So just a few things you need to know before you read this chapter- mostly medical jargon!

Amniocentesis is a procedure used to test for various diseases and defects in an unborn baby. It involves inserting a needle into the uterus and extracting amniotic fluid, which contains cells from the baby. The sample is then tested in a lab- for Huntington's Disease, in Alicia and Ethan's case. A positive test result indicates that the baby has inherited the condition, and will develop Huntington's at some point in their lifetime. There are various ways of doing this kind of testing- given Ethan already knows he has Huntington's Disease on the show, it would almost certainly be prenatal diagnosis if this was an actual storyline. Prenatal diagnosis is used when it's already known that one of the baby's parents has Huntington's Disease, there are other tests available if the parent at risk doesn't want to know their own status.

A really cruel twist of prenatal testing for Huntington's is that usually, the test won't be offered unless the parents are certain they will terminate should the baby test positive. It's all to do with the right not to know, as many people who know they are at risk of Huntington's prefer not to have the test done, and obviously by going ahead with the test, you're denying a baby with Huntington's disease that choice. Usually the parents have to go through genetics counselling before opting for a prenatal test.

On a non-medical jargon note, I know the last episode had Ruby and Gem moving in with Alicia, but I already had Bea living there at this point so it was one or the other- I'm sorry!

I'm planning to do a few chapters like this not entirely in chronological order (as long as you don't hate this one!), so if this isn't the scene you were hoping for, fear not, it is probably coming soon! Although equally, if there is something you really want to see, feel free to let me know in the reviews.

And finally, I think some of you have already picked up on the fact that Ethan has chosen to lock himself away incredibly prematurely. If you're paying really close attention, most of the answers are in this chapter somewhere...

Chapter 10

20 weeks

Alicia is awake long before her alarm sounds. Unimpressed, she turns over, awkwardly, not yet used to this, slams her hand down on top of the alarm clock, shivers, blinks, part of her desperate to just get this over with and her of her longing to just stay here a little longer, wait for sleep that she knows won't come.

It's cold. She's freezing, shivers; the heating kicked in several hours ago, experience has taught her that old houses like this take forever to heat, but still it's not quite enough to combat the late February chill.

It's not enough to compensate for the cold, empty space on the other side of the bed, the lack of his body heat beside her.

How can it be that she got used to him being here with her in a matter of moments, that he slotted into her perception of normal as though he had slept beside her always, and yet now that he's gone, she just can't adjust to it?

"Alicia? Alicia, I've made you coffee, it's decaff, I thought you'd want to save the caffeine for work. I'll leave it out here for you, okay? Can I get you anything else, breakfast maybe? I think we've got…"

"It's fine, Ruby. Thank you. I'll… I'll be down in a minute, okay?"

"Okay." She can hear the concern in Ruby's voice, knows instinctively that there is going to be breakfast waiting for her downstairs whether she likes it or not, breakfast she feels far too sick to struggle her way through, and it isn't morning sickness. "I'll drive you and Bea in this morning. I'm off today, but I've got no plans, you can just drop me a text whenever you want me to come and pick you up."

Awkwardly, heavily, Alicia drags herself out of bed, shivers, wraps a blanket around her shoulders, pads over to the door, pulls it open.

She must look a total mess, but she's beyond caring.

Her housemates have seen her looking far worse than this over the last few weeks, she figures.

"You don't have to do that, Ruby." Ruby stands in the doorway, already dressed, aforementioned mug of coffee in her hands. "I'm on a ten-hour shift today, anyway, I just…"

"Yes, but if it's… if it's bad news, Mrs Beauchamp isn't going to make you stay and finish your shift, is she?" She presses the mug of coffee into Alicia's hands gently.

"No, I need to… I just want to work, I need the distraction… I won't get the results for another two weeks, anyway…"

"Okay. Okay, but if you change your mind, the offer still stands, alright? Just text me. I'd get in the shower fast, if I were you. You don't want to wait for Bea, she'll drain all the hot water. I'm ready to go whenever you and Bea are, I'll just be downstairs." She turns, heads away.

"Ruby?" Alicia wraps her hands around the mug, savouring the warmth. "Thank you. I know I've been…"

"… Under a lot of pressure, hormones all over the place and understandably stressed out with everything that's going on," Ruby finishes for her. "I know. It's okay. I understand. I'll be downstairs if you need me."

She takes Ruby's advice, showers, avoids the mirror until she's dressed, jeans that she can still just about fit into and an oversized jumper, hides.

