"…and So to Bed"
by Furor Scribendi
2008 Scribendi Productions
August 29th
20 minutes later, they were at the Misato household, all dressed like ninjas. Night had fallen, so their activities were better disguised. Mahoro had to speak to Slash about not interfering with their little prank. He was more than content to remain in the doghouse.
Peering through the downstairs window, they could not see Suguru, so they assumed he was in his room upstairs. They entered through the sliding glass door, very quietly. Chizo was having a difficult time not snickering.
"You have to be really quiet," hissed Rin, "or you'll tip us off."
"I can't help it," she said, trying to hold herself in. "This is going to be even more fun than…" She started to break up.
Mahoro spoke up. "I'll take her outside and calm her down." They both left as Rin and Miyuki skulked about.
"Should we just rush up the stairs and clobber him?" asked Miyuki.
"No, we have to get him all uneasy first. How many horror films have you seen? It's not enough to…" A creaking door opened and murmuring was heard. They quickly scrambled to hide in the living room. Miyuki looked around a corner to see Kawahara coming down the stairs. What was HE doing here, she thought.
"Where am I to go?" he called up. Moments later, Suguru thumped down the stairs.
"Just go microwave up something. I'LL get it." Upon hearing the voices, Rin looked over as well. She saw Suguru go into the closet, then come out with a pile of magazines. "I've got 'Pretty Maidens All in a Row', 'Delicate Blossoms of the Orient', 'Blonde Ambitions' and 'It's D-D-Delightful.'"
"That last one. Is that the one with the really…you know…large girls?" called over Kawahara. Suguru held up the magazine for him to see. "Oh, yes. Woof! I think I'm in love."
Miyuki and Rin flattened themselves against the wall. "This is terrible," said Rin.
"Why?" asked Miyuki. "It's just the guys looking at ecchi."
"But if Mahoro finds out they are looking at ecchi…."
Miyuki's eyes widened. "She'll feel Suguru can't be trusted and not stay over with us!"
"We've got to warn them somehow!" said Rin.
"But…but…."
"Did you hear something?" said Kawahara. The girls froze, not daring to move.
"No, I…." The doorbell rang. "Hmmm. I wonder who that could be? Take the magazines upstairs. I'll get the door." When Suguru got there, he saw no one. Hiding behind the tree, tittering, were Chizo and Mahoro.
"We can have him doing this all night long," guffawed Chizo. Mahoro looked over as Suguru came out onto the porch to really look about, and then went back in, scratching his head.
In the entryway, he was waylaid by Rin and Miyuki, hands covering his mouth. "I need you to listen well, Suguru." Rin stared at him. "We originally came over here to torment you, but did not know that Kawahara and probably Hamadi would be here."
Miyuki continued. "Mahoro and Chizo are outside. If Mahoro even suspects you are looking at ecchi, you will blow it big time for all of us!"
"Your mission, that you will accept, is to hide away the ecchi, get rid of the guys and let us scare the pants off of you," said Rin.
"And if any member of your force is caught, this whole mission will self-destruct in five seconds. Good luck, Suguru!" concluded Miyuki. Before they could let him go, the sliding door opened. They all flattened against the wall as Mahoro and Chizo came in.
"Now what?" asked Rin.
"I will stall them, so get Suguru upstairs!" Sliding around the wall, Miyuki went over to see them, obviously tip-toeing across the way.
"Where's Rin?" asked Chizo.
"I thought she was with you? She had to step out and…." The doorbell rang. Looking around panicky, they hid in the kitchen.
"Gosh, I wonder who that could be?" said Suguru, very forced. He made noises like he was coming down the stairs, went to the door and looked about. Rin was there and came in, but went into the living room to shut the window she had crawled out of to get to the door. Suguru, meanwhile, spoke on like he was in a bad sitcom. "Gee, no one seems to be there. I guess I had best be heading back upstairs." He quickly went upstairs. Mahoro watched this with interest.
In his room, Suguru shut the door and went to two guys. "What was that…" started Hamadi, but Suguru quickly put his hand over his mouth. Mrf hrf mfrm," he said. Kawahara came over, but also was silenced.
"Listen carefully: the girls are over her to scare us, like they did at the school with the ghost, but they are here to scare ME! They do not know YOU are here. Mahoro is with them, so if she sees all this ecchi….."
Hamadi hissed. "I refuse to lose 'It's D-D-Delightful' to her!" He clutched the magazine.
"What do you want of us?" Kawahara was serious.
