Chapter 10 –
EPOV
Edward was restless. Over the weekend he had developed a nervous energy that he couldn't contain, and it seemed to be driving his family crazy.
For some unknown reason he woke up at 6:00 am - on a Sunday. It was unprecedented.
Eight hours later, he wasn't exactly moping around the house, but as he walked from room to room, trying to find a way to make the time go faster, he definitely became more aggravated.
As he entered the kitchen for the fifth time, he let out a loud sigh and dropped himself heavily onto one of the kitchen stools. Moving his legs back and forth, he began to tap on the side of the counter with his toes.
Da dum, da dum, da dum.
Looking around the room and finding nothing to occupy his attention, he sighed again.
"Edward! If you don't stop with that tapping right now, I will have to kill you. And I know your father won't be too pleased about losing his first born, but trust me, he'll get over it."
Freezing at the sound of his mother's exasperated tone, Edward slowly lowered his feet to rest on the stool and waited for her to turn around from her place at the stove. Esme approached him with a wooden spoon in hand, and for a second, he thought she might hit him with it.
"Now, shut up and try this. Then you can tell me what's going on with you."
Leaning forward warily, Edward blew on the spoon before trying some of the sauce his mother was offering.
"Hmm," he murmured half-heartedly, "It's good, Mom."
"Good?" Esme turned back to the stove and dropped the spoon into the sauce before taking a seat across from her son. "Just good? Okay, spill. What's up with you this weekend?"
"Nothing, Mom. I'm just a little bored."
Esme just watched him for a moment, taking in the jiggling of his leg and the way he kept gnawing on his fingernails or running his hands through his hair.
"Bored?" The disbelief in her question was clear. Edward was never bored. Even if he had no plans, he was always perfectly happy to while away hours by himself, reading or playing his music. "No homework?"
"Done."
"Nothing to work on at the piano?"
"I don't feel like it."
"Run out of interesting books to read as well, I suppose?"
"Nothing's holding my attention. I can't seem to concentrate on the words."
"Alice!" The sudden volume of his mother's voice made Edward start in surprise, and when he opened his mouth, she just waved him away absently.
"Yeah Mom?" Alice entered the kitchen quickly as though she was waiting to be called.
"There's something wrong with your brother." Edward's jaw dropped as Alice just rolled her eyes.
"Well obviously. Anything specific though?" As both his mother and sister turned to him, one with a look of curiosity and the other with a devilish glint in her eye, he was suddenly worried about where this conversation might lead.
"He won't tell me, but he's been under my feet all day. So unless you can fill me in, you'll have to entertain him for the rest of the day."
"No thanks. He's already been in my room three times today." Alice glanced at her brother and smiled. "Maybe it's a girl." She shrugged nonchalantly like the idea had just occurred to her, and Edward wanted nothing more, in that moment, than to be an only child.
"A girl?" Esme's head whipped back and forth between the two of them, before settling on Edward. "What girl? Who is she? What's she like?"
The rapid fire questions were making his head spin, and he shot a dark look at his sister as she giggled.
"Mom! Calm down. She doesn't know what she's talking about." Stopping in the middle of her barrage, Esme studied her two children carefully.
"So there's no girl?" Alice raised her eyebrows as if to say, "I've said my piece."
"I'm just a little fed up, that's all. Small town life's taking some getting used to." Edward stretched as he stood and began to leave the room. "I mean, I'm actually looking forward to going to school tomorrow."
The two gasps rang out in perfect unison from behind him, and Edward realized his mistake instantly. His mother's voice rang out clearly as he walked away.
"Oh, there's definitely a girl. I look forward to meeting her soon."
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Pulling into the parking lot ten minutes earlier than usual, Edward was wide awake as he scanned the few occupied bays for the lumbering red truck.
"She's not here, Edward. You know she's never early. So why do we have to be early?" Leaning forward to rest her chin in her hand, Alice looked around the lot for herself. "See?"
"Can you just give me a break for a bit, Ali?" The teasing from his family had been merciless for the rest of the weekend; his dad and Alice were a formidable team.
Yet, underneath the teasing, they all seemed pleased. He kept catching his mom looking at him with a gentle smile, and she kept finding excuses to hug him or touch his arm. Edward knew he had been difficult for the past six months, but from the look of happiness on his mother's face, he obviously hadn't realized how much they had been worried about him.