She isn't stupid. She knows everyone at work has been expecting an announcement from her for the last month, because hospital scrubs aren't exactly forgiving, knows that the only reasons no one has said anything outright are her awful moods, her snappiness whenever any of them have so much as hinted, and Mrs Beauchamp's hawk-like watch, her impressive ability to home in for attack the moment anyone so much as stares (how does she know? Every single time, how does she know?), ruthless, defensive, startlingly effective at shutting down the ED gossip mill.

And, of course, the elephant in the room. The name crossed off the staff rota, the constant locums, the consultancy vacancy currently being advertised.

They've tried, of course. Admittedly, more delicately than they would have, were it not for the events of the past few weeks. Robyn keeps inviting her round for dinner- and Robyn has made clear enough what she thinks of Alicia's post-Eddie ambulance crash vegan stance and discovery of yoga and meditation, spiritual rebirth or whatever she keeps calling it, that Alicia knows she wouldn't be going out of her way offering to make her dinner unless she was worried- as though she believes a few hours in the presence of Charlotte will draw it all out of her, make her realise single motherhood after a traumatic, still-raw split isn't doomed to disaster and heartbreak. (If only that was all she had to worry about with this… she can't even use that word.) And Elle and Duffy keep taking her to one side and asking her if she wants to talk about anything, all knowing smiles, and Alicia knows they mean well but she just can't stand it, pushes them away each time, shuts down. It's Noel, Louise and Gem, really, the ones who just won't let it go, keep hinting, she's sure Noel must have some kind of bet going on it and she just can't stand it, she's sick of the way they keep looking at her.

She just wants them all to ignore it. Is that really too much to ask? It's her life, her body, it doesn't affect them, of course they've worked it out but she just wants them to pretend they haven't noticed, she needs them to pretend, to ignore it.

It's only two more weeks. Two more weeks and either she'll tell them all or she'll have a couple of weeks off and when she's back it will be obvious it's no longer an issue, and they can assume what they like after that, she doesn't care, but at least she knows they won't ask any questions.

And it will be obvious beyond obvious by two weeks' time, Alicia knows that. It's obvious enough now, once she's on shift; she knows they're all only wondering why she's choosing to ignore it still, when it's so blatantly clear. That's only going to get worse in another two weeks, but she can't, she can't address it, not now, not yet.

This is damage control, pure and simple. There's no other way of putting it. She can't allow herself to get attached, not with the odds as they are, not when she knows this is going to destroy her if it goes the way Ethan is so convinced it will.

Ethan…

Alicia reaches for her phone, sighs, exhausted, sick of it all.

There's no point doing this, she reminds herself, types out a message. There's absolutely no point, it will go ignored like all the rest of them, radio silence.

He's gone, and there's no getting him back. She knows that, really.

She suspects he's shut his phone down, either that or he's blocked her, blocked them all, or he's just not reading her messages, deleting them the moment they come through, doesn't want to know.

There's no point; whatever it is, he isn't going to respond.

There's no point in trying, but she just can't let him go.

Don't know if you got my last message. Prenatal diagnosis is today, 12pm. Should be two weeks for results. She pauses, hesitates, so lost, so unsure what to say.

The truth, Alicia supposes.

There's nothing else left to say.

I would really like you to be there. Please? It's all forgiven, Ethan. I just want you there. She presses send quickly, before she can change her mind.

I don't know if I can do this on my own, she wants to tell him. And yet that won't do any good.

He's in a bad enough place as it is, she figures. Dumping more pressure and responsibility on him is only going to scare him away forever, however badly she needs him.

Is two texts too many? Alicia wonders. She always does this, fires off the first one quickly, before she can bottle out, and then remembers all the things she should have said.

I'm telling them I don't want to know anything today. There won't be an ultrasound or anything, you don't have to worry about getting attached. It's just going to be the amniocentesis procedure, nothing else.

It won't make a difference. Deep down, Alicia knows it won't make a difference, but she just can't get her head around it.

"Alicia, you need to eat." Bea eyes her worriedly across the kitchen table. "I know you're nervous, and I get it, I really do, but you can't go for two weeks like this, it isn't good for…" She trails off at the death glare Alicia shoots her moodily, daring her to address it, the other elephant in the room.

It's different at home, of course. Bea and Ruby both know; there was no point trying to hide it from them, and she needed them, besides that, needed someone to confide in. At yet at the same time, they know how she wants to do this, that it's not to be mentioned unless absolutely necessary, to be ignored, precisely where the line falls, the line that probably makes no sense at all outside Alicia's head but it's the only way she knows how to cope with this.

