Desclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or Bleach

Italics= thoughts

[Bold]= note

Author note: Another chapter I struggled upon, but was probably the funniest so far to type! Sorry, I was ever so late but, I couldn't and didn't want to rush this chapter, I just hope it came out in a way ya'll can understand. However before you read the chapter read this! Because I'm bout to drop the knowledge upon ya'll: (sorry…so…so sorry)

1. Everyone keeps asking: "why doesn't Grimmjow destroy the whole castle or Dumbledore?

Answer: Grimmjow may be impulsive, volatile and trigger-happy HOWEVER he's also concerned with his survival. Hence, why he didn't attack Aizen outright nor tackle Luppi without his arm being restored. Thus, he won't disobey Dumbledore, especially if Ulquiorra's following his command.

2. Why doesn't Ulquiorra take over?

Answer: he never cared for ruling anything, just wanted a reason to exist, which Dumbledore gave him again, and to execute his order to the T. however, he is curious about things he doesn't understand which, makes him hesitant to destroy it. So, he's obviously curious about Magic!

3. "Why can't they negate magic? Isn't it kido?

Answer: I'll say kido is like magic but, it's more of a different branch of "magic" not the same. It's like comparing a wolf to a puppy. But, they aren't completely vulnerable, the wielder has to be very powerful or be stuck by multiple people at the same time.

4. Why is Dumbledore so strong? The bleach characters could demolish the old man!

Answer: I don't want to give it all away or it'll ruin the whole suspense BUT, I drop a hint in chapter 8 (see if you can find it ). Also, if one can't see where the attack is coming from, they can't dodge (it's like Ishida, except invisible arrows). And no matter how powerful the gun is, if the shooter isn't able to pull the trigger, it's useless.

Now, for this chapter's notes:

And Ichigo has his sword in his belt like Ikkaku in his school uniform.

And the DADA teacher's speech pattern is modeled after Cotton from King the Hill. Don't ask why he's just perfect.

Author note END

The motley group of boys ascended the stone spiral stairs towards the Defense against the Dark Arts class, all the while mocking one notorious, blond haired, Syltherin.

"Did you notice how long his hand remained on Ulquiorra's arm? What an arse bandit?" Sirius said

"I don't know what that actually means…but, Grimmjow, you'd better be careful or you'll lose your rank again! God, who knew this dimension had its own Luppi."

"HAHAHAHAH! An-and I'm sure blondie knows a lot about tentacles!" Grimmjow said, nudging Ichigo in the ribs playfully. "Hope you have your soul candy ready!"

"In class, I was like, oh-NO! My Denreishinki just detected something…its…its dickishness is off the charts! I'm gonna need your help!" Ichigo returned, whipping out his radar for emphasis.

The three Gryffindor had absolutely no idea what the Shinigami and Espada were referencing but, laughed along. Any normal being would say they were getting along however, as a werewolf, Remus knew better. How can they not see it! Thought Remus as he continued to watch the four guys. He, unlike his friends, had stronger animalistic instincts than most teenage wizards, meaning he wasn't fooled. While his friends looked at the Grimmjow's smile, he looked in his eyes. While that smile was directed towards others showed a laidback individual, his eyes showed cunningness that bordered on savagery.

It's like he'll be friendly for one second but, then he'll rip your throat out. Dumbledore said, "Give em a chance!" but, Grimmjow seems…too random! Also doesn't help that the other is boring holes into my very soul. Remus glanced over to see Ulquiorra staring at him. "Uhhhh, do like Hogwarts, Ulquiorra?" he said, attempting a conversation. "I have not experienced Hogwarts to provide a truly accurate or adequate report, Remus Lupin." Ulquiorra continued to stare for several seconds before looking ahead. "Oh, well…maybe this'll help." Remus dug in his bag and pulled out his battered copy of Hogwarts, A History. "I believe it is customary to say, "thank you"…thank you." Ulquiorra said, before he began reading.

Soon they were at the classroom

The classroom was a cliché Hogwarts room, it was made out of stone and had outrageously high windows. It was lined with weird gadgets and bookcases, which looked like they'd fall apart at any second. And had school desks, a chalkboard, and a ridiculously cluttered teacher's desk. Man...It's Hueco Mundo all over again.

The teacher for Defense against the Dark Arts could be described as eccentric or more accurately un-medicated. His name is Wilbert Ogden the thirty-fifth, He was a man of his mid-thousands, and was a good 6'0. He was wearing a navy blue-suit that was covered with pineapple print, claiming it helped distract his attackers. He had short pink hair which, was a result of a misfired hex by some convict.

