Chapter 9

"Sit there and don't touch anything!" Simon barked at Ray and Chris as he marched them into CID and pointed them towards a desk. He knew he was going to be in for it and he was right. No sooner had he spoken than a bunch of terrible impressions of him began but luckily before he had a chance to get too angry with them a flying Shaz distracted everyone.

"Chris!"

Never before had she been so relieved to see him. In fact, rarely had anyone been so pleased to see him.

"Shazza!" Chris barely managed to say her name before her arms were around his neck as she cried,

"You shouldn't go wandering off, this place is full of oddballs these days!"

"Ahem?!" Simon cried.

"These days?" Gene mumbled. He'd seen more oddballs in his lifetime than Ray had had pints.

"What are we supposed to do with them?" Robin asked as he scratched his head.

"We need to collect the full ruddy set and get them back to the boozer," Gene told him.

"I'll go and get Susannah and Malcolm," Simon told them, "best to keep them all in one place." But before he had a chance Marci came rushing in.

"Guv!" she cried, "a riot's broken out in the canteen!"

Simon froze.

"What?"

Marci screeched to a halt in front of Gene.

"All these weirdos I've never seen before just came in and started yelling about sprouts!" she told him, "it's getting out of hand!"

"Bugger," Gene wished, not for the first time, that he'd decided to stay in bed that morning.

Simon began to look even more worried.

"Weirdos you've never seen before?" he repeated and she nodded.

"Yes."

"You sure you don't know any of them?"

"Are you suggesting the sort of company I keep riots about sprouts?" Marci demanded looking quite threatening and Simon swallowed.

"N-no," he protested, "I just…" he glanced at Gene, "I was concerned about you running into somebody you knew," he said pointedly and Gene understood what he meant. He nodded slowly as he thought about how far Simon had come. From resenting his role in the world he now had its safety in mind more than anyone else, so it seemed. The world had already broken enough for one day. Simon was determined to keep Eddie away from Marci.

"Maybe you should take a tour of the corridors," Gene told him, "make sure there's no other intruders lurkin'."

"Right," Simon nodded, making a dash for it.

"We'll check the sprout riot," Robin volunteered before disappearing out of the office with Kim, leaving Gene to deal with Marci and a bunch of rogue pub leavers. He could already see a sad Marci watching Shaz and Chris hugging on the corner and knew that he needed to get her out of the way before any more damage could be done. He closed his eyes. There was only one thing he could do now. He had just one option left.

"What do you want me to do?" she asked him, almost on queue and he eyed her seriously.

"Very important job for you, DC Fell," he told her and she nodded.

"Name it."

Gene took a deep breath.

"Lattes," he said, "eight of the buggers. With enough sugar to rot the teeth of the entire population of Europe."

~xXx~

"Can you please form an orderly queue for the sprouts?"

"Oh my god." Kim's mouth fell open as she stood in the doorway. She'd had some pretty interesting first days at new jobs before but this just about took the biscuit. She tilted her head slowly to one side. "Huh."

"They're… actually eating the sprouts," Robin stared on in shock. He turned to Kim, "they're physically eating the sprouts."

"How else do you eat them if not physically?"

"You don't eat them at all!" Robin cried, "they're canteen sprouts! They have the consistency of wet slime!"

"This lot must be sick or something," Kim said, shaking her head. "Speaking of which, the smell's turning my stomach. Can we just get them out of here?"

"The spouts or the people?"

"Both," Kim gagged. She started to walk toward the rowdy gathering. "Alright, canteen's closing. Everybody out." The wall of groans that met her did nothing to calm her rising temper. "Come on, out! Take your sprouts and leave the premises!"

"Up to CID, all of you," Robin began waving his arms as though herding sheep, "come on."

"What about my sprouts?" A pissed off Vickery had only just managed to reach the head of the line.

Robin wanted to scream.

"Get your sprouts and then go!" he told him, pointing to the door.

Vickery scowled as a large dollop of green stuff found its way onto his plate.

"Fine," he mumbled.

"Bloody hell," Robin groaned as he watched Vickery slink past, sprouts in hand.

"OK, up to CID," Kim started to wave people past, "we'll have you back to the pub before you can say green sludge."

"It's not even Christmas yet," Robin groaned, "why are they serving sprouts?"

"Why are this lot eating them?" Kim grumbled.

"Could be due to the high blood alcohol level," Robin suggested.

"Then let's get them back to the pub before they sober up and work out what they're eating," Kim told him.

Standing at the front of the canteen was a flustered Jake, who'd been trying desperately to keep order while Marci went for back-up. He looked at Robin and Kim as though they had all the answers.

"What the hell is even going on here?" he cried.

Robin felt himself flush with heat across his cheeks. He'd barely spoken to Jake since Kim's return and Jake had continued to go out of his way to avoid Robin. Even though circumstances were bizarre and there were more important things to worry about than embarrassment and awkwardness he still felt uncomfortable talking to him.

"Sorry," he mumbled, pushing a couple of sprout enthusiasts away from the counter, "erm, recruitment tour. Trying to draft people into the force by way of sprouts." He started to panic as Jake began to follow the crowd out of the canteen and blocked him. "You'd better stay here," he said.

"Don't you need some help?" Jake asked.

"I think that poor woman needs your help more," Robin told him, nodding towards the counter where the usual large bottomed member of staff was sprawled on the floor, unconscious from the shock.