Any direct reference to that is strictly off limits. For now, at least.

"It's not going to do you any good," Bea finishes at last. "Listen, do you want one of us to come with you, later? I'm sure Mrs Beauchamp will let me take my lunch with you, or Ruby could…"

Alicia shakes her head. "It's fine. I'll be fine. It's only the procedure, it's not like…" she shudders. "It's fine." She tips the remains of the breakfast Ruby made her into the bin, sighs, gathers her jumper at the small of her back. "Do I look huge?" she moans.

Bea shrugs. "My obs and gyno placement was a while back, but if anything, I think you look pretty small for twenty weeks."

"Well, I feel bloody huge." She sighs again, frustrated.

"Did you sleep last night?"

"What do you think?" Alicia snaps. "Sorry, I just…"

"Hey, I know," Bea tells her softly. "You don't have to apologise."

"No, but I do, I've just… I can't even blame the hormones, my head's just such a mess…" Her eyes are flooding with tears again before she's quite realised it's coming; she hates this.

"Hey, hey come on, come here." Bea pulls her into a hug, holds her close. "It's alright. We're going to get you through this, okay? Whatever happens."

Alicia doesn't have the energy to tell her she can't allow herself to believe her.

They're silent, all three of them, on the way to the ED. There's a sense of impending doom, somehow, and perhaps it's Ethan, Ethan and his adamant belief that this is all going to end in heartbreak, Ethan…

All of her thoughts seem to come back to Ethan, somehow.

She misses him. She misses him so much it hurts, and she doesn't know how to cope with it.

"Morning, Dr Kinsella. Dr Munroe, you sure there isn't something you'd like to…"

"Leave it, Noel!" Alicia hisses angrily. "Did no one ever teach you not to comment on women's weight?" She storms into the staff locker room before Bea can catch her, grabs her scrubs, locks herself in the closest cubicle.

"Alicia?" Bea calls. "Alicia, are you in here? Ignore him, okay, he's an idiot, I've told him to drop it, and believe me, the look on his face, he won't be bothering you again today. I told him he's not funny. Alicia?"

"I'm okay," she calls. "Thank you. I'm okay, I'll be out in a minute."

She closes her eyes, pulls off her jumper, keeps them firmly closed until she's changed into her scrubs.

It's denial. She knows it's denial, but knowing it doesn't make it any better. She can't bear to look, it's all just a constant reminder of this utter hell, and perhaps she resents it, in a strange sort of way, because she and Ethan were just fine until she told him, and then it was though all hell broke loose.

She should probably do something about it, Alicia reasons, but just now, she doesn't see the point, not when it could all be over in two weeks, anyway.

And if it isn't, perhaps that will make her feel differently.

"I think Mrs Beauchamp wants to see you in her office," Bea tells her, as Alicia unlocks the cubicle door. "She said she wasn't expecting you in work today…"

"Yeah, well, sitting at home beforehand would have been worse, I just want to keep busy." She drapes her stethoscope around her neck, closes her locker. "I'm fine. I'll be fine."

"Alicia? Alicia, come in. Take a seat."

She hovers awkwardly in the doorway, stubborn. "I'm fine, Mrs Beauchamp, I just want to work…"

"Well, yes, I gathered that. I'm not going to tell you to go home, Alicia, you can sit down."

"My shift's already started…"

"And there's a patient in paeds I want you to see to, but that can wait, it's a minor. Low impact RTC, nine-year-old boy, he seems fine but I want him examined before the mother's discharged. How are you feeling?" she asks gently. "Do you want to talk?"

Alicia shakes her head. "Not really. I just want to know, either way…"

This has become something of a regular occurrence lately, these counselling sessions in Mrs Beauchamp's office.

"I know, I know." Mrs Beauchamp smiles sympathetically. "Remind me, is it two weeks for results?"

She nods weakly. "It feels like a lifetime already."

"I know, it will. And have you heard anything from Ethan?"

She shakes her head, bites her lip, determined not to cry. "I've tried calling him, again, I've texted him, if he's been reading his messages, he knows it's today. I don't know what else I can do…"

"There's nothing else you can do, Alicia. You need to remember that, okay? There's only so much you can do for Ethan, if he doesn't want to be helped, he doesn't want to be helped. You need to be focusing on yourself for now, it's important…"

"I know, I know, I don't want to hear it."

