AN: Yay, another chapter. This one is mostly just filler; Dean's relationship with his ghostie gal and it's kind of short, but it's set up for some important events.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

a ghost of you is all that i have left

Written by Becks Rylynn

Chapter Ten:

Allie: They fell in love, didn't they?
Duke: Yes, they did.
-The Notebook

And it goes like this....

Who would have thought Dean Winchester would ever fall in love with a ghost? He certainly didn't. But, that's what he's done. Somewhere along the way, he has fallen hard for someone he can't even see. How screwed up is that?

He doesn't tell her of his feelings. To be honest, he's....well, he's afraid. Yeah, yeah, the big bad Dean Winchester afraid of a woman? Well, what if she doesn't feel the same way? What if when she was alive she had a family and all he and Bray are is a replacement family? What about Ruby? There's still some part of him that believes he's betraying her. He fears if he gives into Blue, he'll forget Ruby.

The most embarrassing part of this whole 'falling in love' thing is he starts acting like a bumbling idiot when he's around her. And since it's incredibly hard to know when he is around her he pretty much acts like a bumbling idiot every moment of every day.

''Daddy,'' Bray says seriously. ''Blue wants to know if you're okay.''

''Okay!'' He laughs loudly and Bray shares a look with Blue that clearly says he's lost his mind. ''Of course I'm okay, why wouldn't I be okay?''

''She says you're acting a little strange. And you're always avoidin' her. She wants to know if she's done something wrong.''

He sighs and smiles slightly, shaking his head. ''No. No, she hasn't done anything wrong.''

He's the lovesick fool, not her.

No one really approves of his....whatever it is he has with her.....except Sam. Bobby and Ellen tell him it's not fair to keep her from crossing over. Missouri warns him that it's ''gonna get messy, child.'' However, all Sam says is ''Leave it to you to fall for a ghost, big brother.''

Ugh, it's just all so confusing. Stupid....feelings.

''God, Dean,'' Sam says one day, out of the blue (no pun intended) as he lifts his son out of his crib. ''You're really hung up on this girl, aren't you?''

''No.'' The elder Winchester scoffs and tries to wave it off, but Sam (as usual) can see right through him. With one raised eyebrow, Dean sighs and caves. ''Yes.''

''So, why don't you do something about it?''

''Uh, hello, where have you been?'' Dean looks at his brother like he's lost his mind and sinks into the rocking chair in the nursery. ''She's a ghost.''

''Dude, you dated a demon.''

''There is a big difference between Ruby and Blue, Sam. For starters, I could see Ruby, I could touch her, I could fu - ''

''Hey.'' Sam tosses him a glare and points a warning finger in his direction. ''Infant in the room.''

''Sam, how am I supposed to be with someone I can't even see?''

''Haven't you ever heard the saying 'love conquers all'?''

''Yes,'' Dean snorts. ''Because that's worked out so well for me in the past.''

Sam studies him for a moment and then smirks slowly. ''Do you know what I think?''

''Oh, geez.''

''I think this is about Ruby.''

Well, of course it's about Ruby. Somehow it always comes back to Ruby, doesn't it? It's like he's doomed to only love her for the rest of his miserable, grief filled life. Totally unfair. Shaking his head, he chokes down a sigh and focuses his gaze elsewhere. ''It's not about Ruby.''

''You're lying.''

''Sam....''

''Dean....'' Sam looks at his brother closely and takes a few steps closer. ''She would want you to be happy. She would want you to move on. You can't hang onto her forever.''

Dean takes a breath.

He has just put Bray to sleep and all is dark and quiet in the kitchen as he sits alone, trying to think about something other than Blue. And then he just can't take it anymore. It's driving him crazy. She is driving him crazy. This is just one thing he can't keep in anymore. ''Blue....'' He whispers, instantly feeling cold air beside him. He pretends he can see her. ''Blue,'' he sighs and rises to his feet. ''I need to tell you something.''

Is something wrong, Dean? She spells out in sugar on the table.

''No,'' he says. ''Not wrong. Just....All right, look....I'm just going to come out and say it. Do you think if things were different, if you were alive....do you think we could be....something?''

