Author's Note: I'm so sorry. That's all I can really say, since I haven't updated since January. I hate listing reasons as to why I haven't posted, so I won't, but essentially, I've got a lot going on with school and the like. I hope those of you who actually read this story and enjoy it (probably not too many of you) will understand and choose to forgive me for my long period of absence. I can't say that this will be the last, honestly, but I will try to get the chapters out as quickly as possible. I wasn't going to put out Chapter 11 tonight, but I think that it would be best to do that, at least, since both chapters are shorter and relatively uneventful. So yeah, expect Chapter 11 as well tonight, and enjoy Chapter 10!
Disclaimer: I don't own BTR.
Brring. Brring. Finally, 6th period English had ended. I was so glad to be done with all the Shakespeare talk, and was in such a hurry to leave that I didn't even notice that I hadn't zipped my backpack up. Of course, all of my books and binders fell out of my bag, right in the middle of the hallway.
"Do you need some help there?" I glanced up and managed to figure out that Kendall was standing in front of me, wearing his hockey jersey, jeans, and Nike sneakers. I had forgotten that there was a hockey game today.
"Yeah, thanks." I responded as he kneeled down and began collecting books. Now that I thought about it, I had never really talked to Kendall since the Starbucks meeting a while ago. Besides…well, that person, I mostly talked to Logan, and Carlos and I had a few classes together, but I had never actually had a full-on conversation with Kendall. I was hoping to avoid him, actually, since I knew that he was closest with you-know-who and probably didn't care for me right now.
"Here you go." He handed me a few brightly-colored binders and some textbooks, giving me a strained half-smile. Well, that wasn't completely forced or anything. I placed them in my backpack along with the books that I had collected, made sure to zip up my backpack, and was prepared to walk to lunch when Kendall stopped me.
"Wait." He grabbed my arm, and I turned around. Great, here it comes. I was sure that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named had already relayed to him some shpiel about honesty and ignorance, and how I was exhibiting the latter greatly.
"What's up?" I sighed, knowing that this had to happen sooner or later.
"Let's walk down together." He didn't ask me per say, more told me that we should walk together. I nodded and we walked side by side through the hallway.
"Whatever you have to say to me about You-Know-Who, say it now." I told Kendall, trying to get straight to the point. He cocked his head to the side in amusement.
"Voldemort?" I groaned at his attempt at a Harry Potter reference.
"You know who I mean. It's what I've been referring to him as in my head."
"Mature."
"Shut up and get to the point." He cleared his throat, understanding.
"Look, I know it's not my place or whatever, but James is really pissed." He stated. Tell me something I don't know.
"Thanks, Captain Obvious." I said sarcastically.
"I don't know what happened with you guys, but it seems to me like you led him on and then shut him down." I sighed in frustration.
"I didn't, it was a misunderstanding, alright?" I tried to avoid the topic by making up some excuse, as I obviously couldn't tell Kendall what was really going on inside of my head. He would tell that person, who would immediately call bullshit and refuse to accept my denial of our connection as truth. I felt small beads of sweat form on my palms out of nervousness.
"Look, I don't know if you like him or whatever, but if you do, you should tell him. He's just confused and all. You should let him know how you feel so that you guys can at least be friends."
"It's more complicated than that." That wasn't a lie, the whole Jake thing made it really complicated, especially after the incident at the Bass house the other day. Kendall rolled his eyes when I said this.
"What, you think that I don't have problems, just because I'm fairly well-to-do?" I narrowed my eyes at his narrow-minded assumption.
"I think that whatever you're dealing with right now, it can't be worse than what James has gone through, and is still going through." Kendall sighed and readjusted his beanie.
"What do you mean?" I questioned; James had never once mentioned anything about his life, unless you count the one thing that he said about his dad leaving, but that wasn't much to go on. Kendall hesitated, as if he was unsure if he should tell me or not.
"James's dad left when he was little, like when he was 5. That was when we first met, I remember I was swinging at the playground, and I saw James sitting at the bottom of the slide by himself, crying." Kendall swallowed audibly, then continued.
"I didn't know what could possibly make anyone cry so hard, so I walked over to him and sat down next to him. At first, he didn't even seem to care that I was there, but I put my arm around him and James almost immediately looked up at me in curiosity. I asked him what was wrong, and he said that his dad wasn't there when he woke up that morning. He asked his mom why he wasn't there, and she told him that he wasn't coming back."
"James began to cry again, and then, I told him about how my dad left us too, but how mine left when I was 4. He stopped crying when he heard that and listened. I told him that it would get better, and that no matter what, our moms would never leave us like they did. He seemed satisfied by that solution because he began to smile, and asked me what my name was." Kendall smiled softly, as if reminiscing about the event. I smiled inwardly, knowing that this must have been an emotional yet fond event for the two of them. Plus, it told me more about He-Who-Must-Not-Be-oh, screw it, James's life, and made the "hero effect" diminish a little.
"He's never gotten that emotional about it again, at least, not in public, but he's never been open to talk about his dad with anyone, not even his mom. He's talked about it only a few times with me, but never with Logan or Carlos. They know to not mention it by now. It took a lot of gentle coaxing for me to even get him to identify his stance on the whole thing throughout the years. The point is, whatever you're feeling, James has felt worse for practically his whole life. I'm not trying to pity you into liking him, just don't leave him in the dark about how you feel; he's had enough of people pushing him away without explanation. Right now, he's just as confused as you are, and I'm sure that if you two just sat down and let everything out, you wouldn't be so confused anymore."
