It was in the middle of the night but Neal couldn't find sleep. Even if they finally could sort out most of their problems Rachel insisted on one of them taking the guest room. So now he laid there all awake with the knowledge there was just a wall between them. The remaining wine in the kitchen seemed pretty appealing to him so he got up. Neal got a new glass out of the cupboard when he heard laughter behind him.
"Seems like we had the same idea." Rachel said dressed only in a short sleeveless nightgown.
"I didn't expect you being still awake."
"Hard to sleep when you make such an uproar here." she replied joking.
"I was silent like a ninja."
"In training..."
"What is keeping you up for real?" Neal asked and poured both of them a glass.
"A lot to think about."
"Same here."
In silence they sat at the kitchen counter and took a sip. She forced herself to look at his eyes to distract her from the fact he was shirtless.
"Is everything fine? You look tensed."
"Everything is peachy." she said a little too fast. Skeptical he tilted his head.
"You won't be up if this would be the case."
"Smartass. I try to figure out how to clean up the mess this stupid wannabe do-gooder caused."
"That's the only thing?" he asked. From the way Neal looked she could tell he was a bit hurt.
"No..." Rachel admitted, "But I think I should go back to bed."
"Why?"
"Because this here won't help."
She emptied her glass in a hurry and turned to leave when Neal stopped her holding her wrist softly.
"Don't."
"Neal, we can't carry on like the last 36 hours. If we want to make it out alive we have to keep this all business."
"You know I am not good in keeping things business. Actually my private life mixes with it a lot." he smirked at her and got up himself.
"I know, Neal. I know." she replied firm.
"You are neither."
"Usually I am."
"So it's only with me?" Neal asked and closed the distance.
"I don't know what you mean."
"I mean the first time we had sex. You jumped me."
"Great, perfect timing to remember this. And for the protocol you also jumped me. I think we are quit."
"You try to avoid me."
"Yeah, fucking hell,Neal. Every time we had sex something bad happened afterwards."
"You think that's my only intention?"
"No... but I don't wanna risk anything."
"And if I promise to keep my hands with me would you stay?"
"I don't understand." Rachel shook her head clueless.
"Tonight. I'd like to keep you in my arms."
"I don't need protection."
"But comfort."
She could slapped herself for becoming weak under Neal's sad puppy look but she couldn't help herself.
"One funny trick and I throw you out." Rachel warned him.
"No funny tricks. Promise." he followed her into the master bedroom. In silence they slipped under the covers and he pulled her close. She closed her eyes and sighed content.
"I missed this."
"I thought so." Neal chuckled and kissed the tip of her nose.
"You can't say you missed this too, can you?"
"I missed you. Even when I was angry like hell."
"I know." Rachel giggled.
"What's so funny?"
"I just remembered something."
"Care to fill me in?"
"How much do you remember about the search at the fort?"
"I think I remember everything about it."
"Also the moment I searched you for your lock picking equipment."
"Yeah..." he frowned at her.
"Also what it did to you when I touched you like this?" she asked and let her hand move up and down his inner tights. He breathed in heavily and tensed a bit. Again she giggled.
"That was the reaction I meant."
"A normal physical reaction."
"No, it's not. It only works when the sympathy is on both sides."
"Maybe..." Neal caught her hand to stop her from doing it again, "And I think it's you who needs to keep her hands with you."
"Maybe..." she smiled and moved in as close as possible. Rachel placed a soft kiss on his lips Neal replied immediately. He let go of her hand to have his own free to place it on her neck. The kiss deepened and left them in need of oxygen. The amused sparkle in his eyes told her he thought she was a naughty woman but before he could voice it she kissed him again.
For some time they just laid there kissing their bodies as close to each other as possible. At some point his hand on her back moved down to her ass to push her onto him. She breathed out loud and offered him her neck. With low hums he kissed her collar bone pushing the distracting fabric of her nightgown with his nose away. She felt his hand moving under it and up to her shoulder blades leaving traces with his fingertips on her bare skin. On the other side Neal felt how her hand sneaked under his pants fabric softly pulling on it.
Rachel let out a surprised yelp when he suddenly pulled on her nightgown to get her out of it. Even if she still wore her slip she felt exposed that moment he looked at her with only the light of the stars illuminating the room. Slowly he traced her jaw line with his fingertips further to her shoulders and down to her breasts. It seemed like he followed a pattern only he knew when he moved his hand in circles and lines up and down her upper body without touching her nipples. She grew impatient but made herself keep calm. Neal sensed it and with a smirk he kissed her again. It made both shiver when their skins touched and she used the chance to get him out of his sweatpants he took on to sleep. It flew aside followed by her slip. His erection rubbed against her and Rachel wanted to stroke him but he stopped her hand. Neal kissed her knuckles and guided her hands around his neck.
