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Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.

Happiness

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Being emotionally drained made me pass out within few seconds of laying on Eli's pillow. I didn't know what time it was when I opened my eyes but I could still feel Eli laying beside me. I was really scared to face him because I heard very clearly what he told me before I dozed off.

"I'm not going anywhere."

He must really care about me if he let me sleep on his bed; listening to my family troubles; and pretending like I didn't reject him that night of the party. I knew that somewhere deep down I wanted to kiss him. Maybe I was scared. Eli and I are very different people and sure, maybe it could work, but I don't know if I should take that risk at the moment.

However, I did have to face him.

I slowly turned over and that's when I felt his arm around my waist. He was sleeping and his soft breathing fanned against the pillow. He looked so angelic when he was sleeping, I didn't want to wake him and I couldn't unfaze his hold without making a lot of movement. I was trapped.

The rings on Eli's hand resting on the pillow captured my attention and I couldn't help myself when my hand slowly traced his. From what I could decipher, there was a skull on his thumb and some crown on the one ring on his third finger. Suddenly I had the feeling to close my hand into his, and see if our fingers fit well together.

A grunt suddenly rung through the room and Eli moved before opening his eyes. He stared right into mine, as of he knew I was looking at him and I felt a small flutter go through me. And the memory of his lips over my skin flashed through my mind like a blinking light bulb. I subconsciously raised my hand to my cheek and felt the tear stains and small warmth. When I realized Eli was still staring at me, I withdrew my hand away.

"How long did we sleep for?" I asked, my voice sounding hoarse and feeling sore. That is what I get for screaming about my problems.

Speaking of which, I felt a cold sensation of embarrassment run through me as the dinner replayed in my mind. Oh, God. How could I be so absurd? Mom was probably having a meltdown by now while I was resting at my neighbour's house. Very classy, Clare.

"A few hours, I think," Eli mused thoughtfully. "I fell asleep a bit after you."

The blanket covered over us was making me too warm so I pulled it back and Eli's hand retreated from my waist immediately. I tried to hide my disappointment by sitting up against the headboard.

"Are your parents' home?" That would be really embarrassing if they caught me in their son's bed. And if this got back to my mom, I don't think she'll be pleased. Not like she was pleased with me at the moment anyways.

"Not yet." he shook his head, sitting up as well. "Do you have to go home?"

"Probably," I sighed. I don't want to. "But I need to talk to you about something first…"

He looked curious and was staring intently at me, and that started to make me feel even more nervous.

I blew out a breath and avoided his gaze. "About that party… I know I kind of rejected you, but just so you know, I wanted to kiss you."

"You did?" he said in a slow, surprised tone that made me feel absolutely even more guilty then before.

I nodded. "Please, don't think that I didn't. I was just really scared."

He looked straight ahead for a moment and I analyzed his unreadable expression. I didn't know what was going though his mind but I desperately wanted to know. I wanted Eli to give me a chance. At least to explore exactly what was going on between us.

He finally looked back at me. "I'm scared too," he said quietly, his voice sounding very child-like.

I was slightly confused. "You're scared of being with me? Are you feeling the same way I am?"

"I think so," he said heavily, nodding his head slowly. "I can't just be friends with you, Clare. I like you too much."

My heart soared at his words and I wanted to attack him right there and be in his arms. Of course I didn't do that but I did smile affectionately, many different emotions running through me.

"I feel the same," I said, small eagerness in my voice.

"I don't think I deserve you," he breathed and the mood turned dark again. "You're such an amazing person and I don't want to mess up something that I know will be great."

"Okay, we're both starting to cause problems here," I said, taking control of the situation. "We're both scared of screwing this up and getting hurt. I just think we need to stop worrying about the negatives and think of the positives. Like how much we both like one another."

I sat on top of my knees to move closer to him. I took his hand in both of mine and gave him a soft smile. He looked down at our attached hands and smirked.

"You sure about this?" he questioned, his lily pad eyes staring intensely into mine.

"This is the only sure thing I've decided this summer," I admitted. "How about you? I can be very boring."

He laughed and in a flash, grabbed my sides and rolled me underneath him. I looked at him dazed but also ecstatic that I could feel some happiness during this terrible day.

"I don't think that's possible," he said, sweeping my bangs out of my eyes.

Everything went quiet and a thought came to mind that I had to put to rest. "Were you really serious about staying with me?"

He picked up my hand and kissed it tenderly, and I saw the sincerity in his eyes. "Of course I was. I'll never leave you."

"Thank you," I said, not knowing how else to repay him. I wanted to stay longer and be wrapped up in his warm embrace and soft kisses but I had to see my mom. "I have to get going. Mom's probably worried."

I got off the bed and I picked up my clothes before heading down the stairs, with Eli following behind.

"I'll bring back Cece's clothes later," I said, as we reached my door.

"I don't think she'll care," Eli shrugged. "She doesn't wear them anymore."

"Oh, okay then…"

It went silent between us again and I took the opportunity to kiss him on the cheek. I'll kiss him soon, just not right now. The time needs to be perfect.

"I'll see you later."

I went inside the house after he waved and I closed the door quietly. It was very quiet and mom was nowhere to be found. I tiptoed up the stairs and saw the crack of her door opened. I cautiously pushed it open and saw her laying on the bed, reading a book.

As mean as it sounds, I was expecting her to be crying her eyes out, or at least looking furious. It must've been hard to have your ex-husband flaunt your fiancée in front of your face and have your daughter blast at both of them. Needless to say, I was just glad she was okay.

"Mom?"

She looked up from her book and smiled. "Hey sweetie. How are you?"

"I think I should be asking you that question," I said, walking over to her bed.

She put her book down on the night table and took off her reading glasses. "I'm fine."

"Fine?" I echoed, frowning. "Not hurt? Angry? Depressed?"

She laughed lightly. "Of course not. The dinner didn't go as planned but in honesty, I wasn't surprised how it happened. I can understand how hard that was for you."

I huffed before flopping on the bed beside her. I rested myself between her and lazily let my body slump overtop. She ran her fingers though my hair and I was instantly starting to relax.

"I'm sorry for yelling. That was very immature of me but I just couldn't help it. I guess my anger got the best of me."

"I think you should be saying those words to your father." I could hear the authority in her voice. "He was very upset when you left."

I bit my tongue from responding something snarky to that. "I don't want to talk to him. At least not for now."

"You'll have to soon. He still expects you to be at his wedding."

I groaned. "I made it pretty clear I wasn't going. Why can't he just leave me alone?"

"He loves you," she said sincerely. "You're his daughter

"If he really did love me, he wouldn't have left," I snapped bitterly.

Mom stopped playing with my hair and pulled my face towards hers, an unreadable look on her face. "Listen to me, Clare, I know it may seem illogical or unfair as to what happened between your father and I but I want you to know something - we both love you and Darcy. So much. Your dad might be remarrying but that doesn't mean he stopped loving you. He will always love you, understand?"

I nodded and laid back down on her stomach. "I guess I don't like change that much."

"I don't think anyone does at first," mom replied. "But we learn to deal with it."

"Sure."

I'll deal with it someday, but right now, I don't want to.