"I need you to hide, with the magazines, and not get caught or it's the end, the absolute end." The magazines were gathered up and stuffed under their shirts. Suguru opened the door and heard the girls coming up the stairs. Gritting his teeth, he quickly sent them to Mahoro's room. "Just hide in her closet. She won't look there."
They scampered into her room and went into the closet. Meanwhile, on the stairs, the quartet slowly went up, Mahoro leading. Signaling them on, they went into her room. Quietly shutting the door, they spoke in hushed tones.
"We can use this as a base of operation, as Suguru will never think to look in here," she said. Looking through the slats on the closet door, Hamadi and Kawahara tried to breathe, but the adrenaline was too high. What to do? thought Kawahara. Hamadi was starting to fold under the tension, holding the treasures too tightly.
"They're gonna catch us! They're gonna catch us!" he blabbed.
"Shhhh! If you talk like that they will!" Kawahara tried to calm him down.
"What I want to do," started Mahoro, "is to get someone in Suguru's closet for an attack from there." She went to her closet and opened it up, Hamadi and Kawahara pushing to the shut side. "Rin, will you step in?" Rin stepped in and Mahoro shut the door, and then opened the other side. Kawahara and Hamadi went to the other side. Rin's eyes opened wide.
Kawahara tried to gesture to Rin, as Rin kept from crying out. Mahoro then asked Miyuki to get into the other side and closed the door. All four of them tried to talk about what to do in low tones.
Mahoro called to them. "Now, you have to practice being able to open the door quickly. He will shut one side, only to have the other side open up as well." In the closet, Rin and Miyuki positioned Hamadi and Kawahara so they would open the doors on Suguru but not reveal them. But the guys still had to squish about to avoid detection.
In his room, Suguru decided to do something. He came out to see how things were coming along, when he heard murmurings from Mahoro's room. He put his ear to the door to realize she was in there with everyone. The door knob rattled and Suguru bolted down the stairs.
At the base, he felt the best place to hide would be the hall closet. As he shut the door, Mahoro opened her room a crack to see that Suguru's door was wide open. Waving them on, they slunk in to set the trap. Rin and Miyuki lagged behind to get Hamadi and Kawahara out of there. Suguru could hear all the floorboards creaking from his place in the closet.
Mahoro and Chizo went into the room, Rin a bit behind and Miyuki far behind to get the boys out. When Mahoro saw they weren't all they, she went back into the hallway. Rin saw her step back and whispered out, "What's that sound?" Putting her hand to ear, Rin spun about and charged back into the room.
Rapidly closing the door, but not shutting it, she motioned for everyone to get back into the closet, also shoving Miyuki into it as well.
In Suguru's room, Chizo went into the closet while Mahoro stood near the door. Hearing nothing, she ventured outwards and tip-toed to her room. Going in, she saw Rin by the closet.
"What's going on?" she asked.
"I…I was having Miyuki practice jumping out a bit more," she stammered.
"I think I'm ready," said Miyuki, as she opened the door as small as possible and slid out.
"I hope you will do better than that. Perhaps you should go back in and try one more time," mused Mahoro. She flung open the door and the boys had to get to the other side without stumbling over things or being seen. Miyuki got in there, then, once the door was closed, she flung it open fast and made a spooky face. "Yes, that should do nicely," said an approving Mahoro. Rin was trying to remain calm in all of this.
Meanwhile the boys were getting sweaty with all the panic and tension. "I don't wanna die," mouthed Hamadi. As the girls went to Suguru's room, the boys started to skulk out of the closet with extreme caution.
Suguru decided he needed to get back into this and came out of the closet. He went to the microwave and threw in a bag of popcorn to get that going, so that everyone could hear them.
Kawahara looked at the door to see what was going on, only to make eye contact with Rin, who tried to motion them down the stairs, but Mahoro came to the door at Suguru's room to listen. The boys went back into the closet.
"We are going to die, aren't we?" asked Hamadi. "We are just going to flat-out die."
"No, we are not. Sometimes, a bold move is what is needed!" Grasping his shirt, the magazines bulging around him, he dragged Hamadi to the door and opened it a crack.
"Good, he's making popcorn. We can be prepared for this." Kawahara was ready to fling open the main door.
Meanwhile, in Suguru's room, Mahoro made a satisfied face. "Good, he's making popcorn. We can be prepared for this." Then, the doorbell rang.
The girls looked at one another, confused.
The boys looked at one another, confused.
Suguru looked at the door, confused. He went over to the door and looked about, but all was quiet. He returned, got his popcorn, poured it into a large bowl and went back up.
