ALWAYS

The sequel to "Comfort"

A/N: This should have been the last chapter, but it went on and on and so I decided to split it in two. So the next and last chapter is as good as ready and will be up tomorrow. :o)

Previously: "What is it, Kate? Come on, it can't be that bad."

"I'm two weeks over my menstruation. I might be pregnant, Lanie." Kate says, terrified.

"Ok, now Kate, listen to me. Take a deep breath. Did you make a test?"

"No. I just realized it this morning. I didn't think about it at all. But I don't trust these tests anyway... I can't do this, Lanie. We're just together for about two months, it's gonna destroy everything…"

"Kate, stop. Cut me a break. You're two adults, he's having a hell of a fortune and you love each other. You even live together now. So, come on. It's not that bad."

When Kate still cries, Lanie takes a deep breath and sits beside her, holding her close.

"It's gonna be ok. Don't you want a kid with him?"

"That's not it, Lanie. I want a baby, someday. But just not now. I want to be able to plan it all out, not to be surprised by it. Alexis was a surprise for him already and I'm glad she's there, but… But I don't want to do that to him again. We didn't even talk about kids yet. I don't know if he wants another one. Alexis is all grown up now, I don't think he wants to undergo all of this again…"

"But you don't know that. Maybe he'll be delighted about the news."

"I don't think so."

"But you don't know. You should go home and find it out."

"Lanie I can't; not without knowing if or if not. You can make a blood-test, can't you? Please Lanie. I don't want to go to a doctor. We could make it here and no one has to know-"

"No, Kate. I won't do that." Lanie says, her voice hard.

"But… But…"

"You shouldn't be here, Kate, and talking to me. You should be home and talking to him. And you should see a doctor, together with him. I won't let you make the same mistakes all over again. You will not exclude him! He would be the father after all, he needs to know. He deserves to know. So go home Kate and tell him."

When she steps out of the morgue, she checks her mobile phone, for the first time this day.

Five missed calls and a message from him. He's worried about her. Of course. She just left him a note in the morning, saying that she needed sometime for herself, and left before he woke.

Of course he's worried. But when she woke early and realized that her menstruation was already two weeks late, because she had dreamt of having a baby with him that night, she just had to get away.

But she could see that he was trying, he didn't call before 5 p.m., giving her the space she demanded.

He was trying. And so she should be trying, too. Lanie was right; she had to talk to him.

She takes a deep breath and steels herself for the coming conversation. No matter how much it might cost her, she owed it to him.

"Are you sure?"

"No, Rick, I am not sure. That's why I didn't want to tell you in the first place."

They sit there in his study, she on the couch and he in his office chair. When she came home he could tell that something was wrong, he could see that she's been crying although she tried to hide it.

He was desperate that she didn't want to talk to him first, but he took her with him in his study and sat there with her for about half an hour until she finally opened up to him.

And when he realized what she was telling him there, he could barely hold himself together, could bare avoid hugging her and spin her around the room. But he could tell that she didn't want to be touched right now, that she was desperate about the situation and he had to deal with this first.

So he holds himself together, for her, puts his feeling aside. All the joy and hope and happiness buried inside for later. It's better like this anyway, he tells himself, before they're sure. Otherwise he would be too disappointed.

"So, then let's find out. I'll go and buy a pregnancy-test…"

"I don't trust these things… Even when it is negative I could nevertheless be pregnant. They're only reliable when they're positive."

"It's a start, Kate. And tomorrow we'll make it sure, when it's negative. I know a doctor at the hospital, he could make a blood-test and we'll have the result in a few hours."

She looks at him, completely confused.

"What's wrong, Kate?" he asks unsure.

Uh oh. Not good, she definitely looks angry now.

"What's wrong?" she shouts in disbelieve. " I might be pregnant, Castle! That's wrong! How can you be that calm about it and acting as if this is no big deal?"

He closes his eyes for a moment and sighs.

