Jin sat alone in her room. It was almost midnight and she felt very alone now. She and Iroh had hardly spoken, but the words he did offer her were slightly comforting, despite the heavy feeling of loss that overwhelmed her. She was still staring helplessly at the stars, looking for Zuko's star. He had to be out there somewhere, she knew he had to. He had cared about her, he had to be looking down at her. She strained her eyes, searching all over the sky, but every star looked normal, none of them shining brighter than the other. Behind her the door opened and Iroh stepped in.
"Can I get you anything?" he asked gently.
"No," she answered, normally ending that line with 'I'm fine, thanks,' but she couldn't even lie about that. He stepped in and looked out the window with her.
"May I as what you're looking for?" he said, noticing her eyes still straining at the night sky.
"I can't find his star," she said softly. "Lee's star. My mother told me when someone dies they end up with the stars, and they look down at you from them." She lowered her head. "I don't see him anywhere."
Iroh frowned and looked out. "Well, the stars change patterns with the months. Perhaps his isn't out there this month?"
"Perhaps," she sighed, standing up. "I'm going to bed." She crossed the room, then stopped, realizing she hadn't told him where he could sleep. "You can take my parent's room," she said softly. "It's right across the hall." He nodded and left quietly.
Jin laid herself down on her pillow, no tears coming now. She'd cried them all out and now had run herself dry. Closing her eyes she lay still as death, waiting for sleep to come, trying to forget just for a while all the pain she was feeling.
----
(A/N: Not to go into songfic mode here, but this song is fitting for this part. It's by Corinna Fugate and it's one of my faves. It's called "Wake." I've only used parts of it)
(Here in my room I lay and dream of you...)
Jin looked up and Lee was standing right there, smiling at her. His arms reached out to her and she crawled into them, barely having the strength to stand.
(Your lips are warm and your hands are in mine...)
Tears fell down her face as she clung to him, and he ran his fingers through her hair, making her feel comforted, just knowing he was there with her and she was safe. It was was if he hadn't died at all.
(And we're walking through a moment in time...)
"Lee," she whispered, her voice cracking terribly. He just held her closer, knowing it was what she wanted... what she needed.
"It's all right," he whispered in her ear. "Hold on, Jin. Just hold on."
She rested her head against his chest, now knowing she was dreaming, and lay there, holding on to him till she felt herself slowly being pulled out of it.
"Why did this happen?" she asked, and he didn't answer. "Why, Lee?"
She looked into his eyes and there was pain there, deep pain as if he were hiding something deep inside him, something he couldn't even tell her. He began to fade away from her and she fell herself fall where he had been and landed on the ground.
(But then I wake...)
She opened her eyes again, and this time she was really in her room, alone in the dark. But she didn't feel alone, not entirely.
Somewhere deep in the Earth King's palace, a young man sat up suddenly, almost as if he had been jerked out of his dream and he looked around, panting heavily. He looked out the window and placed his hand on his chest, right where her head had been, and then closed his eyes in sadness,
longing to bring that moment back, even if it had been a dream.
(Oh... then I wake...
To wake is to break...)
----
Jin looked a lot chipper the next morning, though a hint of sadness still clung to her face. Iroh doubted that would leave anytime soon. She walked into the kitchen and her jaw dropped when she saw him at the stove. "You made breakfast?" she cried, smiling.
"It's the least I could do," he said with a grin. "It's not quite ready yet though."
"You didn't have to..." she started to say, but couldn't finish. "Thankyou." He nodded and she took a seat at the table.
"You seem to be doing better," he said to her.
"A little," she answered with a sigh. "I know moping all day won't solve anything. My parent's wouldn't want that."
"Nor would I," said Iroh. "Would you like some tea with your breakfast?" She nodded, knowing he'd make some anyway.
"Are you going to re-open the Jasmine Dragon soon?" she asked. He shook his head.
"I can't, I'm afraid," he answered her. "There's a warrant out for my arrest, and if I re-opened they'd arrest me for sure." She nodded, giving him a sympathetic glance.
"I'm sorry," she said.
"It's only one dream I have to let go of. Others will come."
"I admire you for being positive," she commented as he placed her breakfast in front of her, along with her tea. "Especially with things being as they are. I'm trying to, but it's so hard. I don't know how you do it." She took a mouthful, groaning when the wonderful taste filled her mouth, and quickly chewed it so she could eat some more. Her appetite was back and in full force.
"A cup of tea everyday is good for the soul," he said, chuckling a little. "It keeps the body calm and the mind focused."
"I still wish I knew what to do," she said, sipping her tea. "I feel bad just sitting here while my family is in jail."
"Don't worry about it now. When the time is right, opportunities will present themselves. And I doubt the avatar will abandon the city this way."
"So he was here," she said. "Have you ever seen him?"
Iroh recounted the many encounters and smiled. "I have," he answered.
"What's he like?"
"The way you'd expect a young boy to be," he answered. "Only weighted down with the burden of being who he is."
"I can't imagine," she said softly.
"It's quite a weight," said Iroh, nodding. "But he's been learning how to bear it, and he's handled it well so far."
"I hope he comes back. If he does, I'll be fighting by his side to free my family. This city has been safe and secure for years until now. I won't just sit here while the Fire Nation destroys it." Iroh patted her hand.
"It'll happen in good time. You're a strong girl. I doubt you'll be giving up without a fight." She smiled, taking in that complement, and went back to eating.
----
At nightfall Jin decided to venture out briefly. There was something she needed to do, and it would be the only way she'd be able to finally heal, which was something she knew she needed to do quickly. Iroh glanced up as she crossed the common room. "I'm going for a walk," she said softly. "I won't be long." He nodded and she left, stepping outside into the night.
The people were all inside their houses except for a few who wandered around, picking up some last minute groceries. Being out here this late would be dangerous, she knew that, but it was a risk she was willing to take, and from the looks of things, no one would give her any troubles, be they Fire Nation of members of the Dai Li. She walked out to the hill where she and Lee had sat to watch the fire works and kneeled down, looking up at the sky and the stars above. She had no incense, no picture to set up of him, but even so, she knew this would be her chance to finally let go and let him rest in piece rather than haunt her.
She closed her eyes and reflected, remembering the mop and broom war in the tea shop, their awkward first date, and their first kiss. She remembered the look on his face the night before... when he told her how he knew something bad would happen. She wished she had listened better, but it was too late now, and no sad longings would bring him back. She stared at the stars and whispered, quoting the lines from a song her mother had sung when her brother had died, "It's not the body that keeps you alive, It's the soul burning inside you..." her voice drifted and she allowed herself to shed one last tear, knowing any weakness from hear on would hold her back. "And there is no death," she whispered. "It isn't real... Can't you still feel me with you? Can't you feel?"
She turned her eyes to the Heavens, knowing he'd be there, looking down at her, not wanting her to be so sad. "Rest in piece, Lee," she whispered, and smiled, feeling as if a burden had been lifted from her shoulders. Standing up, knowing tonight she'd be able so sleep peacefully, she headed back. The pain was not fully gone, and she knew it never would be, but for now, even if it was just for this moment, it was a little easier to bear, and she knew she'd be able to face the day with the stregnth she'd been lacking.
----
(A/N: Those words Jin said at the end were from "Boy of Sky," by Corinna Fugate -I wanted them in there somewhere because they've stuck with me through my uncle's death, and the deaths of other family members I've lost. Remember to please leave input on which song I should use, and always R&R! Cheers!)