well hi people. welcome back. sorry i missed a post last week. things have been ferociously insane for me. i think my beta had a crazy week too. that guy is always busy. in any case, this works out because this chapter and the next are made up of 90% of almost exactly the same thing in two different points of view. so i will post one today, and the other on thursday (even though i told my beta i would post one per week.. sorry Sentinel... and thanks for keeping up with me even though i'm pretty sure i just made your life that much more complicated lol) and so i will be able to make up to you the post that i missed.

i missed you guys, and am looking forward to your responses to this chapter. i also have a couple outtakes in the making for this story, which will take the place of the weekly chapter when they come out. the first one has to do with cold blooded homicide, so it will be rated M. the second one has to do with... well, you'll see.

as always, thanks to Sentinel for picking out my mistakes, and thanks to all of you who have reviewed so far, and be sure to check out my one-shot, Homecoming Smackdown, and my complete short story Cold.

without further ado...

Finally understand why things have happened and how it all could go so wrong. Will this pain ever end? 'cause I don't think I can carry on.

If only I, had been less blind...

~If Only, Hoobastank

KPOV

On the way home, Ron's back to that closed off, angry person again. I try to give him his space, and Mom looks super concerned. When we get home Ron wants to rest and I don't blame him. Our house is chaotic so I grab Han and we head to his house. He walks in the door and all of a sudden I'm flying backward. He's standing outside the door looking like he saw a ghost. "I can't... be in there..."

I bite back a groan from the pain in my ribs and climb to my feet, looking at him in sympathy. "Why don't we hang out at Bueno Nacho tonight?" I ask, trying to mask the pain in my voice. I hope there aren't any torn stitches or anything. That would suck.

His sardonic eyes watch me for a moment and I know I'm caught again. Why do I bother trying? His eyes linger on my side.

"I'm okay," I sigh at him.

He smirks. "You aren't but I'm not going to argue with you. Do what you want."

"I want to make sure you're okay. You just said you don't want to be here, so we are leaving."

"Yes, ma'am." His attitude is really starting to piss me off.

I get Han and shoot him a look, letting him know he's working my nerves. He shrugs and takes the keys from my hand, starting up my now black Sloth. He dubbed it the Kimmobile a while back. Not even bothering to protest, I set Han in her safety seat and get in the passenger side. We arrive at Bueno Nacho a few minutes later, and Han smiles. She likes the nachos and Ron gets her a chocolate taco too.

I just get a drink and he gets his usual. I smirk at him and grab a sweetener, ripping the tiny pink envelope and pouring it in. "Want some?"

"Pass, thanks." His expression is hilarious.

Monique drops into the booth next to me, nodding in greeting before digging into a naco. I shake my head, leaning into the window and sipping my drink. Han's chocolate taco starts to melt and get sticky, so I lean across and clean up her fingers and face, putting a napkin in her lap and over her shirt just in time for a glob of ice cream to fall out of it and into her lap.

Ron looks over at her and back to me. "Kim Possible: saves the world AND your wardrobe."

I tip an imaginary hat. "No big."

Monique laughs. "Been a while you two."

"How is it managing Club B?"

"Oh you know. Rude customers, great employee discounts... same old."

"Any chance you'll share some discounts with me?"

"Not a chance, girlfriend, I want to keep getting the discounts. Understand that I can't do that if I'm fired."

I shrug. "It was worth a shot."

Ron shakes his head. "How was your semester?"

"Boring. Yours?"

"Equally boring. Except my cooking classes…..I'm great at them, and I have a lot of fun."

Monique puts down her food and reaches for his hand. "How are you coping with all this?"

He gives her a sad smile and shrugs his shoulders. "I'm coping."

She gives his hand a squeeze and I stare at their hands. I can feel my eyebrow climbing and Ron shakes his head again. "Knock it off, KP."

Monique looks really uncomfortable. Holy cow... she's crushing. On Ron. My Ron.

Ron gives me his 'the look' and I stare out the window.

"KP are you seriously mad?"

"Not at all. You've only been acting like a jerk all day and now my best friend is flirting with you under the guise of genuine friendly concern and you are your usual clueless self."

Monique goes to stand up. "Um... sounds like you guys need to talk, I should get going-" A look from me and she clears her throat. "I mean, I should throw this away and... be right back." She nods to herself and dashes to the trash can.

Ron sighs. "I'm sorry I'm being such an ass today."

"What happened?"

