Dude, Where's My Groom?
Part X
I waited anxiously as Phil explained our situation to Tracy. I could hear her freaking out over the phone. I looked back at the boys, only to come face to face with Stu ready to plow through both me and Phil. I stepped out of the way in time for him just to run into Phil.
"Tracy! Don't listen to him, he's out of his mind. Probably still drunk from last night. Doug is paying the bill, we just ate a delicious brunch. We're in a really big hurry to get back so, we gotta get going. See you later. Bye." Stu said hastily, throwing the phone back to Phil. I helped him up, and he leaned on me.
"What the fuck, man?" Phil asked, coughing.
"I know where Doug is." Our eyes widened and we both made it back to the car as fast as we could. "I don't know, man, it just hit me." Stu said from the back, where he was sitting with Alan and Black Doug. "You remember when we saw Doug's mattress impaled on the statue?"
"Yeah, we threw it out the window." Phil said.
"Impossible. You can't open windows in hotels."
"Well then how did it get -" I started
"Holy shit!" Phil exclaimed, laughing.
"Wait, what is going on?" I asked.
"Doug was trying to signal us." Phil said. "How did you figure that out?"
"Doug made me realize it. Not our Doug, Black Doug." Stu said, excitedly.
"Hey, easy with that shit."
"Sorry." Stu said.
"Can someone please tell us where Doug is?" I asked, gesturing to me and Alan.
"He's on the roof." Stu said. "He's on the roof. We must have taken him up there as a prank so he'd wake up on the roof."
"Like that time in summer camp. We moved his sleeping bag out in the jetty at the lake?" Phil said.
"Which was hilarious. But it's not so funny now because, we forgot where we put him."
"You guys are retarded, you know that?" Black Doug asked, I help up my hands.
"You think he's still up there?" Phil asked.
"Only one way to find out."
We ran through the lobby of the hotel, ready to run up to the roof. Phil asked me to go to the room and fill up a cold bath; he would probably be pretty badly sun burnt from spending the whole day yesterday on a roof. Alan and Stu came in supporting Doug, while Phil came in behind rubbing his head.
"What the hell happened?" I asked, seeing his pained expression.
"I was being a smart ass and Doug tackled me." I slapped him lightly on the chest and went to find a wheelchair upon request.
When I returned, Doug had a bottle of water, my stuff was packed -including my clutch and bag- the room was completely picked up -to my amazement- and Doug was dressed in a robe and a sun hat, ready to go.
I pulled the car around the front and watched as Stu yelled into his phone.
"All flights to L.A. and Burbank are all booked, so we have to drive. And Doug just found out we're married, Stu's married and missing a tooth." Phil explained to my confused look. I just 'Aah'd' and nodded.
"Phil, you better be good to her or I'll kick your ass." Doug threatened. Phil put up his hands. I watched as Stu walked over to Jade as Phil helped Doug into the back of the car. Alan was busy trying to put the hood down, and Phil got up to stomp it down. The car was beat to shit anyway so, why not.
"Stu," Phil hollered.
"Stu," Alan mocked
"Come on." He hit the hood of the car.
"Come on." Alan mimicked.
~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~
"At least the trip wasn't a total disaster," Doug offered, I turned around in my seat and pushed my sunglasses up. "I found eighty thousand dollars worth of Bellagio chips in my pocket. Looks like we're going home with some money, guys." I whooped and threw my hands in the air. After opting to pay for all the damage to the room if Phil paid for the room itself, since Stu paid for Alan to play Blackjack. I watched as a van pulled up beside us and threw a garment bag to Stu, who handed it to me, and it was exactly like my maid of honor dress, down to the last seam. And also threw a couple brown parcels, what I guessed to be suits. We narrowly missed hitting another car, and the van drive away. Alan explained that was his buddy.
"So he does have friends." I said under my breath, Phil looked at me with a funny look between, 'If I said that you'd kick my ass' and 'You're supposed to be the nice one.'
We stopped halfway there to change, I changed behind the car, everyone else changed out in the open. I finished first, and let out a low whistle at Phil who was pulling up his pants.
"Wenneck, remember to take those off later tonight!" I yelled from the car and he just winked and flashed me the 'A-Okay' sign, I was desperately trying to tame my hair enough to put it up as they finished getting on their clothes. I also made work of covering up my bullet graze on my shoulder, which was not an easy task.
We were finally in California, almost there, my makeup was nearly done, Stu was putting on socks and Doug was shaving. I tamed Phil's hair enough to gel it down, and moved back to work on Alan's, careful to watch my stomach so I didn't stain the dress.
"Let's not ever do this again." I said, finished, and wiping my hands on my other clothes.
"Agreed." All four boys said.
~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~
"Sorry, MapQuest took us on a really crazy route." Stu apologized as we all filed into the bride's chambers. All the groomsmen left to go to the front and I put myself in my place in front of Tracy.
"I was so worried you guys wouldn't make it." Tracy said.
"It was a pretty crazy weekend." I said, eying the cheap little wedding band Phil bought when we stopped to eat. He got them in one of those little fifty cent prize machines, it wasn't much but it was a sweet gesture. As we joined them at the altar, I heard Doug talking about how he'd never put Tracey through anything like that again. I smiled sweetly and looked at Phil. He just winked.
After the ceremony, I saw as Phil exchanged an awkward meeting with his wife, and hugged his son, asking about his soccer game, and then joined me at my table.
"I guess this means I have to move from Santa Monica, huh." I said to him.
"Guess so, 'cause I'm not going anywhere." Phil teased me. So, we were really going to do this. We were really going to act like a married couple.
We were interrupted by Stu and Melissa fighting.
"That is not how this works!" She screeched.
"Oh, good. Because whatever this is, isn't working for me!"
"Since when?"
"Since you fucked that waiter on your cruise last June. Boom."
"You told me it was a bartender." Alan said.
"You're right, I stand corrected. It was a bartender. You fucked a bartender."
"You're an idiot."
"You're...just a...bad person. Like all the way through to your core." He was too much of a sweetheart to call her a bitch, and I admired him for it, although I think she deserved it.
Phil pulled me out to the dance floor to join Stu, Doug and Tracy.
After one of the last songs, Phil pulled me aside and pressed his lips to mine. Our first kiss since all this happened. It was slow and sweet, but passionate, a preview of what was surely to come. I wanted this to last with every fiber of my being.
~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~
"It really was a beautiful wedding." I said to Doug later on.
"I'll give it six months." Phil said.
"You're a dick. If you give theirs six months you must give ours six weeks."
"Pretty much." He said, teasing me.
"Oh, did want a piece of this ass tonight? Better start kissing it." I turned around and smiled teasingly back at him, he just slapped it.
"Guys look at what I found." Alan said, showing off a camera.
"Whoa, that's my camera." Stu said.
"It was in the back seat of the car."
"Are there actually photos on it?" I asked. I groaned when Alan nodded. "We'll look at it once and destroy it forever." It took some persuading but we eventually agreed.
"Oh dear Lord." I groaned.
"Classic!" Alan said. The very first one. It just had to be one of me and Phil. I was upside down on a stripper's pole in just my underwear and bra, and Phil was kissing me intensely -from what it looked like- and sticking dollars bills in the side of my boy shorts.
"Why me?" I yelled, Phil just smirked.
And that's just the beginning.
A/N: So, here it is. The last chapter. :((
I have a short epilogue written that I'll probably post tomorrow or Sunday depending on what I have time for tomorrow.
Good? Bad? Lemme know!