They laid there on their sides facing each other only kissing, enjoying each others presence and the electricity of their touches.
How he could stand this she didn't know but Rachel knew it was so much different to the times they had sex before. Compared to this time the other times were full of animalistic desire and urges. Something told her Neal waited for her signal in some way and he got it when she pressed her hips against his hard one and brought her upper leg over his hips. Carefully he drove inside her and took a slow deep thrust. Her head shot backwards when she arched against him. They built up a slow sensual rhythm what gave her the feeling it was his way to show her his true feelings. The feelings behind the conman mask, behind the hurt and the self applied walls. The tiny still working properly part of her scolded her for this but it was to small to be heard. But Neal's soft, caring and sensual touches and thrusts gave her the feeling she was the only one that counted for him and it was all he wanted her to feel. He felt home with her and he only wanted her to feel the same way. The not naughty part of him hoped she would stay with him forever once she experienced how much she meant to him.
It took both all their will strength to keep their pace slow when the urge to reach climax was about to overpower them. Rachel hit the bliss first only to have the feeling it started all anew with each new deep thrust of Neal. She clung on him like they wanted to melt into each other digging her fingernails deep into his shoulder. He followed her with her last wave and a low growl that made her shiver again.
She expected he would stop pulling her so close the moment he relaxed but instead he kept on holding her like that. Neal stroke her back again not wanting to let her go. He thought she would fell asleep soon and was more than surprised when she moved her hips softly again. She even managed it to sneak her other hand between them to massage her sweet spot. He was surprised for a moment and for some reason he couldn't name it turned it on like hell. Rachel growled annoyed when he made her roll on her back and took both her hands to restrain her with his hand above her head. The next moment she felt his other hand moving down on her and his mouth on her sensitive nipples. She buckled up when his hand reached her sweet spot and gave it a twitch to move on deeper. His thumb moved in circles around hit while the rest of his hand slipped inside her finger by finger. The next orgasm reached her by the moment he added a second finger. Mimicking the pace from before he drove her wild.
She was already beyond everything by the time he let go of her using his hand. Carefully to not hurt her accidentally he switched his weight to one leg and positioned himself in front of her entrance. Rachel looked up at Neal wanting and loving it made him gulp hard. He couldn't restrain himself anymore after all this. Both knew they needed this final release and she wrapped her legs around him driving him even deeper into her. His head went down to kiss her but she turned her head aside and bit his neck. She wanted him to move faster because she still could feel he was holding back to not ruin the experience before. He finally let go after she bit his neck a second time. With fast short thrusts he climaxed again.
Worn out he managed it to fell next to her with a still naughty smile on his face. She wanted to smack Neal for this but catching her breath and coming down was higher on her body's to do list.

Neal came out of the shower feeling much better than he did the last weeks. With the towel wrapped around his waist he went into the bedroom to collect his pants. The view of Rachel made him stop at the threshold and watch how she stood there in jeans and a loose fitting blouse which she held up high to her breast line. With the other hand she stroke over her naked belly with a thoughtful but happy face.
"What are you doing there?" Neal asked smirking.
"Nothing." she said feeling caught and pushed her blouse right.
"Nothing?"
"Really. I make breakfast and you get dressed. We need to plan our next step."
He blocked her and looked at her questioning.
"Rachel?"
"Could we stop calling me that?"
"Sure but first answer my question."
"A silly thought nothing else."
"Tell me." he inquired even if he got an idea. She looked aside a bit sheepish.
"For a moment I asked myself if we ever had a chance to become a normal couple and have a normal life and..."
"And children?"
"Yeah. Like I said a silly thought."
"No it's not."
"Not?" Rachel asked surprised.
"No. I wondered about that too."
"You did?" she asked amused.
"Yeah, you know I always wanted children and that moment in front of the church..."
"Wait, stop. You wondered about that in this moment?" she laughed.
"It's never to early." he chuckled.
"Yeah I see. But we really need to make plans."
"I know." Neal kissed her and let her pass. He got dressed under the sound of her fighting with the coffee machine. The sizzling sound of something frying in the pan made him frown when he entered the kitchen. The next moment he had to suppress a chuckle. Rachel stood there with an apron around her one eye on the bacon in the pan and the other eye on the eggs she whisked. On the table laid oranges that were obviously planned to become juice.
"Do you want to get nominated for the housewife of the year award?" Neal asked having a hard time to keep a serious face.
"No, but I am hungry like hell because you cost me a lot of energy and I have no idea where to continue what frustrates me. So no more jokes about me cooking." she threatened with the whisk pointed at him.
