A/N: This chapter is dedicated to my beloved uncle who was like my brother since the day I was born and who passed away almost a year ago with terminal lung cancer diagnosis which strewed in his central nervous system. Without much agony in the end he passed away after almost four weeks after he got his diagnosis . So R.I.P. L.K. We all will always love you and carry you in our hearts. AND of course R.I.P Lee Thompson Young.

This chapter was written with much blood, sweat and tears! Please don't be mean.

Susie worked thoughtfully at a tissue sample and had no idea what was coming.

Maura tapped on her shoulder. " Senior Criminalist Chang, you shall go up and make a statement. "

Susie looked confused at her boss. " Uh ... a statement? "

Maura nodded and raised her eyebrows. " About the unauthorized intruder. "

Susie looked helplessly at the sample and clung to the petri dish as if it was her lifeline. " Do I have any trouble because of that? "

Maura smiled and took the petri dish. " No. Don't worry, Susie. Detective Rizzoli will interview you. Would you please go up now? "

Susie put slowly off her gloves and nodded. " Yes, of course. "

Jane came into the interrogation room and smiled softly as she saw Maura's favorite employee nervously sitting on the chair. " Relax, Susie. I just ask some questions and then you're free to go. "

Susie nodded frantically. " Okay."

Jane sat down at the opposite of table and took a deep breath. " What do you know? "

Susie frowned while she thought for a moment. " Uh ... we had very much to do because ... uh ... because of Detective Frost. Even Dr. Isles has been working around the clock in the crime lab. Uh ... but you know that. No one has given the other special attention. "

Jane nodded slowly. " What happened next? "

Susie paused for a moment as she thought.

Jane closed briefly her eyes. " The short version ... please. " Dr. Isles wanted to give Detective Frost's blood straight to the analysis. But they all wanted something from her. I mean ... I mean ... the lab is currently very busy because ... because the current case. "

Jane closed her eyes and rubbed slowly her left eyebrow with her left middle finger. " So Maura handed over the task to a lab employee. "

Susie swallowed heavily and nodded. " Y ... yes. "

Jane gritted her teeth. " God damnit. Did you recognized the employee? "

Susie sighed loudly. " As I already said, no one paid another attention. But something struck me as odd. "

Jane slowly looked up. " What was that? "

" The man has especially paid attention to the blood samples. ", Susie said." We had to take care of a thousand different things and almost had to divide into four parts. But he took all the time of the world with exact this analysis. "

" Didn't Maura said anything? "

" As I already said, she was busy all day long. She acted like a monkey on a stick. "

Jane had to smile. " Would you recognize him? "

Susie shrugged and sighed. " Maybe if I would see him. I was busy by myself. "

Jane frowned deeply. " And you'd never seen him before? "

Susie nodded in agreement. " Therefore I'm positive. "

Jane smiled and got up. " Thank you, Susie. You'd helped a lot. "

Susie sighed. " Detective Rizzoli. "

Jane turned around and raised her eyebrows. " Yes? "

Susie searched for the words." I'm sorry about Detective Frost. He was a good one. "

Jane let the words sink in and forced herself to smile. " Thank you. Yes he ... was. "

Jane came into the observing room and looked at Frankie. " Frankie, check each surveillance video of the crime lab. "

Frankie nodded and walked away.

Jane looked at her deadly pale wife. " Maura, what's wrong? "

Maura licked her lips and sucked in her lower lip while she shook her head. " I make one mistake after another. I ... "

" No, you don't. ", Jane said softly and looked deep into Maura's eyes. " You heard yourself what Susie had said. You acted like a monkey on a stick. "

Maura looked frustrated at Jane. " Why would I act like a monkey? "

Jane chuckled low and put a strand of her behind Maura's ear. " God, I love you. That day you jumped around like a punchball. You were stressed. "

Maura took a deep breath and shook her head.

Jane took Maura's head into her hands and looked into her soul." It. was. not. your. fault. Did you hear me? "

" Yes. ", Maura mumbled.

Jane raised her eyebrows. " What? "

" Yes, I'd heard you. ", Maura replied. " It's just ... This ... GUY ... he dances around me on the nose. "

Jane sighed deeply. " He dances around everyone of us on the nose. "

" I feel like I'm fooled. ", Maura stated sadly.

Jane pressed her lips to Maura's forehead. " I know. Now come on, let's go home and have some yucky healthy stuff for dinner. "

" I would like to have some greasy stuff like pizza completely without mushrooms. ", Maura replied.