"They were buying the sprouts," she murmured, ladle in the air.

Kim gave a nostalgic smile.

"Her arse is still as big as I remember," she sighed happily. Something else that didn't change.

"Come on," Robin scratched his head, "we've got to make sure this lot make it safely back to Gene," he noticed Kim's finger dipping into a plate of green stuff, then heading terrifyingly close to her mouth. "Ew, Kim, no!" he cried, snatching her hand away, "Don't eat the sprouts!"

"I just wanted to know if they tasted the same!" Kim protested as Robin grasped her by the wrist and pulled her towards the door.

"I've only just got you back, I'm not losing you to sprout poisoning," he declared and began the journey back to the office.

~xXx~

Simon was getting out of breath. He'd been back and forth, up and down stairs, back and forth along corridors and so far there'd been no sign of Eddie.

"What the hell am I going to tell Gene?" he mumbled as he set off back to CID. Just as he was rushing past his own office something caught his attention out of the corner of his eye and he stopped for a moment. He backed up and peered through the window in the door, swallowing a little tearfully at the sight that greeted him. "Oh god," he whispered as he slowly opened the doorway and stepped inside.

In front of the filing cabinets stood Eddie and Lindsay, each with a big pile of papers in their arm. They were smiling and chatting away, as though nothing was amiss. Lindsay glanced up and greeted Simon with a warm smile.

"Morning, sir!" she said brightly.

"What on earth are the pair of you doing?" Simon asked, hands on his hips, mouth twitching into a sad smile.

"Your desk was overflowing," Eddie explained, "we thought we should help you out a bit."

Simon swallowed. The emotions swamping him were overwhelming. Both Eddie and Lindsay had lost their lives in his arms and now here they were, back again.

"You pair of…" he smiled and shook his head, "thank you," he said quietly.

"Hey, you're wearing the cheesy jumper!" Lindsay smiled and Simon laughed.

"You always were the only person to like this thing," he told her.

"What's not to like?" Lindsay asked, "it's so Christmassy, so cheesy, it's so bad that it's cool."

Simon closed his eyes for a moment, just savouring the moment. It could almost have been real, Lindsay and Eddie back tending to his paperwork. It started to occur to Simon just how much he'd missed them both – and how much Gene must miss all the men and woman that he'd led to the pub. It made Simon feel suddenly very saddened. He blinked and warned himself not to start shedding tears as he opened the door a little wider.

"Come on, guys," he said, "I'll finish that later. Let's get you back where you belong."

He felt another pang of sadness as he watched them smile as they left. He missed Bask. He missed his old crew. He felt very out of place now. The club was more Robin's scene, Simon stuck out like a sore thumb - with or without his jumper. He'd never really found a place to head socially since Bask closed its doors and transcended the physical world. Now there it had a smooooooth DJ whose job echoed Nelson's and a doorway that led right into the Railway Arms but Simon had nowhere to spend an evening on the town.

He sighed heavily as he followed his two old friends along the corridor and into CID where an overwhelming stench of sprouts rose from the room.

"Oh my fucking god," he cried, immediately pressing his sleeve to his nose. Maybe the wool of the jumper would filter out the sprouts.

"I know," Robin choked as they stood back and surveyed the chaotic scene, "I'm sorry, Si. I had to let them bring the sprouts. It was the only way they'd come."

"Two, four, six…" Gene counted the escapees two at a time and tried to work out whether anyone was missing. Eventually he decided they were pretty much accounted for. Spying a bottle of his best scotch doing the rounds, he swiped it back and scowled at the rowdy lot. "Oi!" he scowled, "there's plenty of this down the boozer," he snatched the bottle back from an annoyed Ray, "and the stuff down there isn't attached to a black eye," he threatened as he took it back into his office and locked it away in a drawer. As he came back into the main office Kim scratched her forehead.

"Tell me we don't have to do the nursery kid route-marching thing again," she pleaded.

"You want to hire a bloody coach, go ahead, but the expense is on you," Gene told her and Kim groaned.

"Fine," she said.

"What do you mean nursery kid route-march?" Robin frowned.

"Think yourself lucky this is the first time for you," Simon told him, "we've been through this once before."

"And this had bloody better be the last time," Gene snapped. He took a deep breath, clapped his hands loudly and stomped to the door. "Right. Either we're about to go on the biggest bloody drugs bust this side of Nick Nailer's last birthday party or I'm about to escort your sorry backsides back to the pub. Two straight lines. No hair-pulling. And you'd better get me one in before I bugger off again," he declared.

"What about Alex?" Robin asked, "will she be waiting there?"

"If not then Nelson's going to get a large I Love London surprise inserted up his nostril," Gene warned and began to stomp along the corridor, a team of sprout-obsessed detectives behind him.

Kim and Simon exchanged a glance which turned into a fond, nostalgic smile.

"Feel like we've been here before?" Simon asked her and Kim's smile grew a little broader.

"Feels like yesterday," she whispered.

It was almost like that near-decade of sadness had never happened. For the first time Kim felt as though she really had slotted right back in, except this time around it was even better. She knew she belonged now. She wasn't yearning to be part of a another world. She had Robin by her side, Alex in her life and her best friend back again. It was strange but it was home. That was something Kim had rarely felt in all of her days.