A/N: because there's always something to throw on this fire~
just a bit of demented humor that's developed from the apparent universe Conflagration now has XD
ENJOY!
Sugar Rush
Cookie eating contests were something common amongst Team RWBY. So much so, Blake knew when they were coming, like rain, and quickly got out of the room to avoid her girlfriend trying to drag her into it, or Referee, which happened more often than not. For Weiss, she always walked in during the final round when Yang faceplanted from a diabetic coma and Ruby was hopped up on sugar… for about five minutes until she too went down face first into the heiress' bed, since the red speedster couldn't coordinate getting into her own bed by that point. The results were almost always the same, Yang losing after a fraction of the cookies her sister could consume at lightning speed and the two of them conked out for the next day and a half.
So with this past experience guiding them, it was no wonder the monochrome duo of Team RWBY were nowhere to be found when the sisters thought to pull another cookie eating fiasco.
Ruby pouted because she already had a bag of cookies in her hands and Yang said they weren't starting till they had someone else, as a witness or referee, one of the which. So the two were wandering around Beacon's sidewalks looking for at least ONE of their friends to help them out. Ruby just wanted her cookies and Yang wanted someone to make sure they got back to their room.
"Oh, hey! Its Pyrrha!" Ruby perked up when she saw the red-haired champion sitting on a bench inspecting her weapons for some reason. "PYRRHA!" being Ruby, this meant the little red hood girl zoomed out of reach before her sister could conceivably say or do anything and launched herself at the tall Mystralian.
Pyrrha was probably the only person in the world that didn't get knocked over when Ruby employed her Glomp!attack variation of greeting. Pyrrha just moved slightly over at the impact of a mile-a-minute-teen before looking down to see Ruby smiling up at her, "Hello, Ruby!"
"Hehe! Hey Pyrrha!" Ruby squealed.
"S'up Red," Yang gave a lazy salute to their friend as walked over with a cocky smile, "You wouldn't happen to be doing anything right now?" lilac eyes noticed the weapons that had been moved slightly thanks to Ruby's impact, "Er, important?"
Emerald eyes glanced from the busty blonde to her shield and sword before giving a sheepish grin, "No, not really," she set them aside, scooting over slightly so Ruby had more room on the bench to sit properly if she so chose, "It was just a nice day and after practice its nice to do maintenance outside…"
Yang gave the champion a sour look, but Ruby was the one to pout and squeal, "But it's the WEEKEND!"
Pyrrha just gave a hesitant chuckle, scratching her cheek, "Well…" she knew the others weren't used to her form of training regimen. In Mystral there was no such thing as a 'weekend', at least not by other's standards. -if anything I work harder on the weekend… more freetime that can be used to focus on training instead of school work…- but she knew such logic wouldn't work with these two, or really anyone else at Beacon. She could get away with it with Jaune since she was in charge of their training schedule but that was an entirely different matter.
Glancing from the pout on Ruby and the sour look on Yang's face, Pyrrha knew this wasn't a situation for logic, "So, what were you two up to?" she hoped it was something simple and wouldn't result in a lot of collateral damage, as fun as it was to watch with her Team she knew it wasn't good… technically.
A huge grin spread across Yang's face as she pumped her fist, "Oh us?!" for some reason the brawler's eyes were on fire, "Why were just about to take part in a legendary competition!" swiftly Yang posed, pointing dramatically at the redhead, "In fact! I bet you'd be PERFECT! To join us!" the blonde leaned in, holding one hand up to her lips as if telling a secret though she didn't whisper very well, "Why, I'm sure between the two of us we can beat the reigning champion~"
Whether Yang did it on purpose or not is up for debate, but the blonde brawler definitely used all the right words to pique Pyrrha's interest. Normally she was considered the mild-mannered one in their group of chaos and shenanigans, in fact her inputs were generally simple and mild, but tended to have a big impact despite this. But if there was ONE thing that proved Pyrrha was a member of the cacophony of anarchy that was Teams RWBY and JNPR it was her EXTREMELY competitive nature.
Pyrrha Freakin' Nikos won. It was a law of the universe. If there was a competition to be had and she was competing, there was no force on the planet that could stop her from winning!
