Chapter 10 - No Lo Puede Usted Confundir. [You Can't Mistake It.]

Wherein chemistry is noticed.

Respect is given.

And emotions are set to override.

-o-

Grimmjow had been thinking a lot about what he and Isshin had discussed previously. He could just get up and move out on his own, he had the money for it. He could probably afford a nice sized flat he and Nel could live comfortably in. He wouldn't even mind getting something that was near the Kurosaki home, as long as he didn't have to live in this scrutiny. Hell, he could even book a plane and fly to Spain like he planned on doing before Nel had begged him to stay here; he couldn't refuse the girl when she begged him with her wide hazel eyes and funny looking face.

Come to think of it, he didn't even have to stay here himself. Nel would be fine here on her own, the two girls could take care of her while he wasn't around and he was sure he could get Urahara to forge up the documents needed to check her into school… This option was heavily considered until Grimmjow found he didn't like the thought of being away from the girl for too long.

"Why does it matter, it's not like she'll die if I'm not there." He mumbled to himself, scowling slightly. He was upset.

Upset because he wanted to leave, but didn't. Upset because even though Nel could survive on her own; he didn't think he could. Upset because Ichigo wouldn't understand, wouldn't accept him for who he was now. What really upset the former espada was the fact that he wanted the shinigami to, wanted him to notice that he was different, that he wasn't just a monster. He didn't live to cause destruction anymore, he didn't want to honestly. Grimmjow couldn't understand why Ichigo couldn't see that.

Grimmjow could feel the same ache as before attacking his chest. This had been happening to him a lot lately and he couldn't understand why. He didn't like the feeling; it felt as if a clawed hand was attempting to rip his heart right from his ribcage. Times like these, he wished he hadn't agreed to the gigai. In spirit form, he wondered, would he have the same feelings? Would things have ended up the same? He guessed that all depended on the idea that hollows really didn't have hearts. They lacked the physical form of a heart, the organ no longer resides within their body, true, but a heart is not only physical.

Here in Japan they called it your center, where all your energy flows, in China its called chi. In America, he had heard it referred to as your spirit, the driving force of your emotions. Feelings were not holed up within a beating bag of flesh; true heart resonates deeper, into your very soul. Didn't Ichigo understand that? Fuck, he'd only just barely come to the conclusion himself.

Just because you take away the tangible organ, doesn't mean the metaphysical matter is lost. He had forgotten where he heard the statement, probably from sandal-hat, maybe from the TV; it didn't matter because it was true. What does a heart do? It pumps blood into the different organs of the body, that is what it evolved to do; that is why humans need it. If the human body could function without a heart and the part was removed, would that human become an empty shell? By taking away one part of the body, did you change everything about this person? Can this person no longer laugh, cry, hate or love?

He just thought about it like this: It could all be just a load of bullshit and he really didn't remember what it was like to feel or have emotions. He was just going on instinct, or he wished for it so much that he only thought he cared for things he really wouldn't give two shits for.

Or it was real and he did love Nel, as Ichigo had so articulately worded it.

Grimmjow scratched at the back of his head, irritated. He hated how much thought was being put into this. Life should be simpler; not easy, just less complicated. He hated the way it sounded as if his feelings were affected by the substitute shinigami and how he had been making excuses for the boy. The twinge in his chest happened again and he let out an angry breath, disturbing the quiet bundle next to him.

Did he care about what Ichigo said because he had feelings for him? If so he thought these so called feelings were fucked up because the way they reacted towards the red head, the way his heart almost jumped when the teen was around, mirrored the way he reacted to Nel. It wasn't exact, there were some differences, but it was close, he was sure.

So Ichigo had been wrong. So what, he was wrong about a lot of things; everyone is entitled to a mistake every once in a while. The talk he had with his dad had only confirmed his latest error.

"... You know he's really trying his hardest..." His father said, condescendingly.

"At what? Not strangling me."

Isshin just laughed loudly. "Everyone that meets you wants to strangle you."

"Thanks, Dad."

"What I mean is he's trying hard to show you how much he's changed. It may not seem like it and because of Grimmjow's personality and the encounters you two have had in the past might get in the way of your judgment, but there is a difference." Ichigo nodded, he was afraid his old man would say something reasonable like that. However he was surprised that anything but nonsense could be spewed from his mouth.

"Why are you so reluctant to believe in him anyway?"

The red head sighed again. He had almost forgotten that his father wasn't there three years ago when everything had started. He hadn't been there when the first of the Espada's landed; Yammy and Ulquiorra. He hadn't been there later when Grimmjow tore through the sky, him and his countless fraccion.