"Today, we are talking about Azkaban and how one gets dropped in this dark, soul disintegrating, prison. A prison made to hold all the traitors, and killers, and dabblers of dark magic, that the public deemed the deserving of the Dementor's kiss!" he said pointing at the board which, had a crudely drawn prison and a dementor, which looked like a muppet/blanket hybrid.

Bellatrix rolled her eyes and said, "Azkaban? Looks like a fun house."

Ogden's head whipped around so fast it looked like it was dislocated, "You would think that Miss Black, seeing as your family have an affinity for having 10 yearlong sleepovers in said building's cells. I believe your cell, Girly, has the cutest slimy stone walls and a poise rusted, freezing metal bed! Which is next to a bacteria infested sink that spews out brown water that tastes of lemon fecal matter!" James silently laughed at her stunned face, Ogden was instantly in his face, "So Potter, think it's funny? Think you won't ever fire an Unforgiveable from that squeaky clean wand of yours? Remember this boy, to save the ones we love, sometimes rules are broken! So, if some Death Eater comes after you, at your toddler's birthday party, and severs you best friend, Mr. Black, in half! Do you sit there and cry like some Nancy, sitting in your soiled robes and trainers! No, you better dig into the midtorso of your bisected friend, and take his bloody kidney stones and jam em in their slanted eyes!

Ogden seemed satisfied upon seeing James smirk dissolved into nothing and headed back to the blackboard. "Now, you pitiful excuses of wizards! To get thrown in with them commies and Nazzy…"

The rest of the speech was lost to Grimmjow when a note landed on his desk.

[Look at the third row, second seat. Tell your Orange haired kid, and sulker.]

"Psst, Ginger! Lap dog! Read this." Grimmjow whispered to the other two. Only Ichigo did as Grimmjow asked, Ulquiorra was preoccupied with reading Remus' book. Two sets of eyes followed the note's direction to find: Bellatrix deep-throating her wand basically saying, "I have no gag reflect". Grimmjow made a mental note, Note to self: check if she's legal.

The two were pulled out of their ravine by the teacher screaming, "'the other way is attacking muggles. Now, many think they are helpless because they ain't got our magical powers but, don't be fooled! They're resourceful and have weapons that confuse even our smartest warlocks! I have, with much difficulty, procured one of these weapons. One in which you apparently load and it shoots things out at rapid speeds!" Ichigo eyes widened as his mind listed all weapon that fit under that category (a.k.a. Guns).

"Stand back!" Ogden whipped out his wand and started to levitate a...a...a…

Toaster

"HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAAHAHH!" all head whipped around to see the Shinigami rolling on the floor, tears rolling down his reddening reddening face. "Oh! So, the foreigner thinks I'm making a joke! Don't cha, Gingy?!" the teacher said, brow furrowed and face becoming plum purple. "No, no, it's *ha* just…just! That's not a weapon, it's a toaster! It's a device for making crisper pieces of bread!" he said as he whipped some tears from his eyes.

"Wait! Are you a muggle!?" Bellatrix literally screamed furiously, mentally ashamed to have lusted after the "inferior" race.

"What, isn't that a type of dog? Anyway no, I have one of those in my home, actually it's almost become a common appliance in Soul Society, and Soul reapers really dig toast. They're basically harmless, especially if you don't have electricity." Ichigo said, once he had regained his bearings.

"Soul society, soul reapers. Boy, what in the name of Godric are you talking about? You on that Dragon Dust? Show me your eyes, they better not be Purplish-red!" The teacher said climbing on a desk, and began turning Ichigo's face left and right, checking the Ginger's eyes.

"Wait, are you a muggle or a soul reaper?" some random Ravenclaw asked, "and are you going to reap our souls?!" Ichigo seeing the room's atmosphere darkening quickly set to remedy it.

"First off, I'm human and a soul reaper. Secondly, that's not what a soul reaper does. We, by that I mean Soul reapers, are kinda like deliverers. I'm in charge of gathering all the lingering souls, which stayed as a result of grudges, unfinished business, etc." He whipped out his sword, savoring the ahs he received. "We use these,Zanpakutō, to Konso them to Soul society and the rest of their families." So, glad I paid attention to Rukia that time.

"Whoa! So you're like angels!" some sytherin exclaimed. Soon the classroom was a flutter with questions, compliments and requests. Hmm…is this what celebrities experience day to day? I like it!

