Falling In Deeper

by Arkham Girls

They were found in the scene of crime. Bloodied. Standing among corpses. Of course they would be the prime suspects... Thing was, they couldn't remember anything about that night. Now the question is: are they guilty or not?

10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

A/N: Hey guys, sorry for how long it took to post! School is just a total killer :/ We're happy to be back though. As always, rate and review! It will make us BETTER (not to mention it's just extremely cool :D)

---

Desperate

"A single moment of misunderstanding is so poisonous, that it makes us forget the hundred of lovable moments spent together within a minute."

Unknown

I believe that guilt has stages too. Like a caterpillar and how it metamorphoses into a gorgeous butterfly. Except for...this result isn't quite so pretty. What starts as guilt can evolve into something nasty, like horror. Ture horror encases you as you realize just what you've done. It could be saying goodbye to the only one you've ever really loved. It could be not taking that one chance, a decision that will haunt you for the rest of your life. It could be the lie that condemns you. Or...it could be cutting off one of the very lifelines that tie you down to the surface. That's me. I'm horrified as I'm drifting away from one of my favorite anchors, left alone for the world to take me up in a whirlwind. Oh my gosh...what have I done?

Everyone has had the experience of misinterpreting a teachers instructions. Sometimes, it only has little effect, but other times it can mess EVERYTHING up. Either way something bad comes from it and more than likely it will cause some kind of consequence. Its hard to believe to what magnitude those consequences will be. I guess, it just depends on who's giving out the punishment.

---

I can't believe it, I really can't. When did all of this fall apart? When did EVERYTHING that was me, my life turn out like this? I brought my arm to my head unable to wrap my brain around what had happened. A blur of red was in front of me, I pulled my arm back and gasped my stomach turned and I could feel the blood drain from my face. There were four deep gashes on my arm and small trails of crimson blood ran from them, they were still bleeding. Bile rose in my throat and I had to fight the urge to throw up. When did this happen? I couldn't feel the pain that it must be causing, it was like I was numb to it. Guilt crashed down on me in waves, uncontrollable crushing waves. How is it possible for someone to have so many emotions inside at once? Crushing guilt, blinding hate, rushing anger, overwhelming sadness, extreme confusion, and the incapacitating feeling of helplessness. And then, like my legs just refused to work they collapsed under me. I just lost my best friend, I felt like I was delicate spun glass that was just viciously thrown to the ground and was now in a million glittering pieces, broken, shattered. I waited for the jarring impact of me hitting the ground. It didn't come.

"Oh my goodness! What just happened? Puddin' what should I do?" It took me a few seconds to realize that the reason I wasn't on the ground was because Harley caught me. How did she get to me so fast, was she right next to me? How did I not notice?

"You're not going to do anything, Harleen. I'll take care of it." I was suddenly hyper aware of being picked up and held bridal style. I looked up surprised that someone was carrying me, my eyes caught sight of beautiful emerald colored eyes. The first thing that popped into my head was; Wow, hes a lot stronger than I thought. "I really never thought you were so weak. But, you are practically a teenager still. So overdramatic." His voice was laced with annoyance though I thought it held a thin edge of worry. The worry was more than likely deliriously hopeful and imagined on my part.

I found my voice it was quiet and quivering, like it was fixing to break or give out. Like my legs or the part inside of me that was all Megan, the part that was partially ripped out and partially torn to shreds. "I would have pegged you to be the one to say that you could have handled the situation so much better than I did."

"Don't worry, i'm thinking just that right now. And I could have." He was so sure and his eyes flashed with self-confidence. "But, i'm not so blind to not see that this, for some reason, has really affected you. And that will only go to making you realize just how superior I am. And oddly it will do nothing to help you." He looked down at me and looked at my arm with a raised eyebrow. "And we have to make sure that does not get infected and you get gangrene."

"You know I really wouldn't care at this point. Getting my arm chopped off will be a physical representation of what I lost and it still won't be enough. God i'm getting all...hippie." What a bad word to describe it. It was the only thing close enough that I could come up with.

"That is not going to happen, I would prefer you with all of your limbs intact and whole." He said. "And whole in every way possible, I don't really want to be around someone emotionally unstable. It would be annoying and too much hard work."

"And how would it be hard work?" I asked

"Because I would have to make sure you don't try to commit suicide or something equally idiotic." He said like I should already know this, and have it stamped into my DNA.

"Why do you care so much?" I asked instead of sounding indifferent I sounded desperate, needy. Like I needed someone to care, and I hoped that they did because I need someone to care. I need someone to lean on. I can't do it on my own this time.

"Because when a puzzle isn't whole, it can't be solved. And I can't have that." He said and sighed like a huge and annoying weight was cast on his shoulders. "So, i'm going to have to find some way to make you whole again." He looked me in the eye his lips pulled slightly down at the corners and he looked just the smallest hint confused and angry. Angry that he was confused? But why?

"Well, I think i'm going to take anything I can get right now." I said and pushed aside the nagging feeling in my chest that was telling me that what I was about to do was the worst idea I had ever had. I reached my arms up and wrapped them around Edwards neck and brought my lips to his ear. "Then make me whole Edward Nygma, I don't want to feel like this." I moved my head and brushed my lips against his cheek bone, I didn't see, feel, or hear his reaction because the sweet relief of sleep took over me, and I became unconscious in his arms with my head buried in his neck.

---

"Emily, what are we doing here?" I questioned my friend as she got out of her car. I shot Megan a worried look as our friend started to walk towards an abandoned warehouse. We both scrambled out of the care quickly, immediately attaching ourselves to each other. As soon as the doors slammed behind us Emily locked the car up with her electronic key. Interlocking out arms together. I nervously chewed my bottom lip looking at all of the buildings around us all looking abandoned, broken and boarded up windows, smashed in doors, graffitied walls, and everything just seemed dirty and radiated 'illegal'. Of course it did though, it was the narrows after all. I had a bad feeling, but wouldn't everyone if they were here?

"Em, can you come back here? We shouldn't be in this place, its dangerous." Megan called out to her voice trembling and worried, her eyes darting around looking for danger. she glanced back at us from the entrance to the warehouse she was at and motioned with her hands for us to go over to her. We glanced at each other again and speed walked towards our best friend.

"Em seriously this is a really bad place to be. This isn't the time or place to be adventurous." The three of us are adventure seekers we love to explore anything that we can.

One time all of us our parents and Cam had gone to Virginia, and we rented a cabin in the middle of so many trees and the dirt road leading to it took 15 minutes to drive up. We were all in middle school about 13 or 14 years old. And as soon as we knew that everyone was asleep the three of us snuck out of the cabin to explore the trees around us we all took a flashlight and set out. Around us were such tall trees and the only things that we could hear were us walking through the damp leaves and foliage, and the muffled sounds of animals moving around doing what they do. When we finally looked back the way we came the large cabin was out of sight. It sent a thrill through me and a feeling of weightless freedom and elation filled me. I wasn't the slightest bit worried. We looked at each other grinning and trudged along, the three of us pushed through a thick mass of large damp leaves and vines and I suddenly felt weightless for a moment. Then I went crashing down a steep slope. And I could hear Emily and Megan crashing down too.

In the end Emily ended up with a badly bruised cheek and a cut on her upper arm that needed two stitches. I had a sprained ankle and a gash in my leg that needed three stitches. And miraculously Megan came away with only an assortment of scratches. And all of us a wide variety of bruises all over our bodies. And not one of us regretted it we took a sort of pride in our injuries. And despite the lashing we got from our parents. And especially Cam he yelled at all of us he actually seemed more worried than our parents did. It never stopped us from doing things like that countless times again and again. Tightening our bond together. Strengthening our friendship.

I focused back on Emily "Both of you stay out here you both have your phones right?" When we both nodded she said "If something happens text me, but make sure you text me and not call okay? I have to take care of something, stay out here." She glanced behind her shoulder and motioned to the rickety dock some yards away. "Go over there and look at the ocean or something. I will be out soon." And she went inside the warehouse before either of us could protest.

"Oh my gosh, Bridge. What are we going to do? This is the NARROWS nothing good ever happens here. Maybe we should go back to the car and wait in there." Megan said starting to try and gently tug me toward Emilys car.

"Megan, we can't the car is locked and Emily has the keys. We should probably do what she said and go over to the dock. It's one less area that someone can sneak up from." I was scared Megan was right nothing good happens here. And despite my efforts to hide my being scared I could hear it in my voice. I had to be strong for Megan, my best friend, I love her and I have to do everything I can to make sure nothing happens to her. And with that thought a small bit of the scared went away and my resolve to protect her hardened, and I firmly led Megan to the dock. "Besides she said she wouldn't take long, we won't be out here long enough for something bad to happen." I hoped Megan believed me, because I sure didn't. Isn't it that everytime something shady happens in the movies and books and someone says they won't take long, they do? And they end up axe murdered or something equally bad, they run into trouble, or best case scenario the people waiting wait forever and something bad may or may not happen to them?

We sat down on some old crates and looked out across the water, at first we stayed quiet but then we started to play games like, I Spy, 20 Questions, and other pointless little games. And at first we talked with whispered hushed tones, but as one hour past, t'hen two, we started to gradually talk just a little bit louder for some reason thinking; Nothing has happened for two hours so what could happen now? Geez, just how stupid could I get? Lets throw all caution to the wind, and make it easy for the hobos, rapists, drug lords, murders, and all other criminals prowling the streets.

"Look at this, Sam. It seems as if we found two pretty, lost girls." I stiffened and didn't dare turn around squeezing Megans arm when she started to turn her head. 'Don't' my touch said.

"Its seems like you're right, Damian. Look at this one such long beautiful hair." I felt a hand start to gently tug on my hair. "Mmmm, smells like apples. And such long legs must be a dancer. Are you a dancer?" My eyes widened and my heart started to race adrenaline and fear coursing through my veins. A long time ago Cam had told me that I had a dancer's build long legs, curvy waist, jokingly of course and I laughed at him telling him that he was full of it and none of that was true. But the next day I begged my dad to take me to dancing lessons he had quickly obliged because I gave him the puppy dog eyes that almost always worked. And since then most of the people I came in contact with asked me if I was a dancer, because I looked like one and moved like one. According to them. No matter how many times people told me those things I never believed it. But right now I was just wishing that I hadn't gotten that apple scented shampoo. And that Megan and I never got in the car with Emily today. I cursed my stupidity, I got Megan in danger. And the only thing I was thinking was to get Megan safe. Get Megan safe. That is the only thing I need to do, get Megan safe.

"Sam, I want that one you have the other one." I was suddenly yanked up and I cried out in pain as I felt some or my hair get pulled out of my skull.

"No way man, how about we share both of them. They're too sweet to keep to just one of us." I could see the guy who I assumed was this Sam yank Megan up as well, she gasped. I winced, I can't let anything happen to her. I need a plan, make sure she doesn't get hurt.