"I will." Alice paused as Emmett's jeep pulled into the lot. "But I don't know about those guys. It's pretty obvious, Edward, and Emmett seems to be enjoying himself with this."
As she jumped out of the car with a wave and started making her way over to their new friends, Edward followed with slight reluctance. He knew she was right.
"Eddie! So ,do we finally get some details out of you?" Emmett shouted when Edward was still half way across the lot.
Shaking his head, Edward replied, "There's nothing to tell man." Alice edged up toward Jasper, and Edward watched as he lifted his arm to rest over her shoulders as though they had been doing it for years.
Edward felt a slight twinge of envy at the ease with which they had settled into each other and wondered why things couldn't be that simple with Bella.
"He wouldn't tell me anything either. We'll just have to ask Bella." Alice looked up at Emmett and Jasper for approval as they both nodded.
"Hmm, I suppose so, Pix. Though she's not particularly chatty about these things either." Jasper squinted into the distance as a faint rumbling gradually became more persistent until Bella's truck appeared from around the corner.
"Yeah, it took me nearly half an hour to get it out of her." Everyone turned just in time to see Rosalie turn her back to them and disappear in the direction of the Quad.
"What the fuck?" Shaking his head, Emmett watched his girlfriend walk away. "That's just wrong. She never tells me shit." Pouting like a little kid, Emmett started to follow behind Rosalie. After a moment, Jasper and Alice began to walk away too.
Edward watched as Bella parked her truck across two bays, and leaned her head against the window. He waited for her to get out as people started making their way inside the building.
She finally moved just as the bell rang, cracking the window as she lit a cigarette.
Realizing she wasn't going to be moving anytime soon, Edward turned to walk into the school for first period. With a backward glance, he stopped.
"Fuck it," he muttered to himself as he jogged over to the truck and knocked on the window quickly before opening the door and climbing in.
Bella turned to watch him with wide eyes, the cigarette dangling from her fingertips as though she had forgotten it was there.
"So, Bella. Are we ditching today?" He raised one eyebrow and smiled at her.
Seeming to shake herself out of a stupor, Bella turned away from him to look out the window.
"What do you want, Edward?" she sighed out the words as though he was wasting her time and didn't even bother looking back at him.
"I noticed you weren't coming into school, and I thought you might want some company." Edward tried to keep his tone light. Although he wasn't entirely surprised by her reaction, he was disappointed.
"Why?" She dropped the cigarette out the window and swivelled in her seat to face him but wouldn't meet his eyes.
"You know why." Edward tilted his head to try and force her to look at him, but as she moved to continue staring out of the window, he sighed. "Look, I'm tired of you trying to stay away from me, Bella."
Darting her head up immediately, Edward smiled again at the look of shock on Bella's face and at the blush that was starting to become familiar to him.
"But your fucking mood swings are giving me whiplash."
Choking out a laugh, Bella shook her head in disbelief and turned back to the front of the truck and, without responding, turned the key in the ignition.
BPOV
Her hands were shaking so badly that she couldn't finish smoking her cigarette and had to throw it out of the window.
Driving was distracting. Bella knew she shouldn't look at him as she pretended to concentrate on the road, which was a perfect excuse not to.
With her hands clamped down on the steering wheel, the shaking started to subside as well. But her palms were still damp, and she was biting down on her bottom lip almost painfully to keep her composure.
Bella kept opening her mouth to say something, but her mind was drawing a complete blank. It was a strange situation. Usually Bella always had something to say; a witty comeback, a strong opinion. It was only when she opened her mouth to actually say them that things started going wrong. Which was why she didn't usually bother.
But it was different with Edward . When she looked at him, she couldn't focus on anything else, and the nerves that were normally just uncomfortable, became debilitating in an entirely new way.
The silence in the cab of the truck was making Bella uneasy, and although Edward seemed fine as she glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, she felt the pressure for small talk building on her.
Normal people would be chatting by now, making idle conversation and getting to know each other better. Bella fumbled desperately through her thoughts for something to say, something interesting and insightful, but came up short.
As a last resort she grabbed her iPod from her bag and tossed it onto the seat between them.