"Alicia…"

"There's no point. I don't want to get attached when there's a fifty percent chance I'm going to have to… I can't even say it."

"I understand. But there's still a fifty percent chance that it'll be good news, and in that case…"

"Well, I've given up smoking, haven't I, so as long as it's not carrying a death sentence, I think it'll be fine."

Mrs Beauchamp sighs. "Alright. Alright, but I want you on minors this morning. Have you got someone to take you home after?"

"I'm finishing my shift, I'm fine…"

"Right, and have you seen an amniocentesis test performed before?"

Alicia shakes her head.

"No? No, but you know they're going to insert a needle into your uterus, right? You know there's a small risk of miscarriage, that most women experience cramping after the procedure? You need to go home and rest, Alicia. I don't want to see you anywhere near the ED until tomorrow morning."

Alicia nods, defeated. "I can call Ruby, she's off today."

"Good. Call her now, before you start. And have you decided what you want today? It's your first scan, isn't it? They can do an anomaly scan, at twenty weeks, they can tell you…"

"I don't want the scan. I don't want an ultrasound, I don't want any of it. I don't want to know, not in case…" she trails off, falters, wipes her eyes.

"Here." Mrs Beauchamp pushes a box of tissues towards her. "I doubt you'll get them to agree to that, Alicia. Obstetrics are just as stretched as we are, you know what it's like, they'll be offering you a phone call and a twenty-five-week check-up if it's good news or counselling and another appointment if it's bad news. They won't schedule you an ultrasound beyond twenty weeks."

Some of her exhaustion, her defeat, must have shown on her face.

"Look, why don't I come up with you? Just to speak to them beforehand, alright? They'll have to do an ultrasound today as part of the procedure, it's standard, but you don't have to watch. And I'll explain, I'll make sure they agree to book you in for a scan once your results are back. Who's your midwife?"

Alicia fidgets awkwardly. "It's on my notes somewhere, I haven't really looked…"

"Of course, you haven't," Mrs Beauchamp sighs. "And you didn't have a sixteen-week appointment with them?"

"It was that week, you know, that week it all happened, I was in this place, I meant to reschedule and I never got round to it," she confesses. "I mean, there's no point, really, is there, I just need to know what I'm doing with it, I know the medicine, and I don't need any of the sentimental stuff unless it's negative. There was no point anyway."

"Right, and you do realise there's more to antenatal appointments than medical explanations and ultrasounds for the sake of sentimental value, don't you? It's important, Alicia… there's no point telling you this now, is there?" she sighs. "Okay. Okay, I'll come up with you, I'll make sure there aren't any problems. Go and call Ruby." She frowns, pauses. "Is there something else?"

She looks down, holds out her forearms for inspection. "I've still got… you remember. Like that. They're going to kick up a fuss about it, I know they are, I haven't got the energy…"

"I'll talk to them. I treated you, after all, I'll explain. You don't need to worry about that, of all things. Now go and call Ruby, alright? I want you out of here as soon as you're finished upstairs."

Alicia struggles through the morning in a daze. She suspects Mrs Beauchamp has her on minors for her own benefit, more than anything, to save herself the paperwork and the picking up the pieces were she to absentmindedly make a total mess of something more serious in resus.

The paeds case she's been assigned is, as it turns out, the most minor of minors she's treated in months, barely even worth admitting. She goes through the motions; obs all fine, the vehicle was moving slowly; she's already had the heads up from Dylan through in the main ED that he suspects the mother is hoping for an insurance claim, trying it on for good measure. (Younger child, eighteen months, discharged almost before they were in through the door.)

"When are you having your baby?" The older child- her patient- eyes her curiously.

"I'm not, just fat," she lies, polite enough, because she doesn't quite have it in her to snap at her paediatrics patients, but firm, shutting the conversation down. She ignores the mother's raised eyebrows. "He's fine, no damage done. I'm happy to discharge him."

Somehow, she survives those next few hours. She knows Mrs Beauchamp keeps her well away from the baby brought in with a high temperature, could have kicked up a fuss when she allocates to Elle instead but in all honesty a part of her is glad, wants nothing to do with it.

Two weeks. Two weeks and this part will all be over, either way.

"Alicia?"

She and Louise are halfway through a teenager with a fractured collarbone when Mrs Beauchamp appears, Bea in tow.

"Nurse Tyler, I need to borrow Dr Munroe," she explains swiftly, authoritative, no room for arguments. "Dr Kinsella can take over here. Dr Munroe, with me, please."