"You don't want her," I said

The guy, (Damian?) turned me around so that I was facing him, I felt something get pressed into my side. It was a gun. I sucked in a deep breath and I braved a glance at Megan, Sam had a blade poised in front of her face. But, if she twisted to the side and managed to break his hold she wouldn't get hurt. Thats what mattered.

"And why is that?" Asked Megan's captor. "Do you want us all to yourself?" Both men laughed "We're not one woman guys, besides she a pretty one too. Can't let you two go to waste." I locked eyes with Megan she looked terrified.

"Remember what we both learned about cars last week?" One of Emily's 'new' friends had taught all three of us to hotwire a car. Megan and I were wary about it, but in the end Emily convinced us it might be useful information in the future. Megan nodded slightly. "There was a broken brick next to the car." Her eyes widened as she caught onto what I was saying.

Damian pressed the gun further into my side,I ground my teeth, it HURT and he was using so much pressure that I knew there was going to be a mark there. "Shut up!" He spat.

I ignored him and told Megan. "When I say 'Run' you run and do what I told you."

"But, Bridge..." I knew what she was going to say 'What about you?'

"I will be right behind you, just do as I said, Okay?" She looked doubtful but swallowed tightly and nodded. I really hoped she believed me, I'm lying a lot tonight.

"I said, SHUT UP!" I heard a click as he took the safety off the gun, I flinched at the sound. But, took a deep breath.

"Basic self defence." I said quietly. Damian was unsuspecting as I grabbed the hand that held the gun and pushed it to the side, away from me. There was a loud sound as the gun went off and one of the old crates ended up with a nice new bullet hole. Sam, who was holding Megan loosened his hold on her in shock. Damian was over his unsuspecting of me pushing the gun and was bringing it forward again I ducked down and lunged toward Sam. "Megan, RUN!" I told her "I'm right behind you." Megan broke away from Sam and started sprinting toward the car. I grabbed Sam's hand and tried to twist his wrist so he would drop the knife. It wasn't working, so I leaned forward and bit the meaty part of his hand and with a cry of pain the knife fell from his grasp.

"You conniving little witch!" Damian cursed at me I turned and found that he had his gun leveled at my head. I stumbled back a step trying to get out of his line of fire, and ran into Sam's chest immediately one of his arms went around my neck and the other roughly took hold of my hands. Damian moved and pressed the gun against my temple. "How can a pretty girl like you be so much trouble? I don't think you're worth it. Do you Sam?"

"I agree Damian." Sam said over my head. And he chuckled darkly. "Put her down Damian."

"Gladly," Damian snarled, "Don't worry after we kill you, we'll make sure your friend is in good hands." Megan please have done what I told you! I thought frantically. I can try and deal with impending death if I know shes okay! "Its just too bad we could have had fun t..." He was abruptly cut off with a shocked squeak. My head snapped to the side and Damian was gone. And suddenly the feeling of Sam holding me down was gone too. I almost fell because I didn't expect it but a black gloved hand wrapped around my upper arm and prevented the fall. My jaw dropped and I looked up to see who was attached to the hand and it was...Batman.

"Batman?" I said for some reason needing confirmation even though I knew who it was.

He nodded and in a gravely deep voice said. "Are you alright."

"Well, I don't have a bullet in my head and on the ground dead. So...I'm guessing I'm okay." I told him and he gave me a short sharp nod.

"Good," He let go of my arm just before I was almost tackled to the ground by Megan.

"Oh my gosh! When I saw you weren't behind me I started freaking out! I was so scared that you were going to die! You lied to me you weren't behind me!" And she lightly punched my arm. I looked over to see her eyes were still wide with terror. "You almost got yourself killed!" I reached forward and hugged her tightly and she did the same.

"The only thing on my mind was to get you safe." I told her

"I could have helped you!" She said

I slowly shook my head. "I couldn't risk you getting hurt. I don't know what I would have done if you did."

"I'm not happy with you at all." She said and crossed her arms across her chest.

I sighed "Megan,"

Someone cleared their throat I turned my head and caught sight of Robin, Batman's sidekick, but I prefer the term Boy-Wonder.

"We saw you in trouble while patrolling. You did a brave thing, putting your friend's safety first." He gave Megan a bright smile. "Its a good thing she did what she did, you both would have been in a lot more trouble." He laid a hand lightly on Megan's shoulder. "The important thing is that you're safe." I raised my eyebrow at this and looked over to Batman and i'm sure that if he didn't have that cowl on I would see him doing the same thing. I looked back at Megan and Robin, they were just looking at each other.

I blinked, not sure if I was seeing this right. I cleared my throat, "Well there is one thing I learned next time i'm buying the expensive coconut scented shampoo and not the apple." Megan blushed slightly and looked at me her expression pretty much saying 'Really? Did you really just say that?' I shrugged but I actually did what I said and along with that I bought the shampoos conditioner, body wash, and lotion companions.

Coconut actually became my signature scent, I never had a different one after that meeting with Batman and Robin. And probably never will.

---

You can only play the ignorant act for so long before even you yourself no longer believe the charade. As I walked away I couldn't deny the hole in my chest. It was no longer possible to ignore. There was no plastering a smile on my face and ignoring it anymore. Biting down on my lip, I wrenched my nails into my palms. Despite how I was broken, I will not cry. I will not cry, I will not cry, I will not cry. Closing my eyes, I commanded the tears building up behind them to go away. So I just lost my bestest friend who's practically a sister to me in the whole entire world. No biggie, worst things have happened, like...like...

Oh my gosh. There were so many unspeakably terrible things going on in the world, but I couldn't focus on them right now due to my own emotional trauma. It was as though as a wall was built up around in me, shrouding me in ignorance while at the same time I was overly aware. It felt as though my heart was ripping apart in my chest. One of the only people that I had allowed myself to grow attached to...the rubber band...it had snapped back. Little had I known that while I pulled and tugged and tugged on that rubber band, it had warped into something much worse. It became a whip, violently lashing against me when the friendship evaporated to the dust. It just like Her...all over again...

No, I shook my head in horror. No, no, no, I will NOT think of that!

"Alice?" came the timid voice of Hatter.

A wave of dread spread through me. Lightly I sighed, there was no ignoring him. Talking to him was inevitable. "Hello Hatter," I greeted him cordially, turning around. The sight of his worried face made something twinge in my heart. He punched Bridgette... But she's no longer your friend is she? So does it really matter? One of the voices whispered in my head. This one was different. It was cool, menacing. I shivered at the feel of the cool breeze it sent through me head.

Of course it mattered that he punched Bridgette! That was completely uncalled for! But...did Bridgette even want me to care? Wouldn't she prefer that I forget about her completely? Before I...ruined her life even more...

"My poor sweet Alice, are you alright? You seem to be sad," he frowned, as though my pain was his pain.

But my agony wasn't a joint account that we could share in. It wasn't something that anyone else could comprehend. Not even I fully understood my sorrow.

Shakily I smiled, but the action felt foreign to my numb face. As if I hadn't smiled through my pain before. "I am perfectly fine Hatter. Absolutely amazing," I tried my best to seem joyful.

"But the Red Queen-"

"Talking about the Red Queen, " I interrupted him with placing a hand on his shoulder. He shivered underneath my touch. "Let's play a game with her shall we?"

His eyes widened in joy. "Yes we shall! What is it called?"

"It doesn't have a name," I said sadly. "Only actions. Or rather, a lack of actions. From here on out we will ignore her. No looking at her, no talking to her," I made sure to make a pause, "no trying to hurt her."

His face fell at the last part. "Whatever you say Alice."

"Good," I beamed half-heartedly at him. "We lose this game if we break any of the rules. The one who avoids contact with her for the longest wins the game!"

"Sounds delightful, Alice!" he cheered. "And what prize does the winner achieve?"

"Hm," I tapped my chin, trying to think of something that would please him. But even my usual over exaggerated pantomiming felt as though it was dampened in the movement. "The winner decides the date for our tea party?"

Absolute elation filled his face. A delighted smile spread apart his lips. "That sounds sublime! Excellent idea!"

"Thank you," I whispered quietly. "It is a good idea..." Or more like an excellent excuse. It's looking pain in the eyes, and telling it that you were otherwise occupied.

But of course, quitting can always begin tomorrow. I have to say goodbye first. For the briefest millisecond, I allowed my eyes to flit up and take her in. A stab of pain jabbed through me. Bridgette was cradled in Riddler's arms. Oh gosh.

Instantly I looked down before Hatter could notice me violating the rules. But even though the image was only burned in my vision for a millisecond, it was still enough to mark a level of disgust in me. Once again I was watching a relationship unfold that I didn't approve of.

It was Cam and Emily all over again...

"I'm still confused...who was the bad guy again?" I asked in confusion.

For the thousandth time that night Bridgette groaned. "Megan, I already told you. It was Detective James."

"But, why?" I moaned. We strode up to the front of my house and I fished through my purse for my house keys. Shoving my purse up my shoulder, I jammed the key into the lock and wrestled it around. Our front door lock was stuck most of the time, usually it took three or four attempts to unlock it. Thankfully though, this time it only took two! Laughing relief, I continued grilling Bridgette. "I mean, what was his motive?"

"Wasn't it obvious?"

Opening the door, I turned to look at her with a complete look of shock. "No...?"

With a smile, she sighed and rolled her eyes. "It's because he was in love with the warden's wife. He thought that if he could peg him for a terrible crime and get him in the own prison that he ran, he could finally have the girl he loved. And since he was the detective working on his case, he was able to make all the evidence seem incriminating."

"Ohhh," I nodded, finally understanding. "Well that's silly!" I exclaimed, going through my front door.

"What!" Bridgette responded in shock. "But that's romantic! It's an epic love story!"

"Love?" I wrinkled my nose and rolled my eyes. "Oh, the crazy things people do for love. That emotion is highly overrated if you asked me."

"Oh Megan," Bridgette sighed, closing the door behind her. "I feel sorry for the poor sap who falls in love with you."

"Going on that track are we?" I spun around and gave her a daring smirk. "Well I pity the fool who loves you! He'll be kept under such high expectations."

"OH!" she gasped loudly in fake shock and hurt. Playing along with the game, she leaned forward to jab a finger in my chest. "Two can play that game! I feel sorry for you when you fall in love!"

"Pffft," I snorted. "As if I'll ever fall in love."

"I'm no so sure Megan..." she shook her head with this delighted smile on her face. "It could happen to you. It's just that it will take you forever to realize it, you wouldn't know what love is if it were to hit you smack-dab in the face!"

"Ah!" I over-dramatically gasped. "And so now you're implying that I'm thick-headed!?"

"Hey you said it, not me," she shrugged, raising her hands in the air.