However, he was pulled out of his ravine with a single statement, curtesy of Grimmjow, "Tell em what happens to those you don't "save".

The class quieted as the room became tense. "Tell em bout hollows, Kurosaki." Grimmjow said super calmly. The class got absolutely silent, seeing the Grimmjow's eyes burning with hate.

"Tell em, how you dips***s tend to let a few hundred thousand, not get saved or get devoured by…hollows. You know hollows? A monster created when a soul isn't saved which, is the result of its soul chain disintegrating into nothing or because of uncontrollable hate or grief. Which, results in a hole to replace it and a white mask to solidify over their faces. Then, said beings go on a rampage to fill the insatiable hunger by consuming living beings and other souls."

"Okay, yes, but…but, soul reapers purify said souls which, means all they've have eaten or killed get purified! We don't do anything unjust!" Ichigo said, trying to quell the apprehension that was slowly filling the room.

"*cough* Quincys *cough*. Oh sorry, remembering the massive genocide enacted upon a race of people by SOUL REAPERS!" Grimmjow savored how agitated Ichigo was getting.

"THEY WEREN'T PURIFYING, we purifying the hollows and send them to a better place!"

"Yay, the land of bigotry where there's poverty and crime and those on power are self-serving, black robe wearing, fascists! Thosee who sacrifice their own people for arbitrary laws/regulation. Who are so weak a couple of pimpled teens, who still have to change their sheets because of wet dreams, could demolish their Nazi generals! Question: have you and shorty finally bang or can I have her?"

"What are you talking about!? Besides, your place isn't any better, Grimmjow! Living in a barren wasteland! Your nothing but a cannibalistic, cracked masked, knockoff Shinigami wearing white! Who follows an f**king megalomaniac with a god complex! Who did the equivalent of dressing his pets in pants?"

"Still didn't enact genocide, Strawberry."

"The system isn't perfect! But, if you want to be exorcised into nothing, I'll get Ishida to shove an arrow into your furry, blue ass! I, unlike you, don't crave destruction! I save those that are lost!

"Sure. You totally baptized Di Roy, Nakeem, Edrad, Shawlong, and Yylfordt." Grimmjow said with immense distain and sarcasm, as he leaned back and propped his feet upon the desk in front of him. Man…I miss those f**kers.

Ichigo tossed the desk Grimmjow's feet were resting into the wall, getting in the Sexta's face. "Okay, you want talk s***, we can talk s***! I didn't have anything to do with their deaths! If you hadn't decided to go commando, like a rebellious preteen, mad at daddy's orders! Going as far as sick your boyband on MY FRIENDS residing in MY TOWN, they'd be alive! Maybe, instead of blaming me, blame YOURSELF for making such an impulsive, and dumba** idea without calculating the possibilities!? But, I swear to God, I will fight tooth and nail to protect the ones I care and love! I'm never going to lose another loved one to anything I can prevent! So, even If I have to tackle enemy ten times stronger than me, I will! If I have to go as far as to become a monster, I will! Even, if I have to sacrifice my Shinigami powers forever, I WILL! So, Jaegerjacka**, I'm not sorry your groupies died, I used to be, but as of now I hope they're burning in HELL!

Grimmjow blinked once, slowly and stood up from his seat. He patted the dust off his clothes and straightened his hair, using Ichigo's eyes as a mirror. Then, with a straight face and calm demeanor said, "Grandfisher said your whore of a mother tasted delicious."

Getsuga Tenshou!

Grimmjow and a great portion of the DADA room's wall and supplies went flying, littering the Hogwarts grounds.

"F*** it! I tried being nice I tried being the better man but no more! You want that rematch, I'll give you an f***ing REMATCH!" Ichigo screamed at Grimmjow from the crater in the wall. He quickly donned his Visored mask and leapt out toward Grimmjow.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA! I've never wanted anything else! Follow me, MAMA's BOY!" Grimmjow said, as he dashed off away from the castle, Ichigo following close behind.

Several kids ran to the window to see the chunks of stone, desks and other classroom supplies littering the grass, several mini craters. All were silent except, for the sound of book pages flipping. All turned to look at Ulquiorra, who had just finished reading.

"Seeing the underlying threats are no longer present my monitoring is meaningless, I am off to your library facilities seeing as none of which I've read is beneficial in answering a majority of my questions. You may resume the lesson in which, you've prepared." With that said, he shut the door. Leaving a stunned class behind and a solid belief that Dumbledore was wrong.

To be continued...