… also she was a terrible loser. She WON! One way or another!
It was also one of the reasons Yang liked to push her whenever possible. Pyrrha in competitive mode put her on the same level of crazy as the rest of them. Plus Yang was one of those people that liked a challenge, even an insurmountable one, and she swore the day she realized Pyrrha was as crazy as the rest of them, she would beat the Mystralian champion in SOMETHING! Come hell or the end of the world, one day, Yang Xiao Long would beat Pyrrha Freakin' Nikos!
A cookie eating contest seemed like a perfect opportunity, the blonde wouldn't honestly remember the last time she saw the health-nut eat anything with more sugar in it than a piece of fruit.
Plus she knew she had her when those emerald eyes narrowed and that red brow rose, no one needed to hear the following question, "What kind of competition?"
"COOKIE EATING CONTEST!" Ruby suddenly made herself known again, now holding two bags of cookies neither older girl knew where she got them.
Still leaning near the Mystralian, Yang just gave her archrival a wickedly cocky grin, "You think you can keep up, P-Money? Ruby's been winning these since she was a toddler, and I've got experience keeping up with her and beating all other competition!" sure, the only other competition they ever had was the few times Uncle Qrow humored the girls, passing out quickly as his Blood Alcohol Content was compromised by the rush of sugar, and that one time with Zwei, but that one had to be aborted since chocolate and puppies don't mix.
A momentary look of shock passed Pyrrha's face but she quickly schooled her features. This was just like any other competition! Not that it made her face seem any less pale at the thought of… all those useless calories.
-NO! I can do this!- Pyrrha shook her head, pumping one fist, getting into competitive mode. With a firm nod, narrow emerald eyes looked at Ruby, "I accept your challenge."
Yang whooped, "Alright! P-Money is in!" she zipped over to her sister, arm over her shoulders and waved the other out as if displaying a vast setting, "It's a gastronomical battle of the ages! The reigning champ, Rubles the Iron Stomach! Against the Up-and-Coming Competitor P-Money! With the veteran of a thousand confectionary battles, ME! There to round out the score board!" pumping her free hand and squeezing her baby sister into her breasts, Yang couldn't help the vibrant grin on her face, "This is gonna be EPIC!"
Ruby, while pushing herself out of her sister's deadly cleavage, looked at their friend with a bit of concern. Sure, Yang was into this, her big sister went along with any of her odd requests, and normally they only invited others to be a referee or DD to make sure they made it to their beds to crash from the sugar high. Inviting someone to join their competition, as silly as it was, didn't normally happen. And Ruby wasn't nearly as unobservant as her sister may have thought. She knew Yang had some ulterior motive here, but worse she knew Pyrrha didn't eat junk food. As sacrilegious as it was to Ruby and Yang, the leader of Team RWBY knew her friend didn't do so without reason.
So she had to ask the crucial question, "Pyrrha, have you ever eaten cookies before?"
The suddenly stricken look that came of the Mystralian said it all, "Er, well…" the way she seemed to twitch at the thought said it all.
Ruby and Yang just stared.
Sure, they knew she ate healthy, but they didn't think she'd NEVER had sweets, that was impossible…
"Like ever?" Yang had to ask. Hey, she wasn't a complete monster! She could care about her competition she intended to beat into a diabetic coma!
Pyrrha just scratched the back of her head nervously, "No… not… really…"
Ruby's jaw just dropped, "WHO WOULD DO SUCH A HORRIBLE THING TO YOU!" immediately she zipped over to her significantly taller friend, grabbed her hand and dragged her towards a place they could properly eat a mountain of cookies! "I WILL FIX THIS!"
And with that declaration Pyrrha Nikos was dragged off by the young speedster to learn what sugar was.
Yang could almost already taste her victory and it was sweet!
One hour later…
Weiss dropped her bags as she and Blake walked off the bullhead that had just taken them back to Beacon from Vale.
There were at least three person-sized holes in the school, two floors were on fire, and they could hear gunfire not far off.
… also Yang, Sun, Ruby and Jaune were unconscious in a pile near them with Nora fanning them and Ren standing nearby.