Laughing, I playfully shoved her in the shoulder. "My, my, I see that your father didn't teach you any manners!" I said, even though I knew that was an absolute lie. Mr. Paige was huge on etiquette. "Well then, I feel sorry for you when you fall in love!"

"Me?" she furrowed her eyebrows. "Why's that?"

"Because silly," I shook my head as if it were obvious. "If the dude is gifted enough to surpass your expectations in order for you to love him, he's going to be placed on an incredibly high pedestal. He just may tumble from that height and die upon impact!" Bridgette's eyes widened and I giggled at her reaction. "Check and mate," I sang victoriously, tapping my finger once on her head.

She snapped out of her shock and rolled her eyes, shoving my hand away. But despite her annoyed groans, there was still that trademark smile on her face. "Alright Megan, as much as I like playing word chess with you, I really gotta go to the restroom," she laughed and darted away, in the direction of the downstairs bathroom.

Giggling I spun on my heel and wiggled a finger at her. "See? I told you that you'd have to go!"

Smirking, she shook her head at me. "You shouldn't try to be maternal Megan, that's my job. Being responsible doesn't become you," she teased.

"Hmm," I pursed my lips. "I honestly don't know how to feel with that. Should I be insulted?"

"You can be whatever you want to be," she chuckled and turned on her heel again.

"Deja vu, much? I swear that I could've heard that same exact phrase on a children's show..." I mused and started walking down the entryway, in direction of the downstairs living room. "I'm going to the kitchen, do you want anything?"

"Sure, I'll have some of that green tea that your mom buys. And Megan," the severity of her voice caused me to turn around.

There I found her with a hand on her hip, the other pointed seriously at me. Her face was drawn in such a stern expression the I wheeled back in shock. "What?" I asked innocently, and her eyes narrowed. "What!?"

"Use a plastic cup," she instructed me.

Oh man, she was still strung up on that one thing that happened weeks ago. "I promise that I won't break a glass cup Bridge."

"That's what you said last time. You've already broken five glasses this year!"

"Yeah, and that's like the least amount of cups I've broken during a year my entire life! Sheesh," I scoffed, "have some faith."

"Megan," she warned and drew out my name to where it sounded more like a threat than a calling.

"Well, you could stand here arguing and pee your pants, or you could go to the bathroom and just for once believe in me," I listed the options calmly. "Honestly, I'd much rather not have to mop the floor later on."

An eyebrow raised and after a second she threw back her head and laughed. "Oh my gosh Megan! We both know I'd end up cleaning the floor anyways."

"Yes, and I heard that cleaning your own pee is a very humiliating experience," I nodded grimly. "Please Bridge, I'm only trying to save you from the traumatic event."

"Augh, fine I give up!" she threw her hands in the air and turned around. "I'm not going to take you to go get stitches again though."

"Aw c'mon! That receptionist dude was pretty cute last time, you wouldn't wanna miss out on a chance to see him would you?" I called after her.

Lightly she laughed, but didn't turn around. Pffft, typical. Shaking my head, I spun around and sashayed through the hallway. What was it exactly about going to the movies that made my tongue crave for even more sweets? It's as though my teeth are each individually begging to be corroded with a crater-sized cavity. Yet, oh well. The stomach wants what the stomach wants, and who am I to deny it its urges? That's just plain out cruelty.

Finally reaching the end of the hallway where the entry to the dining room and kitchen were, I turned around. Stepping through the empty doorway, my arm automatically reached out to grope for a light switch when my eyes discovered something. Wait a second...there was already light in here! Except for that it was different. Blinking in, my eyes slowly adjusted to the flickering warm light. A spicy sweetness drifted over to me and I looked around stunned. Glowing candles were placed here and there, sending an alluring fragrance to spread its warm fingers throughout the room. Everything was lit up in dancing shadows, basked in an orange light. What was going on...? Still confused, my eyes roved over to find two shadows sitting on the couch. What were those? Squinting my eyes, I struggled to recognize them in the dim light, but instinct told me that it was my brother and best friend. But what were they doing in here alone? In a candlelit room of all places. Emily smiled at something Cam said, her pretty face highlighted like a picture in the little flames. Cam grinned back down at her, something about him seeming different. I was just fixing to call out and say hi, when Cam cradled Emily's face in one hand and leaned in close. Both their eyes started to close as Emily lifted her head up-

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" I screamed bloody-murder, stumbling backwards to where a candle precariously rocked in its saucer. Ew, gross! Gross, gross, gross!

Emily and Cam jumped apart from each other, my brother wheeling around to look at me in unconcealed horror. My stomach lurched inside of me and I could swear in that moment that I was going to puke up all that buttery-popcorn goodness that I devoured earlier. Please tell me that they weren't doing what I think they were doing! Oh please tell me that the candle made it hard to see things!

"What's going on!?" Bridgette shouted, barrelling into the room. Not noticing the lit candles, her arm shot over to flick on the light switch and the ceiling fans flashed on to blind those beneath it. Emily and Cam flinched, as though their eyeballs were being burned out. Well what a coincidence, because I was feeling the exact same way! Maybe now they understood my pain! Bridgette hurried over and put a hand on my shoulder. "What is happening Megan, are you okay?"

"Bu...uggch..." I choked out, unable to say words past my repulsion. Shaking, I rose an arm to point at the culprits.

Bridgette looked up, for the first time noticing them. Confusion dawned on her face and she looked closely at them. "Emily, Cam? What are you two doing here?" I think that she was starting to take in the candles lining.

A blush engulfed my brother's face and his eyes widened. "Um...uh..." he stammered. "Emily came over to ask for something, and then the lights went out and..."

"Cam, dear, don't you think this has been going on for long enough?" Emily loudly asked and rose gracefully from the couch, sauntering over to my brother. It was then that I noticed she was wearing her fancy red dress, the one that she only wore when she wanted to look like a solid ten. Still reeling in shock from her wardrobe, I was practically knocked to the ground when she leaned up on her tiptoes, resting her hands on my brother's shoulders, setting her chin on top. "We've been hiding this for months."

Months? Whatever they were talking about, what was it that they had to hide for months? But despite the questions running through my head, something in me already shouted the answer. It was obvious. From the way that she curled her body into him, from the scene I had walked into... Instantly I keeled over, arms wrapped around my stomach. Ohmigosh, forget the popcorn, it was the Junior Mints that became the enemy. I hardly doubted that they'd leave my breath so fresh coming back up.

"What...have you been hiding from us?" Bridgette asked, although I could tell by the off-kilter tone to her voice that she knew the answer already. Nauseated, I turned my head to look back at her. Her smooth face was pale, and her hazel eyes were as wide as saucers. She seemed aghast, shocked, blown away. But there was something else, something that I couldn't quite decipher. It turned her lips down at the corners, making her shocked expression marred by a frown. For the slightest moment, her eyes blinked over to me and I could swear that they seemed hurt. As if this was affecting her in completely different way than me. But then her eyes flicked forward again before I could decipher.

"Well, Bridgette...Megan," I could tell by the tone of her voice that this was her subtle way of telling me to look at her. Shoulders stiffened, I bit down on my bottom lips to keep from throwing up when I saw her. An easy smile spread on her face, and once again it made her look as though she belonged in a lipstick commercial. But there was a flicker of doubtful worry in her eyes. "I think it's time you both know. Cam and I...we have been seeing each other for a few months now."

My eyes widened. Oh...my...gosh...

OHMIGOSH, OHMIGOSH, OHMIGOSH!

"As in you two are dating?" I couldn't help but splutter out. Now my disgust found a way to morph itself into words, because I could hear it intertwine in there.

Emily slowly nodded, that confident smile slowly slipping off her face, while Cam on there other hand looked to the side. "Yes," he admitted quietly. "We are."

For a moment, all that I could was stand there, gaping silently at them. And for a girl who has a motor mouth that runs a mile a minute, this silence speaks volumes. Finally after a stretch of a few awkward seconds, Cam rose his eyes back up to me shamefully. "Meggars-"

That was when my voice finally processed in the words he said. "Oh gross!" I shouted and started pacing around the room, my hands glued to my ears. "Oh gross, oh gross, oh gross, oh gross, oh gross-"

"I knew that we should've waited longer," I could somehow hear Cam sigh over my complaints.

"We had to tell them sometime, dear," Emily shakily reassured him.

And that's when over my protests, my focus latched on the word dear. "Dear!?" I yelled angrily, spinning on her. "Did you just call him dear!?" Angrily I marched up to her. "In case you haven't noticed, my brother is a human not a fawn!"

"Megan, it's o-" Cam tried feebly to interject when I spun on him.

"And you!" I swung my condemning finger over to him and he flinched. "That's just wrong! You don't date your little sister's best friend!"

"I-" Cam faltered, when Emily stepped in, trying to cover for him

"Megan it's not his fault, I-"

"Shut up Girl-Codebreaker!" I quipped at her.

I could practically feel the utterly lost confusion radiating off of her in waves. "Girl-Codebreaker...?"

Exasperated I rolled my eyes. Figures. This just figures. Annoyed, I shifted my gaze from my brother over to her. Clearly I was going to have to spell this out to her. "Girl-Codebreaker..." I explained slowly. "As in you freaking broke the Girl Code!"

"I didn't even realize that there was one," she responded slowly.

But-what! What girl wasn't aware of the not-really-spoken laws that encircled our relationships? Stuff like this was sacred, it shouldn't have to be explained. Pfht, it was the same with how you aren't taught how to breathe. It's just ingrained naturally into your head, an automatic reaction. But clearly, this was one of those strange cases to where what is supposed to happen naturally has to be aided along. Loudly sighing, I displayed my closed fist in front of me, raising it in front of my face. "There are three basic rules regarding dating those who are are close to your best friend. One," I rose a finger, "you don't date their ex. Two: you don't date their crushes." I rose another finger. "And THREE: you DON'T date their BROTHER!"

Emily's eyes widened and she took a step book. But there was still that legendary spark in her eyes, rising to an inferno. "I don't see why it's that big of a deal."

"Oh!" I gasped loudly. "You don't see why it's that big of a deal," I turned to Bridgette and gestured to Emily with my thumb, pulling an incredulous face. "She doesn't see why it's that big of a deal!" Bridgette's face seemed remarkably pale and she barely blinked over to me. Something about her seemed off, sluggish. As though she was barely comprehending the scene in front of her. But I was too caught up in my theatrics to notice it really. Not lingering on it for too long, I spun dramatically back to Emily. "I'll tell you why it's 'that big of a deal'! It would be like me..." Suddenly my voice broke off as I realized that I had hit a dead end.

Poo...Emily is an only child. I couldn't shove the situation in her face except twist it to make it more personal for her. I couldn't pull an irony blow here. She wouldn't be able to understand my pain, not really. Grinding my teeth together, I did something rare and allowed a frown to pull down my lips.

