Disclaimer: Sad Face. Nuff Said.
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It felt weird to not have to wake up early for gymnastics, and when I realized that I wouldn't be doing gymnastics again for a long time I felt like crying. What was I supposed to do with all of my free time?
There was a light knock on my door and Esme came in with breakfast on a tray. "How are you feeling?" She asked setting the food down on my night table. I looked up at her, tears threatening to pour over.
"Why me?" I asked quietly. Esme sat down on the edge of my bed and took my hand in hers.
"I admire you so much Rosalie." She said sincerely. "I know things are tough, but you are handling things very well."
"Are you serious?" I snapped, "Just look at my foot. I would not call that handling things well."
"I remember being thirteen." Esme reminisced. "I remember it all too well. You have your friends, you have school, boys, sports, all sorts of stuff. And I remember how hard it was. And you have to deal with me and all your other...stuff...on top of it. I could never have done it Rosalie. I was never as strong as you."
I wasn't exactly sure what to say back. "Thanks." I finally said. "I just sometimes don't know what to do."
"Even now, as an adult, I don't always know what to do either, but all we can really do is our best."
"I guess." I shrugged.
Esme stood up. "Just let me know if you need anything." And I know she didn't just mean today.
"I will."
---
I started treatment that week. My psychiatrist put me on both antidepressants and benzodiazepines. I also started my Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I was reluctant to go, but my dad promised that it would help.
At the first meeting we didn't really do much, it was more of a get to know you type thing. I told her a bit about my self and my dreams and everything going on. She told me what to expect at our sessions and made sure that I felt very comfortable.
"So you think you can really help me?" I asked.
"I know I can. You just have to be willing to try. I can't make you better unless you want to get better."
I nodded. I did want to get better. I couldn't live the rest of my life like this.
"How long is it going to take?" I asked.
"We are going to meet twice a week. We will start with twelve sessions and then go from there. Does that sound okay?"
"Yes." I nodded again. Six weeks. I could do that. Six weeks isn't that long.
My first official session wouldn't be until after new years, so I spent almost all of the break at home. Emmett came over almost every day and we watched movies or played old board games or just talked. Championships was in seven weeks so Emmett and Alice were training a lot.
Christmas was fairly quiet. I spent Christmas with my family at home. Esme made cinnamon buns and dad made bacon and eggs. I got a new iPod and some clothes that I had really wanted.
On the evening of the 30th I approached dad and Esme at the dinner table. "Dad." I asked, "Can Emmett come over tomorrow night?"
"I'm not sure Rose, Esme and I will be out." My dad said.
"Please?" I batted my eyelashes. "We just want to watch movies." This wasn't exactly true, but I knew that if I told my dad the stuff he wanted to hear he would be more likely to say yes.
"We'll discuss it." My dad said. I smiled. That wasn't a no at least.
I really loved Emmett, a lot. And I couldn't think of a better way to bring in the new year than being with him.
---
Later that night as I was getting ready for bed Esme knocked on my door. "Rosalie?" She called softly as she opened the door.
"One sec." I called from the bathroom. I quickly wiped the last of my make up off my face then turned off the light. "Yeah?"
"You dad decided that Emmett could come over tomorrow night." She didn't look the least bit happy.
"Really?" My eyes got wide, "He can?"
"Yes. And Rosalie, I'm trusting you that you'll make the right choice, right? Movies and pizza, nothing more."
"Nothing more." I promised. "Oh thank you, thank you, thank you!" I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her tight.
She hugged me back. "Remember lady, I'm trusting you."
---
The next morning I called Emmett as soon as I woke up. "Guess what?" I gushed as soon as he picked up. "My dad and Esme said that you can come over tonight!"
"Really?" He sounded surprised. "That's sweet! What time?"
I chewed my lip for a second. I didn't want him to come over until after my dad and Esme were gone. "Like eightish?"
"Sounds good. I have to go now, but I'll see you tonight?"
I smiled widely even though he couldn't see me. "See you tonight."
"Love you Rose."
"Love you too."
Once we hung up, I squealed with excitement. Tonight would definitely be one to remember.
---
Jasper left at around six, and dad and Esme left a little over an hour later
As soon as they were gone I started getting ready. I put a pizza in the oven and then went upstairs to get dressed. We decided that tonight would be really chill, so I just put on a skirt (since I can't wear jeans with my cast) and a pink v-neck t-shirt. Nothing too fancy.
