I'm back. And aren't you lucky?
VAL! I said you can't host!
Um, hello? I'm not hosting. I'm CO-hosting. You can join me.
And how exactly do you expect me to do that when you have me tied on railroad tracks? (train whistles in the distance)
How should I know? That's your problem.
Val untie me NOW.
You should really stop mumbling. It makes it very hard to hear you. Okay so I hope you all love this chapter and yadda yadda. It's great and super and-
VAAAAL!
(sighs) Some people always have to be the center of attention. While I save cranky, just enjoy the story okay?
Animaniacs Go Animal Chapter 9
Sunlight hit the island as morning first broke free from the sky. There was something almost refreshing to this morning. It was a new day. A day to fix the problems of the previous. Seeing the sunshine was enough to push the dark things to that place in the mind that kept them quiet. It was a morning of action.
Wakko woke up curled into a tiny ball in the dry leaves of his bed. What had woken him wasn't the sunlight or the nightmares he had just been tortured through, but the smell. The smell that shoved itself up his nose and made his eyes water. It took him a long moment, perhaps a moment too long, to realize that the smell was himself. He had woken up with his nose in his armpit.
"GAH! Holy cripes that reeks!" Wakko clutched his nose and stood up, causing Dot to jump up in the process.
"What the heck? What's your problem?" Dot's eyes lit up with the fury of a bear that had just been poked awake by a stick.
Wakko took one look into those deadly eyes and knew it was probably the wrong time to tell her that his own stench had been the problem. "I…uh, had a nightmare." This was true. He hadn't spent a second the night before not thinking about the dead chicken or the ominous warning that the murderer had left behind.
Dot's face softened slightly. Needless to say it was pretty common to have nightmares after what they had been through. "Just…be quiet will ya? You know I need my cutie sleep."
Wakko rolled his eyes and fought of the urge to retort sarcastically. Yakko could get away with it usually but when he said anything, he was pretty much digging his own grave.
"Okay. Sorry." Wakko shuffled out of the leaning tent and into the slightly cool air of the morning, This time of day was the only time that didn't cause people to sweat uncontrollably. Up until the embarrassing moment Wakko had just had, sweating hadn't been an issue. But now that he could actually smell himself, it was a BIG issue. Is that how I smell to other people? God I almost feel sorry about not bathing regularly. Almost. Wakko added that last part with a grin playing on his lips. Nothing could ever make him really change. Maybe make him think about changing but never really. Still….it was time for a bath.
Wakko walked along the quiet beach, letting the warm sun heat his fur. This time of morning was the best time in Wakko's opinion. It was quiet and calm. Sure he liked himself a bit of chaos from time to time, but Wakko liked to think of himself as a very peaceful individual.
He walked ahead until he saw a rock in the ocean that was just a blurred outline in the rising sun. It wasn't too far out and Wakko guessed the water would reach up to his bellybutton when he got out there. That is, of course, if he had a bellybutton.
He walked out, stealing himself from the icy water. How is it that the water can be so cold? The sun is on it at least 12 hours a day!
Wakko reached the rock after a lot of gasps and shivers. He looked around, as if embarrassed, then tugged his turtleneck over his head and laying it out on the rock. Being only seven and a Warner, Wakko wasn't exactly awkward with his body. That of course didn't mean he was looking for an audience either. He touched his hat, caught between the dilemma of leaving it on and giving to the mercy of the salt water, or taking it off and leaving it to the mercy of the wind. Either option held a lot of promise.
So the seven year old stood, shivering from head to toe, completely unsure about something as stupid as a hat. Why can't you make a decision? His inner voice piped. Is it that hard?
Sure it is. A second voice chuckled. Wakko here can't make a decision to save his life.. Let alone anyone else's.
"That's not true." Wakko mumbled under his breath, feeling stupid and tired and just wanting someone to tell him which decision was best.
Sure it's true. Everyone knows that Yakko's the one who always has the plan. You're just the guy with the sack. Whoops. Looks like I hit a sore spot. The voice laughed darkly as Wakko's eyes blurred with tears. He realized he didn't like this second voice. It was a bully and completely foreign to Wakko.