"It would be like..." I racked my brain for scenarios, "if...Bridgette were to somehow become a dude, and then at the same time be your brother, and then I just turn around and date her! Er...I mean him!"

Behind me, I could hear Bridgette groan. "Do I have to be your hypothetical boyfriend?" she complained.

Overwhelmed, I spun over to her and gave her a good look in the face. Wow. I guess that this whole entire scene has affected her more than I thought. Now she's resorting to what she normally does when she's put under intense situations and that's become sarcastic. Annoyed, I puffed out my cheeks at her. "Bridgette, I am merely trying to find an antidote to remedy the situation!"

"Well you could do it a different way," she responded, fueling on her way of coping with things. "I mean, you could be more correct. Even if I were to be a boy and Emily's brother, I still wouldn't day cuz you're not my type. You like, negate all my qualities for if I wanted to date someone."

"Ah! You would be lucky to have a girl like me!" I stomped my foot. "Besides, that isn't the point," I waved it off the turned back around, adding under my breath. "Even if you were my hypothetical boyfriend, I'd probably only have one dinner date with you and then never call you back."

"What?" Bridgette asked in confusion.

"Oh, nothing!" I sang back at her then narrowed my eyes at Cam and Emily. Words could not describe how angry I was, how disgusting I found this whole thing to be. When did this start? I know how long it's been going on, but...what compelled them to do something as atrocious as this? When did they start to feel all mushy towards each other? That's when something terrible popped into my mind. Oh...my...gosh. What if back when Emily used to come over for playdates, Cam would only tag along because he had a secret crush on her! What if...he's been attracted to her since the very beginning when she walked through our front doors!? And what if Emily was the exact same way!?

My knees felt weak and I started to sway in my spot. "This is so...gross."

"Megs," Emily stepped forward.

"No!" I backed away. "Like...Oh my gosh. Have you guys held hands? Hugged each other?" That's when the image of the scene I walked into suddenly flared up in my mind. "Oh my freaking goodness, HAVE YOU GUYS KISSED!?"

"Meggars," Cam sighed and reached a hand out to me.

"Oh my gosh you have!" I yelled in realization and then I couldn't help it. An image of my best friend and brother kissing suddenly popped in my mind and it wouldn't go away. Oh no... I gagged and crumpled to the ground, feeling sick to the core. "Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, that's so gross," I moaned putting my head between my hands as I keeled over to the ground.

"Megan-"

"Now you guys are gonna start making googly eyes at each other all the time, and I'll have to look away and act as if I didn't see anything!"

"Megan-"

"And now I'll have to worry about where I walk in. I'll have to knock on every single door that I'm fixing to go into, or otherwise I run the risk of walking into a scene of you two making out!" I gasped in horror. "And then I'll have to go and bleach the bathroom after I throw up from the sight of that..."

"Megan-"

"And everything will just be so different, and...and..."

"Meggars," my brother's voice suddenly sliced through the ringing in my ears and I was shocked to feel his warm hand on my shoulder. Surprised, I looked up at him to see something about him seemed...different. Except it wasn't drastic, or huge. It was a change that's been there all along, but I only noticed it right now. As though a filmy layer has been peeled from my eyes. Startled, I blinked and rubbed my eyes, leaning back on my heels to look at him. Cam seemed so...happy. And blissful. And calm. I've never seen him this content or joyful in my entire life-ever. That doesn't mean that he's usually a downer or anything, it's just that all that joy of his seemed to be magnified and intensified in epic proportions. He seemed softer, kinder, and there was this light to his eyes that I've never noticed before. It was as though there was a little star, lighting my brother up from within. Seeing that he got my attention, Cam smiled and stroked my cheek happily. "Sis, I'm happy with Emily. I've never felt this way before. I'm sorry that we didn't tell you about it sooner, I hated keeping this from my favorite little girl, but I'm not sorry for dating her."

My mouth fell open, but then instantly closed when I realized that I had no words to say. Well poop. All that disgust, anger, and betrayal I had felt boiling inside of me since I stumbled in this room were already starting to lift away. I could never hold onto emotions like that for too long, but still-this? That whole entire meltdown I just had, all for nothing? Already, right then and there, from something as simple as looking my brother in the eye, I could tell that I was going to forgive this in no time. There would be no grudges held, no tongues stuck out in disgust. This, what had just happened in here, was going to fade away into an accidental blip in the past, a moment to laugh at later on. All this anger and revulsion...it was all for nothing. I was going to forgive them. Probably by tomorrow morning, I will already have accepted them as a couple. And in just a few days, I may even ship them, like how I do with fictional characters. In no time at all, my contempt for them two being together was going to change into adoration.

Ugh, how I despise my bipolar heart. Can't I settle on one emotion for more than just a few minutes?

Scoffing under my breath, I abruptly got up and marched off. "Bridgette, can you please come with me upstairs to my room before I start giving them my blessing?"

As I made my way to the stairs, my hand was just on the railing when I could my best friend's voice, sounding so strangely soft and timid. 'Yeah. Okay." Stunned by her voice, I turned back to look at her and found her giving one last glance to Cam. There was something unidentifiable in her expression, but there was one thing I could recognize. She seemed sad. Before I could puzzle over it for too long, she sighed and followed after me.

Up in my room, we did as many things as possible to distract us from what we had seen downstairs. But it wasn't too long before I was already thinking of just how adorable they made of a couple.

---

I turned around in my bed thinking. 'I really don't want to get up today. And I have to work on my term paper for my Forensics class.' I groaned, I hated writing essays they were the bane of my existence. And I feel a little off too...maybe I should take a sick day.

"Prisoner, get up everyones waiting for you." I heard and gruff voice say.

Prisoner? Oh, no. Did I go to that frat party last night and get drunk? And now there is a hungover frat boy in my room wanting to do a kinky role play scene? Not good, at all. Then I realized that this bed is not mine, mine is bigger and loads softer. Am I at his place? I cracked my eyes open warily, this place was so...empty. I turned my head toward the voice I had heard earlier. Wait, hold on a second. I looked closer at my surroundings, everything came back in a awful, choking, dark wave. I gasped as that newly torn hole throbbed and gave me a new meaning of pain. I rolled up the sleeve to my jumpsuit and was greeted with a starch white bandage on my arm. A wave of nausea hit me. I quickly yanked the sleeve back down, I don't want to look at that. Cuffs that were getting frighteningly familiar and a normal occurrence were snapped around my wrists.

"Oh, everyones waiting for me? I must be special." I simpered, finding that my usual sarcastic way to cope was still working. Even if just a little bit.

"Really special." He said putting weird emphasis in special, making it sound like a bad thing.

"Glad you're awake!" Harley said easily evading the guard trying to keep her in one place. "I was startin' to worry!" She closely examined me "You alright? Afta' Eddie carried you to the guards and they let him take ya to the infirmary, Red and I couldn't help but worry, you looked so...broken." Hmmm, that is exactly what i'm describing the way I feel.

"I'm...great." I said slowly looking over at Megan not even three feet away. A throb of irritation went through me, she was happily talking with Hatter. How can she be so naive? Nothing good was going to come from her encouraging him! I frowned they were both being careful not to look over here. Was Megan...no...thats so childish! But, thats what it looks like. Shes going to act like I don't exist and she has Hatter playing along too. I bit the inside of my cheek, that is one of the worst things that she can do to me. I would take it so much better if she sent me deadly glares or looked at me with a torn apart expression. But acting like I don't exist...

"Yes, you seem so great that you practically glow." Edward deadpanned, I turned my head and took the sight of him in reddish brown hair, emerald green eyes, the condescending holier than thou expression that he had specifically directed towards Megan, horrible orange green jumpsuit that only Ivy seemed to be able to pull off. And a pleasant warm fluttery feeling filled me at the sight of him it was like a drink of ice cold water in the middle of a desert, a feeling that I was far from familiar with.

"I'm glad to know you know the art of sarcasm. Now I can sleep soundly." Okay so I might have a sarcasm problem, so what? It it only might get me killed in the future when i'm held hostage, or something or other. Not that big a deal.

"I also know the art of torture," He said and with one of his cuffed hands squeezed my forearm. I jumped not liking the hurtful sore feeling that went up my arm. I huffed and pulled my arm out of his grasp. He smirked down at me and said, "So I suggest that you don't sleep too soundly."

"So is this how its going to be? Everytime I annoy you, I get to feel pain?" I asked that weird warm fluttery feeling didn't go away, it was...well...weird. Go away fluttery feeling, its not right for me to feel pleasant emotions right now, especially when I don't really know what it is.

"More or less." He said a pleased look on his face.

"At least I know what to expect." Is it bad that I don't mind (A whole lot) that he does that?

"Harley," Megan's voice made its way over to us. "When do we take showers?" I blinked I was standing just slightly in front of Harley and it was like Megan was looking right through me, like I wasn't there. That unpleasant hole in my chest throbbed painfully, and anger quickly followed. Well, I wonder if she will see this. I turned around and pressed a slightly lingering kiss on Edwards cheek. He was standing directly in her line of vision so I knew she saw it. Edwards cheeks turned just the slightest shade of pink. I turned around and looked right at Megan her face registered an unpleasant emotion, yet seconds later the expression vanished.

Harley cocked her head to the side in confusion for a long second and said. "We are going to have one today, before we go to the rec room."

I narrowed my eyes at Megan, she doesn't have to act like that! So I decided to hit the same rung that she was, and since it seems Hatter is the easiest for me to get to, i'll just exploit that. I walked toward him and got as close as I dared and said. "Shes only using you." Then I flicked his nose and walked away with the others to the Mess Hall. I made a face at my hand and wiped it on my jumpsuit. I want my best friend back! I feel like my heart had been ripped out, torn to shreds, stomped on, kicked, and shoved back into my body without a care.

I heard him say. "Alice," an obvious whine in his face.

"Remember our game." Was all she responded. I scoffed disbelievingly so shes playing a game? Really, I can play too. And I have a way that I can enjoy it too, I wonder if Edward has ever had a girlfriend. I pursed my lips the thought left a sour taste in my mouth for some unfathomable reason, well not too unfathomable.

"Ivy," I called out she was...lecturing? Jonathan. Man, all sorts of weird stuff is going on. Like me losing my best friend for as long as I can remember, my eyes stung. No, once is enough I can't do that again. I won't let myself. "I have a question." I went to stand next to her she gave me a small smile and lightly took my elbow and steered me away from Jonathan.

"What is it, Gardenia?" She asked.

"Well, i've been wondering, you have this immunity to toxins and such. So, is it possible for you to get drunk? Cause alcohol is a toxin." I looked at her and she critically looked me up and down.

"And what made you want to ask that?" She asked me had made our way into the Mess Hall she had examined me for a lot longer than I thought because before I knew it we were sitting at our normal table.