"I just have... a lot of things on my mind. I don't want to talk about it, I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I tried giving you space, you know."

"I know. Thank you. I just... I feel nothing and everything at the same time... it's overwhelming and I'm sorry it makes me snippy. I just need... time to figure it out."

Now I feel bad for going off on him. He squeezes my hand. Then he releases it with a frown on his face. "Was she really flirting?"

I raise an eyebrow and smirk.

He puts his face in his hands. "Yeah how do I miss this stuff?"

"That's the million dollar question, handsome."

"At least I don't miss everything."

"What didn't you miss?" I chuckle.

"Well... Bonnie was pretty obvious." He looks uncomfortable.

"She kissed you, Ron."

He gags, choking on his drink. "More like she raped my mouth! God knows how many diseases I got exposed to just by being within three feet of her, much less having her gross tongue in my mouth! Ugh! Burnt pizza tastes much better on... well... anything."

"So you had your tongue in her mouth?!"

"Ewww... No way, KP. She was the one probing me... I'll be scarred for life, I assure you. I'd almost rather kiss a monkey—scratch that, I'm sure I would rather kiss a monkey."

I sit back in my seat an hmph at him.

"Quit jellin', Kimmie. That was years ago."

"You still think about it."

"Yeah, in my worst nightmares! It's right up there with you being a synthodrone and melting into a puddle of green goop... and being abducted by aliens."

"The alien thing actually happened."

"I know, I was there."

"Add that to the ever-growing list of things Kim Possible can do."

"How big is that list anyway? Hmm... survive alien abduction, plane crash, mutant octopus, drowning, being fed to electric eels, sharks, and giant squid..."

I just watch him tick the things off his fingers , and I'm sure the expression on my face is incredibly bored.

"... climb onto supersonic rocket to save the world, fight cybertronic robots, get stuck in TV, getting chocolated to death, literally..."

I laugh at that. It was the time Ron got slightly OCD about calculating the odds of bad things happening to me... and himself. I took Wade with me on a mission, and we ended up getting captured. Drakken's brilliant plan to destroy us was to drown us in chocolate gounash. Inside a cupcake factory. I think he reached an all new low that day.

"—get zapped by who knows how many rays, have your house attacked by mutant zombie snowmen, get captured by evil babies... oh my God, you even survived being me."

"And being attached to Bonnie," I add with a shudder.

"We have a weird life."

"That we do," I laugh. An idea pops into my head. "Come on, Ron. Let's drop Han off with my mom." I grab his arm, yanking him out of his seat.

"Wait... where are we going?"

"You said you feel overwhelmed. You're obviously pissed off at something. Let's blow off some steam old school."

"KP are you sure about this?"

"We do it all the time, what's the big?"

"KP, sparring with you and fighting you are two different things."

I shrug. "We are sparring."

"Yeah but normally it leads to... other circumstances."

I feel my face heat up.

"I'm not... what if I hurt you? What about your rib? You're telling me to let loose on you like you're... him."

I crouch, a challenging smirk on my face. "You? Hurt me? Please."

"Oh bring it." He launches himself at me, and soon there's a crowd around the ring in the gym we're in (which we got free platinum memberships to after saving the owner and his kid from an elephant escape at the zoo) cheering and whooping as Ron and I work out. He backs me into a corner, a smug smirk on his face. "Gotcha."

"Not on your life." I flip over him and he charges me, knocking me over. I accept defeat so that we can get a drink and some boxing gloves.

The owner is watching us in the background, obviously impressed, as Ron blocks a punch and swings at me. He's still worried about my rib, and he's distracted. "Focus, Ron," I tell him as my left fist makes contact with his stomach.

"It's not a good idea, KP."

"Fair enough." I work through a series of combinations that have him down twice. "I'm fine," I tell him. "Just don't hit it, okay?" I help him up and we go again.

He finally gets in his zone, and he comes at me faster, his expression one of intense fury.

"Talk to me," I tell him.

"He killed them," he growls between swings. "He caused Han the pain of losing her parents again!" I duck as his right hand comes at me and block a body shot from his left. Thank God I blocked it, that would have killed my rib.

"He has to pay," He says over and over. His voice is is terrifying, and I'm glad he's not really mad at me. We go two more rounds at the most intense pace he's ever fought at, and I have to work extra hard to keep my rib out of his way. In two rounds he knocks me down three times, and each time his expression is one of complete fury.

