Normal - conversation/ Narration
Italics - Kou's thoughts
Underlined italics - Kisa thoughts
Bold - voice

Certain questions
I once desired
No longer take precedence
I no longer require
Inquiry halted
Priority shift
When will my love
Realize all that I miss
His touch
His love
His kiss
My once eternal bliss
All that I wish
Is one last shred
One more lingering embrace
One last view
Of his beautiful face
- DNL235

Every time Buttercup tries and look at me, them decides against it leaves me with a sinking feeling. I was overfilled with pure joy and excitement, yet with every failed glance I become more uneasy, more unsettled, until he practically spits out " Kou, we need to talk."

I can't say I didn't expect this to happen, but it doesn't, mean I want it to," sure Pumpkin, just let me get something." Getting up, after receiving his approval, taking my sweet time back to the bedroom. I know that I can't change his mind, but if I can prolong the enviable, even just a little longer.

I have been expecting this to happen, for sometime now, but never this soon. Suppose I haven't been as helpful as I previously thought. I've tired to always be what he needs, but I can only do so much. I'm only one person, and unfortunately I can't read minds.

Reaching the bedroom, I can't help but lose control of the tears treating to overflow. Breaking down, as streams spill over my dam, silently as possible, not wanting to disturb baby cakes in the next room. I just love him so much, I can't help how I feel. It should be a crime to feel so strongly for another, but it's not about what i need or want. I refuse to be so conceded and selfish, it's about what he needs right now. And if that means not having me around, then I will just have to live with that, no matter how much it hurts. I can handle the pain, unlike him. My angels is sensitive and very fragile, right now. I'm sure this is just as hard for him, I'm just lost. Why do we both have to be alone, when we could have each other?

Once my tear ducts emptied, wiping my face to avoid alarm, or suspicion. Making my way back down the corridor, the journey seemingly have lengthened, since my last voyage. What he needs, whatever he needs, even if its not me. Was all I could even try and contemplate. Anything further, and I would never have enough courage to face what's to come next, without breaking down.

As I turn the sharp corner, I view my honey bunches has peacefully fallen asleep. Ahhhh, he seems so content, his cute little mouth is ajar. Drool escaping from an edge of his gaping mouth, as he quietly snores. Seeing him like this only reminds me how much I love him, and why. Because he's just to adorable to express with words. Radiant personality, gorgeous smile, it just lights up all of his facial features, making him all the more irresistible. Devilishly handsome body, it drives me crazy. Every time I see his naked body, I nearly melt. It's one of my prized activities, disrobing my stud muffin. I could have all eternity to attempt and describe what I love about him, but it would never be enough. He has so much to offer, so much charisma, he is blinded, he can't see himself like I do.

I remember the first time we meet, I was his cashier. That moment was just outrageously wonderful, I was sure that I was about to faint. He didn't need me to wrap his book, but if only, just a few more seconds to gaze at his beauty. He came back after that, pretending to read. I noticed, after about a week of straight " visits." I knew he was trying, but failing to appear inconspicuous, but I saw straight through is disguise, I knew the truth. He had come back to see me, every return visit made me feel that much special.

Then when that insufferable ex of his came, I became very territorial, and well, I took care of him. My stalker ran off, but I was shocked and surprisingly pleased to see him at a near by café. It was such fortunate luck, a twist of fate for my benefit. I was not about to let that pass me by, while we talked, his blush changed into fifty shades of bright red. I couldn't help, but lean over and steal a kiss. He ran off, but obviously everything worked out. Because here he is, fast asleep on my couch. He appears like he's hibernating, as I lift his light, delicate frame, carefully placing him on the bed. Removing any garments, putting love monkey under the covers. Repeating the process for myself for the cloth on my body, then sliding under the covers joining him. Grateful for the delay, for the up coming " talk" that I was not looking forward to. Until then I was more then content to hold him in my arms, basking in each others warmth, as the sandman took me away.

Next morning, I awoke to find my cuddly teddy bear still fast asleep in my arms. Carefully, slipping away to make coffee and breakfast, for when the sleeping beauty woke up. No matter how much I dread the upcoming " talk," i still want to offer all that I am. Because no matter what happens, I still love him and I severely doubt that could possibly change.

As I hear rustling of sheets and a comforter, followed by panda bears bare feet colliding with the cold, hard wood floors. After passing through the corridor, coming into view. The completion in darlin's checks is so much better, guess he just needed some rest, and probably some food as well. One of the main reasons I made breakfast, cause I don't normally myself. Joining me in the kitchen, wrapping his arms around my waist. Well half way, sweeties arms are only so long.

" Good morning, I'm sorry I fell asleep. I don't know what came over me."

Turning around to meet his line of sight, pumpkins features are sincere. Within the next few moments I am confused mixed with shock and aw. Can't you just make a clean break. I can't handle this half hearted farewell.