"It's hard for you to understand, Dad... you weren't there. You didn't see what he did... what he did to Rukia. He nearly killed her. If I hadn't been there she would have-" He let the last part of the sentence hang in the air, hoping his father would get the hint. When he looked up at the whiskered man, Isshin had a hard look on his face, it was scary serious. Ichigo almost wished he would laugh or say/do something stupid to break the mood. He was good at being goofy; Ichigo didn't like seeing him so stone-faced.

Admittedly, this was something Isshin was not aware of and he contemplated heavily on the subject but said nothing in response.

"Then," Ichigo continued when he felt his father had nothing in response. "... in Hueco Mundo, he was so cruel to Inoue... not to mention he terrified Nel-"

"Ichigo, can I ask you a question?"

The substitute shinigami was slightly irritated at being cut off but he nodded his head anyway.

"Why do you hate Grimmjow?" His son snorted as if the answer was obvious. When Isshin didn't look satisfied his mouth gaped open.

"Are you serious? Weren't you listening to anything I just said?"

"Yeah." Isshin nodded, scratching at his beard. "I heard you explain how he was mean to others, albeit they were close to you, but you haven't described any personal, psychological or physical harm he's done to you."

Ichigo wondered why his father was so stupid. He contemplated on the fact that he was really his offspring.

"Aside from what he's done to me, hurting my friends is worse."

"And that's enough to warrant indisputable hatred?" The father asked seriously.

"Yes."

For long, uncounted moments, Isshin merely stared at his son. He blinked a few times before, out of nowhere - though Ichigo should have seen it coming- his fist collided with his son's face. Ichigo fell off of the chair he was seated in and tumbled over onto the floor. After a moment of painful grunting the teen stood up and yelled at his sporadically violent father.

"What the hell was that for?" Suddenly, Isshin burst into tears.

"I just don't know where I went wrong with him, Masaki!" He got up to throw himself at the over-sized poster of his dead wife. "In the years since your passing I thought I had guided him on the straight and narrow path of forgiveness. Oh, my beloved wife I would never have thought our beautiful baby boy would grow up to be such a jackass. Forgive me, my love! Forgive me!" He began to blubber and Ichigo stomped over to kick him in the side.

"The hell are you talking about, old man? Why can't you be serious for once?"

Isshin just wailed louder. "You see! He yells at me when I'm just trying to make him see how Grimmjow is making up for his behavior by protecting one of the things our dear Ichigo cherishes. But he doesn't understand, he doesn't see. He's stupid. I have failed you, Masaki, love!"

That was when Ichigo lowered his foot from his position poised to kick his father in the face. Though he was being melodramatic and quite ridiculous (as usual) he was saying something rather significant at that moment. Grimmjow was protecting Nel; he had even said so himself. Nel had confirmed the fact. She said that Grimmjow had compared himself to him. Said he was just as good as protecting her as Ichigo was. Why? The differences to their personalities were so astounding, why would he feel the need to compare the two? Ichigo wanted to hate it, hate the fact that the hollow was comparing himself to him, but he didn't

Why?

It had only taken two days. Two whole days since Urahara suggested he paid more attention at home, to his surroundings, to Grimmjow. It took only a couple of days for Ichigo to learn that, yes, something very important changed within the former espada. Something that made him understand, at least partially, the concept of protecting someone for the sake of protecting them and without any underlying motives. He learned what it was like to not be selfish, to live for someone else's benefit.

He wasn't confused anymore. Ichigo understood that he let his past prejudices fog his view a little too much of what was happening right in front of him. He didn't see because he didn't want to see. He was so caught up in the notion that Grimmjow was so evil, Grimmjow was so bad that he couldn't perceive the change within the person he had been so obsessed over these past few months.

Ichigo went back to the question his father had asked him. Why did he hate Grimmjow so much? He could say that he was angry at what the arrancar had done in the past, but he had never been one to hold grudges. His first fight with Ishida, the Quincy had endangered the lives of hundreds of people by snapping that bait and beckoning the hollows into this dimension. But afterwards they had fought side by side together, even now he could call on the archer for help and the male would be willing to give it… probably. When Rukia's life had been put in danger, the people he fought to save her, afterwards he had forgiven them, as they had forgiven him. His differences with Soul Society had been put on hold to rescue Orihime from Las Noches. All of his enemies had become his allies and, to some extent, his friends.