"Because… Because it is not a bad thing for me. Because I want this. I want kids with you, Kate. And if there's already one on the way, I'd be happy actually."

Oh. Oh.

Castle.

She takes a deep breath and her anger is gone.

"Don't you want it? The baby, I mean. Uhm… If you're pregnant." He asks, sadness in his blue eyes.

"Oh… Uhm… I…" she sighs and looks away.

He rises from his chair and sits beside her on the couch, needs to touch her, need to show her how much he wants this. Together with her.

Only with her.

"Castle… Rick. I… I want kids with you..." she murmurs.

He releases a breath he didn't know he's been holding.

Ok. Ok. That's a start.

"But?"

"But… not now, you know? I don't want it to be a surprise. And we're just together for about two months. I want to have you all to myself a little bit longer…"

"Oh, Kate… It's gonna be fine. Either way, ok? We cannot change it anyway. Or would you…"

"What, Rick? Have an abortion? No, no! Absolutely no!"

"I'm glad…" he whispers; only now realizing how much he was afraid of a different answer. "I really want this, Kate. No matter if it's now or some other time."

"Ok, Rick. As long as you're in this with me. I have already seen me in my flat again, rising a child on my own…"

"Kate, you should know me better. I am in this with you. Always. And now let's find out."

She emerges from the bathroom, the test in her hands.

"And?" he asks.

"We have to wait two more minutes." She sighs, leaning against his desk and closing her eyes.

"Ok. Come over here, Kate. We can do this. Together. We can do this." He murmurs into her ear, holding her close.

But she breaks away soon, pacing the room, not able to stand still, running hr hands down her thighs every few steps. The waiting was killing her; he knows that and gives her space. As long as she's here, with him, it's ok.

It's going to be ok. Either way.

"I think we can look now." He whispers, going over to his desk where she put down the test.

"Wait." She grips his wrist firmly. "I can't Rick. I can't do this…"

"Then let me look first. I'll tell you. Ok?"

"Ok…" she whispers slowly, closing her eyes again.

He turns the test and takes a short look, releasing a breath.

"It's negative."

"Really?" she asks, not completely believing him.

"Look."

She reaches for the test he's holding.

"Oh thank God…" She sighs. "But we still cannot be sure."

"I called Tom, Dr. Davis, on the way back. We can see him tomorrow at 8 a.m., ok?" he says, trying to hide the sad undertone in his voice.

And she's to messed up to notice it.

"Ok, do you now want to tell me where you have been all day? I was really worried." he asks, trying to change the subject.

"I'm sorry, Rick. I needed to be alone. I… I had to deal with it alone first, before I could tell you."

"Ok. Ok. Just. Don't do this again. Come to me right away. You could have saved both of us a lot of worries. Have you eaten something yet?"

"No, not really." She says, only now realizing how hungry she is.

"I thought so. My mother and I put the leftovers from dinner into the fridge."

"I am glad that Alexis is at Columbia for her introductory week. She shouldn't see me like this. Did you tell your mother anything?"

"No. And I won't. Not until there's something to tell. She was out all day anyway and went upstairs right after dinner to sleep. She hasn't noticed you were gone all day. Do you want to eat something now?"

"Yes, I'd really like to."

He sits beside her while she eats, holding her hand. He doesn't really know what to do with his feelings, with the lingering disappointment that just does not want to go away. But there's still a little hope. Maybe it was really too early for the test and Tom would tell them something different tomorrow. At least she doesn't notice how disappointed he is. And he's glad about it.

They sit there together in the waiting room of the hospital, waiting for the answer that could still turn their lives upside down.

Doctor Davis took some blood from Kate for the test and told them the results would be there in half an hour. Kate just shook her head when they were outside the room again, remembering the time when they worked their first case together. Rick would get the results of the fingerprints in two hours instead of a week and now they would get her blood-results in half an hour instead of two days. She still wondered how he did that. But before long, her thoughts went back to the consequences if her blood-test was different than the pregnancy-test last night.