"Music?"
Edward just hummed in response and began scrolling through her playlists, concentration clear on his face, and Bella couldn't help but smile as he made inadvertent noises in reaction to her choices.
After a couple of minutes, Bella began to worry when he still hadn't picked anything to listen to.
"Are you gonna plug that in or just read it all day?" She tried to make it sound blithe and teasing, but her voice sounded sharp to her ears.
"Hmm? Oh, yeah, sorry. I was just intrigued by your tastes." As he leaned forward to plug the iPod in to her ancient stereo, he shot her that same crooked smile he'd used before, and Bella felt her insides twist and tingle. "I think eclectic would be an understatement."
Before she could respond, the music started. Bella always drove with the volume cranked up. She hadn't bothered to turn it down before cutting the engine, and she laughed as Edward jumped out of his seat at the sudden volume blaring out of the speakers.
When she recognized the music, her smile broadened. He had managed to pick one of her favorite songs - and one she could never help but sing along with.
Hello
I've waited here for you
Everlong
Tonight
I throw myself into
And out of the red, out of her head she sang
Come down
And waste away with me
Down with me
Slow how
You wanted it to be
I'm over my head, out of her head she sang
At first she sang quietly along with the familiar lyrics, but behind the wheel of her truck, Bella always felt in control, free of all the things that usually weighed her down. By the time they reached the chorus, she was yelling the lyrics as they sped down the road.
And I wonder
When I sing along with you
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again
The only thing I'll ever ask of you
You've got to promise not to stop when I say when
She sang
As the music slowed back down into the verse, Bella immediately became self-conscious, and risked a look over at Edward to see his reaction to her outburst.
His head tilted back against the seat, eyes closed, and hands drumming on his knees, Edward sang along just as carelessly.
Opening his eyes just as they reached the chorus, Edward smiled widely and raised one eyebrow at Bella in a silent question, and she couldn't help but grin back as they both began to sing again.
And I wonder
When I sing along with you
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again
The only thing I'll ever ask of you
You've got to promise not to stop when I say when
She sang
As the song faded out, Edward reached forward to turn down the volume and smirked at Bella.
"Foo Fighters, huh? Good to know." As Bella raised her eyebrows in confusion, Edward shook his head with a chuckle. "Anything that makes you look that happy… it's good to know about."
Bella could feel the blush start to creep up her cheeks at his words and instantly wished that she could hide it. Hide from him and the things he said, things that just made her feel ridiculous and unworthy.
Shrinking back into her seat and allowing her hair to fall between them, Bella settled for what little obscurity she could get.
Focusing on the road, she felt the current in the air just before his fingertips touched her, gently sweeping her hair back to rest behind her ear.
"Hey, stop hiding from me." His voice was soft and almost pleading, but Bella had been rendered speechless by the tender touch of his finger on her skin, and she managed only to nod her head in response. "Okay." Fighting the urge to look at him again, Bella bit her lip as the low sultry sound of his laughter enveloped her. "So, where are we going anyway?"
Taking a deep breath Bella tried not to stutter as she answered.
"Umm, well there's not much to do in Forks. I, uh, I usually just go somewhere quiet." Bella swallowed audibly and rolled her eyes as she realized how dull she sounded. "You know, read, listen to music."
"Yeah, I get that. So, where exactly?" Relieved that he wasn't bored with her already, Bella felt a little more confident.
"Just wait and see."
"Okay." Without another word, Edward settled back in his seat and watched the greenery outside his window pass by in a blur.
A while later, Bella turned into a barely visible dirt road, slowing down as her truck bounced over bumps and through puddles. Edward moved forward to try and figure out where they were headed. As the forest around them became denser and the road darkened, Edward turned to Bella, a cautious look in his eyes.
"You sure you know where you're going?"
"Calm down, city boy. I know exactly where I'm going."
"Really? 'Cause that looks like a dead end up ahead." Bella leaned forward in a mirror image of Edward's anxious pose and hunched over the steering wheel.
"Oh my God, you're right!" Exclaiming in mock surprise, Bella turned to Edward with a sly smile. "It does look like a dead end."
Slowing down even further, Bella edged toward the wall of foliage in front of the truck and gradually began to push through.