At eight on the dot the doorbell rang and I ran to get it. Emmett kissed me as soon as he walked in, and then we made out way to the kitchen. He pulled a paper bag out of his jackets and set a bottle of raspberry vodka on the counter. "It's new years." H explained when he saw the hesitant look on my face. "You have to at least have one shot. Live a little Rose, what do you have to loose?"
I smiled and nodded. He was right. I'd already lost almost everything important to me, so why shouldn't I let loose for once. I'm only thirteen once.
Emmett plugged his iPod into the doc in the living room, and some sort of loud music started blaring through my house. He held me close and we danced in circles around the kitchen. We ate and laughed and danced and I couldn't be happier. I couldn't think of a better way to bring in the new year than with Emmett.
He grabbed the vodka off the counter and twisted off the lid. He threw his head back and took a long shot. Then he handed it to me. I'd never had a drink before, but what the hell. I took a long drink and then nearly threw up. I had no clue that it would be that strong. It burned my throat, but I didn't care. I was finally letting loose. I took another shot then passed it back to Emmett. I don't know where the night went because everything became a mix of drinking and laughing and more drinking.
"It's almost midnight!" I laughed. Everything seemed so funny. I am just so happy to be here, to be with Emmett, and what could be a better way to bring into 2010 then to loose my virginity.
"Would you have sex with me?" I asked taking a long gulp.
Emmett was even drunker than me. "Fuck yeah. Rosalie, baby, you're smoking.
I had the bottle of vodka in one hand and with the other hand I dragged Emmett up to my room. It was quieter up here, but I still was yelling.
"This is great. I've never felt so free!" I took another shot. My stomach felt gross, but my head was telling me to keep going. "You know whats not free though? This shirt...it's too tight." I pulled my shirt off, and laughed. "Thats better."
Emmett grabbed the bottle from me."Smokin hot." He started undressing, and soon we were under the covers naked. Being with Emmett is so amazing. He knew exactly what he was doing, and I couldn't imagine a better guy to loose my virginity to.
We brought in the new year drunk, naked and happy, and that was just fine with me.
Once we were done we got up and got dressed again. Esme said that Emmett had to be gone by 1:30, and it was already twenty after one.
"I had a fucking blast." I laughed. "I love you."
He leaned in and kissed me. God, Emmett was amazing.
He grabbed his jacket, and then left. His friends were waiting in his driveway, the car shaking from the loud music. Once they were gone I hid the empty bottle and climbed into bed. What a great night.
---
I woke up in the morning feeling like total shit. I was tired, and had a headache and was in such pain it wasn't even funny. And it took me a while to remember what exactly had happened the night before. I, Rosalie Hale, had drunken sex. Shit.
Last night was such a blur, and I can't remember any of the small details, like if he used a condom. I checked the trash in my room and in my bathroom, but there was no evidence that protection was used. Double shit.
I can't believe I let my self get that drunk. And it was me who asked him to have sex. How could I possibly have been so stupid. I immediately picked up the phone and speed dialed him.
"Hi, it's Emmett. Leave it at the beep."
"Emmett. It's Rosalie. Call me as soon as you get this. Thanks."
I needed to talk to him. I needed to know exactly what happened. I'm trying to remember, but my head hurts way to much. I fell back onto my bed, and buried my face in my hands. I can't believe I let this happen.
If anyone finds out, I'm dead. I'll be labeled a slut for the rest of my life. And I'm not even in high school yet. My head started to spin and that horrible feeling returned. The meds I was on had been helping, but this was too much. I started breathing quickly and crying and I buried my face in the pillow. My first official meeting with the therapist was this Friday, and I sure hope that she can fix me, cause this is just bull shit. I hate these stupid anxiety attacks. I'm already feeling shitty enough without...this.
I didn't leave my room all day. I just sat there on my bed waiting for Emmett to call. Where was he? He can not just sleep with me and then not call me back. At three Esme knocked on my door.
"Are you up?" She asked, poking her head in.
"Yeah, I'm just tired." I was feeling a lot better though, thank God. "I'm coming down now though. Has, uh, anyone called for me?" Maybe someone had intercepted the phone call or something.
"No, sorry. Are you expecting a call?"
"Uh, not really. Just curious."
"Are you okay, Rose?"
"I'm fine." I got drunk, had sex, didn't use protection and now my boyfriend isn't calling me. Could I be any fine-er than that?
Soo... Rosalie is in quite the pickle...PLEASE REVIEW if you want me to keep writing!!!!!
Love Alice xx