Why was it so difficult to accept that within Grimmjow? Was it because he was a hollow? Then if that were true he would have to deny Shinji and all of the other Visoreds because they were half hollow as well. He couldn't really understand it, nor could he place the reason, but he couldn't forget or push the blue haired male out of his mind. Ichigo realized, for the first time since all of this started, that he knew absolutely nothing about Grimmjow. The man had been staying at his home, interacting with his family (which he supposed considering the amount of information they gave him), and yet he had yet to even strike up a conversation that didn't end with either of them cursing at one another.

Excuse him for not wanting to kiss the ass of a man he'd been archenemies with.

Even that statement didn't sound right. Sure Grimmjow announced that he hated the shinigami a multitude of times, but never had he proclaimed him an enemy. What word did he use? Rivals, maybe? Rivals were different than enemies. Enemies hated and wanted to destroy each other. Grimmjow and Ulquiorra were enemies, though Ichigo couldn't imagine what the somber arrancar could have done to spark the sexta's fury. Then again there wasn't much that didn't make Grimmjow angry.

Ichigo had begun to walk upstairs to his room, deep in thought. He couldn't shake the feeling that he was missing something. Was everyone else in on something he didn't know about? Why couldn't he just accept the fact that Grimmjow wasn't the way he used to be and people weren't going to randomly end up dead in the streets? The blue haired hollow has been on his best behavior. So...

"Why do I hate Grimmjow so much?"

"I don't know, you tell me."

The deep voice had jarred Ichigo out of the thought he had not known had been spoken out loud and he looked up at the subject of his current confliction. He almost forgot the male was here, it had been quite some time since Grimmjow threw him a heated glare before leaving the room. Now, however, he lay on Ichigo's bed (a fact that slightly irritated the teen since the arrancar did it often) on his back with his head resting above his folded arms. He would have kicked the male out of his bed had it not been for the sleeping bundle of Nel resting on Grimmjow's chest, face cozying against a rumpled piece of paper and coloring pencils littering the floor.

"It's good to see you two are comfortable..." The sight of Nel snuggling innocently against Grimmjow's chest caused an uncomfortable ache in Ichigo's heart. He shook his head and continued before it affected him too much. "Maybe I should uh, call Yuzu to... ah, come and take her off your hands." He suggested, moving back towards the door.

"Why? I don't mind and she's comfortable like this. Let her be for a while." Grimmjow threw him a steady look that seemed to dare Ichigo to challenge him.

Just like that, Ichigo snapped. He'd had enough; enough of what, he couldn't say at the moment, but he was sure it was all he could handle. "What is the matter with you? Why are you acting like this?"

"Like what, Kurosaki?"

"This! Nice and, and... and caring! It's bull-"

"I'll advise you to lower your fucking voice, shinigami." The blue haired arrancar interrupted him, hinting at Nel who was still asleep. He didn't expect this to happen now, off all times. Grimmjow wanted to be well-rested and not so irritated from his previous conversation with himself, for this confrontation. Though, he supposed, this wasn't so surprising, he never really could figure the young shinigami out.

"Damn it..." Ichigo stared at Grimmjow and Nel, the frown on his face softening before disappearing beneath an expression Grimmjow couldn't place. He wanted the red head to yell at him again, accuse him of something, so he could have a reason to kick his ass.

"This is really for real? You-... I mean, you really care for her?" Because he had been waiting for some kind of snappish statement, Grimmjow was put off a little and responded to the teen with a blank stare.

Ichigo shifted on his feet, placing his hands in his faded jean pockets. He didn't meet the other's eyes. "You can say it, I won't like, call you a wuss or anything like that."

Grimmjow kept his cerulean eyes on the teen, confused. He didn't know if he wanted to be angry at Ichigo for the unappreciated repetitiveness of his words or give in and say what he had really been feeling. The latter didn't seem appealing and Grimmjow was really tired of getting angry.

"You can't say it can you?" As soon as the words slipped out of his mouth, Ichigo felt the immediate sensation of deja vu. He remembered being asked that very question, feeling cornered and exposed. Hadn't he learned anything? For a fleeting moment, he felt bad for the arrancar, he felt ashamed for his actions, but his temper got the best of him. Plus, he needed to know, he needed to be sure.

"Why is this so fucking important, Kurosaki?" Though the blue haired male had been annoyed, the words were said calmly, almost monotonously. Ichigo made a face.

"I'm not really sure. I mean, I believe what Urahara and my dad were saying, but... I want to hear it from your mouth."

"..."

"Just say it."

"... -an't."

"What?"

"I said I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because I-I… I don't… know."