"ONE HOUR!" the Schnee heiress stormed over to the pile of collateral damage that were her teammates, leader of Team JNPR and she honestly had no idea Sun was in town. Foot tapping, brow twitching, and fists angrily on her waist, icy eyes glared at the unconscious quartet, "ONE FREAKIN' HOUR! I'M GONE AND THIS!" she waved her hand towards Beacon, where gunfire, maniacal laughter, and screams were heard, "IS WHAT HAPPENS!"
"Ehehehe," Nora nervously scratched her cheek watching Weiss fume, "She does realize they're unconscious and can't respond, right?"
"Just let her get it out," Blake spoke flatly, seemingly appearing next to the N and R of JNPR.
Several more bits of swearing and cursing linages was had before Weiss Schnee calmed enough to glare at the conscious members of the collective RWBYJNPR crew, "What did they," she adamantly pointed at Yang and Ruby who were drooling unconscious, "DO?!" more eye twitching may have been involved.
Nora snorted, "Well, ya see, P-Money Lite," more twitching from the white heiress, "Renny and I were studying in our room, like normal, cuz we have all this SUPER amount of work to do…"
"You forgot you had detention again and Professor Oobleck wanted three papers done to replace the work required," Ren lightly corrected behind his partner.
"… and while getting all that done, I was like 'Hey, Ren! Since the others are out, wanna have a pillow fight!' and he was all super-serious with the face and like 'No. you must work. Rawr!'," Nora even put up her hands like bear claws to emphasize the growl.
"You were falling asleep," Ren quietly corrected.
Blake, still next to the two just raised a brow.
Weiss of course growled, having enough with Ruby on a normal day, not to mention whatever shenanigans was THIS, and did NOThave the patience for Nora, "What. Happened."
With a bright grin Nora was about to go into another terrific story, but Ren put his hand on her shoulder and shook his head when she looked. Nora just pouted, "Oh fine!" the little grenadier just crossed her arms, "We heard the first shots fired, got down here to see Yang and Sun knocked out while Ruby and Pyrrha started to get into a fight…"
"Jaune said it was a 'spar' to see who really won the cookie eating contest," Ren said flatly, before looking down at their poor leader that was lying face down, likely in a pool of his own blood.
The other members of RWBY looked down to the collective group as well, grimacing.
"What the heck happened?" Weiss blinked, having cooled down enough to fully register the strangeness of this situation, "Yang and Ruby I understand, both of them drop like a light after one of their cookie eating fiascos, but Sun? Jaune?" the area around them shook and part of Beacon crumbled behind them as more screams were had, "WHATEVER THE HELL THAT IS?!"
"Oh, that?" Nora just snorted, waving her hand, "That's Pyrrha."
"What?" Both Blake and Weiss just stared at the mini-smasher.
"Oh, did I forget to mention that part?" the orange haired girl giggled to herself, "Yea, apparently Pyrrha's NEVER had sugar before, and she just ate like, a literal ton of it, so she maaaaaaaaaaay have gone a bit loopy," Nora's hands were out like scales, waving up and down as the little Valkyrie wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing, just knowing it was funny as hell, "Initially Ruby was keeping her contained but her metabolism caught up quicker so she crashed, HARD, into the pavement, and when Jaune went to go check her he got body slammed by Pyrrha into a bush, we don't really know what happened in there just that P-Money went zipping out towards Beacon a few seconds later, and gunfire and screams were heard. We found him out cold with a nosebleed…"
If anything Weiss' eye was twitching even more as she glared at the trio that they'd been told about.
Blake decided to ask the obvious, "Why is Sun here?"
"Oh that," Nora waved her hand like it was no big deal, "He showed up at the tail end of the competition, apparently wanting to surprise you guys, but got involved with the cookie eating contest." Now Nora openly snickered, "Apparently even he CAN NOT keep up with those three's sugary appetite… he went down after a handful of cookies…"
Amber eyes went wide as Blake felt sorry for the boy.