"Come on Wakko. Just make a decision. Hat on the rock or hat in the water?"
Hat lost in the wind or hat ruined in the ocean? The second voice echoed mockingly.
"Shut up!" Wakko realized he was shouting now but he didn't care. He didn't want to be mocked and especially not from a voice he made himself. "Just shut up!"
Or what? You'll DECIDE on a way to silence me? Face it stumpy, you're a brainless freak. You relied on your brother for too long and now you have to face life without him. How can you take care of Dot when you can't even take care of a hat?
Wakko yanked his hat over his eyes, wanting to shut out the stupid voice. I'm not dumb. I'm not dumb. I can do things. I can choose.
Oh can you? The voice laughed it's sickening laugh again. You can't hide from me Wakko. I am you. I'm the you that you wish you could be. Confusing ain't it?
"You aren't me. You're a fake."
Say what you want Wakko. But the fun has just begun.
Wakko stood, shaking from anger now instead of cold and thought of his brother. He missed Yakko. But had he really relied on him forever? Wakko didn't want to believe it he couldn't think of a single time that the had come up with the plan. Yakko was the smart one, the smooth one. Where was he now?
…
The last thing Wakko would have expected to hear was that his big brother, the smooth and smart one, was currently in a tree, having spent the night to avoid a confrontation with a very mean kitty.
Yakko snored loudly, his whole body cramped into a position that would definitely hurt when he woke up. But that way okay because at the time, Yakko was in heaven. Unlike his younger brother who had been tormented by nightmares, Yakko was having a glorious dream about mainly one thing. Girls. So many beautiful girls on a beach. After the dream of Wakko and Dot playing in the woods, Yakko found himself sitting in a beach chair, sipping coconuts as girls stroked his fur and marveled at his obvious looks.
"Oh gosh Yakko! You're so dreamy!" A pretty brunette gushed in her flattering pink bikini.
Yakko lowered his shades and winked at her. She melted into a puddle at his feet. A blond nameless beauty that resembled Hello Nurse flicked her hair and batted her eyes. "Oh Yakko, can I feel your muscles one more time?"
Yakko sighed. "Oh I suppose. But only if you promise to give me a kiss."
The stupid girl giggled and leaned in. Yakko smirked. This was the life. As he leaned in to kiss the bottle blond, a shadow loomed over him. Yakko glanced up and his jaw dropped.
"Hellooooo nurse!" Yakko took in the lovely red head before him. Val rested her hands on her hips. "Nice dream. Come up with this yourself?"
Yakko grinned. "That's right. And you're welcome to play along if you'd like."
Val laughed. It was quick and mocking. "Not even in your dreams."
With that, Yakko woke up. He blinked a couple of times, disoriented. Where are the girls? Stupid Val! She has to ruin everything!
As if she was called, Val stuck her head up through the leaves in the tree. "Mornin' sleeping beauty. I thought you were dead. Hoping sounds more accurate." Val chuckled at her lame attempt at a joke. "Okay yeah, it sucks. But anyways, nice to see you functioning."
Yakko frowned and crossed his arms. Okay so it was childish to be pissed at a girl because of a dream but there wasn't a rule against it. "Whatever."
Val frowned, sensing the bad mood. "Well somebody woke up on the wrong side of the tree branch."
Yakko tried to stand up and felt his whole back ache painfully. 'I think you need to find a new phrase. There's no such thing as a right side to a tree branch. OWW!"
Val looked like she was going to say something but then just shook her head and ducked back down, hopping from the tree. Yakko thought he heard her laugh.
Well whatever! Let her laugh! She's nothing but a dream crusher anyways. Yakko greed with the thought, glad to know at least his brain was on his side. Attempting to mimic Val's unnatural grace, Yakko hopped from the branch. What he probably should have considered first was the sore back, the drowsiness of just waking up, and the fact that he wasn't a squirrel or a tree frog. What was meant to be a very showy display that would impress Val turned into an awkward half- cartwheel, a branch to the groin, and a lot of cussing. Yakko landed in the dirt below, curled up in agony. "Ugh."