"Or else you will whisk me to death?"
"Neal..."
"Ok, ok I stay shut." he held is hands up defensive.
"Good, could you please press the orange juice in the meantime?"
"Sure..." he went over and cut the first orange, "Rachel?"
"Yeah..." she sighed annoyed.
"Would you really like it better if I call you Rebecca again?"
"As weird as it sounds I do. I wanted to stay as Rebecca."
"I know. Jones told me."
"Huh?"
"We had surveillance cameras in your hide out. Did you forget that?"
"Yeah, I did. You watched me pack my stuff?"
"We did. Jones pointed out you packed away everything that don't belong to Rebecca."
"Oh gosh you watched me leaving you this voicemail message?" she suddenly turned around.
"Yes..."
"That's really embarrassing now."
"I think it was cute." he crocked a smile.
"Cute? Didn't you were angry like hell?"
"I was but when I think back to this now I think it was cute. You behaved like a teen girl being in love for the first time."
"Yeah make it worse, Mr. I-always-keep-my-cool."
"Why worse?"
"You are aware I am a tough MI 5 agent?"
"Yeah, I am. But that makes me wonder how you could be so sweet and innocent and the next time so ice cold and bitchy."
"Hey you started bitching around. I kept the hope you would come with me till you sold me out to Peter."
"And then you turned psycho on me."
"I didn't." she defended herself pointing with a spatula at him this time. Neal threw her just a disagreeing glance.
"Ok, maybe I freaked out. But what would you have done when you found out you got played by everyone you met the last months and the one you love turned his back on you."
"I have been there."
"When?" Rachel crossed her arms and leaned on the oven.
"When I searched for Kate and ended up in Adler's hands."
"But you always knew you had Peter and Mozzie as back up."
"Ok that's a point."
Rachel relaxed and looked out of the window. Neal could tell she was thinking about something.
"Neal, I think we need to clear something before we make a plan."
"Sound like "We need to talk" and this never means something good."
"I guess so." she turned to him.
"You want to break up."
"We never really were a couple. And you won't forget what happened once it all came back to you. I realized no matter I much I wanted it I can't stay with you."
"If this is what you think I have to accept it." Neal said and went back to the oranges. She wasn't sure but Rachel thought she saw for a moment the same cold expression on him he wore when they met at this damn fort.
"Neal..."
"No, it's okay. You made your point clear but let me tell you one thing. This isn't really about me and what I might won't forget. It's mostly about you and your own fear. If you would really want to be with me you would take the risk and the responsibility for whatever might happen between us. You may not realize it but you're about to run again. I know what I'm talking about because I did the same over years. You took so many risks to finally bring us here and now you just want to end it? Why did you do it? Because you felt responsible for what happened or because you want to make up for the things you did? You know that it is was neither this nor the other thing. You could have shot me on more than one occasion, you could have taken me hostage to grant yourself a way but you didn't. And you gave the answer yourself. You said you couldn't hurt me because you love me. If it's really like that do you think you will ever get rid of that feeling if you run away now like you did so many times before?"
"I can't... I just can't," Rachel whispered and left the kitchen in a hurry. Neal heard the bedroom door closing with a loud thud. He sighed and switched the stove off. For a few minutes he sat down at the kitchen table and thought about what to do. Finally Neal went upstairs and softly knocked on the bedroom door.
"I don't want to talk, Neal. Please just go and let me alone for some time."
"Rebecca..., I'm sorry if I hurt you with what I said but it won't help neither you nor me if you run away when things get tough."
"If that would be the case I wouldn't be here."
"I don't mean your assignments, I talk about your personal life, your feelings and what you really want in life."
"I don't know what a personal life really is..."
"Maybe Rachel Turner doesn't but I think Rebecca Lowe knows this pretty well."
"I can't stay with you. I mean what if I decide to stay with you and then I have to find out you can't forget who and how I was before?"
"I know how you feel."
"You don't."
"Take an educated guess why things never got serious for real with Sara. She never let me forget what I did."
"Oh come on that Barbie isn't woman enough for anything." Rachel burst out.
"Jealous?" Neal asked with a smirk.
"Because of her? Not the tiniest bit."
"Becca..." he sat down next to her, "We just can try but it won't work out if we keep on throwing the past at each other. Who knows maybe one day there are little conmen/ mini agents running around driving Mozzie crazy."
She chuckled about the thought what would happen in this combination.
"So what do you suggest? A new start?"
He smiled at her charming and reached out to shake hands.
"Hi, I am Neal."
She let her head drop unbelieving and started to chuckle.
"Hi, I am Rebecca."
"What brings you here?"
"A stupid moron who can't keep away from danger."