By the time I'm exhausted from boxing, I know his fury is far from gone, and I figure I might as well work him on an area he's not that great at. I toss him a bottle of Gatorade and set up for some Mantis Kung Fu. He has me down four times. Apparently the best way to get him to fight well is to piss him off.

When we finally leave a drooling martial arts student body some four hours and God knows how many bruises later, Ron is completely drained. He falls asleep in the car, and when we get to my house he barely has the energy to peel his sweaty workout clothes off. I shove him into the shower... as much as I understand the whole sexy glistening thing now that I have a boyfriend, I don't want him sweating up my bed. Ten minutes later, he pours himself into bed, falling asleep instantly. I shower and put on some comfy pajama shorts and a tank top, heading down stairs.

"Hi honey," mom greets, "How's Ron?"

"He's sleeping. He needed to blow off some steam so we went for a work out."

Mom raises an eyebrow. "What kind of work out?"

"Well, we warmed up with some basic stuff, did some Kung Fu, kickboxing, boxing... the usual."

"Honey, your doctor said no contact sports until your rib healed. Let me see it."

"Ron might have been completely infuriated, but he minded the rib. No harm done, I promise- hey! What are you doing to my shirt, mom?"

"I'm just lifting it to check your ribs." she pokes and prods me for a minute, and I sullenly sit still, flinching occasionally when she gets to a spot that hurts. She looks me over, her eyebrow wrinkling. "Are you... is that a bruise?"

I shrug. "You should see the other guy."

Dad puts down the TV remote and turns to me. "You let Ronald beat you?"

"No way! He doesn't beat me, dad. We train to fight. Period. Ron and I spar with each other and fight with the bad guys. Generally losing isn't an option in the real sitch. This type of training allows me to bust the bad guys up pretty good, anyway, so give it a rest."

"Kimmie, I know Ron is hurt and angry but letting him take it out on you wasn't very-"

"What else was I supposed to do? He was so wrapped up in being a pissed off jerk that he wasn't even paying attention to Han anymore! He let Monique flirt with him. He so had to go down for that!"

Mom sighs, probably feeling like this discussion was going nowhere. Dad looks a bit deranged and I wonder if he has a space probe he's launching this week...

I walk across the room and sink onto the couch, wrapping my arms around my knees and burying my face in my knees. "He's falling apart at the seams," I mumble into my lap. "I don't care if it hurts, I'll do whatever it takes to stop it." Tears burn my eyes.

"Kimmie-"

"He'd do the same for me."

Mom wraps her arms around me, and I lean into her. "Everything will be okay," she says into my hair, and I shake my head.

"Two funerals. Two people that loved me, and that I loved. Two people that died on my watch. I shouldn't have been on that mission, I should have been investigating the people stalking Ron. Shego could have handled that herself."

"Honey, it's not your fault-"

"I'm supposed to save the world! I couldn't even save my best friend... I couldn't save his family. How can anyone call me a hero when I let my best friend's life be destroyed?"

"Honey there are things that are out of any person's control, even you. You couldn't have known that this would happen."

I squeeze my eyes shut, but the stupid tears leak out anyway.

Mom rubs my back. Her hand falters so briefly that anyone else would have missed it.

I reach my hand out, and after a few moments, his warm hand meets it.

"I can't sneak around on you can I?" I feel the other side of the couch sink, and then his arms are around me too, and his lips are in my hair.

"No, not really," I chuckle through my tears. "Feel better?"

"Yes. Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me," I whisper. "I owe you."

He snorts. "For what? Doing what you do best?"

I stiffen and he kisses my hair. "You can't sneak around on me either, Kimmie. I have a right to be on vacation with my family..."

"And you have a right to me having your back, and I didn't."

"You always have my back. No one bats a thousand." He echoes the words Monique used at the very beginning of senior year.

I shake my head, and more of those stupid tears drip down my legs.

"There's one person to blame for this." his voice is almost unemotional, but I shiver at the ice in his words. "It isn't you," he adds, and his tone is softer. His fingers tangle in my hair and I see his other hand slip under my arm. "Look at me." His honey eyes meet mine, serious and intense. He wipes my cheek with his thumb. "I love you," he says simply. "This isn't your fault."

"But I should have..."

"KP they tried to get us out of the way to do what they wanted without interference. If I had been in that car I would be dead too. If you'd tried to stop them you'd be dead too."

"I don't care," I tell him savagely. "Better me than you, or Han, or anyone else! I should have been there!"