He saw Val's shadow cast over him and the dream resurfaced. "What do you want?" He snapped.
"To see if you broke anything. Why did you do a cartwheel?"
Yakko listened in her words for any sign of humor. There wasn't any. "I didn't mean to do a cartwheel."
"Are you sure? Because despite the ending, I would have given you a 7."
There was definitely some humor now. "Shut up okay? Just…shut up."
Val leaned in. "Do you want some help?"
Yakko sat up angrily. "NO! I'm fine."
Val blinked. "Okay. I was just curious."
Yakko stood up and caught himself before he fell again. Looking down, he didn't see any blood. But that was just the outside. His muscles were bruised for sure. His butt and other unmentionables ached. Stupid tree. Yakko suddenly got a mental image of himself kicking the tree in the nuts. He found this absurdly funny for absolutely no reason and flopped to the ground laughing. Val watched him, feeling like the kid on the playground who didn't get the dirty joke when everyone else did.
"Okay I give. What's so funny? Did that tree hit you in the head too?"
This only made Yakko laugh harder and Val shook her head. Boys will be boys.
"Okay so when you're done, I'd like to share my plan with you for the day." She sat and picked leaves from her hair as he tried to control himself. It took a few minutes. Every time Yakko started to calm down, he saw the tree and flopped over again. When he eventually was able to get a hold of himself, Yakko's sides ached and his eyes were streaming. All in all however, he felt that he had needed the laugh.
"Few. Okay…I'm okay."
Val looked him over warily. "Are you sure? No nervous breakdowns?"
"None in sight." I hope.
Val stood up and brushed herself off. "Okay then. We're gonna split up."
Yakko stood and put his hands on his hips. "After everything we've been through? I thought what we had was special!"
"Yak-"
"There's someone else isn't there?"
"Yakko if you'd jus-"
"My mother was right. I should have married the pope."
"YAKKO!" Val dropped her face in her hands, trying not to laugh. God this kid was too much. "Okay Mister Sensitive, let me explain. We need to start covering more ground. I'll look for Buttons and Mindy and you look for Dick-head. You should trademark that nickname by the way. Genius."
Yakko brushed an imaginary peace of lint from his shoulder. "It's what I do. Alright sweet-cakes, sounds like a plan. As long as you won't miss me that much. Just holler if you need a warm hug."
Val smiled in spite of herself. "We'll meet back here before it's dark. You were leaving a trail right?"
"Yes your majesty. I left the trail. It's right over here." Yakko pointed to the leaf he had undoubtedly placed next to the pokeberry bush. Val raised an eyebrow, her arms crossed. Yakko looked down and saw that he was pointing at nothing but dirt.
"Huh. I put one right here."
"Put what there exactly?"
Yakko rolled his eyes. "A leaf. Duh."
Val smacked herself in the forehead. "Yakko! Hello?"
"What?"
"A leaf?"
"Yeah so?"
Val stared at him like he was an idiot. "The wind!"
Yakko shook his head. "I still don't…OH! Okay I get it." His ears drooped. "Oops."
"Yeah oops. Only you would have used a leaf as a marker. Well forget our trail. It's probably blown away in the wind by now." Val turned to leave, stomping into the underbrush.
Yakko ran into the trees. "I'm sorry!"
"Forget it! You're useless." She hollered back.
Yakko felt his heart droop. "We'll still meet back here before sunset though right?"
There was no answer.
This time Yakko felt his heart break.
…
"Stupid moron!" Val had angry images of strangling that stupid kid. He couldn't take anything seriously. Who cares if he's a comedian toon? He should still have the ability to think like a normal person.
Meet back at sunset. HA! What good will that do? Teamwork is fine and dandy when it's a TEAM! "I can't believe I called him a leader." Val mumbled under her breath.
But as the day got brighter and the steps got harder to take, Val started to feel sort of lonely. Figures that after shouting at the pest, she would want his company again. What a pleasant cliché. Val thought with a thick layer of sarcasm. Too bad I'm not falling for it. Not again.
