So... One of you told me to write a 800 word one-shot about apples not including author's note. Here it is?

I also got this crazy idea for next one-shot. SAXTON HALE VERSUS ISAAC NEWTON!

Comment who you think will win!

Also, I just realized that the poll wasn't up so I re-uploaded it. It will stay there until about the 20th of this August so vote fast pls.

REVIEW!

YUNOguy - Y U NO WRITE STORY BRAH

Marezin - Marezin. My friend. You just bought yourself Soldier screaming at you for more than five hours about crimes against not eating apples. Now the interview will take like twenty hours to read...

IcedFireFrenzy - It's free at store. steampowered. com. So is TF2. Now Solly will yell at you too for not playing the game he shows up in.

GUYS WE HAVE 8 FAVS AND 7 FOLLOWS THNX

Disclaimer - I'd ask why I didn't own TF2, but then I realized it would become a really bad game. So... Valve, you're doing great.

Challenge 9 - Apples not Oranges

The Apple. One of the greatest things nature has ever created, maybe the only great thing.

Its sweet, crunchiness and the edible outer layer make it perfect for having as a quick snack because it's okay if you don't peel the apple.

Or, in this case, on the battlefield.

Sol loved apples. In fact, if you open the fridge in his room, you'd find it filled to the brim with apples, steak, a bit of lemonade (The Americans Drink, as he calls it) and beer (The Not American But Good Drink, as he calls it). I'm fact, there was one time when the general fridge, I'm the kitchen, was also filled with apples.

For apple cider. The third best drink in the world to the trigger happy RPG carrying Soldier.

In fact... There was one time...

*Flashback!*

"Sol! Whoa there, Sol, no need to get physical over some a' dem fruit, right? Right? ARGH HE'S BREAKING MY SPINE GET HIM BACK IN HIS CAGE!" A terrified voice of a Scout is heard in the otherwise calm land of TeuFort.

"No! You will chew on this fruit and you will LIKE IT, Scoot! I'VE MADE IT NICE AND SHINY FOR YOU TAKE A BIT-" A crazy voice of a Soldier is heard in the now not so calm land of TeuFort.

"MEDIC!"

"Medic! Solly 'ere's 'avin' one of his bloody apple... Fits..." was how far their Demoman got before he fell asleep from the bottle in his hand.

"Dummkopfs! Engineer! Get zhe cage ready!" The Medic yells out. "Soldier is going crazy again!"

"Non... It cannot be 'appening! His last fit was trois days ago!" The French assassin yells out from his room. "Merde... Let me know when it iz over."

"Well it's happenin', frenchy, might as well help out." The toymaker yells out, pulling out a cage on wheels.

"APPLES! I GOT YOUR'S NICE AND SHINY, COMRADE, YOU ARE GOING TO EAT MY APPLE AND YOU ARE GOING TO LIKE IT! APPLES!"

"Fuckin' hell! Medic! I'm bleedin' out here, man!" Scout yells, on the floor with a broken spine and blood pooling around him.

"I vill heal you," Medic says as the healing rays hits the Scout.

"WHO HAS THE FRYING PAN?" Engie yells.

"Oi bloody have the frying pan! Is Solly getting louder? Oi heard him from my bloody van, mate!" The Australian sharpshooter yells.

"SNIPER! GET OVER HERE, AUSTRALIAN! I HAVE YOUR APPLE HERE AND I AM GOING TO WATCH YOU FINISH IT!"

"Fuck! Hurry up and knock him out!" Engie says.

"I VILL HIT TINY BABY APPLE MAN!" A Russian yells. He has his own frying pan and is walking over to the screaming Soldier.

"APPLES! Apples apples apples apples apples apples ap-"

"Great job, pardner. We got him," Engie says.

"Yes, yes, someone help me pull him into ze cage before he gets back up and fucks us all!"

"I'll help," Scout says.

The team may not agree over fighting strategies and all, but when it came to Solly's apple rages, we'll, let's just say it snaps them out of their trance and forces them to work together.

*Ten minutes later*

"Argh... Hey, Scoot! Did it happen again?" Soldier yells through the bars.

"Yep. Ya broke my spine, ya know." Scout mutters.

"Jeez."

"Solly?"

"Yeah?"

"Next time, save it for the REDs, will ya?"

"Sure thing Scoot, sure thing."

Their conversation was interrupted by the Demoman.

"Bloody books... Heads full of eyeballs... *snore*"

*The Flashback is over*

Back already? I have one more apple related story for you, if you like.

You do? Nobody ever likes my stories.

So it was another silent night in TeuFort...

*Flashback!*

It was almost the holiday season. That explained why it was snowing.

Soldier was horrible at cooking. That explained why he had to bother the Engineer for s cooked steak.

"TOYMAKER!" He yells, sticking his head into the Engineer's workshop.

Engie sighs. "Another steak? Alright then, I was gettin' pretty darn hungry myself anyway.

"YES! You are the BEST, toymaker! Let's show those Europeans what Americans eat!" Soldier yells, not being able to refrain from a racist comment.

"Technically, Sol, Scouts American too, and Snipes is Aussie." Engineer says.

"YOUR WHINING WILL NOT GET MY STEAK COOKED!"

"Okay, okay, I'll cook your steak if you let me have one and leave me alone for the day."

"YES. I will do that."

The two made their way to the kitchen, which took a while because it was on the other side of RED base. Which is why they ran into Sniper halfway there.

"Apples, mate, apples apples apples! Engie! I got yours noice and shoiney for ya mate! BITE INTO THE JUICY DELICACY OF THE RED FRUIT! BOW DOWN TO ITS SHRINE!"

"Er, maybe later, Snipes. Hey, is that an apple on the ground over there? Why don't you go pick it up *whisper Solly get ready to run! whisper* and... HELP SNIPER IS OBSESSED WITH APPLES AGAIN HELP!

And then Sniper pelted all the REDs to death with apples.

Yeah.

Our longest one-shot yet! This was inspired by my friend who always shined his apples until you could see your reflection in it and pelted me with that apple unless I ate it. Yeah. Thanks to the person who gave me this idea.

AGAIN! THE POLL IS UP AT MY USER PAGE AND JOIN NY STEAM GROUP - THE MANNLY GROUP