"I'm not trying to, it's just…I have this perception of James, but I'm nervous that one day, it'll go away and he won't be the person I see him as now."
"What do you mean?"
"I," I considered telling Kendall, but decided that this was hardly the time or place, "Nothing. Just, James did something really nice and I'm worried that one day the effect of that thing will wear off and I won't want him anymore. I don't want to play James." Kendall nodded, and I could tell he didn't understand completely, but didn't press any further.
"So…you do like him." I groaned, walking into an empty stairwell and plopping down frustratedly on the steps. Kendall followed me in and sat down next to me.
"Yes? I don't know, I just can't get involved with him right now."
"Look, if you want me to help you guys out, you're gonna have to give me more than that."
"I don't know if I can handle being involved with James right now, let alone start a real relationship. I'm a bit fragile right now, and yeah, James has helped that go away a little bit, but I'm scared that if I get into this, I'll be going in too deep too soon and it just won't be good."
"What, you think James isn't nervous about this either? He really, really likes you and he doesn't know what to think right now. It's not fair to James to keep him in the dark about everything. Whatever thing he did that changed your perspective…yeah, that might change one day, but trust me, when it does, James won't." Kendall said finally, saluting me casually as he walked out of the stairwell. I bit my lip, knowing that he was right. How could I have been so selfish as to not even ask James about his life, to not even assure him that I actually had feelings for him? After everything that James had to go through thusfar, he didn't deserve someone else leaving without an explanation.
I sat down at my lunch table with a worried expression on my face, not really in the mood for talking. However, I clearly couldn't voice my frustration to the table, so I opted to stay silent. Not that that method worked very well either.
"Are you okay?" Taylor asked me. I nodded yes.
"Is it about James?" Lia prodded, tucking a strand of strawberry blonde hair behind her ear.
"No."
"Ali told me that he was over at your house last weekend. What happened?" Lia asked again, as everyone leaned in. Everyone except for Cassidy, who had not talked to me since the second Jake incident, and now kept to herself at the lunch table.
"Nothing, we just talked and stuff." I told them ambiguously.
"Did you guys do anything?" Rachel said suggestively, wiggling her eyebrows as a joke.
"No." I lied through my teeth. Truthfully, the kiss had been amazing, by far the best person I'd ever kissed. And then I had to go ruin it. Why did I always have to ruin everything? Why couldn't I just tell James that I liked him? Why was it so hard?
"Ali says you were downstairs for a while before he left…" Taylor giggled.
"Nothing happened, okay? Let it go." I stated coldly, stabbing my spoon into my container of blackberries and eating one with disdain. Taylor looked away from me, as if what I'd said was offensive, and instead turned toward Cassidy.
"Soo…Cassidy, how was your second date with Jake?" Cassidy snapped to attention and began to giggle.
"Amazing, he took us to this really expensive restaurant and then afterward we went to the movies and saw…well I can't remember the name of the movie, if you know what I mean." Cassidy laughed along with everyone else at the table, all of whom were oblivious to Jake's true personality.
"And then, he asked me to be his girlfriend!" Cassidy squealed, and the entire lunch table erupted into screams, causing the whole lunch room to stare. I rolled my eyes, which was noticed by Cassidy, who snorted.
"What?" I asked Cassidy, annoyed. "Is someone jealous because I'm dating Jake Bass and you aren't?" Cassidy teased. I almost choked on a blackberry when she said this.
"Why would I ever be jealous of anyone dating Jake Bass?" I responded as if it was obvious. A month ago, I might have been jealous, but today, I was far from it.
"Don't act like you aren't. You practically stormed into Jake's house, uninvited the other day and started going off about how Jake did this and that to you. You are so obviously obsessed with him." I raised my eyebrows at this, and the other girls leaned in, unsure of exactly what prompted me to go to Jake's house, but ready and willing to learn about my reasoning.
"I can't believe you still don't see what Jake truly is. Even after that day, when you saw what he did to James, you still don't believe me, or James, or Ali. Why would I lie about something that scary?" I asked her in disbelief. Our entire lunch table was engrossed in the conversation by now.
"What did he do to James? What was so scary?" Ashley asked excitedly. Both Cassidy and I ignored her.
"That 'scary' thing was a stupid lie that you all made up so that I wouldn't date Jake. But guess what, it's not true, and I know it." Cassidy crossed her arms over her chest in finality.
"How can you believe a guy that you've known for a few weeks now, over your best friends? I thought I knew you, Cassidy, but I guess not." I grabbed my lunch and threw it in the trash, leaving the cafeteria, not knowing exactly where to go.
So, Blair's issues with James have finally caught up with her in the form of Kendall's questions. Clearly, she refuses to reveal much, but in turn, receives a lot of new information about James, information that alters her perspective a little. Also, Cassidy continues to ignore Blair's warnings about Jake, even though she herself has witnessed his temper. Do you think she'll ever come to her senses and realize that Jake is dangerous, or will she continue to play the role of the submissive girlfriend? Also, do you think that James necessarily wants to reconcile with Blair, or is Kendall taking matters into his own hands? Finally, do you think that Blair will reconsider her decision regarding James and her relationship, especially after what Kendall told her? Send me a quick review that answers any of these questions, discusses your opinion on any of the story so far, or that yells at me for taking so long to update.
xoxo, Jess