"I don't get it…" she murmurs. "I'm on the pill. I haven't been sick. I haven't forgotten to take it. I just don't get it."

"Stop, Kate. There's no sense in going there now. What happened, happened. We cannot change that. And the test was negative. Maybe it's really just false alarm."

"I am just glad that you want to do this another time. Raising a child."

"I really want this Kate. And you told me you want it, too. So it's gonna be fine. Trust me. We can do this."

He takes her hand and holds it in his', caressing her soft skin with his thumb.

It's gonna be fine. Either way.

"Ms. Beckett?" a nurse calls from an open door.

"Yeah?" she raises, her hands shaking.

"You can come in again now." She says, leaving the door open for them.

Rick is on his feet now, too, taking her arm and pulling her with him.

When they sit down again, Doctor Davis opens the file and studies the test-results.

"Ok, Ms. Beckett. I've got the results here. You are not pregnant."

"Oh my God…" Kate sighs, tears forming in her eyes.

"I affiliate the absence of your menstruation to the stress you had lately. But if you haven't gotten your menstruation by next week, you should see your doctor. Then there must be something else wrong. But I can assure you to 100% that you are not pregnant; there is no trace of HCG in your blood."

"Thank you, Dr. Davis."

Both Kate and Rick rise from their seats again and say good-bye.

Once they're out of the hospital, Kate turns around, smiling brightly and sighing relieved. She puts her arms around Rick in a tight embrace.

"Oh God, Rick, I am so relieved. So it was just much ado about nothing after all." She laughs, trying to break the tension with the Shakespearean line.

"Yeah, it seems so." Rick whispers.

"Let's go home and celebrate that we got our lives back." She suggest happily.

"Yeah, let's go."

"What's wrong, Rick? You ok?" she asks on the way up to the loft when he has barely said a word the whole way home.

"Yeah. Yeah, sure."

"Oh, come on. You barely have said a word since we're out of the hospital… I mean… What is it? Are you… Are you disappointed?"

He turns away from her, biting his lips.

"Really? Oh Rick, I am sorry, but… I am just so happy… I… I don't understand this." She takes a step towards him, trying to see his face.

The elevator stops at their floor and both get out, heading for their door.

Once they're inside, Kate grips Rick's wrist and makes him turn around to face her.

"Rick, please. Talk to me."

"It's ok, Kate. No need to talk about it."

"You're really disappointed."

"Yeah, I am. So? What does it matter? I… I really would've been happy. I could already picture us sitting here on the couch with a baby. And now…"

"Rick, listen to me. You can hold on to the picture. You can still be happy. We'll have a baby. Just. Not now." She smiles warmly at him, caressing his cheek with her hand.

"Ok... Ok." He murmurs, pulling his arms around her slim waist and kissing her softly.

"I am glad we talked about it."

"Me, too. I was so afraid you wouldn't want a baby that I was at the morgue with Lanie yesterday, considering to let her do the blood-test and never telling you." She laughs.

"You… What?"

Uh oh. Not good. It doesn't sound funny now that it is out of her mouth.

"Kate, you cannot be serious about that."

Shit. Shit, shit, shit. He's really angry now.

"I… I didn't…"

"You… You really were there, weren't you? And you didn't want to tell me? Hell, Kate, what's gotten into you?"

"I… I didn't want to bother you until I was sure… I…"

"You didn't want to bother me? Kate, this would have been our child, if you would have been pregnant, and you didn't want to bother me? So you ran to Lanie? Instead of coming to me?"

Oh this is really bad. The anger is gone from his face and his voice, replaced by sadness and hurt, which is even worse.

"Rick, I'm sorry… I…" she sobs, reaching for him.

"Don't Kate… Just don't…" he doesn't finish his sentence, just leaves her standing in the entrance and goes up the stairs.

Oh no. What has she done?