Thank you so much to all the beautiful reviewers – especially the guest reviewers who I can't write back to individually. You have really inspired me to keep going and now the end is almost in sight!

Please be advised, this chapter has a discussion of domestic violence. I am no expert in this area, so please don't rely on my information. There are plenty of good sites on the internet if you need help deciding whether or not a relationship is abusive.

Will didn't get much sleep at all after the nightmare, only dropping off again as the sun was rising over the New York skyline. He rushed through his shower but stopped to pick up breakfast for Mac, with the result that he only just made it in time for the ten o'clock meeting. He strolled into the room, feigning bravado, and placed the cappuccino and muffin on the table in Mac's usual spot. No one said a word. The staff must think he was completely cracked, buying food for Mac at every opportunity and then completely avoiding her. Well, hecouldn't argue with that. He was feeling a bit crazy this last week.

Mac breezed in two minutes later. She didn't glance at Will, but pulled up short when she saw the food waiting for her. She seemed to freeze for a minute, staring down at the muffin, but then she took a deep breath and put on that bright, artificial smile that she used when she didn't want anyone to see she was hurting. "So," she said, overdoing the cheer, "it's shaping up to be a slow news day so far, but hopefully that will all change before tonight. In the meantime, who wants to pitch first?"

No one seemed in a hurry to break the awkward silence, and Mac's gaze travelled around the table, looking for a volunteer.

"C'mon," thought Will to himself. "You can do this. You don't have to stare at her, just give her a quick smile and then look back down at your lap. It's not that hard. You usually can't get enough of looking at her."

Will raised his eyes and met Mac's gaze. She was too pale, like she was bracing for more hurt, but her eye was looking a little better. The skin around it was more yellow than green today, and not really swollen at all. It didn't help though. As soon as Will looked right at her, he was plunged back into his nightmare. He was sweating, his heart was racing, and he could feel his fists pummelling into her face. Worst of all, though, he could feel the bile rising in his throat. He figured he had about five seconds to get out of the meeting before he threw up all over the table.

He was out of his chair like a shot and diving for the door before he'd even finished the thought. He ran for his office and just made it to the en suite in time to be comprehensively sick again. Now he had a new image to torture himself with: Mac standing at the head of the table, clutching her clipboard to her chest, watching him run from her, a look of complete devastation on her face.

xxxxx

He snuck out of his office a few minutes later. Mercifully the staff were still in the meeting, although god only knew what they were saying after he'd bolted from the room like that. If he knew Mac, they were probably carrying on as though nothing had happened. He'd given her plenty of practice at hiding her feelings at work, that was for sure.

Habib, he had to see Habib before he fucked this up once and for all. He headed for the elevators, texting Mac as he went.

Sorry about that. Personal emergency. Promise I will be back in time for the run down at six.

He had to stop himself from writing Love you on the end of the message. After the scene he'd just made, she would probably stomp on her phone again if he did that.

He caught a cab across town, but Dr Habib junior couldn't squeeze him in until five thirty that evening, so he paced around the city in the heat, hardly noticing where he was going. Lonny was going to kill him, but he figured that if he didn't know where he was going himself, then it was hardly likely that some random stalker would be able to find him either. He tried to call Mac a couple of times to apologise, but it just went straight to voicemail, and he was not going to leave Mac any more personal messages for someone to hack. He texted her instead.

Really sorry, won't be back until 7.30 now. If you leave my script on my desk and have hair and makeup waiting in my office, I promise I'll be ready to go on at eight.

She didn't reply. He didn't blame her.

By the time Habib finally ushered him into his office, Will was hot, sweaty, and not at all in control of his emotions.

Habib settled Will in a chair, poured a glass of cold water and placed it on the table by Will's hand, then took his own seat.

"Okay, Will, you seem pretty agitated, and your hand looks like you've been in a fight. Can you tell me what's going on?"

"It's Mackenzie. I've hurt her too bad this time, so bad that I don't think I can fix it. And every time I see her black eye. . ."

"Hold on Will, just back up there a second. Are you saying that you hit Mackenzie?"

"No!" Will exploded, coming half out of his chair before sinking back down. "How could you even think that? You know I would never, could never. . ."

"I know, Will, I do know that. But that was what you seemed to be saying. How about you have a drink of water, take a few deep breaths, and tell me about it from the beginning?"

So Will did. He told him about Kyle, and how good it felt to hit him, and how he still wanted to kill him for what he'd done to Mackenzie. He told him about his confession to Sloan, and his vow to look after Mackenzie, and about having to avoid her face, and about the nightmare. Oh God, the nightmare.

When he'd finished recounting how he had run out of the meeting that morning to throw up in the bathroom, he sat back and looked at the shrink expectantly.