"What the fuck?" Edward laughed as Bella continued to forge her way through the leaves. "It's like going through nature's carwash."
"I know." Bella giggled at his description, having thought the same thing time and again herself. It felt just like going through the carwash as a kid: the faint claustrophobia of the water and cloths draping over the car, the nerves warring with the excitement as to when you would make it to the other side. Everything was echoed by the opaque leaves.
Sunlight began to appear almost immediately as the truck inched its way through, pushing the foliage aside to reveal the dusty grey sky and, in the distance, the steel shaded expanse of the ocean.
Cutting out the engine, Bella turned to take in Edward's dumb stuck expression.
"Wow." With his eyes wide and jaw hanging, Edward stared at the horizon. "How did you find this place?"
"We didn't really," Bella shrugged, "More like we rediscovered it. Jacob's dad had always told him about this perfect bluff, and how the road was hidden from all the locals. He used to boast that only the tribal elders knew how to get here, and that none of the kids on the Rez would ever find it. So, obviously, Jake made it a personal mission to find it."
Smiling as she recalled Jake's amazement when he had finally found it and dragged her up to the point immediately, Bella looked around the familiar spot.
"As far as I know, we're still the only ones who know how to get here. Just the five of us."
"Six now." Edward's eyes were strangely intense, and Bella was suddenly hesitant and uncertain as to why she had brought him here. Trying to play it off as inconsequential, she smirked and looked away from his face.
"Not really, if I thought you'd be able to find your way back, I probably wouldn't have brought you." Looking back just in time to see the disappointment fill his eyes, Bella immediately regretted her words but couldn't think of a way to take them back.
"Sure." He nodded. "Well, I better take a look around while I have the chance then."
As he left the truck and began to approach the edge of the bluff, Bella opened her door and climbed onto the hood of her truck. Resting her back against the windscreen and wrapping her hoody tightly around herself, she watched him.
She still couldn't quite believe that he was here; that Edward Cullen had voluntarily followed her; that for some reason she couldn't fathom, he seemed to want to spend the day with her.
Reaching the tip of the bluff, he leaned out slowly, confident in his grace, to take in the drop. Despite his apparent ease, Bella found herself anxiously tensing and clenching her fists until he righted himself and simply stood looking out at the view.
With a sigh of relief, she relaxed back into the window and just took him in.
Even though she had been trying to fight it and stop herself from staring shamelessly at Edward whenever she could, now that she had the opportunity, she was making the most of it.
Even from this distance, she could clearly make out the definition in his arms as he raised them to run his fingers through his hair. His broad shoulders tapered into a narrow waist as the simple t-shirt he wore rippled in the sea air, highlighting his lean and toned form.
Bella's gaze drifted lower to the loose and faded denim of his jeans slung dangerously low on his hips, as always, a thin band of tempting underwear on show.
It was obvious that Edward didn't really care what he wore. Casual and comfortable, he always looked damn good, but the fact that he seemed to barely make any effort, made him all the more attractive.
As the sparse sunlight glinted through his bronze hair, she couldn't help but remember how soft it had felt gripped in her hands, and how she wanted to be the one to make it messy like that every day.
Remembering the feel of his hair brought back other memories from their kiss, and Bella's hand again rose unconsciously to run her fingers along her lips as though to relive the sensations.
When he turned his head to the side to glance along the edge of the cliff to where she sat, he shot her that same crooked grin, and Bella would have sworn that had she been standing, her knees would have gone weak.
Just before he started walking back, it vaguely occurred to her that it should be illegal for someone to look that good all the time. It just wasn't fair to everyone else.
Stopping at the hood of the truck, he smirked at her position. Her breath actually caught when he lifted himself up and crawled along the hood toward her before he turned to lay at her side.
"You don't like the view up here?" he asked as he settled beside her, close enough that Bella could feel the strange vibrations between them. The ones that made her skin itch to have him touch her.
"No, I like the view a lot. But I can see it from back here I don't need to stand right at the edge." Edward smiled knowingly at her, and Bella felt that haze of confusion settle over her again as she stared into his eyes. When his fingers scratched along the faint stubble on his chin, she suddenly had the insane urge to lick along his jaw line.