Kawahara saw Suguru's door close. "NOW!" he hissed. Their door was yanked open and they quietly fled down the stairs, trying not to stomp about, as Suguru headed up. They passed on both sides of him and spun him about, some popcorn flying out.
As the bottom of the stairs, they made a frantic U-turn and went into the closet, Kawahara grabbing Hamadi by his collar and sliding him into the area. A few of the magazines dribbled out from his shirt. Kawahara flung him in, then made another huge sweeping motion to gather up the escaping magazines and corralled them in nothing flat. All were now in the closet, which shut with hardly a sound.
As Suguru spun about on the upper landing, the door to Mahoro's room opened up and he crashed into Rin, spilling more popcorn. Rin grabbed him and pulled him in.
"Where are the guys?" she said, taking some of his popcorn. "Mmmm. Kettle corn."
"They are hidden. Where is Mahoro?" Before Rin could answer, there was a light tapping at the door. Rin shoved Suguru into the closet and closed it as Mahoro came into the room.
"I cannot find Suguru anywhere," commented Mahoro. "Do I smell popcorn? Kettle corn to be specific?" Before Rin could answer, the doorbell rang again. "This will have to flush out Suguru," mulled Mahoro.
In the closet, Suguru gulped. He was in a pickle now. Miyuki came into the room.
"How are we going to answer the doorbell? I haven't seen Suguru anywhere! And if he is in the bathroom, well, he can stay there!"
Mahoro thought deeply. "This is very strange. Could he have discovered our little plan? This calls for drastic measures!" Mahoro went to the closet and started to open the door, but was stopped by Rin, trying to look calm as she fumbled for a reason.
"What could be in there that requires such drastic measures?" She put her hand on Mahoro's to stop her from opening the door, then squared herself so that Mahoro was staring at her and not the closet, Mahoro's back to the room's door. "I mean, we don't want Suguru to GET OUT of this situation, right?" Rin nodded frantically as Mahoro was a bit perplexed at all this.
Taking his cue, Suguru pushed open the door and crept across the floor, aided by Mikuyi, to get him out. Miyuki slid along with Suguru, blocking him as best as she could, but it was really no blocking at all. If Mahoro looked over, that was it.
Rin continued. "What could you possible have that would make this even more exciting?" Rin glanced over to see Miyuki stuffing Suguru out of the room.
"Perhaps you are right. More stealth is called for," concluded Mahoro. Outside the room, Suguru took a deep breath and wiped the sweat from his brow. He then stepped hard on the floorboards outside of Mahoro's room, to make them squeak just right, so they knew he was there.
"That should make them happy," he mumbled. Just then, the door to Mahoro's room was flung open wide and all three of them screamed at him.
"YAARGH!" yelled Suguru, popcorn flying everywhere. He started to run, but he slid on the kernels. When the ladies came after him, they, too, slid about and they all clutched about, grasping onto the skidding Suguru.
Shooting towards his open bedroom door, they hit the carpeted portion of his room and they all came to a screeching halt, crashing onto the floor, tumbling about, the bowl soaring through the air and leaving a snowstorm of popcorn raining down upon them.
At this point, Chizo popped out of that closet, wearing a Kabuki Mask and screeching as loud as she could. Mahoro remained calm, impressed at what Chizo had done, but Rin, Miyuki and Suguru were caught by surprise and screeched back, scrambling out into the hallway and slipping on the popcorn there.
Downstairs in the closet, Kawahara and Hamadi stood in sweaty silence. "It sounds like they are killing him," grimaced Hamadi, as the thumping and yelling made it appear as though all of them were going to come through the ceiling and discover them.
"You worry too much," responded Kawahara. "And stop getting the magazines all soaked. This one has that display of Uschii and I want to see it!"
Upstairs, everyone was in a heap, gasping and wheezing. Mahoro came over to look Suguru in the eyes, which were glazed over with fear and apprehension. Mahoro smiled broadly. "Thank you for a most wonderful time, Suguru. I am so glad that you had me go over with my friends. I'll never forget this."
"Neither…neither will I," mumbled Suguru as Rin and Miyuki got up. Chizo came out of the room, eating some popcorn.
"Not too bad for microwave, but my dad makes excellent popcorn. Let's go home and have some!" she commented. Just then, the doorbell rang. Everyone looked at it.
"Who could that be?" said Suguru, as he went downstairs. Opening the door, he saw no one. He went outside and really searched about before retreating.
Meanwhile, at the doghouse, Slash laughed to himself. "I could keep this up all night long."