"Um, because. The only other thing that is keeping my mind off of," I swallowed around the lump forming in my throat. "Everything, is..." I paused my eyes widened and my face flushed. I can't believe I almost said that out loud! I can't go yelling about my little, thoughts concerning...someone. A riddle loving someone. "Stuff, and I want other things to think about." I said quickly. Please let no one catch on to that. Please, please, please.

"I think that sentence was going in a different direction." Jonathan said from a few Rogues away.

"Ha, ha. No it wasn't!" I squeaked uncomfortably. "It went in a...direction."

"Ok shower time everyone lets go!" Wow, time is really going by fast! Good thing too.

I breathed with relief, I knew that Jonathan would say something else, or someone else would. "Oh! Showers yay!" I said nervously. Oh God, I really need to tone it down! I'm getting weird looks, weird looks, bad. I snuck a look at Megan she was looking anywhere but in my direction, my breathing sped up as I struggled to keep from doing anything like...yelling at her to cut it out, then burst into tears...again.

"You seem nervous. What were you about to say?" Jonathan pressed. My head started to pound with a skull-splitting headache and spots started to dance across my vision, and I thought I saw something out of the corner of my eye. I jumped in my seat.

"I'm not nervous! What makes you think i'm nervous!?" My voice was a few octaves higher than usual. "I said what I meant! I am not hiding anything! Quit accusing me!" Why am I acting so weird!? "Do any of you think its hot? Its hot in here." I nodded my head agreeing with my own comment. My body felt all over flushed and uncomfortable.

"B, are you feeling ok?" Harley asked a tiny frown on her face. She leaned across Joker and pressed a hand on my forehead. "You feel warm." She said. "I think you have a fever."

"Don't be ridiculous!" I exclaimed just a little too loudly. "I'm completely fine!" I stood from my seat and swayed just a little. "I'm fine." I repeated "Not one little thing wrong. In a hypothetical sense...in...a...kind...of...way." I blinked rapidly a couple of times. "I'm not nervous." I said once again and quickly strode after the guard already walking toward the showers. I thought of something, I spun back around quickly and pointed a shaky finger at all the Rogues individually hopefully threateningly, they were all looking at me weird. "I'm not sick or anything like that. So...no...infirmary. I've had enough of that." I spun back around with a slight sway. It was really hot in here, and on top of that the new found hole in my chest started to feel like it was getting bigger and bigger. "I just need a shower. That is all I need." I whispered to myself. "I'm used to taking two showers a day and now i'm only taking one every OTHER day. Ugh..." I moaned, and I felt a thin layer of sweat spring up all over my body, and an odd shaky sickish feeling started worming its way through my limbs.

I hated those days when you'd wake up, and something felt strange. Off. As though during the night, one of your intestines had decided to twist itself the wrong way, or a kidney decided to dislocate itself inside of you, and rattle around freely inside your stomach. Or as though your heart had suddenly torn in two... Ugh, whatever this strangeness was, I hated it. I didn't feel like myself. It's like I had to twist every single thing into some joke or I'd lose myself. It's like I couldn't stop smiling, not for even one second or else this abnormal emotion would rise up and consume me. Like I was standing chest-deep in a pit of quicksand, trying my best to not sink any further.

Unless your head is already under. Unless you've already sunk too far.

No. No that's not it. I'd be able to tell if I was head deep under some quicksand wouldn't I? I mean...I'm not that desensitized. I may not exactly be whole anymore, but the part of me that's left knows full well that I'm perfectly sane. Stable. So what if I'm incomplete? Some of the best things in the world don't come as whole, but little fractions...like pie. Yeah, that's it! I'm just like pie! One slice just as good as the next. Just because a pie is missing a quarter of it's deliciousness doesn't make it any less yummy, now does it?

Yeah, I thought happily to myself. I am pie...I am only pie.

The thought brought a smile to my face as I considered over whether I would be cherry or apple flavored. Because I love them both. Like a lot. They're both my favorites. Especially with whipped cream on top.

Just listen to yourself. You're only spouting the most random colorful thoughts to distract yourself from what's really going on. The pain. It's not something that can be held off by food fantasies.

Pain? What pain? And it's perfectly logical to have food fantasies in here, the gourmet isn't exactly five stars!I retorted angrily to the obnoxious voice in my head.

Cut the crap, not even you're buying it. You know what pain I'm talking about. You're feeling it right now, coursing through your veins, weighing down heavily on your bones. That's why you woke up feeling so unusual today, is it not?

No! The reason why I woke up feeling so strange today was because...because... Suddenly it called to my attention how gross I felt, as though my skin was replaced by a layer of grime. Ah-ha! The reason why I felt so off today was because I was just so freakin filthy! That's it! Man, it's only natural for a body to respond this way when it feels so dirty, right? It's like...evolution for the neat freaks.

Liar. Think back to this morning. When you woke up. Think back to how you felt.

What? So...the lights turned back on and I began to wake up... And then I was escorted out into the hallway...

No, no, no; before that. Before you left your cell. You weren't facing the gate when the lights turned on right?

Well no... I was just waking up when my gate opened. And then I opened my eyes and flipped over, and-

And what? What did you see?

I...automatically looked for golden hair. I already had a tease to say. But...all I saw was gray hair. Not him. Not Goldilocks.

Something made me uncomfortable and I shied away from that thought. No, I promised myself that I was finished with stupid guilt emotions. So that's not why I feel this way. I've moved on from that fiasco already.

Hm...not that I believe you. You're so pathetic, you know that? Well fine, how about afterwards? When you stepped out into the hallway?

Well, I started saying a joke to lighten the mood. To blot out the shadows. Joker laughed and Riddler groaned in annoyance. It was worth it though. I had felt so bubbly then. But then-

Then?

Then I saw Hatter... And I felt so disgusted, like I could puke out all my insides. But I didn't. I couldn't. I still had to use him! And then he saw me and...and smiled so happily. Still thinking that I'm a perfect girl whose name is Alice. And he laughed, asking if...if I still remembered our little game.

Oh yes. Your childish little game. What is the point of it anyways? I seem to have forgotten the objective...was it to ignore Bridgette? Your ex-best friend who hates your guts?

Bright white light slashed across the inside of my head, making everything agonizingly painful for a second. Unbearable pain suddenly flared up like a blazing inferno. Oh my gosh...oh my gosh, oh my gosh... Nausea hit me and I gagged, feeling suddenly as though I was a walking empty shell.

Ah. X marks the spot right?

No... Oh my gosh, NO! If she doesn't care about me, then I don't care about her! I...she...she's not the reason that I'm like this right now! She's inflicted enough pain on me, there's no need to have an excessive amount!

Oh, but that makes you square doesn't it? You ruined her life. It's only her turn. That's what's fair.

Shut up! Besides...even just thinking these thoughts could make me lose the game...

Ooh I forgot! This is a high risk game isn't it? If you lose, then you have to have a tea-party with Hatter. Haha, it would be pretty hard for him to not notice that you're not Alice by then right? It's a battle for your life really.

No, it isn't! God, put like that, it sounds like Russian Roulette. I'm just ignoring her. I only have the little wager with Hatter for the kicks of it. Who all can say that they've run a gamble with a Rogue? This is a good story in potential! It's not suicidal.

Uh-huh. Sure it isn't, let's go with that. But there's one thing it is for sure: an excuse. Now you feel as though you have a legitimate reason for not noticing her. This separation is different from the others... You want an excuse to run away from your pain. You can't let this go though, because it's holding onto you. This agony isn't going to go away by a simple act of shunning someone that you care about.

AUGH! It wasn't like that! I wasn't that affected!

I'm not the way I am because of Bridgette! I am Megan Lane! The girl who doesn't get attached, doesn't linger on someone for too long, who NEVER allows ANYONE to hold her back! As if I'm sad because of losing my best friend! I...I've lost plenty of friends before. Shouldn't all of them combined add up to this one catastrophic blow?

Wait, I did not just say that it was catastrophic. Because it wasn't! My...my heart is made of steel. It cannot be broken!

Yes. Keep on lying to yourself. That obviously works marvelously for you.

SHUT UP! I screamed mentally. Besides, I don't even have voices in my head! You don't exist!

Oh really, Megan? Before I leave, I'll ask you one question. If you don't have voices in your head...then why am I here?

I opened my mouth in shock, stopping in the hallway. Behind me, Harley rammed into my back, causing our short line of four to almost fracture off. Annoyed, I clamped my teeth down on my bottom lip. Agitation rose up inside of me like a devastating storm. Oh so many things about me became sickly twisted in here, but no... I was NOT going INSANE! I wasn't crazy!

Ivy turned around to look at me in question. Angrily I puffed out my cheeks, glaring down at the floor. "Liar," I boasted. "I just need a shower. That's why I feel weird."

Man, the stupid voice! Thinking that it knew me, thinking that it knew why something inside me just didn't feel right. If I didn't know, it'd be highly unfair if an apparition did. It'd be so stupid and I refuse to accept that! I choose my fate! I pave my destiny! And I can decide what I feel!

"What?" Ivy asked in confusion.

"Oh nothing!" I sang, and just like that-it all switched. The anger, frustration, and gloom-all wiped clean from something as simple as a smile. No one should underestimate the power of a smile. It can change tides, move mountains, it can manipulate your heart like the cruddy instrument it is. Gleefully, I laughed. How true!

Ivy looked down at me warily. "Rosebud...you're doing it again."

Doing what? Saving myself from dark emotions? Proving to myself that I'm still Megan Lane, the girls who controls her own life? Interested, I shook my head and laughed. Tilting my head back, I started singing my brother's song and waltzed through the hallway.

---

It's the small things that make life joyful really. You can win a million dollars, live in the house of your dreams, buy the car you always wanted, yet still look in the mirror with disgusted contempt. You could have everything in the world, but not really have anything at all. And so, that's why I find it so easy to be swept away on a wave of euphoria. It didn't matter that the cold water pelted down on my back like tiny daggers. It didn't matter that the soap didn't smell absolutely wonderful. It didn't matter that I got curious stares from the multiple inmates in there from my singing. Discretion is no longer needed really? Perhaps all these people needed to be graced by my brother's song, so really in the end, my singing is saving them. Or at least...those who can link themselves with intoxicating melody. Only those will ever truly know salvation.

The shower felt like a cool rain that comes down in sheets during summers. That kind that sweeps away all the hot and leaves behind a wonderful sense of new. As though all the bad had been washed away clean by Heaven's tears. As though we could begin anew again, a second chance. All the grime and sweat ran off of me and swirled down the drain, out of sight. Bubbles tickled my toes and I giggled in glee.

Perhaps this sounds strange, but I prefer rain over shine. I can twirl and dance in the rain, singing happily as raindrops trickle on my tongue. Rain is so breathtakingly beautiful. It brings out a side in me that usually hibernates.

Everything seems so bright and sparkly when it's drenched in rain. Poetry tingles in anxiety when the clouds turn gray.

