Kalec woke up feeling better than ever. Better than he had any right to feel, considering Azeroth had just been sliced in half with the universe's bigger sword. The universe was probably going to be the same by the end of the century. But then again, why would Kalec need to care? He was dead, after all.
Of course, when Sargeras escaped the tower, Aegwynn was caught off guard. She died pretty soon after that, since Sargeras had absorbed the power of the Guardian. And when Nozdormu learned about that, he wasn't happy. Kalec thought back to how that day ended.
"YOU WHAT?!" screamed an infuriated Nozdormu in full dragon form.
"Okay, I MAY have let baby Medivh escape. But he was just a baby, even if he did have Sargeras in him or whatever. How could he cause the Burning Legion to invade?"
"BECAUSE SARGERAS ESCAPED. AND HE DIDN'T EVEN NEED TO SUMMON THE ORCS FROM DRAENOR. WE ARE SO FUCKING OUTNUMBERED RIGHT NOW. THERE IS NO HORDE. NO ALLIANCE. NOBODY."
"Fuck. What are we gonna do?"
"Kalec, there is no WE anymore. I know what I'll do. I'm going to go back in time and fix all this shit, leaving this place as a splinter timeline. But you're not leaving it."
"Why not? I can just go to the Caverns of Time."
"Because I'm going to kill you first."
"Hey, no fair! This whole dare was your i-"
Kalec died at that point. Then he woke up again in the afterlife. Even compared to the dream world created by Arthas and Ner'zhul, the place was damn gorgeous. Kalec wondered who else would be there. Well… probably everyone, considering Azeroth had been blown up.
Kalec got up from his sleeping position and looked around. Nobody was there. Suddenly, the grass on the ground parted and a large trail appeared. With nothing better to do, Kalec followed it.
At the end of the path was the most wondrous city Kalec had ever seen. The buildings resembled the Exodar in a way… this was the home of the Naaru. The realm of the light. The place where heroes went when they died. Unless they were Vrykul, who got stuck in Lavabeard's flying castle.
Kalec walked inside. The city was much louder, but there were a few faces Kalec knew. He saw the gnome that helped him to poison Med'an. A few goblins he saw around Bilgewater Harbor. A few mages that got killed in his ransacking of Dalaran. Some citizens of Theramore. One of the Skeletons used by the sausage vendor that murdered Vereesa. Some scourge minions. A knight of the Ebon Blade. One of the children forced to starve after the great cucumber shortage caused by Khadgar's overuse of the vegetable. And, of course, pretty much everyone who died on Azeroth and didn't suck.
But there was nobody he truly knew.
"Hey, Kalec!"
Well, that was about to change. Kalec turned around. It was Amnennar, who was still a Lich for some reason. And behind him were Arthas and Ner'zhul, who were both back in their primes. And somehow didn't end up in hell despite both killing more people than either could count.
"Hey Amnennar. Why are you still a Lich?"
"The Naaru said I was too edgy to turn back into a human. But I guess I like this."
Arthas spoke up next. "So, apparently there's an orientation to go to. Wanna come with us? We can't find anyone we know."
"Wait, doesn't Ner'zhul have a wife we should take?"
Ner'zhul averted his eyes. "She's still mad at me. Apparently we're on a break until she decides to give me another chance."
"Oh… well, I guess we should just go to that orientation then. Sorry."
"No, it's alright. At least she isn't cheating on me with some Naaru."
The group made it to the building where the orientation was. It was a big crystal spire, but the height was fine. Stairs didn't hurt in the afterlife.
"So, do you know who's gonna be guiding us?" asked Kalec.
"No idea," said Arthas. "Probably a true hero of the Light."
Everyone found a seat and sat down. Then again, the amount of seats was perfect. They were in the afterlife, after all. Soon, the guide came out. When Arthas looked on the stage, his expression was one of pure horror.
"Glad you could make it, Arthas."
"UTHER?"
Uther grinned. "I always wanted to use that line on you, boy."
"Wait, you aren't mad that I killed you?"
"Boy, I lived a pious life. One lifetime of chastity and religion won me an eternal afterlife of debauchery and indulgence. Death isn't something I can be mad about anymore."
"So how did I get here?"
"I let you in. I saw your entry in the Kirin-Tor Cookoff. You were a different person than you were as the Lich King."
"Thank you, Uther."
"It's no problem, boy. Now you all follow me, I'm going to show you how things work around here."
After a guide through wonders and indulgences no physical body would understand, Kalec and his friends were all beaming. The afterlife was pretty great. But it was also a bit overwhelming. So the group settled down at a small bar. Kalec had no worries of getting drunk as a spirit.
For a while, they all sat in silence, reflecting on the lives they'd all led. But when they realized they had already done everything they needed to do with their old lives, they decided it was time to enjoy their new ones.
The bar had a special service: punching souls that had been sent into hell. Of course, Kalec's first choice was the Dreadlord Jaina. But Jaina had been serving Sargeras, so he/she/it was still alive. Or at least in the Nether. Kalec sighed and settled for punching the soul of Med'an.
After getting everything they could from the bar, the group decided to hit the town and see more of the afterlife. There was something called a "movie theater" and an "Anime shop" and "video game store". The group split up. Ner'zhul and Arthas decided to go watch a movie called The Evil Dead, as it reminded them of their lives. Amnennar went into the "Anime shop" to look for something new to get into. Kalec decided the video game store could be interesting. A human woman was at the desk of the store.
"Hello, sir. Is there anything you'd like today?"
"I'm not sure. First time here."
"Take your time. After all, we kind of DO have all the time in the world now."
Kalec smirked. An eternity of new experiences? It sure sounded good. Kalec took a look around. There were little boxes that apparently contained discs that would power games in which you could control any manner of person. But something wasn't quite right. And it wasn't an illusion hiding anything, but a strange game: World of Warcraft.
