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A Soldier's Last Stand.

Believe in Hope.

Sam

How do you repair a broken family when a part of it isn't there?

What happens when the puzzle is incomplete and the pieces won't fit?

...I wish you knew how sorry I am...

Dad fell apart last night. I watched him shatter in pain and confusion. He should have gone to Dean then, righted the wrong my brother felt. But he couldn't. He couldn't reach out to my broken brother because he wasn't there.

I was unprepared for the emotions that slammed into me as I watched my father clutching a tearstained letter on the floor. Shock nearly brought me to my knees when I registered the blazing emotion in my mind.

Anger.

For the first time, since this mess started, I was...angry with Dean...

And straight away I knew that wasn't right. I knew my anger was misplaced, Dean didn't deserve it. But I couldn't let it go. I didn't understand. Tears were flowing in gentle waterfalls down my cheeks, my lungs gasped for oxygen. Dad turned a pained, startled gaze to me.

"Sammy?"

"I hate him."

Dad took me in his arms, it didn't occur to me to be surprised. All I knew was my longing for security, my wish to have my father and my brother.

...Is this what you felt, Dean? This hole inside you? How long did you feel it?...Does it ever go away?...

"Who?"

"Dean. I hate him."

I don't.

"Think about what you're saying, Sam."

"I am. I hate him so much!" My fists had raised to catch Dad pathetically in the chest. He let me beat my hands against him. Let me work out my anger and betrayal.

NO!...Why am I speaking poison?

"You love him, Sam."

"I...I...I'm so angry with him. Why won't he come back?" I sagged against his chest, his arms wrapped around me. Even in my state I knew that the embrace was wrong. I didn't feel as safe, there was thawing love in these arms, not the blazing love I was used to.

"It's all right to be angry. I am too. But we can't let that drive Dean further away from us. You need to stay strong, Sammy. Understand?"

I nodded. "We need to show Dean we love him. Not that we're angry with him."

"That's right. I believe Dean will come back, one day."

"I want him back now. I miss him."

"I know."

I pulled free from Dad's arms, scrubbing a hand over traitorous tears. I shot a weak smile in Dad's direction, watching as a ghost of a smile found his lips. Dad picked up Dean's letter, the words his bleeding soul had hammered into ours. The guilt we were only just beginning to feel, the blame we were only just beginning to understand. Dad gently placed the paper down on the desk, smoothing the paper against the wood.

"We'll find him." Bobby's voice was a surprising comfort behind me. I turned in surprise.

"You told us not to go after him." Dad accused.

"Call me crazy, but something isn't right."

"What do you mean?" I asked, fear squeezing my mind.

"I'm not sure. Something's telling me to find Dean." He started to walk out of the door before I could respond to his words. But he glanced over his shoulder, pinning his gaze to Dad's. "Don't forget him, John. Don't let the hunt drag you back in. Your sons need their father. Not a hunter."

"I won't, Bobby. Well find Dean."

Satisfied, Bobby continued his journey out of the room. I span around to Dad, alarm flickering through my body.

"Dad?"

"What's wrong, Sam?"

"Don't hunt! Please! You hunt and Dean will be able to get further away from us. We'll never ever find him. Don't go on the hunt."

How could I have forgotten...Dad breathes for the hunt, it's a part of him...NO! I can't let him..Dean won't come back if he knows Dad choose to hunt instead of looking for him.

"Easy, Tiger. I won't hunt until Dean is safely back with us."

"You promise?"

"Yes. Sam. I promise. Dean comes first." He didn't pause. I could see no lies in his eyes. His voice screamed sincerity.

"I'll hold you to it." I threatened and left the room.

I found Bobby later, bent over the phone and a list. With a sigh, he hung up the phone and scribbled furiously on the list. Scrubbing a hand over his beard, he turned to th phone again, leaning back against his chair, fragile hope on his face. I settled on the work surfaces near him.

"Hey, Jack. Bobby Singer here. Any signs of...damn! No, no its fine. He's an unbelievable hunter, we'll be lucky to find a footprint... All right. Thanks anyway...keep an eye out...OK?"

Something told me he had been having the same conversation for a while. The words in a different order but the answer always the same.

"Bobby?" I questioned, even though I knew the answer.

"No one's seen him. That Idgit can't have fallen of the edge of the world."

"You said it yourself, Bobby. He's an amazing hunter. He won't be found without a fight." Dad commented, slipping into the room.

"I know. But none of my contacts have seen anything. There's over fifty people written down here. How can he have escaped notice by all of them?" Bobby asked

"He's too good. Damn, how'd this get so far out of hand?"

"Can't we try a spell or something?" I asked

"It's too dangerous and Dean would probaly have blocked it."

"Can't we try it?"

"No. You'll endanger us and there's no guarantee it'll find Dean. He's been a hunter long enough to know how to block it."

"Your daddy's right. We'll find him another way."

With a sigh, I moved around to glance at the list Bobby had before him. So many names were scratched out, eating away at hope. Slowly destroying my chance of finding Dean.

"Have you called all of these people?" I stabbed my finger at the paper.

"All except Caleb."

"I'll call him!"

I scooped up the phone, dialling in the number of the hunter I knew little about.

"Hello?" His voice was familiar, comforting, rekindling something inside me.

"Caleb? It's Sam Winchester."

"John's kid? What can I do for you?"

"Dean's gone missing. Have you seen him?"

"Can't say I have. When did you last see him?"

"Last Monday. Caleb...there was a misunderstand that caused Dean to leave..."

"John lost control of his tongue?"

"Something like that. Are you sure you've heard nothing? Surely someone you know has seen him?"

"No. No one's seen him. I've heard nothing but I'll keep a look out."

"Thank you."

"Good luck, kid."

With a click he hung up. I placed the phone back on Bobby's desk. "He knows nothing. But says he'll look for Dean."

"Better than nothing, I guess."

Finding you seems like an impossible dream.

...Come back, Dean...

You don't know what this is doing to me...

"Go to bed Sam. You look exhausted."

There wasn't enough left in me to fight my father's order. With a small nod, I followed the hallway to the bedroom.

I paused by my bed, staring at the cold, empty one where Dean should be. The pillows and blankets were smooth, unable to find a body to ruffle them. A glossy magazine with a half dressed girl collected dust on the bedside table. His clothes were thrown messily over a chair in the far corner. I have a thousand memories of my brother. Always the protector, the peace keeper, the one holding the foundations of our broken family together. When was the last time I was there for him? He wouldn't let me sooth him after his nightmares. He turned his back to me and embraced the darkness. I left my bed, falling into Dean's. It didn't smell of him anymore, it was frozen. Stuck in the same nightmare that we were.

"I miss you so much." I sobbed into a worn pillow.

I imagined I could hear my older brother's gentle voice. I pretended I could hear him breathing. I made believe he was with me...and I'd never felt more alone.