If only...I could remain in the shower for a bit longer...wipe myself completely clean with soap and water. If only...

"I didn't think that you were the type to sing in the shower, Meg!" Harley commented as the water automatically shut off. It was timed. Just like everything else was. Life was a ticking clock with a hand that never stopped moving.

Blankly I looked up at the showerhead, watching the last few drops trickle out of it slowly. I closed my eyes and tilted my head back, trying to soak in the water as though I was a sponge.

"Oh please Harls, she's exactly the type to do that. I can see her as the person who sings along to the radio in her car every morning," Ivy responded, and I could hear the half-turned up smile in her voice.

"That's half right Ivy," I said with a smile on my face, even though the last drips of water trickled to a stop. "I do sing along to the radio, but not in my car. I don't exactly have a car. I can't drive."

"Honestly!?" Harle nearly screamed in shock. "How in the world did ya get around Gotham then?"

Suddenly my eyes popped open, and I observed the tiled wall in front of me listlessly. There was an aching that suddenly stabbed through the hole in my chest. "I had...a chauffeur." Without saying anything else, I spun around and padded over to the rack where the towels were. Carefully, I averted my eyes to the ground as I wrapped the towel around me, avoiding a particular spot in front of me where an old ghost stood looking at me.

The game...it's all the game. Not psychological reasons. Not because I was hurt. Just because...of the game.

"Ooh, that must've been hard!" Harley exclaimed. "Not near as much freedom that way."

Nonchalantly I shrugged. "I survived," I said, and made sure to add a bright smile at the end of the sentence. Shaking droplets out of my soaking hair, I walked over to the mirrors on the other side of the room, where all the other prisoners who were over there scrambled away. For a moment, I looked after them in shock. Huh. Wonder what that was about.

Shaking it off, I waltzed over to be right in front of a mirror. Steam clouded the mirror, and I swiped a hand across the warm surface. Moisture dripped down my splayed fingers. Detached, I observed myself closely, pushing a stand out of my face to leave a leet slick on my forehead. Hm...I seemed really different. I couldn't quite place it, but something about me had...changed. It wasn't the shadows under my eyes, or my sunken cheeks. It wasn't even the way that my eyes seemed to be black, as though my pupils had devoured my corneas. I don't think that it was something physical. Furrowing my arched eyebrows, I leaned in closer to glare at my pale complexion. Curiously I tested out a smile, standard Megan one- where the top row of my teeth were perfectly visible. Usually, that ignited an automatic spark that gleamed in my eyes. But now...it was dead. All dead. Unsatisfied, I leaned back. Okay, so not that smile. Maybe a different one? Desperately I attempted lifting the right corner of my mouth in a smirk-

Suddenly the image warped, my hair lightening, and my face elongating. Gasping, I stumbled back, a scream fighting to tear out my throat, but all that I could do was stare. Familiar eyes, the eyes of a ghost, looked evenly back at me, devoid of any emotion. Oh my gosh...oh my gosh. It was..Her. But not Her at the same time. It was the stranger that took her place in the end, that warped her terribly, that eroded her inside out. It was the alien who sucked all beauty out of her, inside out, in every single way possible. No...no... Horrified I reached out a trembled finger to touch her, but she didn't raise a hand. A cool smirk turned up her pale lips as I glimpsed across her nose. My mouth fell open. No...no...

"NOOOOOOO!" I screamed in horror, arm whipping out before I could help it.

"Megan!" shouted a voice, but it was too late.

Skin collided with glass, broken blood covered shards exploding out. Pain tore through my knuckles as the glass came showering down, blood sliding down to the wet tiles below. Raggedly I panted, looking at the mirror to find...me. Except for it wasn't me, but a monster with a thousand faces, spindly cracks marring its face into different parts. My throat felt raw and I shook my head. No. No, but I saw Her. I know I did! With a raw throat, I collapsed down on my knees, leaning forward on my hands. Glass cut my palms, but it did nothing. Not pain. Not a rush. Only blood.

"Megan," came a voice, unidentifiable past the ringing in my ears. There was a hand on my shoulder but I barely felt it.

Shaking uncontrollably, I rose my hands to look at them, gaping at the red cuts that carved new wrinkles on my palm. Glass remain stuck to my skin, ruby blood glistening on it like a precious jewel. Hysterically, I maniacally grinned down at the jagged fragments. I'm not insane. I'm not insane, I'm not insane, I'm not insane. Automatic homeostasis kicked in, an urge to balance things out. To get the pendulum swinging the other way. "Oh my!" I said, laughing at the broken glass. "Isn't this just beautiful!" The hand tensed on my shoulder and pulled away, leaving behind nothing. Joyfully, I wrapped my arms around my stomach, closing my eyes as I giggled. I was ruining this once unstained perfectly raggy towel, but not all things last forever right? "This is all just beautiful! All so beautiful!"

And all the voices inside of me seemed to sing along in agreement.

I stared at Megans back eyes wide, as soon as she said the word beautiful I had retracted my hand from her shoulder. To my dismay as soon as she said it disgust filled me and I jerked my hand away from her like her skin was on fire or slathered in acid. I clutched my towel tightly to my chest, two nurses helped her stand and sat her on a bench they quickly cleaned her cuts and took out the pieces of glass. One of the two nurses came closer to where I was standing and got a clean towel and a tube of antiseptic cream and a roll of bandages oddly they were right next to the carefully folded towels.

"They aren't too deep. But, in a few hours we'll take her back to the infirmary to change the bandages." One of the nurses commented once she finished wrapping the bandages around Megans wounds.

"Meg!" Harley said worriedly "Why did ya do that!?" I swallowed hard unable to tone down my feeling of disgust. I then realized that my throat felt like it was on fire, and that it was actually kind of hard to swallow. I blindly reached out one of my arms to brace myself on the wall, that shaky sickish feeling seeping back into my limbs. I took a deep breath, it's only because of what Megan said. And that awful hole that I have. I pushed my hand off of the wall and started to get dressed in a clean jumpsuit and Arkham issued underwear. The nurses helped Megan get dressed so that the bandages stayed in place. I finished dressing shortly after Harley and Ivy, the four of us were ushered out of the showers and were getting lead to the rec room for some 'free time'. We are more than halfway there when I notice that my skin feels clammy and little pieces of hair are sticking to my skin and even though I just finished showering and my hair was still slightly damp, my skin was already coated with a thin sheet of sweat, and I felt hot and cold at the same time. How can someone be hot and cold at the same time? That is pretty much impossible.

"Gardenia, you really don't look too good. I think you should go to the infirmary." Ivy spoke up behind me.

"Ya, Red's right." Harley chimed in I could imagine her bobbing her head. "I still think you have a fever."

"I'm fine," I said "Better yet i'm perfect. No infirmary, and besides I rarely get sick. So, no worries." My reassurance went for naught because my voice sounded scratchy and kind of nasally. The doors the the rec room opened to admit us in and I caught Harley and Ivy sharing a look. I might have been imagining things but it looked like a plotting look. I frowned slightly and scanned the room, I desperately needed a place to sit. The beat up couch was already occupied by one of my now favorite Rouges, Edward. Right now, just the sight of him makes the hurt and incredible loss feel not as bad it just shaved off a little of the feeling of falling thousands of feet without a parachute. But, less was good. I'm actually hating myself because of that, no one sane can find solace in a Rouge. Not many insane either for a matter of fact. I really don't want him to be able to do that. I wish he would instill incredible levels of wariness and fear in me so that I wouldn't have to seek him for comfort. I wish Megan wasn't acting like I don't exist. People say things when they are angry all the time!

I quietly groaned/whimpered as I went toward the couch it felt like the temperature was rapidly increasing in the rec room. How come no one was acting like it affected them!? It was like a furnace in here! I sat down on the opposite side of the couch as Edward I don't think I could stand body heat as well as the furnace like quality of the room.

"Where is it!?" Hatter cried hysterically "Alice, do you know where it is?" I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. What in the world is his problem now!? He was over by the bookshelf frantically looking for something, he soon started tossing other books over his shoulder as he searched for what ever it was. He looked like he was on the brink of a panic attack.

"What's got you so frazzled, Tetch?" Joker asked a delighted grotesque grin on his face, as Hatter started to pull on his hair in desperation.

"Its gone! Someone took it!" He looked around the room eyes carefully avoiding the area I was sitting at.

"He can't find the Alice in Wonderland book." Jonathan said watching Hatter have a breakdown with mild interest.

Edward scoffed and raised his eyes from the crossword he was focusing on twirling the stick of coal in his hands. The right side of his mouth quirked up in a smirk. "It would be him to lose his grip just for that."

"I seem to recall that you can react in the same way if you don't leave a riddle for Batman and his squad." Jonathan said quirking one of his eyebrows and looking Edward straight on. I couldn't help it I glared at Jonathan he saw me out of the corner of his eye and moved his gaze to me. "You don't look too good." He commented.

"I'm fine!" I snapped at him. "How many times do I have to say it?" I muttered and sucked in a deep breath gathering up the willpower to stand and walk over to the bookshelf. I summoned up my low source of energy and stood keeping myself as steady as I could (Which sadly wasn't very. How exactly did this occur?) as I walked to my intended destination. Hatter was so caught up in avoiding looking at me he didn't notice me walking over. I stood on my toes and placed my hand on top of the bookshelf, with a small "Ah, ha!" I took down the book I placed up there some amount of days ago.

Hatter had jumped startled when I made my quiet exclamation before he could take two steps I shoved the book in his face. Practically rubbing his face with it. "Look what I found." I sang with my slightly nasally voice. A desperate look overtook his face. I pulled the book back and leafed it open. "You know this part always confused me." I said "Oh well," I ripped some pages out of the book and let them flutter to the ground. I must be delusional because never in my wildest dreams would I ever tear a book apart ever! "And this part always annoyed me." I showed Hatter the with the picture of the Mad Hatter on it. I tore that page out of the book and crumpled it in my hand. The room was starting to get really cold so cold that I started to shiver."Here you go!" I said trying to ignore the polar temperature of the room. I tossed the book at Hatter it hit him in the face and fell with a thump to the ground. He stared at it, and slowly bent down to the floor, reaching out to pick up the torn out pages. I turned around wrapping my arms around myself, can't this room stay one temperature!? And how come i'm the only one that is noticing it!?

I sucked in a startled breath as I saw something dark in the corner of my eye. I turned my head toward it, there was nothing there. I lightly shook my head. Now i'm seeing things. "I'm coming for you." A voice whispered in my ear. I yelped and took a shaky step to the side. "You're going to suffer."