The cover of the game appeared to simply be an elven woman with a mana wyrm around her hand. But the logo of the game had a map of Azeroth on it. It was missing the Broken Isles and Pandaria, but it was unmistakably home. And next to it was an "Expansion" labeled Legion. It was adorned with the unmistakable image of Illidan Stormrage. This was no coincidence. Kalec took both boxes to the counter.
"Ma'am, could I please have these games?"
Suddenly, the woman's eyes widened.
"Sir, I must apologize. We aren't supposed to have those."
"Why not? They look interesting."
"I can't explain. I'm sorry."
"Um… okay."
Kalec left the store with a game called Fire Emblem instead. For some reason, it invoked memories of the dream world in the Lich King's helmet. But he had also stolen the copy of World of Warcraft. There was no money in the afterlife, so stealing wouldn't be wrong. Right?
Arthas and Ner'zhul walked out of the theater laughing like hyenas. Kalec figured a movie called "The Evil Dead" wouldn't have much to laugh at, but apparently he was wrong. And Amnennar walked out of the shop carrying a box that apparently contained an animated series that he called
"Cowboy Bebop". It was an odd name, but Amnennar said that it was given to him as soon as he walked in and that it was "mandatory watching". Amnennar invited the group to watch it with him.
Right when Kalec was about to agree, Uther ran up to them, sweating.
"We need to go to City Hall immediately. Apparently there's a 'meeting of utmost importance' for us to go to." Uther looked at Kalec. "And you apparently need to bring the item you took from the game store."
At city hall, there was a massive crowd. Bigger than any crowd Kalec had ever seen. Then again, it was every living creature who had ever walked Azeroth and Draenor while not being a massive piece of shit.
At the gates of the building were three figures. One was a bearded human man with glasses, but he had a commanding presence greater than even a titan, holding hands with a small baby gorilla that was wearing glasses. The man was wearing a simple black shirt with the word "Blizzard" written on it in blue letters. However, there was the unmistakable aura of Metzenite coming from him.
Alongside him and the gorilla was another figure. It did not appear to be human. Merely a humanoid suit of green and black armor covered in wicked spikes. It was carrying a great mining pick with the word "Data" written across the handle. In its other hand was a large signpost with the word "Forum" plastered on it. No name was needed. This goliath was the Champion known as Ememoe.
The human man spoke up. "Hello Blizzc- I mean heroes of Azeroth. It is I, your creator and your father. The voice of many of you. The one who wove the events of your lives. I am Chris Metzen."
The gorilla simply beat its chest and let out a few ape noises. He wanted to look big and important, but he was just a cute baby gorilla. But barely anybody noticed, as everyone was gasping, as the great lord Metzen was addressing them personally. Even Kalec was speechless. He was in the presence of a true god.
"I feel like I owe you an explanation. Kalecgos, my man. Please come up. Show everyone what you're holding." Kalecgos sheepishly walked up to the stage. In a desperate attempt to not be forgotten in the shadow of Metzen, he turned into his dragon form to regain a small amount of presence. He handed the box to Metzen, who took it and gave Kalec a warm pat on the back.
Metzen held up the box. "This is Warcraft. This has been your home for over twenty three years. Well, more than that for you. But where I'm from, time's a lot faster. We need to value each moment just a bit more. There's no dragons to turn back time. Everything we do counts. And that's why I have made a difficult decision."
Nobody could say anything. What was their god going to say? What was his decision?
"I am leaving World of Warcraft. And with it, I am leaving you as well, my children."
With that, everyone gasped. But nobody could be outraged. There was an odd calm in the air. An odd, melancholy calm. But peaceful.
"You won't go away. Where I'm from, I'm not the only one in control of your world." Metzen slapped the Champion known as Ememoe on the shoulder. "Good ol' MMO Champion here is one of many who's shown me how many people care about Azeroth. How many people want to watch over you and see that things turn out okay."
MMO Champion raised its pick. There were no spoken words, but a message of the mind was sent through the crowd. "I am always here for you, as you are always here for me."
Tears were shed, but not of sadness. Not even of happiness. Just emotion.
Metzen continued. "I started my time with Azeroth making drawings. Since then, I've had a hand in almost everything that you guys have went through. Thanks for pushing through it. You're a lot stronger than the people from my home."
Metzen held up the gorilla and put him on his shoulder. "You've protected your world… your families, from things that don't even exist in my world. But that's why I'm leaving you. I have a world too. I have a family. I want to spend time with them. Now you may be my children, but… I think you can live without me after all these years."
The gorilla hugged Metzen and Metzen gave him a pet on the head. "It's hard to say goodbye. But know, there are those that will guide you through the future. Because Azeroth needs heroes, and you need to help them. I'm bringing you back to Azeroth. Now you may be disappointed to go back after living in this amazing afterlife, but I promise Azeroth will be just as good as this some day. But it will be thanks to all of you, not just me. Good luck, everyone. I love all of my children, but you guys might just be some of my favorites."
Metzen turned around into city hall and a great portal sprang up from the ground. A song with the lyrics "Sweet Home Alabama" began to play. Metzen looked back at his children and waved goodbye one more time. Everyone in the crowd, even those who were stuck in hell, waved back at their creator. Metzen and the gorilla turned around and walked away through the portal.
There was a great flash of light and all was gone. Everyone was floating in space along with MMO Champion. But the champion still had a message.
"Are you ready to go back to Azeroth? This champion needs a few more heroes to save the universe."
There was a resounding yes, and the flash of light came back. There was no time to waste. No matter how many trials Kalec went through, no matter how many shitty humanoid beings he dealt with… he would always love Azeroth.