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Chapter Ten – Troubling Intangibles
The rain had taken possession of the city again like a curtain of diamonds falling on the asphalt, along the buildings to make them shine. Sat at the counter of her kitchen, Jane listened to the quiet rhythm of the downpour hitting against the windows of her apartment. As a matter of fact, she would have done anything to avoid Maura's eyes on her right now. The honey blonde was eating in silence - probably aware of Jane's discomfort nonetheless – but an inner politeness prevented her from asking questions.
All day long the brunette had avoided her friend as images of the night before had twirled in her head making no sense whatsoever. Why had Maura seen Catherine Banks? Why had she kissed her? It was somewhat sad but deep inside Jane felt upset and disappointed.
The relation she had with the honey blonde was the most intense one she had ever experienced with anyone. But something had crumbled. Just like that. And all of a sudden Jane had realized that she might not have known so well the person she couldn't even imagine her life without.
Cruel sentiment everything was a lure, that what she had taken for something strong – untouchable – owned actually the same fragility as a house of cards before the wind. Unless it was simply her fault and she hadn't done enough for Maura to think that she could be her confidante. Whatever it was, she didn't understand why the scientist seemed to lead a secret life. At no moment the blonde had let her assume that she was a friend of the lawyer. At absolutely no moment.
Did it have to do with the case? Or with another one? Unless it was something else, something completely different. And why meeting so late in the heart of the Financial district? Who was the valet that had brought back her car to Maura almost from nowhere?
"Maura..."
Except when the medical examiner looked up to lock her hazel eyes with her own ones, Jane swallowed hard and swept away with a gesture of the hand the question that was burning her lips. She couldn't do it. If Maura hadn't told her about Catherine then she must have had her reasons.
"Never mind."
An awkward smile embraced her lips in an attempt to reassure her friend. In vain. A heavy silence fell over the room and she focused back on the rhythm of the rain outside until a buzzing sound made them both turn around. Maura's cell phone had lit up on the coffee table. Without a word, the blonde went to pick it up but turned her back at her friend as soon as she read the name on the screen of the device. A wave of heat rushed up her cheeks. Her heart started beating fast.
"Is everything alright?"
The closeness of Jane's voice made her jump of surprise and drop her phone that landed loudly on the floor. Amused by the unexpected reaction, the Italian bent over to pick up the item but caught the name of Catherine Banks on the screen.
If everything froze in her head then Jane didn't show it. One more time, the weight of appearances hit her with strength. Was it what life was all about, in the end? Or just troubling intangibles. A bitter – bare – series of doubts. An endless one that left you lost and confused when you realized that a few facts weren't as you had imagined them to be.
"We're now texting influential lawyers at night?"
Her teasing tone seemed wrong, offbeat. She hadn't even meant to tease Maura but for whatever reason, the words had slid on her lips before she had had time to realize what she was doing. The rest followed. Her stubbornness, perhaps. A ridiculous pride.
The disappointment brought up by the scene of the previous night.
As Maura went to grab the phone, Jane made a step backwards; a playful smirk lighting up her features. She shook her head at her friend and scanned the room to prepare for her run. But instead of rushing to her, the scientist frowned; a veil of confusion embracing her features.
"Jane, give me back this phone. Don't be a child."
And then Maura gave in. The moment she rose her foot from the floor to make a step forward, Jan flew to the other side of the room in a whirl of laughter.
She didn't even know why she was doing that in the first place but an invisible relief invaded her as the blonde began to chase her. With the fluidity brought by years spent running after her brothers, Jane passed from the living-room to the kitchen; going straight ahead and changing of direction as soon as her friend got closer to her.
"You won't get me, Maur'!"
Karma refers – among other things – to a conceptual principle that originated in India, often called the principle of karma and explains the present circumstances of an individual with reference to his or her actions in past. These actions may be those in a person's current life. A common theme to theories of karma is its principle of causality.
Just as her sentence hit the air, Jane tripped over her sport bag and fell on the couch. The weight of her friend's body soon prevented her from moving but she still hid the phone in her back, in a last attempt supposed to show that she wouldn't give in.
"What is going on with you?"
But Maura's seriousness died in a laughter as she bent over to pass her own hands in her friend's back to grab the item. Her fingers brushed the phone. Jane suddenly rose her arms but in a quick gesture the blonde finally managed to tighten her grip on the wrists. She pushed the Italian's arms behind her head – smiled – then froze as realization hit her.
The delicate position of their bodies.
Bent over Jane – straddling her – Maura let her feelings come back to the surface. She didn't have any hold over them, anyway. She knew their strength, her own vulnerability. And her sudden closeness to Jane's lips.
She almost missed the movement from her friend, the imperceptible touch of her knee against her own leg. A confusing invitation for more or a quiet plea to put an end to the current awkwardness? For once, Maura didn't analyze the slightest thing and succumbing to a game that seemed too easy, she captured Jane's lips in a breath.
The ghost of the kiss got wrapped up by reality and turned eager, more urging. As their tongues met for the first time, Jane's sigh died in Maura's gasp and the blonde released her grip on her friend's wrists to let her fingers travel down her arms in a gentle caress before cupping the Italian's face with a sweet authority.
The contact of Jane's hands in her back – running through her hair – made the scientist smile. Everything was perfect. Too much, perhaps.
Reluctantly enough, Maura let go of the brunette's lips – in need of air – but unable to take her distance with the olive skin, she began to trace a path of kisses down her neck; her throat. The touch was hot, burning. Prohibited. Her hand slid down to venture with boldness over Jane's shirt. An atrociously lustful gesture on her friend's curves.
And then Jane froze. Within a second as if the situation had finally hit her like a ton of bricks. She sat back up, pushed her friend away. A mock of utter confusion deepened her features.
Maura couldn't move. Sat on the edge of the couch, she kept on staring at the Italian while her brain had turned blank under the weight of embarrassment and pain. The next few seconds seemed to last an eternity – a cruel one – only broken down by the blaring sound of Jane's cell phone at some point.
With great confusion, the detective finally moved and bent over the coffee table to grab the device. Carefully avoiding Maura's gaze on her, she took the call; ran a hand through her hair.
"Rizzoli."
Her shaking voice vanished in a whisper, the statement sounding more like a question than anything.