Habib waited for a minute, which always really pissed Will off, before speaking.

"Will, do you know what the signs of an abusive relationship are?"

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Okay, calm down, I know you had a front row seat to one growing up. But what I mean is, do you know how to tell the difference between a relationship where two people argue, and maybe even hurt each other, and an abusive relationship? Because it sounds to me as though the nightmare, and all the other stuff, is really about you asking yourself if you are behaving to Mackenzie as your father behaved to your mother."

"Well yeah, I had kind of worked that out for myself."

"But you don't know the answer to your question, do you?"

Will just shook his head. He was terrified of what Habib was going to say next.

"Look, Will, the hallmark of an abusive relationship is that one person has all the power, and they use any means possible to bend the other person to their will. Do you feel like you have power and control over Mackenzie?"

Will just snorted. "Are you serious? It would be like trying to control a hurricane. Mac made it clear the very first night that she came back that she owned me between eight and nine."

"And how did that make you feel?"

"It made me pretty damn pissed, I can tell you, because she did it in front of everyone, and because I didn't want her back in my life then. But . . . "

"But?"

"A part of me really liked it. I've always admired her guts. And I also liked that she wanted to own me. No one else has ever wanted me like that." Will thought for a minute. "But then I did alter her contract so that I could fire her every week if I wanted to. Isn't that abusive?"

"It could be. Did you hold over her head, use it as a threat to get her to give in to your wishes?"

"Man, you have obviously never been in a run-down meeting with Mackenzie. She takes note of your objections, and then does whatever the damn hell she pleases anyway."

"So you didn't use the contract as a means to control her behaviour?"

"No, I really just did it so that I could get rid of her at the end of that first week. It hurt too damn much having her around again. I never mentioned it again after that. What about the ring though?"

"I've told you before that I don't think some of your behaviour to Mackenzie has been normal. You've certainly done things at times that have deliberately hurt her. But I don't think that it qualifies as abusive, because Mackenzie's independence and her courage are the things that you most love about her, and you wouldn't want to change them."

Will let out a breath that he didn't realise he had been holding. "But what if I have changed them? What if I've just hurt her too badly this time?"

"Will, there can be unintended consequences when you treat someone the way that you have been treating Mackenzie, and I'm glad that you've realised that and are feeling bad about it. But you did not hit Mackenzie. Kyle did."

"I know that. But I shouldn't have created an environment where people thought it was okay for her to get hurt."

"Will, I don't think anyone could have predicted what happened with Kyle. I mean really, how likely was it that he would attack Mackenzie like that, in her own workplace, only half an hour before the show was due to start?"

"I know, but still . . . "

"You seem to have shifted from blaming Mac for everything to blaming yourself for everything. The truth is almost always somewhere in the middle. You have been cruel to her at times, but she did hurt you very deeply. Infidelity is not a small thing."

And there it was. Usually, if anyone so much as mentioned Mackenzie cheating on him, he was overwhelmed with anger and pain. Somehow, the idea seemed to have lost its sting. He had pictured Mac and Brian together so many times, but now that picture had been replaced by one of Mac struggling with Kyle, trying desperately to get free.

"Can I ask you one more question, Will?"

"Yeah, okay," said Will cautiously.

"What do you think would have happened if you had forgiven Mac and taken her back all those years ago? Do you think you would be happily married now, maybe with a kid or two?"

Will sighed. "I don't think so. Even if I could have gotten past my anger, I don't think I would ever really have trusted her. It would have eaten me up from the inside."

"And now?"

"Now I trust her absolutely. She sat by my hospital bed the whole time I was unconscious, even if it was just to hit me with a magazine when I woke up. No one else cares about me enough to do that. She's practically been celibate the whole time she's been back at News Night, apart from that Wade wanker. It's as though she's being faithful to me, even though we're not together anymore."

"Will, I can hardly believe what I'm hearing. Are you saying that you are ready to risk your heart again in a relationship with Mackenzie?"

"Yeah, I am, I absolutely am. I'm not angry at her any more. I don't want to hurt her any more. I just want us to be together. I want to love her the way that she deserves to be loved."

"That's wonderful to hear Will. But you do have one last hurdle to overcome. You need to get hold of Mackenzie and explain your behaviour of the last few days. Do it on the phone if you really can't look at her yet, but do it soon. She must be really confused and hurt by the mixed messages you have been sending out."

"I will, Doc, I'll do it straight away." Will glanced down at his watch. "Shit, I've got a show to do. Gotta run!"

Dr Habib shook his head as the door slammed behind Will, but he couldn't help but smile a little. It might have taken two filing cabinet's worth of notes about Mackenzie, but it looked as though Will was finally going to seize his chance at happiness. He only hoped he wasn't too late.