The Hyrulian Valhalla Saga
By Queenie Z
Let's Conductive Ourselves Like Abults
None of the Heroes considered themselves bookworms, but they had all eternity to enjoy whatever they wanted, so most of them would grab a good book every once in a while, perusing through subjects that interested them or just reading stories that struck their fancies. At the library, which was magically stocked with whatever reading material they could possibly think of, there was a nice little sitting area with a cozy fireplace where they could relax and read in peace.
This is where the Hero of Time was today. Being raised in a forest that had no books and hardly any other reading material, he was actually one of the least likely to end up at the library. Yet there was one book he'd seen that had caught his attention - "Timelines and You: A Theory of Alternate Histories" - and he had been trying to digest the information within it. Yet he wasn't alone - four younger, multi-colored Heroes were hiding behind the doorframe, eagerly waiting for Time to open what he thought was his book.
"Guys," whispered Red, "isn't this, um, kind of mean?"
Green hushed him. "Shh! It's not mean, it's just a joke. Come on, it'll be funny."
Blue and Vio simply watched, grinning to themselves, as Time opened his book and began to read aloud, slowly and a little laboriously, running across the text with his fingertip.
"Strong intense feelings raced threw my body… raced threw - threw? - my bones. My body shook as sweat begun to form… And then I felt myself getting hotter, felt myself wanting him more and more…?"
The quartet barely contained their giggles - well, three of them did, since Red was holding his hands over his ears and blushing profusely. Meanwhile, Time was getting a little flustered and confused himself. He continued.
"I ar-ced my back and cried out in loud animal-like cries…" His eyes widened as he read the next sentence in a voice that suggested pure terror. "'Oh my Goddesses, Link, more baby, Link!?'" He shut the book and threw it onto the ground. Then, after looking at it for a few more moments, he reached down, picked it up again, and threw it into the fireplace, sighing in relief as he watched it burn.
The Four Sword Heroes couldn't hold it in any longer - they burst into laughter at Time's reaction, causing him to storm angrily over to them.
"You!" he snapped, "What the hell did you do to my book!?"
Vio produced a pair of scissors, some tape, and a handful of pages from what was undoubtedly from the same, er, "story". "Just be thankful we didn't give you the part where you drank each other's - ack!"
Time had grabbed his ears and began to tug on them. "You little -" However, he soon noticed that the others had started to run away, laughing devilishly all the way. He gave chase. "Get back here!"