"Its nothing." I told myself. "Its nothing." My legs started to shake from holding my weight for so long, I quickly walked back to the couch the same dark thing lurking in the corner of my vision. And the room was so cold. I needed something...someone, so instead of sitting on my own side of the couch. I sat as close to Edward as I could get turning my head into his shoulder, curling my legs up onto the couch and to my chest, and gripping his arm tightly like he was a life line. My whole body felt shaky, and I felt so weak like if I stood up I would collapse into a heap on the floor, my throat felt like there were sharp red-hot pieces of metal in it, and my nose was starting to be a bad way to breathe because it was as if it were completely blocked off from my airways. I wanted to stay here and just take a nap, Edward was so comfy, and warm, unlike the temperature in the room. It felt like I was in my own fuzzy muffled bubble, and the only thing remotely normal was Edward, mostly because I was practically on his lap. And a quiet voice in the back of my mind was saying "You wouldn't even think about doing this under normal circumstances. And it would be a good thing to pay attention!' But, I just feel so...ugh, awful. I feel so...distant like my consciousness has decided to observe from the back of my mind, at a distance, and i'm not really in full control. And I felt so sluggish and noodle like.

A heartbroken whimper came to my attention, and I looked up from what I was doing over to Hatter. He was pathetically curled over a torn up book, fat tears sliding down his oily face in despair. Sobs shook his body as he picked up shredded papers, clutching onto them heartbrokenly as he let out twisted cries. For a moment, I looked at him curiously, slightly shocked from his absolute anguish. So...I guess that he found his precious Alice in Wonderland book. Bawling, he attempted stuffing the pages back into their spine, sniveling brokenly.

Lightly I sighed under my breath. I guess that I can observe my bandages later. It's not as though the cuts are going to magically heal in a span of minutes right? I still have some time to admire them. Rising up, I walked over to Hatter smoothly, crouching before him.

"Hey," I whispered softly, and reached out a hand to gently place it on the corner of the damaged book. "Hey, what's wrong?"

There are some things that I can absolutely not stand in life, and one of them is to watch people drowning in gloom. Honestly. If I hate going through it myself, the act of watching it is torture also. Sadness...the world can do without sadness right? I can make it my personal mission to try and force some sunshine into the darkest shadows, bring a smile to the most scarred faces. I mean...it was that way before I came here. Anytime I saw a person who seemed to be down, I'd waltz right up to them, and wouldn't leave until I made a smile creep onto their face.

Ah yes, but things can change?

Ignoring the snide voice, I bit down on my lip as Hatter rose his watery eyes up to me. Agony marked a devastated pout on his face as tears poured down like waterfalls. "Oh Alice!" he exclaimed brokenly. "It's terrible!" And he brandished the tattered book to me, displaying it with trembling hands.

Accepting it, I cradled the book in my hands, looking down at with a note of sadness. What a waste. A perfectly good book, torn to shreds. Lightly I rose my fingers to touch a picture of the little girl Alice, walking down a pathway with the Cheshire Cat dangling leisurely on a branch. The story of Wonderland always confused me a bit. Don't get me wrong, it's extremely fascinating, but...the craziness of it all is hard to grasp. Now though...I find myself lining up with the absurdity with ease, falling into the wonderful spell that is whimsical nonsense. I've always been eccentric. It was just part of my personality. But as I held the book in my hands, I found myself craving it. As though weirdness was now my air, as though normalcy was absolute torture. If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't.

"Who did this?" I asked quietly. Something felt as though it was peeling away from me, floating up above. And this part was laughing in marvel.

"T-t-the Red Queen!" he cried.

Slowly I blinked up at him. Wait...no. That was wrong. Bridgette would never tear apart a book-ever! The girl who used to be my best friend would never do something as awful as that! "The Red Queen did this? Why?"

"I don't know!" he exclaimed through his tears. "She just came up and did this!" His voice splintered off into a devastated sob. Suddenly this look of horror crossed him and his eyes widened. Before I could follow him his hands shot out and grasped my wrists. A shiver of terror shot up me as he leaned in close, sweat beading on his forehead as he panted. "I-I didn't break the game Alice! She came up to me! I didn't do anything to her, nothing at all Alice."

"I-I believe you," I responded quickly, trying to remove my hands as quickly as possible without unsettling him. But he didn't accept that, his fingers became so tight that honest pain flared up my arm. But the wonder of that was subdued when it came from him and I awkwardly squirmed.

"So I didn't break the rules!" he insistently repeated.

"I heard you the first time," I smiled, but it felt forced. As though my lips were being did I have to seem like Alice to him? I'll never understand. What qualified me as being the curious little girl that fell through a rabbit hole and stepped through the looking glass? Nothing about my physique nodded to being Alice; I had dark brown hair and eyes such a deep brown that they could seem black at certain times. I wasn't even wearing blue when I first saw him.

Some things just don't make sense. Including...why was I still bothering with him? What was I going to gain from this ludicrous?

His eyes bugged out and he let out a relieved sigh, settling back onto his heels happily. "Oh good," he exhaled. "Good."

Lightly I nodded, wishing that he'd let go of me. My eyes drifted to the side where the metal bookshelf was. The cool silver reflected off the light, but past the glare I could see a warped reflection of the rec room. Everything was bended and out of proportions, but...it wasn't twisted enough to where I couldn't make sense of it. Because there, on the couch was...Bridgette...practically sitting on top of a blushing Riddler. My stomach felt uneasy and I swayed on my knees. Oh my gosh...oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh. This was no longer the girl who was my best friend. This was someone so drastically example, Bridgette would never tear up a book! She loved books, she had this absolute adoration for the written word! What in the world would even compel her to do that?

Feeling that strangeness overwhelm me again, I turned my head forward before Hatter could catch the focus of my stare. Why did my heart feel so strange?It wasn't really broken, hearts can't actually break. That's just a hyperbole created by overdramatic souls. It's all in my mind. An idea created in my head. I wasn't really affected by this, my body just decided to act weird all the sudden!

"The Red Queen hurt Alice, didn't she?" Hatter asked softly.

"What?" I asked, blinking up at him.

"You're not so happy as you usually are Alice. I can't see Alice's smile, it's hidden away!"

"No Hatter, I'm just fine!" I frantically shook my head. "Honestly, I-"

"Alice, lying is very bad," he scolded. "You don't ever have to lie to me! I'll fix it for you."

With that he stood up and I looked up at him, mouth falling open. "What? What do you mean by that?"

"Do not worry Ms. Liddell," he assured me, giving one final squeeze of my wrists. Quietly, he dropped his face to a whisper, leaning forward to my ear. "You win the game."

What? No...NO!

"Hatter!" I yelled, spinning around to reach out to him, but he was away from my grasp.

Determinedly he marched over to the couch, holding a town piece of paper in his clenched hand.

I felt like I was drifting round, in my head here, but not really. I knew I tore up that book, and that I was almost sitting on Edwards lap, two things that I never would have done under any kind of circumstances. But, right now all I wanted was a cozy quilt and a nap, I just needed to sleep and I would feel SO MUCH better. And I refuse to admit that I know i'm getting sick, cause i'm not. I think someone was saying something to me when I was suddenly yanked up from my oh so comfortable spot on the couch next to a comfy Edward.

"You tyrant! Always hurting Alice, well this time i'm going to make sure that you don't do it ever again!" I tried to focus on the person who was yelling at me the words seemed muffled like my ears were stuffed with cotton. It took the words; "Red Queen you won't hurt Alice!" and some long seconds of the person holding me up and shaking a torn piece of paper in front of my face for me the finally figure out who was gripping my arms so tight. I knew there were going to be hand shaped bruises there later. Hatter. "You have done enough evil, tearing up The Book, and hurting Alice so many times." Wait, I tore up a book? When did that happen!? I would never do that, I love books I freak out when a small tear or a little bend is in a book! I once cried when I turned a page so fast a teeny tiny tear appeared in the page. I gave one of my teachers a lecture when they dog-eared a page in a textbook, a textbook!

"What? What are you talking about?" My voice sounded weak even to me it was hardly a whisper, I wasn't even sure that he heard it.

"You have done enough, Red Queen." He actually sounded kind of scary when he said that. He shook me violently and my head snapped back and forth painfully, I couldn't find strength enough to try and keep it still. He shoved me down and my head connected with the stand holding the staticy TV. I cried out, pain flaring through my skull collapsing on the ground I tried to lift myself up but my limbs were so shaky and I could barely breathe like when mucus clogs up your nasal passages and even breathing through your mouth is kinda hard. I was practically panting trying to get the right amount of oxygen. Something hard and COMPLETELY solid collided with my side and the amount of oxygen that I was able to get was promptly knocked out of my lungs.

"Hatter, I don't even remember tearing up a book!" I said desperately, I didn't want to do this right now! I could hardly stay conscious, much less even try to fight back! I think I might have the flu... "And I really never..." I was cut off by Hatter grabbing me by the hair and yanking me up to look at him. He harshly turned my head to look at Megan, she had a horrified look on her face and was starting to tremble a little.

"Look at what you did to my poor Alice. I'm doing this for her, after this she'll love me, for getting rid of what's hurting her." He said Alice tenderly and his expression softened when he looked at her. "I'm going to make her happy." He let go of my hair and slammed me down on my back. I caught sight of one of his hands that had gripped my hair, it was coated in blood. I let out a strangled horrified gasp, oh my God, I'm bleeding!

"Hatter, plea-" His hands gripped my throat tightly and he straddled my torso, dropping all his weight on me. I could feel his hands slip slightly on my neck slick from the blood, he tightened his grip. I tried to buck his heavy body off of me but, I couldn't, I just couldn't he was so heavy and I was so tired! I grabbed his hands desperately clawing at them, I left red welts leaking small droplets of ruby red blood, his grip didn't falter.

"HATTER!" Someone screamed, terrified.

"Get off of her."

"Mistah J, I hafta do somethin'! Red!"

I was going to die! I don't want to, I don't want to die! I have to do something! I shut my eyes tightly what do I do!? "Please." I whimpered barely able to form the word, I don't even think any sound came out. I have to...

"I said: Get off of her," Riddler repeated and suddenly he was looming over Hatter. Before anyone could grasp what was even going on, he grabbed a fistful of Hatter's jumpsuit collar in his hand and threw him across the room.

A scream escaped my lips before I could help it, not for Hatter's sake but for Bridgette's. Oh my gosh, Bridgette. Cuts criss crossed her face, ruby red blood coming out of the strangest of ...NO, what did Hatter do!? Instantly my body started towards her, but I stopped myself. What was I doing? I promised Bridgette that I would leave her alone. I promised her no more pain.

And yet despite me severing my best friend from my side, despite me desperately avoiding so much as even looking at her, despite me having Hatter swear up and down that he wouldn't touch her-THIS still happened!