Jane looked shocked at her wife and smiled. " No reproaches about health and such a thing? "

Maura shook her head. " Not tonight. I need something good for my nerves. "

Jane grinned and followed her wife. " Woman, I just love you even more. "

Maura rolled her eyes and chuckled. " A exception, Jane. "

Jane smirked goofily. " What about sex? "

Maura exhaled loudly. " Don't push your luck, Jane. "

Jane snarled and snorted.

Jane laid down on the couch and put her beer on the side table. " Pizza and beer ... I'm scared, Maura. "

Maura put her beer to the floor and start to use her wife as mattress.

Jane frowned and wrapped her arms around Maura. " What are you doing? "

Maura snuggled into Jane. " Using you as mattress. "

Jane snorted. " I call that cuddling. "

Maura took a deep breath and closed her eyes. " Don't be ridiculous. I know you enjoy it. "

" Damn. ", Jane whispered.

" Jane! ", Maura whined.

Jane smiled broadly. " What? I said darn. "

Maura put her chin on Jane's sternum and frowned. " No, you didn't. "

Jane smiled and became suddenly serious. " You know ... I ... I hasn't yet become really aware that Frost ... that he's ... Every day I think that he's safe and sound and that he'll come to work or the Dirty Robber and everything is as always. Is that ... is that normal or am I sick. "

Maura brushed her thumb along Jane's cheek. " You have no mental disease. It's normal. You are grieving. "

Jane looked long at her. " And you? "

Maura licked her lips and suppressed a deep sob. "According to Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, when we are dying or have suffered a catastrophic loss, we all move through five distinct stages of grief. We go into denial. Because the loss is so unthinkable we can't imagine it's true. ", Maura said clinical but something shook her voice. " We become angry with everyone, angry with survivors, angry with ourselves, then we bargain. We beg, we plead. We offer everything we have. We offer up our souls, in exchanged for just one more day. When the bargaining has failed, and the anger is too hard to maintain, we fall into depression, despair, until finally we have to accept that we have have done everything we can. We let go. We let go and move into acceptance. ", Maura sobbed and took a deep breath. "In medical school, we have a hundred classes that teach us to fight off death ... and not one lesson in how to go on living. ", Maura's voice and emotional state changed suddenly. " The dictionary defines grief as keen mental suffering or distress over affiction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret. As physicians, as scientists, we're taught to learn from and rely on books, on definitions, on definitives. ", she paused a moment. " But in life, strict definitions rarely apply. In life, grief can look like a lot of things that bear little things resemblance to sharp sorrow. "

Jane felt the pain. " Maura ... "

Maura shook her head. " Jane, please let me. "

Jane nodded and kissed her softly. " Okay. "

Maura closed her eyes and listened deep into herself. " Grief may be a thing we all have in common but it looks different on everyone. It isn't just death we have to grieve. It's life. It's loss ... It's change. And when we wonder why it has to suck so much sometimes, has to hurt so bad, the thing we gotta try to remember is that it can turn on a dime. ", she took a shaky breath. " That's how you stay alive. When it hurts so much you can't breath, that's how you survive. By remembering that one day, somehow, impossibly, you won't feel this way. It won't hurt this much. Grief comes in its own time for everyone. In its own way. So the best we can do, the best anyone can do ... is try for honesty. The really crappy thing, the worst part of grief, is that you can't control it. The best we can do is try to let ourselves feel it when it comes. And let it go when we can. The very worst part is that the minute you think you're past it, it starts all over again. And always, everytime ... it takes your breath away . "

Jane exhaled shaky. " Maura ... "

Maura wiped the tears away that she didn't knew she had cried. " I'm sorry ... It's ... I just spoke my heart out. It was ... stupid .I'm so sorry. "

Jane pulled her wife closer and sniffed. " No it wasn't stupid. It was beautiful. Why isn't your heart always on your sleeve? It was ... ", she wrapped her arms tighter around her wife as she started to sob and shake. " It's okay, let it out, baby. It's alright, I'm here. It's okay to cry. "

Maura took a deep breath and whipped away her tears. " He was a really good friend ... a ... a close friend. "

Jane sighed loudly and nodded. " Yes, he was. You know ... if Frost wouldn't have been there I would have never admitted that I've fallen in love with you. "

Maura looked up with teary eyes. " Really? "

Jane smiled a bit and nodded. " Really. "

" What changed your mind? "

Jane raised her eyebrows and laughed shortly. " Oh, this guy threatened me. He said. ' Jane, if you don't finally stop complaining and squeeze your butt cheeks together then I drag personally your sorry ass out of here, chain you tight in my car, drive you to Maura and force you to confess your love to her. ' "

Maura had to laugh. " And did he done one of those things. "

Jane laughed too and sighed. " Well ... he ... drove me to you. "