Spoilers: Chapter 68 (?)

Pairings: HohenheimXTrisha

Author's Note: Okay, so this one's about Hohenheim. He's a very mysterious character, and I've been itching to get a chance to write him. I've tried to keep this applicable to both the anime and the manga, because I like both versions of Hohenheim's story, though I added in the bit from the manga about Trisha's last name being Elric, rather than Hohenheim's. Written just after the release of manga Chapter 68.

There was a day I realized I don't want you to die.

I was trying to run away at the time. I had become frightened, old as I am, and so I ran as far away as I could. Yet no matter how far or fast I ran, I could not shake off myself. Every day, every time I opened my eyes and looked down at my hands, I was confronted with my own monstrosity. A monster, that's what I am. I am no longer human. I tried to hide that, to deny it, to pretend I was normal. But every time I looked at the simple countryfolk around me, I could feel the accusing glares they would cast at me if they knew. I couldn't look anyone in the eye for long without feeling ashamed.

I love humans, for I can remember when I used to be human like them. There was a time when I could laugh easily like they can. But every time I try to smile and laugh like them, I remember...and I am ashamed. I envy their joy, but how can I covet it so? I do not deserve to be joyful like the human I am not. And as I entered a remote village in the hills of the East, as I looked at all the happy faces around me, I could only feel the guilt simmering inside me. I had escaped from...that person...but that did not erase what I had already done, and what I already was. Even so, even though I repeated all this to myself over and over again, I didn't leave that little village. I couldn't. Something held me back; I wanted with all my heart to share in a bit of the joy around me even though I knew that was selfish and irrational. So I booked a room in the village inn.

In the bar, I met a woman I had seen years ago in Rush Valley. She was an automail mechanic named Pinako Rockbell, and we had struck up a sort of friendship with each other during the short time I had been in Rush Valley. I liked her for her feisty, uncompromising manner. She was stubborn, and had a temper, but she was a fighter at heart. I must have seen a bit of myself, or a bit of what I once was, in her, and she in me. So Pinako greeted me jovially and laughed at the coincidence that had brought us together here in the little village of Risenpool. I learned she had moved here to raise the small family she had begun in Rush Valley. Her daughter had grown up and married a doctor, and together the young couple practiced medicine in the village.

As Pinako led the way to her house, I realized how much she had aged since I had seen her last. Her hair was grey and she had begun to shrink into a wrinkled old lady. And I had noticed the surprised look she gave me when she first saw me, for my appearance hadn't changed a bit. That was when I realized how I would remain practically immortal while those around me grew up, aged, and died. And that made me tired and sad, like a mountain in a sea of rapidly wilting flowers.

The first time I saw you was just as Pinako and I crested the hill. Two quaint, cosy-looking houses, one yellow and one white, sat comfortably a short walk apart from each other on the top of the hill. I looked up into the tree in the front yard of the white house and saw you, a young woman with brown hair and a dark blue dress, crawling out onto a limb and trying to coax a frightened cat to come down. "Trisha Elric," Pinako told me when she saw me looking. "Ever since her parents died, she's sold her baking in the village to make a living for herself."

But before Pinako could fill me in any more, I heard a cracking sound and a scream. The tree branch you had crawled out onto was breaking under your weight, and you had slipped off so you were only hanging on by one hand. Before I had even stopped to think, I had broken into a run towards the tree. I clapped my hands together, and the branch fitted itself back onto the tree. But this startled you so much you let go of the branch, and you fell down - into my arms. As you looked up, surprised, into my face, I got my first close look at you.

You have always been beautiful, Trisha. Your smooth brown hair, your sparkling silver eyes, and the gentle blush that spreads up your smooth neck to your cheeks. You were so beautiful in that moment, your eyes wide with surprise and that blush rising up your cheeks, that I couldn't help smiling at you as I set you back onto your feet. You seemed speechless for a moment, then you burst out, "Thank you, sir!"

"It's Hohenheim," I told you, cherishing your sweet, gentle voice like the kiss of morning sunlight.

Generally, I don't believe in love at first sight. Love is not something that can suddenly spring up out of nothingness; it must be nourished over a long space of time. But if love in all its fullness cannot be born in one moment, I think my love for you began the first time I looked into your eyes. You invited Pinako and me into your home as thanks, and as we sat around your kitchen table drinking tea and eating the sugar cookies you'd baked, I couldn't keep my eyes off you. Your every movement spoke of an inner beauty ten times greater than your outward appearance. I do not think anyone is completely pure and free of fault, but compared to my own soiled conscience, yours was as white as a sheet. That's probably what made you so attractive.

Pinako cackled good-naturedly at me after that visit, calling me a "star-struck lover", but I didn't care. Just knowing that I could love with this monster's heart gave me more peace than I had felt in decades. I came to call on you the next day, and you welcomed me with such a wide smile that I felt ashamed once again. I didn't deserve you at all, yet I greedily drank in your every word and smile. We talked for hours, till I knew you all the way through. You were transparent, like a crystal glass, but I remained a foggy mirror. I couldn't tell you too much about myself without revealing what a monster I am, and what would you think of me then? I desperately needed your approval and your love. It shocks me sometimes to think of how long I had gone without really being loved.

Some people would call our courtship rushed, or say that I never really loved you, but that is far from the truth. Every moment made my love for you stronger, and every morning when I woke I would look on the day before and realize that compared to this day, what I called love was but a passing daydream, a farce. By the third day since we had met, I made up my mind: all or nothing. When I came to visit you that morning, I asked you, "Patricia Constance Elric, will you marry me?"

The familiar rosy blush crept up your neck to your cheeks as a smile brightened your face.

But I held up my hand before you could respond. "Before you answer," I said, "I want to tell you something. It is sure to influence your answer, but I want you to know what you would be agreeing to. I don't want to endanger you in any way, Trisha. I don't want you to die." And so I told you everything, starting from the beginning and continuing on to how I'd run away like a frightened child and found my way to Risenpool. It took the better part of an hour to tell it all, because I didn't want to leave anything out. I wanted you to know everything, for you never hid anything from me either.

"Well?" I asked when at last my tale was done. "What do you say now? Do you want to marry a monster?"

By this time, you had your hand over your mouth and tears were sparkling in your silver eyes. "Hohenheim..." You whispered, taking your hand away from your trembling lips. You wrapped your arms around me and kissed me on the cheek. "I do. Of course I do."

As we stood there, arms around each other, I found myself crying. You, the one person I had trusted enough to tell my secrets, had accepted me. In your eyes, I was not a monster. In your eyes, I was a human. More than that, Trisha, you loved me. I'll never be able to repay you for that, yet you repeatedly insist that you need nothing in repayment but my love. I don't deserve this joy I feel when I'm with you. But I've never felt safer, never more protected, never happier than these days I can spend by your side. And for that reason, I don't want you to die. So then...Trisha, why did you leave me?