What can I do? I'm hurting Bridgette! I wasn't the one who threw the punches, who slammed her across the room, but I was the one who caused it. ME! I'm a monster! That's when the saddest truth settled in, something that knocked my breath away. Oh my gosh...Bridgette was right...I ruined her life. Every single freaking aspect of her life-I tainted it! I warped her life, forcing it to weld into mine, blotting out everything about her until it was about me, all about me, me, me. And that's when I remembered the one time She had managed to drag me and Bridgette to the Narrows, how we had almost been mugged when Bridgette amazingly gave up her life for me. She didn't even think once about herself! She only focused on keeping herself safe- ME, the person who least deserved it! The automatic response for self defense didn't even pop up once in her head, instead she had helped in me in escaped, fixing to fend off those god-awful people all by herself. Bridgette almost died because of stupid, selfish, idiotic, me! If Batman and Robin hadn't swooped in, I have no clue what would've happened to her!

Why am I only realizing this now!? I think in horror.

Because you're a selfish little demon, monster. You never thought once about her emotions did you? In the entire course of your so called 'friendship' you didn't take into account her half of the story.

Oh gosh...oh gosh, oh gosh, oh gosh!

No, but...but I cared about her! And Cam! And Emily! They're the only people that I've ever loved, how could I possibly do this to them!?

You got me. Only sickly twisted people could pull off feats like that. So congratulations. You just got your former bestie beaten to a bloody pulp. I'd say feel proud, but that'd only be a mispronunciation of ashamed.

But...But... "I'M SO SORRY BRIDGETTE!" I screamed, curling down into a ball. I screamed out my emotions, screamed out the terror. Screamed out the pain that Bridgette must've been harboring inside for so long. "I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY!"

Past the absolute horror at the discovery at what I really am, I could barely see Bridgette. Riddler assisted her to a sitting position, something different twinged into his face. I couldn't name it, but...he seemed worried. Or at least that was part of this strangeness. I barely focused on him though. My wide-opened eyes focused on Bridgette, as her face was grimaced in pain. She barely seemed there, barely managing to blink her blood-encrusted eyes to take in the scene in front of her, not seeming to hear the words I said.

Unless she was purposefully ignoring me.

My heart tightened in my chest and I bit down hard into my hands. No clarity came to assist me though. I was all alone, forced to bask in the revelation of what I've done. Forced to realize just how much I deserved this.

Bridgette...what have I done to you?

Suddenly my disgust couldn't be kept in any longer, the shame of what I've done. "WE SHOULD'VE NEVER BEEN FRIENDS!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, curling into a fetal position, hands raking through my still-damp hair. "I SHOULD'VE NEVER EVEN TALKED TO YOU!"

Sparks exploded all over the room, raining down from the lights like silver fireworks. I could barely recognize them though, left to drown in self-loathing.

A memory nudged me from the behind, a reminder of the beginning. When I had begun to shove Bridgette into Hell. When I should've just cut it off...

---

Blah, I absolutely despise nap-time. What's the point of it anyways? I just wake up even more tired than I was when I went to sleep! Couldn't we just do arts and crafts again, that would be a lot more fun. I think it's cuz the teachers are lazy. They always moan and complain, although it's not that hard to take care of us! They're just whiners. Yah...that's what it is. They're little whiners that deserve to be in the No-No Corner. Have their sticker be removed!

Tired and slightly cranky, I flipped over to my other side when suddenly I felt pain on the top of my head. Wide-awake, I opened my eyes and the girl next to me and I screamed at the exact same time: "OOOOOOUUUUUUUCH!"

Feeling as though there was a fire on my head, I bolted up into an upright position, and the girl next to me did the exact same. More pain came over me as the flame grew hotter. Painfully, I looked over to the girl next to me, my head screaming in protest. "Ow, ow, ow, ow, owwwwww; GET AWAY FROM ME!"

The girl's pale face grew red in distress. Hurriedly she put her hands on my shoulders, trying to shove me away from her. "You get away from me!" she screamed back, but the pain just got worse and worse the more we tried to wiggle away from each other.

That's when we finally realized what was stopping us. A tangled black web of black hair hung between us, her curly hair knotted with strands of mine. Absolute horror came over me. Oh my gosh...our hair was tied together!

We both screamed until our lungs couldn't take it anymore, until everyone in the classroom finally sat up sleepily from their laid out mats. We even woke the teacher up, who shot up from her desk like a spring. Me and the girl tried tugging at our hair to get it to come apart, but the knots only became tighter and I could hear actual rips.

I was on the verge of tears. Were me and this girl going to be stuck together for the rest of our lives!?

Finally Ms. Stewart came over and tried untangling us. She even used some of that No-Tears detangling stuff, but we still wouldn't come apart! Our screams didn't even help the situation! After all eternity, Ms. Stewart just sighed and went to her desk, pulling out her drawer a pair of scissors. And not safety scissors, like the ones she had us use. These were really, really sharp, like the kind you should especially not run with. And me and the little girl immediately got what she was doing.

We tried begging with her to just let us go to the nurse, but she would not have it. Sitting on top of us with her fat butt, she snipped with her knife-scissors and...a large chunk of woven black hair fell to the ground. The girl and I gaped at in horror. No...way...

We stopped screaming then because we were so surprised! My hands went to my hair and I felt around, fingers sliding over these awkward choppy layers. No, no, no...Mommy is going to cry when she sees this! Ms. Stewart backed away, saying that she was sorry, but it didn't help. I was...I was half-bald! My throat hurt, the same way it did when I was sick and needed shots, and I turned to look over to the girl next to me. Her hair was longer than mine, so the cut wasn't that obvious. But it was pretty weird still, one side of her hair was longer than the other. The redness faded from her face, and her mouth was in a little O, hands going to touch her poor pretty hair. Once she grabbed onto the sliced off part, her mouth became even wider and her eyes began to go blurry.

Poor girl... She used to have the longest hair in the whole class. Everyone would love to braid with it and everything! Something about me felt really bad, like when you eat a big meal and the immediately go outside to play. You stomach feels all jiggly and you wanna go puke. Sadly, I reached out a hand to her, grasping onto her shoulder. Her big hazel eyes widened and she looked at me in shock. We've barely talked to each other, the most we've ever done was lay our nap-mats next to each other on the floor today. And look where that got us.

Maybe one of us would've said something when she suddenly seemed to catch something over my shoulder that seemed really important. Anger filled her face and she narrowed her eyes so small that they almost seemed black. "Andy Biggins," she whispered angrily, not needing to shout to show how mad she was.

Confused, I turned around and there behind us was nose-picker Andy Biggins. Now, seeing him normally wouldn't be such a big deal. We did use to be desk partners after all. But this time it was different. While everyone else in the room was shaking their heads or saying that they were sorry, Andy just stood there, smirking.

It wasn't hard to tell that he did it.

Bridgette. The girl's name whose hair was tied to mine was Bridgette. She's really funny, and pretty, and smart too. She can read a whole entire chapter book to me! I wish that I had played with her sooner. It was almost Christmas, and she hasn't been able to be my partner with anything! She was much more fun than any of the other people in here. And definitely more fun than Andy Biggins.

After talking, Bridge (that's my nickname for her. I like it) and I both found out why he would do something like that to us. I had started ignoring him a couple of weeks ago, because his temper tantrums were starting to become annoying. And just a few days ago Bridgette embarrassed Andy in front of the whole class by telling him that he spelled 'look' wrong. It was pretty dumb, and Bridgette had seemed slightly annoyed with how Andy didn't seem to get it. So his terrible act was because of..what is it called again? Ooh, revenge!

Bridgette taught me that word. She says it's an emotion that's like really "passionate" anger. Whatever passionate means, but I was too scared to ask her.

In the end though, Andy didn't get in trouble. Since we didn't have any proof, Ms. Stewart said she wouldn't punish him. Even though me and Bridge got really really angry with her because of that, she still didn't send Andy to timeout! Now my hair had to be cut in a "bob style cut" (which sounds stupid to me) and I have to wait until it "grows out". But it took all summer for me to only grow an inch, so how long will it take my hair!?

Forever, I tell you!

So me and Bridgette were drawing one day (I was teaching her how to draw a giraffe. She's really impressed with how I can color in the lines, cuz she still kinda struggles with that) when a shadow came over us. Bridgette finally realized it and pushed back her freshly cut hair, blinking up at our guest. "Hello?" she asked in that small voice of hers. "Can we help you?"

Smiling widely, this little girl put her hands on her hips and tossed her pretty hair over her shoulder. "Hiya!" she sang. "My name is Emily!"

I tilted my head to the side, something that I got from my mother. Oh yeah, she's in our class! She's the one who the class voted to be the Princess of Medieval Day! "Oh hi-hi!" I waved at her. "My name is Megan."

"And my name is B-" Bridge started, but Emily cut her off with a frantic wave.

"I know your names silly-billies! Everyone knows your names," she laughed as if this was all hilarious.

"They do?" I wrinkled my nose. Well poop I feel bad. I don't know everyone's names, but they all know mine!?

"Yup-puh!" she said, popping the p like you do with bubblegum. "The whole school knows what happened to you," leaning forward, she whispered in our ears. "Everyone says that it's totally obvious Andy did it. They think he should get in trouble."

"I knew it!" I shouted, jumping to my feet.

"Shh!" Bridgette hissed, pulling me back down to the bench. "She looks like she has something important to say!"

"Oopsy-daisy!" I gasped, and covered my mouth with my hands.

Emily watched us with a spark in her eyes, mouth stretched in a grin. She broke out into giggles, her laugh sounding musical. "You two are funny!" she giggled happily. I'm gonna call you...Megs," she touched my nose "...and Bridge." She touched Bridgette's nose.

My nose tickled and I touched it with my fingers, staring at it cross-eyed. That's weird, people have patted my head before but never my nose. Was that even normal?

Bridge seemed affected too, and she blushed, wiggling around in her seat. "Um...okay. And I guess we'll call you Em."

"Wait, M?" I wrinkled my eyebrows. "But...wouldn't it make more sense for me to be called M? Like, that's my first name..."

"No Megan, I said E-m not M," Bridge smoothly explained, lightly smiling as she shook her head.

"Ohhh, that makes sense!" I exclaimed. Wasn't it wonderful when you learn new things? Now happy, I sat criss-cross-applesauce and looked up to Emily. "So Em," I started, stressing on her nickname cuz it sounded so funny to me. "What'd you wanna say?"

Em smiled widely at her nickname. "Not much...except for I know how you can get back at him."

Happiness comes from such easy things. Some get it from love. Others get it from toys. And some get it from wealth. And me? Well, I get it from something as simple as apple juice. All it took was a long nap time, a sleeping Ms. Stewart, and a distracted Andy. One little spill of the juicebox, then BAM, he's now the clown of the class! Poor kid just can't seem to hold in his pee...

And no one noticed how the pee smelled sweet. They also didn't notice the three smiling girls crouched in the corner, hiding giggles behind their hands. Even I didn't notice that much. Back then, I hadn't realized that spark that went off inside me, something that would soon grow into love and adoration for these two girls.

For the first time ever, I was making best friends.