Val found a tiny pond up ahead. It was a beautiful sight to her eyes and she ran over, tempted to just throw her head in and gulp like a fish. She would have too, if she had been born yesterday. The water was murky and would no doubt give her the runs if she drank more than a little bit. So fighting back the urge to drink the whole pond, Val took small cupfuls in her hands and sipped tentatively. It wasn't too dirty. The fish probably died out a long time ago. That is, if there were fish at all. That was just the thirst talking however. Things always grew in wet places. Whether it was fish or insects or parasites.
What was that rule to follow? Oh that's right. Never pee in tropical rivers. Val remembered being a little girl in class learning about the parasite that found it's way in you by smelling your pee. Nasty. But dangerous too. Once that bugger got inside you, you were done.
Trying to shove that horrible thought away for the moment, Val took some of the water in her hands and wet her face and arms. She soaked her hair and yanked the twigs from it. It was brutal work. Her fingers got caught multiple times and when she finished, she had thick clumps of red hair caught between her fingers.
When Val leaned over to wash the hair away she stopped. It was her face that caught her. It was dirty for one thing. Smeared with dirt and mud and hell knows what else. But what got Val was that she was looking at the face of the same girl she had been only months before. The girl who had seen it all. She thought back to her previous thought. Not again.
God, how many times had she played that girl? The total cliché girl-next-door. The lover, the hopeless romantic, the dreamer. These were all the many faces of Val. But they were fake. A façade if you will. Val was thinking back to her days as a child star. When she was cast, as that girl. The girl every pre-teen wanted to be in the 60's and 70's.
"Gotta love that man." Val spoke in her slightly raised southern voice. She shook her head. Damn when was the last time I said that? Then it came to her. The year 1967, final episode of the last season of Charlotte's Days.
And suddenly, Val was there. She was wearing her trademark jeans with the smiley face sewn into the pocket and her jersey that said 'Team Spirit!' in that annoying glitter that Val had always hated. She remembered swearing she would burn that shirt eventually but she never did. It was a memento to her. The ending to her biggest job she would ever get.
Val was back stage, preparing for the big scene. The big scene where Johnny kisses Charlotte for the very first time. The audience had been in love with Charlotte's and Johnny's witty and romantic plays at each other for years and this was going to be the moment that fans would talk about for years. Val was Charlotte. At least, on set. She acted the part, played the role. She was giggly and bubbly and bright. Not to mention hopelessly in love with Johnny Turnpike.
Oh Johnny, how you make my heart sway. Val could remember how her fake accent would tilt as she spoke and how Johnny would smirk with the gap between his teeth clearly showing. It gave him the air of a redneck and it always struck Val as odd that she was the one who played southern.
Their final episode had been a hit as was expected and Val said goodbye. Goodbye to the smiley pants, goodbye to 'Team Spirit!', and goodbye to gap-toothed Johnny. She had offers of course. Being the star of a hit family show made you a somebody. To everyone's surprise, she turned them down. Val refused to play the cheerleader in the new sitcom about high school drama just as she refused to play the bookworm in the movie about vampires. She wasn't afraid of being too old. Toons never aged. She just said no. And why?
Why? Why did I? Val looked into the pond again, seeing past the murk and muck and seeing, well, Val. Take it a peace at a time. Something inside her said. It was calm and patient. Say what you see.
Val looked again. She saw a pair of perplexed violet eyes, a red nose on a white face. A dog-like left ear that never was quite that straight. A dirty tee-shirt and a pair of cargos with a torn knee. She saw tangled and wet hair and she saw a mouth set into a line of concentration. What she didn't see was obvious. She didn't see Charlotte. Neither did she see the cheerleader or the bookworm.
Val wasn't a love interest. She never had been. That was why she had wanted this career in the first place. Ever since she had been drawn in a small town in New Hampshire, she had been destined for someone else's greatness. She was shoved into the spotlight as the girl who loved the boy. Everyone liked that so she went along with it. But as the last season came around, she knew something wasn't right. Was that girl who wanted to kiss Johnny the same girl who looked into this lake? Hardly.