"No, Kimmie," he whispers. "The world needs you. Don't blame yourself for being... brave and special... and beautiful and... amazing. Don't. Because without you this planet would fall to pieces just as surely as I would."

"I'd rather the whole world fall apart than you."

After a long silence, "Kim... can I ask you something? Be honest."

I stare at him, waiting for him to ask.

"Do you remember when Drakken stole the Hephaestus Project from your dad, that we went to get him?" I nod, and Dad watches us intently. "I was surrounded by syntho-henchmen and your dad was about to get fed to that giant mutant octopus thing." I nod again. His eyes bore into mine. "The line was lowering your dad in the tank, and you ran to help him, but I yelled. What did you do?"

"I-I destroyed the drones."

"And your dad?"

"I-I... knew I could save him, but you... I-I had to stop them from hurting you..." my breath starts to come short. I know what he's asking, and I don't want to say it out loud, but his voice is low, smooth and commanding.

"Say it, Kimmie."

"No," I protest, tears filling my eyes again.

"You didn't know that you could save him, did you?"

"I can do anything," I snap at him.

"You can't have it both ways, KP baby. Either you risked your own father's life for mine, or you could have made it back from Norway in time to save my parents and we wouldn't be having this conversation."

I shake my head. "There are always risks. I knew dad would be okay."

"But you didn't know."

"I had to stop the... they would have hurt you, and I wouldn't have been able to fight them and save dad alone."

"You just said you can do anything."

"Stop it!" I scream at him. "I did what I had to do!"

"You were willing to sacrifice your dad for me," he whispers.

"I can't... lose you."

Dad's face is pale and sort of clammy.

"I saw you, KP. You looked at him, and you looked at me, and you jumped in and blocked a hit from one of those robot guys. You took them all out in the time it takes to say 'boo yah' and you didn't even blink when your dad went under. You risked your family. For me. Willingly." I stay silent. I have nothing to say to that, it's the truth. The scariest part is that I would do it again.

Ron takes my left hand, absently toying with my ring. "KP, if I'd told you that I didn't feel safe, what would you have done?"

"I would have stayed," I answer, without hesitation. "I would have investigated every possible lead."

"And if I'd known that they'd followed us on vacation, and told you?"

"I would have gone to meet you."

"And Professor Dementor would have been free to continue his dangerous ridiculous experiment on unsuspecting towns. And you wouldn't have been able to help Tim get that date. You have a life KP, and I have one too. We both have a right to that." I scrub my eyes with the heel of my hands, getting ready to argue again. He cuts me off. "If you'd come, we'd both be dead and Han would have no one. She'd be in the hands of that scum and he'd use her blood to take over the world. It was either my parents or you and Han."

"You didn't know they were going to follow you. But I should have known! When we started doing these types of missions I swore to myself I'd never let you get hurt. I... I failed you," I cry.

"No, Kimmie," he says, squeezing me close to him. "You did the best you could, like you always do. No one blames you for this. It happened... and we can't change it."

Dad clears his throat. It's obvious he has no idea what to say to the fact that I may or may not have left him up to Luck's mercy to save Ron. Mom is just staring at us.

Ron's hands frame my face again, wiping my tears with his thumb and pushing my hair back. "When we started doing these types of missions, we knew what was at risk. Your parents supported you and mine did too. They knew the risks. We always protected them, and sometimes they protected us. The Possible-Stoppable team is not just Kim and Ron, it's all of them, too. And they all run the same risks we do."

"No," I shake my head, "they don't. Dementor, Drakken... all of them, their beef is with me and you. They didn't have to drag anyone else into this!"

"They didn't. They use it, yeah for sure. Drakken could have stolen any cybertronic project. Dementor could have kidnapped Wade and forced him to make a new battlesuit for him, but instead he invented a device so that he could kill you with your own. Really, these people are underhanded and evil, and it doesn't matter how much we shield everyone from it, people we know are bound to get hurt, and we knew that going into this. For pete sakes, Drakken found a way to get your grandma to beat you up."

"You're right I guess," I concede.

"Then I guess it is safe to say that the difference between what happened then and what is happening now is that you had a choice."

I nod. "But that doesn't change the fact that your parents are dead."

"No, it doesn't. It isn't supposed to. Nothing we could have done then or can do now will change it."

My shoulders sag. "Then... what happens next?"

His sigh is heavy. "I don't know, Kim. I don't know."