There is only silence next, it's long and horrible and he can't take it. He knows she's there, he can still feel her but she's not doing anything. See, this is why he prefers to keep things to himself. It's not a habit, it's not something he must do or he'll die, it's just safer. It keeps the hurt away. ''Blue....''

I don't think this is a good idea.

''Why not?''

What if I hurt you?

''What if you don't?''

No reply.

He crosses his arms and leans against the counter, pretending he's perfectly in control when really he's not. ''Tell me you don't have feelings for me.''

I can't do that.

''So, you do have feelings for me?''

Yes.

''Kiss me.'' It comes out on an impulse, just something he has to do, something he has to say.

What?

''Blue, just....kiss me. Kiss me now and then tell me we can't be together.'' He doesn't know what he's doing, he's obviously not thinking clearly. Except....that's a lie. He is thinking clearly. When nothing happens, he sighs and tries to find the right words to say. ''Blue - ''

But that's all he gets out before freezing cold lips attack his own. The one thing that goes through his mind is that this feels somehow familiar. But she's kissing him. Blue is kissing him. He's too happy to think about anything at the moment. She pulls away and he opens his eyes reluctantly. ''So....does that mean....?''

Yes. It means yes. I want to be with you.

He smiles, the first real smile he's worn in a long time. This is the part where he would normally wrap his arms around her and pull her close, but he can't do that with Blue. She's different. Grinning, he tilts his head to the side and stares deeply at the space she should be. ''So....can you kiss me again?''

She kisses him again.

''Do you love her?'' Bray asks.

''Yes,'' he answers honestly.

''Do you love her like you loved Mommy?''

He pauses and thinks long and hard. ''No.''

It's inevitable really. They start sharing a bed after a few months (which is odd because technically she doesn't need to sleep and technically he can't touch her so they can't really do anything) and he gets used to using extra blankets at night to deal with the cold air beside him. Actually, it just happens one night. They're going slowly and carefully and one night, he just can't help himself. He whispers to the darkness just one word. Just one word that changes everything. ''Stay.''

She stays.....

.....And never leaves.

It's a bizarre relationship, one could mistake it for nothing it at all. It's not like they can have sex, they only kiss a few times, it's the first real relationship he's had that isn't based on the physical. This one is based on the feeling he gets when he's with her. That scares him more than he'd like to admit because the physical is what he's good at. It's what's safe to him. This is whole new territory.

But he does it anyways and after awhile, he finds it's not that scary after all. They're like a real family. Odd and dysfunctional, but real.

He does end up sending Bray off to school, with a smile and a nervous heart. A ghost holds his hand as he watches his little girl go into the world on her own. She comes home with exciting tales and if he could, he'd wrap an arm around Blue and hold her close as he listens to his daughter tell tales of her adventures.

Bray turns five and he still doesn't have the reality he used to wish for. He still can't tuck an arm around Blue's waist and there will be no little siblings, but he knows she's there, clapping and praising Bray as she blows out her candles. That's enough for him. He has something more than nothing this year.

He teaches Bray how to ride a bike one day and that night, he sighs as the memory of his daughter riding away from him plays over and over again in his mind. ''You know,'' he says to the ghost next to him, remembering Bray's cries of, ''Daddy, don't let go!'' ''There will be a day when all she's going to want is for me to let her go.'' He feels her take his hand. ''I hope that day never comes.'' With an intake of breath, he turns to the empty space that isn't all that empty and he smirks. ''You'll never leave me, will you?''

She traces the word, Never on his chest.

He'll never tell Bray that he's jealous of her. Just a little bit. She can see Blue, touch her. He can't. But he's got enough for now.

Their life is....weird. Eccentric, bizarre, odd, strange, kind of magical. Their life is.....incredibly supernatural. It's a strange kind of happy, a different kind of life but they take what they can get.

It's been about a year and a half since Blue came into their lives and life is pretty damn good.

That's when Dean finds out that sometimes, the one you love the most betrays you, people keep things hidden for a reason and love truly does stink.

''Cats are known to see within the dark. Yet, if you had sight like a cat, even for one day, would you really want to see what's in the dark?''
-Anonymous

end chapter ten

AN: So....is anyone still reading this story? Anyone? Anyone?