Ichigo didn't understand, obviously, because Grimmjow showed blatant signs of deep affection towards Nel. He knew this stuff, he studied it thoroughly; he hadn't taken psychology for his own health. He forgot most of the terms but was aware that Grimmjow had emotions, just didn't know how to communicate them. "Come on, they're only words, three little words won't kill yo-"

And the reason why amateurs shouldn't practice psychology:

"I can't say it because I don't know!" He didn't want to yell, didn't want to get angry. For once, Grimmjow was going to take Urahara's advice and talk to the shinigami with a level head, but there was no talking to the redhead, just shouting and arguing and punching. "I don't know what the hell this…" Gesturing vaguely towards Nel, he lowered his voice some, "… is." His conscience was screaming at him for screaming when he cursed at the substitute soul reaper to be quiet. He did, however, lift himself up onto his forearms in order to speak more clearly, causing Nel to roll over onto his stomach, still fast asleep.

Ichigo blinked wide coffee brown eyes at the male in front of him. He might have judged Grimmjow incorrectly… again. He looked down at the teal haired little girl when the ex-espada began speaking again, his voice quieter, more hesitant; confused.

"It's the first time in my miserable existence that I've felt like this, so I don't know what the fuck ta to call it. You keep saying that its love, Urahara says its affection; your dad calls it something else. I don't understand all these words and technical bullshit." His voice was angry then, only slightly though, Ichigo noticed. "I-… all I know is: the most important thing in my life right now, the thing that I have to protect is lying right here in my arms." He patted Nel's head affectionately causing the girl to scrunch up her face in sleep.

Ichigo was speechless… Just like he had his family and later on his friends, just like Ichigo, Grimmjow had found something to keep him grounded, to keep him sane, he found someone he needed to protect. It was an act of surprising selflessness that the soul reaper thought he would never see from someone like Grimmjow. In his own way, Grimmjow had admitted that he loved and cared for Nel. He wanted to protect her, to stay by her side, even at the expense of being driven crazy by Ichigo and his family. And Ichigo could respect that, he really could.

"What? You got nothin' else ta say, shinigami?" The hollow looked up into brown eyes wearily, but ready to pick a fight if he had to. Ichigo shook his orange head despondently, before answering the man.

"… I get it, okay?"

"Get what? That I have a brain? That I know how to use it? That I can show a little self-restraint despite the fact that I'm not good enough to be declared human in your world? That you're a fuckin' prick who can't recognize anything for what it is? Tell me when to stop, shinigami, cause I got more." Ichigo sighed. He deserved that, but he wasn't going to let the male insult him as he pleased.

"I get what you, Urahara, my Dad… even Nel was trying to tell me. I just… I understand now." Grimmjow made a sound of mild disbelief but decided that it was good for now, as long as the shinigami wouldn't wrack his fucking nerves anymore, then it was fine.

"Aside from what I did in the past, why do you hate me so much?" The arrancar asked offhandedly, he was entitled to his own questions as well, was he not?

Ichigo scoffed and moved towards the bed, sitting on his desk chair just in front of Grimmjow. "I don't hate you."

"Pfft…"

Like he could believe that.

Ichigo scowled. "Seriously, I don't. I mean, I did, don't get me wrong. There was a time when I could have just killed you, happily… But not now. I don't hate you as much… anymore." And it was true, on some levels. Grimmjow hadn't done anything that warranted any extreme violence, hate or hostility on Ichigo's part; though it didn't keep the substitute shinigami from being cautious.

"I was just pissed. We lost so many people in Hueco Mundo, so many… I tried to protect as many as I could; I wasn't just fighting for myself. Even the arrancar, until Ulquiorra, I hadn't killed a single one." He saw Grimmjow bristle at the name but chose to ignore the reaction and keep talking. "After I fought Aizen," another angry glare, "…after I was healed, I came back, but they told me it was too late."

He had tried his best to help, but the Fourth and Twelfth Division captain shooed him away from the area and he was forced to go back to Karakura with the rest of the humans. He was glad for the people he was able to save, even though some were hurt in the process… But still, they were all supposed to come back alive.

"When Unohana came, I left Nel with Inoue… After out fight, when Kenpachi showed up to fight Nnoitorra, you were still alive… just barely. I thought I had time... No one told me what happened; they said it wasn't my concern anymore." The teen's hands tightened into fists so taut his knuckles began to turn white. Ichigo was leaning forwards, his arms on his knees; grimacing eyes were focused on the floor, almost as if he was reliving that day, that moment.