"Gotta love that man." Val said it again, louder now. It still didn't sound right. How could it, when it was someone else's words? She had read a script, said some words. Did that really mean much?
Val refused part after part until she heard of Animaniacs. She watched it, liked it. She absolutely adored that the characters didn't use scripts and made fun and played. They were themselves. They could be zany and crazy and wild and people like it. She did too. When the show ended Val felt her heart break. Years went by, and the offers for parts began to dissipate as new stars rose from nowhere. Val felt depressed, upset. She watched reruns of Animaniacs. Why can't I be in THAT show? She would ask. And then it came. Bugs Bunny.
God what a rabbit. I have to thank him again if I ever get off this island. Val smiled.
Bugs had looked into her acting and saw her as a good part for the new season of Animaniacs. When he asked if she was up for it, Val had answered with a simple, "Yeehaw!"
Maybe some of the southern had stayed with her after all.
So that brought Val back to the here and now. There was that thought: Not again.
"I gave everything to be on this show and here I am, playing the love interest to the pervy boy that lives in a water tower." Val shook her head.
Now, now Val. The calm voice spoke up again. It's not his fault he's crazy.
"No but it's my fault for liking it." Yeah, okay so Val liked him a little bit. Just a little bit. But in her defense, being on an island didn't leave her with many options. But you're not looking for options! She was quick to remind herself. You aren't a love interest. You are a comedian toon now. Not a sappy 60's girl-next-door!
It was true of course but Val couldn't seem to stop herself when she was around him. When the panther had been about to use him as a chew toy for example. 'I almost lost you!'
Where did that come from? That was something Charlotte would say.
In that moment, Val made an oath that she would never ever be the unimportant love interest ever again. She was getting off the island and she was going to be a star just by being herself. Screw love and screw Yakko Warner! This is Val time baby!
Just then, a bird called out in the distance and Val jumped in shock. She was snapped from her trance-like thoughts and looked around, expecting the set of Charlotte's Days to be where she was, not the ground next to the pond. And then she remembered her mission to find Buttons and Mindy. Val stood up and noticed how bright the sky had gotten. How much time she had wasted was beyond her but she wasn't going to waste anymore. They could still be out there sure, but the chances lessened every day that they weren't found.
…
Yakko, completely unaware of Val's emotional breakthrough less than 100 yards away, was too busy sulking in his dark place. I just HAD to go and use leaves! What happened to being a genius huh Yakko? What happened to that razor wit you're so proud of? In Yakko's book, he and Val should have made out already and were on their way to going steady. What the heck happened?
Something inside him was still stinging after she had left. It felt like someone had stuck a fork in his intestines and was twirling them like spaghetti noodles. It was painful and unfamiliar. Usually when girls blew him off, Yakko just cracked a joke then moved on to the next. Was it because Val was his only other person to talk to? Was it because her laugh made him feel light or because he was really hoping to make it somewhere with this?
God PLEASE don't tell me you're getting attached!
Yakko scoffed. Yeah right. As if I would ever stick to one girl. Why obsess over the chocolate bar when you can have the whole candy counter?
But the chocolate bar was so rich and creamy….so sweet and soft and perfect….
Yakko's stomach gurgled. Great. He managed to turn his attachment into lunch.
NO! Not attachment. As if I could ever feel like THAT.
Right? Yakko was walking aimlessly, having completely forgotten what the heck he was even looking for when he snagged his belt on a tangle of vines. He cried out in frustration, having just about reached his end with nature. He tugged and clawed at the vines and only stopped when he saw what exactly it was he was looking ahead at. His eyes widen in shock and he forgot all about the vines that held him in place as he stared at the monstrosity before him…
HA! You must hate us so much right now!
Just like how I hate you.
Why do you hate me? I pulled you out in time didn't I?
Yeah…whatever. Well, tell me-
US!
-what you think by reviewing. Remember, reviews are love and I could really use some. Thank you my pals!