"I'll see you at home, okay?" Bea whispers, squeezes her shoulder. "Be strong."

She follows Mrs Beauchamp out of paeds obediently, ignores Louise's knowing smirk. "Thank you."

"It's alright. Go and get changed, okay? I'll see you back out here."

She hands over NHS referral letter over to Mrs Beauchamp once she returns from the staffroom, drained, defeated, all her dignity well and truly gone, figures if she wants to help, let her.

She hasn't got the energy to be dealing with this, allows herself to be led into the lift like a child, along the corridor on god only knows which floor of the hospital; she wouldn't know, she wasn't paying attention.

She's not entirely convinced she isn't being escorted to this appointment largely because Mrs Beauchamp doesn't trust her to turn up for it.

She barely even registers passing through into Obstetrics, pulled back to reality by Mrs Beauchamp's hands on her shoulders, an attempt at reassuring. "Hi, this is Alicia Munroe, she has an appointment at twelve. With…" she scans the referral letter. Dr Patel and Sister McKay. We're going to need a word with them first, please, before they start. In private."

The receptionist turns back to her computer for a moment. "Dr Munroe? We weren't sure you were going to turn up, you're aware you missed your last appointment? Your first appointment, in fact."

"Yes, she's aware, thank you. She and the father have seen the genetics counsellor, you'll find everything's in order to go ahead with her appointment. So if you could check her in, please, and let us know when they're ready for her."

"I'm sorry, it's just she of all people should really understand, we don't make these appointments for the sake of throwing money away…"

Alicia glances down at the floor awkwardly, nothing to say.

"Yes, and I assume you've just brought up her notes?" Mrs Beauchamp retorts coldly. "Given the circumstances, I think you can spare her the lecture, don't you?"

"What's going on?" One of the cubicle doors swings open, two figures appearing in the doorway.

Mrs Beauchamp is on them in an instant, reading the name badges. "Dr Patel and Sister McKay. I'm Mrs Beauchamp, ED Clinical Lead, this is Alicia Munroe, one of my registrars, I understand she's your next patient. We'll need a word please, if you're ready for her."

Someone must have said yes, or Mrs Beauchamp must have persuaded them to make a start early, because somehow, she's guided into a cubicle, onto an examination table, Mrs Beauchamp talking to the medical staff in the corner.

"… Yes, I appreciate that, but as I just explained to your colleague in reception, the circumstances are all rather difficult, even for a Huntington's case. I assume you've been fully briefed by Genetics? Good, then you'll understand the situation. So I would really appreciate it if you leave her be. She understands, she won't be missing any subsequent appointments. Speaking of which, she doesn't want an ultrasound today, all things considered…"

"You do realise she didn't present until fourteen weeks, she hasn't had an ultrasound at all…"

"No, she hasn't, but another two weeks isn't going to hurt. I'd like you to book her in for an anomaly scan for two weeks' time, please, allow enough time for her results to come back. I know you'll have to go through the introductions, but if you could hold off on everything else until then, too, that would be preferable."

"This isn't a request service, you can't just…"

"So call Hanssen, then. He owes me a favour. Or you can spare us all the trouble and the time wasted and just book her in for two weeks' time now."

"Alright. Alright, but I hope you don't have any more of your staff you're expecting special treatment for."

"No, just Alicia will do, thank you." She stares at them coldly, daring them to challenge her.

"Is that everything?"

"Almost. You'll notice she has some bruising, she was involved in an accident four weeks ago. I treated her in the ED, I can assure you there are no safeguarding concerns. It was a freak accident, stair fall, she fainted. Hypoglycemia. I'm happy to send you over her notes, if you're going to be awkward about it. But she's been thoroughly examined, there's nothing to worry about."

"And you're telling me she still has significant bruising now?" Alicia can hear the suspicion only too clearly.

"It happened in the ED, are you familiar with our department? Large flight of stairs, open, hard landing? Had it been a home fall, yes, I would agree with you. I examined her myself right after it happened, she was kept in for observation. She and the baby are both fine. I believe that's why she missed her last appointment with you, she was an inpatient with us at the time. Obviously, I would have ensured you were informed at the time had I known, but given that was also the week her partner left, I'm sure you can appreciate she was dealing with rather a lot. Like I said, we kept her in for observation in the ED, I can assure you we have it well under control. There's no cause for concern."