"So, you don't like the edge then?" Pulling her eyes away from his face and back over the cliff she shrugged. "Are you afraid of heights? Because I promise, I won't let you fall."
"No, I'm not afraid of falling; that's kind of the problem." Realizing she was sounding a little macabre, Bella lightened her tone. "Besides, I promised Jas I wouldn't go down there anymore."
Edward moved closer to her, and she could feel his eyes on her as she continued to look out at the ocean in the distance.
"Why?" The simple question seemed loaded and heavy, and Bella wondered what he was really asking her.
"Because. The guys on the Rez go cliff diving all the time, and one night I decided I wanted to try it."
"What happened?" She could almost feel the concern in Edward's voice, and she hoped for a moment that it would ground her in the here and now as she closed her eyes and inhaled deeply.
"Bells? Bells! Where are you?"
Rose's voice was lilting and high as she called for her in a singing tone. The giggling accompanying it was nothing like her usual hard exterior.
The ground beneath her feet became looser the closer she came to the edge, and Bella didn't call back as she inched her way forward.
At war with her own equilibrium, Bella wavered in the strong salty wind whipping her hair about her face, but she didn't feel the cold.
They'd been up here for hours, bundled up in blankets in the bed of her truck to watch the stars - hotboxing in the cab, laughing, and having a good time - when the emptiness struck.
Sometimes it happened that way; one moment she'd be fine and the next, barely holding back tears. Suddenly she'd felt so alone, so desolate that the smiling faces of her friends seemed to mock her.
As if they were aware of her innate inability to be happy and wanted to flaunt theirs.
She left them behind her somewhere in the darkness and not really caring where she was walking until she focused on the roar of the waves hitting the cliffs below.
As her toes reached the precipice, she titled forward unnaturally and gasped.
She wanted to jump, not fall.
Fighting against her own imbalance and the tug of the wind, she pulled back and sat down.
Her legs dangling over the edge, she looked down fully for the first time.
Surveying the inky blackness, she wondered what it would feel like to submerge herself in that crashing darkness. Would the coldness be hard and numbing, like plunging into an ice cold bath, or would the intensity of it feel like being stabbed with a thousand white hot needles?
Would the currents toss her around like a rag doll, throwing her body against the unforgiving walls of stone, or would she simply sink to the bottom unnoticed?
Standing slowly, she teetered precariously, taking breath after breath to prepare herself.
Finally she lifted her foot and placing it over the edge, she hovered in that weightless moment between standing and falling.
Rather than the cool wind rushing past her skin, she felt a vice clamp around her arm and a burning pain in her shoulder as she was yanked backwards. Landing on the dusty ground, she looked around in confusion.
Calloused fingertips roughly grasped her face and pulled her into focus. Jasper's eyes were darker than she'd ever seen them, but his voice was even.
"No, Bella." Shaking his head slowly, he pulled her to her feet, his voice only breaking as he called into the distance, "Found her."
Opening her eyes slowly, Bella exhaled and turned back to Edward.
"Nothing really. I was just about to jump when he pulled me back. Apparently it's a little too high for recreation here. It was probably a good thing. I'm not the strongest swimmer." She smiled sheepishly and shook her head.
Edward didn't return her smile or laugh at the story. His expression was unreadable.
"So now you just stay away from the edge?"
"Yep." She laughed a little. "It's obviously just too tempting for me"
As he continued to stare at her, Bella became aware of the tension in his expression. He looked almost angry as he reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose.
"Bella, you really need to take better care of yourself."
Bristling immediately, Bella shook her head strongly.
"You don't get to tell me how to behave, Edward." Startled by her harsh tone, he looked up. "You don't even know me. I do look after myself; it's all I've ever done. So I don't need you judging me."
As she moved to slide off the truck, Edward grabbed her hand, and she froze.
"I'm not judging you. I'm just worried about you." He hesitated for a second before looking straight into her eyes again. "You're right, Bella, I don't really know you. But I want to."
Feeling herself buckle under the weight of his words, Bella shrugged helplessly.
"What do you want from me, Edward?" As his mouth opened and closed without a response, she tried again. "Why are you here?"
"Because I want to be," His small smile was almost shy as he ran his hand through his hair. "I can't seem to stop thinking about you, and I don't know if I want to. Isn't that enough?"