" Is something the matter?"

Guess I have to play along.

" No, of course not. I'm just surprised your already up, that's all."Forcing myself to smile, sure that it wasn't reaching my eyes. Reminding myself it's about him, and not me. " I made breakfast, along with coffee, help yourself. The we can have that talk you wanted." I knew it, just by mentioning that earlier, he wanted to have the " talk," he looks uneasy. Again Kou, it's not about you, I'm doing what cuddle bear needs, before myself, before my needs.

' Well, someone doesn't miss a beat, now do they?!?'

" Wow, is there nothing you can't do? Your so amazing, thanks. I'm starving, my author didn't meet their deadline... AGAIN! I mean they complain, about us editors gripping. They say their doing there best, then if you are MEET YOUR DEADLINES! So how was your night, did you sleep well?"

" Sounds stressful honey, maybe I can give you a sensual massage later, to relieve some of that. My night was just fine, even better when you surprised me at work. And with you in my arms, I slept better then usual."

Maybe, just maybe if I continue to remind him how much he means to me, how much I need him, then just maybe he won't leave. After my third cup of coffee, and my darlin' panda finished his plate, he proceeded to wash the dirtied dishes.

' Maybe you can avoid the conversation all together, lover boy doesn't appear to be pressing the issue. Also, I despise these type of " talks."

' You almost seem afraid. No, besides I have already prolonged this for far to long, no more delays. I have to, or I never will. Kou has proven himself time, and time again. He deserves to know the truth, who am I to deny his right of forewarning.'

As Kisa returns from the kitchen, I can't help but feel all my happiness slip away, but the images never fading of my honey bunny walking way, replying itself in my head, over and over again. It's almost more then I can tolerate, but I shall endure, for his sake.

" So stud muffin, what did you wanna talk about?" My belles face, it's just so adorable when he blushes, every time he did, he invented a new shade of red. Only hope he didn't hear the strain in my voice.

' He is certainly persistent little bugger isn't he, what a wonderful creature.'

He continues walking, advancing until he right next to me. Sitting in front of me, solum expression masking his features. Lowering his body, into a crisscross position, bowing his head, unable to look up.

How should I break this awful awkward silence, no matter what I tell myself, I'm still scared. Every fiber of my being say don't, yet I know for certain it's the right thing to do.

' I advise that you ignore this line of questioning, and remove the topic of conversation from your mind completely'

" Kou, I have to tell you something, but I don't know how."

Well maybe I should just break the ice, it's would be better for everyone to relive pressure. " Kisa, I know what you wanna tell me."

' Well then, smexys on top of his game.'

" You do?"

" Yes, I understand and it's okay. If you don't want to be together anymore, then you don't have to explain."

' Swing and a major miss. I prematurely assumed him to be intelligent, guess that can't be if he's with you. Nevertheless this it not a normal circumstances, maybe he deserves the benefit of the doubt.'

" NO, that's not it at all!"

" Then what is it, if you don't wanna break up?"

" Like I said, it's hard explain. Rather difficult to..."

Wow, I so foolish, I automatically assumed he wanted to leave me. Although that was never the case, well that's relief, so then what is the problem? Slipping my hand in his, the other carefully lifting his chin. Warm tears, steadily streaming down his checks. Brushing dam away with the pad of my thumb, closing the gab between are lips. For a fiery, passionate kiss, as my tongue begs to be welcome in. It's wish granted, are tongues dance together, exploring and mapping territory, marking what's ours. As we separate for air, sliding him onto his back. Laying on top of my panting stud muffin, I say" Kisa, I'm here for what ever you have to confess, because I love you and because your my scrumptious cupcake. Through thick and thin, with anything in between."

" Remember what I told you, when I was in the hospital? That feeling?"

" Yes, you said that there was a dark, growing void."

" Right, but there's more then that."

Still on top of my snoocums, absorbing him into my firm, warm embrace. Rubbing circular motions o his back, slowly rocking back and forth. When I felt a warm liquid on my shoulder, only enclosed my arms that much more. " Aww,shhhh, sweetie. It okay, my not going anywhere." Attempting to subside his cooing, nothing but loud, violent sobs escaping his lungs.

" Th- th- there's more."

He choked out, my sweet angels voice, slowly coming back. Calming with time, as he explains to me what has been plaguing him. Never wavering, I stayed on the floor, as he remained encompassed inside my arms. Throughout the night, I continued to listen to his struggles, allowing the weight on his chest away. As I took the reins, bearing his burden, and unbearable load upon my shoulders. Until he he succumbed to his exhaustion, dosing off in my arms. I thought about moving him to the bed, cause it would certainly help my back, but decided against it. Not wanting to let him go, for even a second.

My Immortal

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

[Chorus:]
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face – it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice – it chased away all the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

[Chorus]

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

[Chorus]

...me, me, me.

- Evanescence