"Alright. Alright, if you insist." There's movement, suddenly a woman standing in front of her in a nurse's uniform. "Alicia? My name's Sorcha, I'm going to be your midwife. This is Dr Patel. We're going to get this over with as quickly as we can."

Alicia glances at Mrs Beauchamp, suddenly lost, shaky. "Is it twelve yet?" she pleads.

"Five past," she tells her gently. "I'll tell reception to send him through if he turns up, okay? Do you want me to stay?"

She shakes her head.

"Okay. Okay, I'll see you tomorrow. You know where I am, if you want to talk." And then she's gone, closing the door behind her.

"We're going to get started, then," the midwife explains. "I'm going to have to do an ultrasound to locate your baby, alright? You can look away, if that's what you want."

"It is." Her voice is shaking now, the world falling apart.

"And you understand the implications of prenatal diagnosis, you know that with Huntington's Disease, in the event of a positive test result you're agreeing to terminate?"

Alicia nods weakly.

"Okay. I'm going to need you to lift your top for me, sweetheart. This is going to feel cold, alright? Look away now, look to your left, that's it. This won't take long."

She winces at the sudden chill, does as she's told, looks away, closes her eyes, just in case.

"Do you want to know the sex?"

"No." She shakes her head, frantic.

"Okay. It's okay, relax. Just relax… Okay, it's over, you can look now. I'm going to numb the area, and then Dr Patel is going to make the insertion. You shouldn't feel anything, it'll be over in a few minutes."

She stares, heart racing, eyes fixed on the needle. There's something strangely reassuring about it; perhaps it's the medic in her, something about watching the process. "Is she really that high? It feels like she's crushing my bladder."

"She?" The midwife smiles at her sadly. "I thought you didn't want to know?"

"I don't," Alicia covers quickly. "I don't, I…" she shakes her head. "Never done that before."

"Well, if you change your mind, we can…"

"No. No, I won't, not this time, thank you."

"That's fine. Baby's just here. You haven't felt any movement yet, then?"

She shakes her head. "No, and I'm hoping I won't. Not unless… you know."

"I understand. Alright, sweetheart, we're almost done. Just relax."

It's too much now, her eyes beginning to draw away from the needle, and she closes them, breathes deeply.

"It's over, Alicia," the midwife tells her gently. "Relax, it's over. We're finished."

She pushes herself upright, pulls at her jumper, winces.

"Hey, not so fast. You can rest in here for a bit, okay? Is there someone coming to get you?"

She nods wearily. "My friend's coming."

"Good. You need to go home and rest, take it easy today. Now, some bleeding is normal, as are cramps, but anything excessive and you'll need to come back in. We'll have your results in about two weeks, we'll call you then and we'll take it from there. Do you have any questions?"

"No, I… I think I'm okay."

She's far from okay, but it's nothing they can help her with.

"Hey." Ruby approaches her slowly, Alicia's coat draped over one arm, handbag over the other. "Apparently you're free to go. Alicia?"

Alicia looks up, disorientated, accepts Ruby's hand, helping her off the examination table. "Thank you, for coming to get me. I'm sorry, Mrs Beauchamp said I should…"

"You don't have to apologise," Ruby insists. "It's no trouble. Let's get you home." She leads her out of Obstetrics, back into the lift. "He didn't turn up, then?" she asks quietly.

She shakes her head helplessly. "I knew he wouldn't. Just… wanted to pretend for a while, you know? I just…" she trails off, frowns, hand flies to her abdomen before she realises what she's done.

"You alright?" Ruby worries. "Alicia?"

"I'm fine. It's just… felt weird, that's all, I'm just still on edge, I guess. It's fine, it's just… feels like nerves, I guess."

She refuses to meet Ruby's eyes.

Alicia knows exactly what this is, she isn't stupid.

She just doesn't want to admit it.

I think this is the most nerve-wracking chapter I have ever posted, in a lot of ways this felt like writing a completely new story! Thank you as ever to my wonderful reviewers, you guys are just the best and completely the reason I have managed to get this chapter done so quickly, I know it's not the fastest turnaround ever but a LOT of medical research went into this one. I have a couple of questions for you:

1) would you like more chapters from this storyline? They will not be in chronological order- you will see Ethan, don't worry!

2) what would you like the next chapter to be- a return to the 'other' storyline or another chapter from this one?

Let me know in the reviews, I will go with the majority :) and please do let me know whether you like/dislike this one, I have absolutely no idea what you will all make of this and I am terrified!

-IseultLaBelle