Nodding dumbly, Bella felt her skin warm. She couldn't understand why he was here or why he said the things he did, but she didn't want him to stop.
With a low groan, Edward raised their clasped hands to his face so the back of her hand was resting on his lips. The brief contact was like a static charge that Bella felt through her entire body.
"You're going to have to stop doing that."
"What?" Her question came out somewhere between a squeak and a whisper, and Edward tilted his head to the side to smile at her.
"Blushing like that. I'm finding it pretty irresistible right now." He chuckled softly, but Bella immediately began to blush more furiously and dropped her eyes, biting her lip with her nerves. "Yeah, that's not helping either."
Her head rising in surprise, Bella barely had time to register what was happening before Edward's mouth was on hers.
Bella couldn't get over the softness of his lips, but where he had been gentle before, he was now kissing her forcefully, and Bella reciprocated eagerly. As his tongue swept along her lip she opened her mouth and reveled in the feel of his tongue as it flicked out to meet her own.
Their hands still clasped, Edward began to move his thumb in circles on the back of her hand, the small movements were soft but with a sense of urgency. His other hand lifted to cup her neck firmly and pull her body toward him.
As she slid across the hood of her truck, Bella reached out a hand to stop from losing her balance and grasped onto Edward's shirt, fisting it as their kisses became more frantic.
When he broke away from her lips to suck lightly on the sensitive skin of her neck, a soft groan escaped her at the sheer pleasure of the sensations, and she let her head drop back to allow him more access.
Her skin tingled in every place where they touched and her body reacted instinctually, the heat pooling. Making herself pliant to his movements, Bella began to lie back on the hood of the truck, his body resting hesitantly above hers. Just as he began to lower himself, a shrill ringing sounded loudly.
Pulling back with an exasperated grunt, Edward hung his head and fumbled in his pocket pulling out his cell phone.
"What?" he answered shortly, and Bella stifled a laugh at his tone. Listening, she could only make out the tinny sounds of someone else talking, but as it continued, Edward slowly sat up and moved away.
"Yeah, I'm with her. She's fine, Ali." Edward glanced up and rolled his eyes. "No, I just didn't feel like it," he said, flicking his eyes down and back up to her face quickly. "I know. Yeah, I'll be back. Thanks, Ali."
Tossing the phone from hand to hand, Edward looked back out toward the sea for a moment before turning back to Bella.
"Alice says can you please answer your phone, 'cause Rose wants to know where the fuck you are."
"Shit." Bella rolled her eyes as she slid off the truck and made her way to the driver's door, grabbing her phone from the seat. She noted the missed calls and began to read the messages, quickly replying to Rose.
Where's the fire? Just gone for a drive. Talk to you later ~ B
Scrolling through the messages, Bella stopped at one from Jasper.
B, Rose is freakin, but I'm guessing you're with Edward so I'm not worried. You shouldn't be either, he can handle it. ~ J
She paused as she considered whether to reply or not, but there was nothing she could say in a text. She didn't even know where to begin.
"So, I guess we better head back soon. I need to pick up Alice from school." Edward sounded reluctant as he moved off of the truck to stand across from her, and Bella wanted to ask him to just stay with her for however long he would. But she didn't.
"Sure, let's go."
Bella felt the familiar nerves wash over her as she climbed back into the truck, as though their time on the bluff had just been an ellipsis from her real life. She didn't even know what all of this meant, or if Edward would want it to carry on at all.
As she turned the truck around, Edward turned to look out the rear window toward the cliff edge behind them.
"Thanks for bringing me here."
Her first instinct was to act like it hadn't meant anything, but when she saw the earnest expression on his face, she stopped short and decided to be sincere for once.
"You're welcome."
His smile told her she had said the right thing, and when he reached for her hand again, she felt an unfamiliar contentment flood through her.
A/N - Okay, so as usual Savage Woman and Belle of the B are amazing and deal with my excessive comma usage. Will I ever learn? It's doubtful. This is kind of a slow burn, but honestly, we're getting somewhere eventually.
If you felt like leaving me a review that would be awesome - I'd really like to hear what people think, and I know there's a couple of you out there reading this (thanks btw!)...what do you think? Shall I stick with it?