"I mourned for three years; I dealt with that pain over and over again… Then, out of the blue, after I had come to terms with what happened, you show up and then Nel, I was so happy and so fucking pissed all at the same time." His voice broke slightly and he hoped Grimmjow hadn't noticed. Ichigo never got the chance to say what he had felt after that day, everyone just assumed he was okay, that he was strong and could get over a few losses. In truth he never got over it, he learned to deal with his mistake and hope to the spirits in charge that it would never happen again.

So he pretended to be strong, not wanting even his friends to see his weakness.

But, it was Grimmjow that saw through his façade as he continued, leaning back into the chair. "I thought I fucked up, I thought it was too late." He shrugged, his words feeling to honest. "I was disappointed, I wouldn't have admitted it at the time but I enjoyed fighting you, I found it funny when Neliel fussed over me like some overprotective younger sister. Even the ones I fought before, like Don Panini, I was so fucking angry when I found out you were gone."

"Why?" The hollow had been so quiet during his little rant that he almost forgot who he was talking to, that being the first question the male asked since he started speaking. Ichigo had yet to look up from the floor, so he couldn't tell the expression that came with the question.

"Hmm?" The teen looked up into curious blue eyes and frowned. Had he missed something? "Why? …Why What?"

"Don't fucking play coy, Ichigo. Why did you care?"

"I don't know… Maybe I-I… maybe I'm too soft. Maybe I'm just sentimental." He had heard it a lot, from his friends, Rukia, Ishida, from Renji and others, from his dad. It was hard not letting things like that go, he often found himself, more often than not, dwelling on the past. Orihime was a nice distraction, he thought rather guiltily. Is that all I saw her as? A distraction?

"Maybe you would have missed us." Missed me. Grimmjow mused, not hating the idea that Ichigo cared and being confused by both the thought and not wanting the puke because of it. On the contrary, it was a pleasant notion. The fuck is wrong with me?

Ichigo's shoulders bristled at the statement. "I just didn't want anyone to get hurt, no casualties on either side, that's what I wanted."

"You missed us, that's why you mourned us-Nel." He saved, Ichigo none the wiser. This was getting tiring. "That's why you built that grave."

Little did he know he had hit the nail on the head; Ichigo was sad, in his grief he built a memorial. When his sorrow got the best of him, he would go to that memorial and pour his hear out, sometimes he would cry, other times he would just stare at the stone, mostly he would just pray to become stronger so that he could protect those he cared for better, so that he wouldn't have to build something that painful ever again.

"You're fucking crazy, Grimmjow."

"Wow, denial, didn't see that coming." Heavy sarcasm.

"Fuck you." The teen stood, quite prepared to leave the room, but the hand gripping his arm was strong enough to prevent him from going anywhere. Ichigo turned to look back at the blue haired arrancar, anger in his eyes. He really didn't feel like doing this anymore, he was given another taste of what Grimmjow had been experiencing. Was he this annoying? Fuck. "Let me go."

"Just admit it." The grip on his arm didn't soften nor did the eyes of the man that kept him captured.

The redhead was getting desperate; he tried yanking his arm away from the hollow with lack of results. Ichigo pried at the fingers around his forearm but they were like steel. He had forgotten this was a man who could stop his blade with one hand while he was in his bankai form. He stopped struggling but continued to shake his head regardless.

"No… damn it…" He was pulled closer by his wrist, his heart thumping within his chest.

"… Ichigo." Grimmjow said sternly. The man should have looked ridiculous, half lying on a bed with a little girl huddled asleep on his stomach, eyes serious as his left hand continued pulling the shinigami closer. Contrary to the way it looked, Grimmjow had the upper hand.

Grimmjow was finally able capture the shinigami's upper arm in his hand and tug him even close. The redhead stumbled up to the bed and was brought down face to face with a teal haired hollow buy the strong grip on his arms. Ichigo winced but his hear sped up at the proximity of the male's face.

"Be honest, shinigami."

"I…" Shit… "I missed you."

Just as the words slipped passed Ichigo's lips in a hushed mumble, Grimmjow pulled the human's face closer to his, closing the gap between them and pushing their lips together. It was as if time stopped for a moment and nothing really mattered. Grimmjow brought one of his hands up to bury into soft, irritatingly orange hair in order to pull the shinigami closer. At first the teen was rigid with shock, but then their lips moved against each other in a way that caused Ichigo to sigh and tilt his head so that he had a better angle to breech the arrancar mouth with his tongue. Grimmjow answered enthusiastically, pushing against the organ with his own, but was jolted out of their closed off world by a soft voice.

"Nn… Gwimm?" Nel yawned.

Ichigo came to his senses abruptly and pushed away from the male, distancing himself rather quickly from Grimmjow until he was out the door.