The girls all left, each giving him a reminder as they trooped out.
"We can get you at any time, so watch out," said Rin, winking playfully at him.
"Never underestimate the power of a girl," said Miyuki, running a finger under his chin.
Chizo came by, munching down the popcorn. "I'll return the bowl tomorrow."
Mahoro stopped to talk to him. "Make sure you lock all the doors and windows. I should be back by 10 am. And thank you again." Suguru watched as they giggled and laughed on their way out of the yard, waving to him as the gate closed with a goodly CLANK.
Holding for a moment, Suguru tip-toed over to the gate and looked down the street, making sure they were well on their way home. Once assured of that, he bolted back into the house, locking the front door. "Where are you guys?" he called out, as he checked all the latches.
The closet door opened and the guys tumbled out, Hamadi releasing his load of magazines. He lay on his back, panting and wheezing. Suguru gathered up his treasures and placed them back into the closet hiding space. Once that was done, they all looked at one another and sighed.
"Somehow, I'm now not all that interested in things like that," said Kawahara.
"If I don't see those girls again, it will be too soon," said Hamadi
Suguru pondered. "My concern is which one of them came up with this cruel idea."
"From what I heard, it was Rin's idea, but Mahoro really pushed it along." Kawahara stood up and stretched. "And I thought she was so nice. There is some kind of wicked streak in her. She bears closer watching."
The guys sat in the living room. "Why are those girls so mean?" said Hamadi "I am soaked. I need a bath."
"I think we all need a bath," said Suguru. "Let's get some supplies and head down to the bathhouse."
Meanwhile, the girls were giggling on the way home. "That was really, REALLY great!" said Chizo, finishing off the last of the popcorn.
"You know, I had a good time, although that was kind of a mean trick to play on Suguru," said Mahoro. "Still, I wouldn't mind doing it again." She made a small snicker.
Rin wiped her brow. "I think I need a bath."
"I think we all could use one," said Miyuki. "Let's head on down to the bathhouse."
MAHORO'S SYSTEMS WILL CEASE TO FUNCTION IN 324 DAYS
End Notes
Some might say that Mahoro would never do anything this mean to Suguru, but she did play along with the ruse that the Trio pulled on all the boys in the school during the Ghost Hunting episode. Perhaps she doesn't see it as mean as more just some good old fun.
I mean, she sees nothing wrong with giving Shikijo a goodly conk on the head (Dance of the Dead Festival), threatening to blow her up (the trip to the amusement park), preparing to throw her out with the trash (Christmas episode) or setting a trap in her house as she was not really doing her part to seek out the ecchi (the Summer TV Special) but all of this is done with a sense of humor and not genuine vindictiveness.
I mean, these traps are set and only someone of a craven mind would fall into it (and it always seems to be Shikijo who falls into it.)
Part of my inspiration for this portion comes from a segment in "Love Hina", when the girls try to keep Naru from meeting an old flame who is staying at the Hinata House. I was a bit more hamstrung in my approach, as the key person (Mahoro) isn't supposed to know of the other two guys, while everyone else does, but it's just this overall farcical approach to the whole thing.
Farce is hard in print, as you need the visual aspect of it. I had a friend who wrote a farce play and it was hysterical, as people ran in and out of closets and slid under beds and even got out on the ledge to scamper from one room to another (it was set in a hotel). I only hope that I was able to put it off.
Someone once asked this question: "If a person is speaking Japanese, how do you know if they are stuttering?" Certainly to a Western ear, I could not detect that. I bring that up, owing to the title of one of the magazines, "It's D-D-Delightful", alluding to the fact that the women are rather busty in it.
When I worked at Tower Books/Records/Video, I used to collect the flyers for the latest "adult" movie releases and they had silly title like that. Some of those titles I cannot repeat here, but with other offerings like "The Pornbirds" and "The Load Warrior", my title isn't all that off-base.
I was considering doing an episode when Suguru goes to all of his better hiding places about the house for his ecchi, but I would at least need a stronger idea of how it was set up so I could have some rather creative storage areas.
I mean, for the closet, that one is easy. My wife's grandmother once owned this enormous house. In the bathroom was a tongue-in-groove cabinet. She pointed me towards a tiny hole, which looked like a nail had worked itself out of the wood. She stuck a straightened-out paper clip into the hole (although, in grandma's day, it would have been a hat pin).
That released a catch to reveal a hidden compartment of some size (although when I saw it, it was empty of treasures). Although not described in detail, that is was I imagined for Suguru, but we want to concentrate on the story, not the minutiae.
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