"Feh," Weiss just crossed her arms and rolled her eyes, "Knowing those two they got the most diabetes-inducing cookies, so chalk full of sugar in each one to kill a bull elephant," icy eyes looked down narrowly at the monkey faunus in something that may have been construed as concern, if she weren't Weiss Schnee, "I'm surprised he's not dead yet…"
Blake growled, glaring at her teammate before crouching to check both her boyfriend and girlfriend were still alive, along with the other two, as they were important too.
"Soooo…" at this point Nora was tapping the tips of her fingertips together and looking everywhere but at Weiss, which promptly got her a small pinch from Ren, "Ow!" blue-green eyes narrowed on the boy, as she could never fully glare at him, only to dramatically sigh, "fffffffiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnneeeee!"
A white brow rose on the heiress as she watched the display. She adamantly refused to say anything about it just yet.
Putting her fists on her hips and looking Weiss square in the eye, Nora did what was necessary, "Okay, P-Money Lite!" a small smirk may have risen on the Valkyrie as the white girl cringed, "We need you to get over there and stop P-Money original!" swiftly she pointed over her shoulder at the ensuing chaos that was Beacon being slowly dismantled by someone on a deranged sugar high, along with beating up all the other students and possibly the teachers.
White brow rose in disbelief, "What?"
Nora took the two steps required to stand in front of Weiss, and pat her on both shoulders, "Weiss Schnee, you are Beacon's only hope!"
Weiss continued to stare at the normally hyper-girl in disbelief.
Then Nora pulled her into a bone-crushing hug and all Weiss could do was uselessly twitch her fingers as the hammer-manic continued, "Next to Pyrrha you're the next best person in our class! You're the only person that could possible stand a chance against her!" forcefully pushing the Schnee girl out at arm's length again, a teary eyed Nora looked at her, "We need you Weiss Schnee! We need you to take on your greatest rival!" then with an entirely unnecessary flair, she pulled Weiss into a crushing one-armed hug, and pointed to the heavens while facing the destruction of Beacon, "FOR THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!"
"Wha-?" was all Weiss could get out, between the bone-crushign and twitching, before she was forcefully kicked in the direction of explosions, screaming and gunfire. She made it about five feet before realizing she was being sent on a suicide mission, "OH SCREW YOU GUYS!" she delicately flipped the three conscious individuals off with both hands before stomping towards the chaos that was apparently Pyrrha on a sugar high.
Nora cheerily wiped her hands, not feeling guilty in the slightest.
"You're mean," Blake said, crouching over her boyfriend while holding his wrist, checking his pulse against the clock on her scroll. Yet despite her words there was an unmistakable smirk on her face.
"She knows it," Ren said flatly, though it did look like he was smirking, slightly.
"Oh she'll be fine~" Nora turned to the two ninja of Teams RWBY and JNPR, "Pyrrha's about to crash anyway, I just figured it'd be better if someone caught her…"
"That wasn't us?" Ren raised a skeptical brow.
Nora wiped her hands again, "Yep, that wasn't us!"
"You're so mean," despite her words, Blake couldn't help the smirk. The second Weiss figured out she was being used as a DD, and NOT for Ruby, well… they'd know.
Speaking of, a few seconds later the chaos turned oddly silent…
Only to be followed by the most unladylike thing ever shouted by Weiss Schnee that all of Beacon heard.
"OH FUCK YOU GUYS!"
Follow presumably by a two hundred pound, six foot tall Mystrallian collapsing on a 5' 3" (in heels) hundred and twenty pounds wet Atlesian heiress.
How the following scream didn't wake Pyrrha up or cause her to go deaf was anyone's guess…
A/N: i have a terrible sense of humor :P love you Weiss~
for some reason i find Weiss' tiny-ness hilarious, and just the idea of REALLY comparing her physical stature to that of Pyrrha's (which ticks off all the points of a classic Homeric Hero) is just hysterical... Pyrrha has to weigh 200lbs on her own if she's as physically dominating as she is, plus that HEIGHT! then add in her armor? she's the ONLY person that wears FULL-ARMOR here... that's got to be like 250lbs at least falling on maybe a hundred pounds of tiny ice mage... just think about it... and laugh XD
and Nora can be such a dick XD
number 72: encourages others to eat healthy! :D
Till next -salute-waves- Sayounara, Mina!
-Ikasury