
The sight of Arthur's pleasure and warmth covering me is all I need to follow him over the edge. We lay there tucked together breathing heavily for some time. Heat is bubbling in my stomach as my body begins to cool and it tickles the back of my throat until I start laughing. I can't stop laughing, it rumbles through my whole being.
"What is so funny?" Arthur asks.
I sit up and look down on him as my laugh dies but a smile creases my face. "I just…wow! That was incredible." I say feeling my laugh coming back up.
Arthur blinks uncertainly but a smile spreads across his face. He reaches up a hand to caress my face and trails his fingers downward. His seed is begin to dry and flake on my skin. "Better clean this up." Arthur suggests gesturing at the mess.
I glance down at it and feel a sort of pride with it on me but I know he's right. With a surge of my magic the mess disappears and we are both clean with only the mark on Arthur's neck as evidence. Arthur looks up with wide eyes but still has his large smile. "You are useful." He chuckles running a hand over the smooth skin.
Sighing I collapse on my side but I'm quickly gathered closer to Arthur with my head nestled under his chin. With a few more minutes of shifting the remainder of clothes are thrown off and we settle into the mattress. The sun is rising over the horizon and light is seeping in through the window stretching slowly over the stone towards the bed.
"We should probably get up." I mutter into Arthur's chest kissing the skin lightly.
Arthur hums but makes no move to get up, only tightens his grip around me. I nuzzle and wiggle into the hold, wanting to stay like this as long as possible.
"I have nothing to do today, I gave Leon training and had all the council meetings cancelled. I needed a day with you." Arthur says his fingers trailing down my back.
I tilt my head up to see his face. "And what are we going to do on this day we have to ourselves?" I tease.
Arthur smirks and kisses my forehead gently. "Whatever you want." He replies.
Laying my head back down on his chest I close my eyes and snuggle into his chest. "I like this." I sigh and for the first time in a while I actually feel content and relaxed. For once my entire being is focused on the solidity of the warmth of Arthur beneath me.
R&R please and thank you, love hearing for you!