No mia (not mine in spanish! Ha, look at me being all bilingual!)

I always had a problem with stalkers. Most of them were just crazy. Every once in a while, they're just plain stupid.

Thank God she was dumber than a box of rocks.

I pushed the panic button Ranger made me (and I kid you not) sign a contract for in blood to carry at all times. Too bad he wouldn't let me carry a gun. Otherwise I would be out of this mess. But he thought I was too emotional. I'll show him emotional when I get home. Depending on where we were going, I estimated in ten minutes that Ranger and the Merry Men would break down the door. No matter where we were. Except California, but I can't get on a plane anyway.

When we had reached what I thought was our final destination (at least she was smart enough to put a blindfold on me) she got out and opened the door for me. When we were in what I could only assume was her apartment, she tied me to a chair and then unblindfolded me.

"Okay, what do you want?" I asked her, bored already.

"You don't seem scared."

"Honey, people like you try to scare me every day. It gets old." I guess I was feeling the sarcasm and plain bitchiness emotions today.

"Well you should be."

"Ooo, I'm shaking in my boots."

"You're not wearing boots." She looked down at my feet

Sigh. See what I have to work with?

Overall, she wasn't that bad looking. She had brown hair, brown eyes and a natural tan from the sun. She stood a little taller than me, but I was wearing a slight heel.

"So let's get this over with. What are your demands?"

"Uh, well…I…"

"You DO have demands, don't you?"

"Not really, I thought I'd just kill you."

Okay, she's a little touchy…

"That would be bad, cause then he'd be after you."

"You know, this would be so much easier if you just didn't exist."

"I'm sorry?"

"I had it all planned out. I finally had enough courage to ask him out and then you come along. Every time I see him, he's with you. And he's got some goofy love grin on his face. That was supposed to be my face! HE WAS SUPPOSED TO GIVE ME THAT GOOFY LOOK!"

I didn't know what to say.

"So, I figure that if I get rid of you, he can move on to me. And then we would fall in love."

Wait, what? Oh, hell no, she ain't stealing my man, dead or alive.

"I just can't stop staring at him, with his tall, rock hard body, short brown hair, green eyes…"

Wait, short brown hair? Green eyes?

"Do you have a picture?" She raised an eyebrow. "If you're going to kill me, I at least want to look at his face one last time."

She ruffled around her things. Four minutes.

"Here," she stuffed a picture into my hand. Yup sure enough, there was the evidence. She wasn't after Ranger.

She wanted Lester. (A/N: I don't remember if he had brown or green eyes, but I needed more differences than their hair, because even the real Stephanie would miss that)

Crap.

"Uh…well…"

"What?"

"I hate to disappoint, but you've got the wrong girl."

"No I don't."

Really? I guess she didn't get the memo.

"Yeah, you do."

"I see you with him all the time!" She was getting angry.

"He's my bodyguard. I'm marrying his boss." I lifted my hand. "Take off the ring and see for yourself."

"You + me = forever, babe. Love, Carlos." She read out loud. "So?"

"Maybe you know him as Ricardo Carlos Manoso?" She looked blankly at me. "Ranger?" That got a light.

"Oh, oh…" Thank god she knew what he looked like.

"This is Lester." I held up the picture

"Oh, oh dear."

Oh dear indeed.

"So…then…you're not marrying him?"

"No."

"Oh thank god, because I didn't really want to kill you."

Me either.

"Do you think he'd go out with me?"

Boy, I was wrong. She's dumber than all the rocks on the planet. Counting the moon.

"Yeah, sure." Hell, I'd tell her she's got a shot at anything as long as she doesn't kill me. Two minutes.

It was cute. She was so in love with Lester that she would murder me. Okay, so it's completely insane, but love makes you do crazy things. So with the whole kidnapping thing, I'd let it slide. I guess I was feeling generous now. Damn, I can't wait for my hormones to stop playing with my emotions.

I felt the tingle I felt when Ranger was close on my neck. Suddenly there he was. In all his glory (clothed glory…don't get any ideas). The whole core team and a few extra faces I didn't know came bounding in like a SWAT movie. They disarmed Marlene (she had told me her name in the van) and Ranger bounded over to me and began to untie me.

"Babe, you okay?"

"Just fine, Batman."

He put his hands on my stomach. "Carlos?"

"We're okay." The tension in his shoulders disappeared.

"Hey, don't be too hard on Lester."

"Babe, something could've happened to you."

"I know, but me and Marlene came to an agreement."

He raised an eyebrow.

"Put her in the same SUV as Lester."

"Is that some sort of punishment?"

I looked over at Marlene who was grinning from ear to ear because Lester was cuffing her. I turned Ranger's head. He knew it was. He stared for a moment and then turned back to me, grinning all 200 watts.

"Maybe you should mix it up once in a while. Just so the crazies know I'm marrying you." I said, pressing a kiss to his lips.

Grabbing both of my hands, he lifted me to my feet. And we started to walk.

I stopped and looked down. "Damn, I liked these too."

"Babe? Now?" He looked back at me with a wolf grin. He followed my eyes downward.

"Uh oh."

Ranger pulled out his cell. "Tank, call an ambulance."

"Why?" I heard him ask.

"Stephanie just went into labor."

Author's Note: So I totally had a breakthrough with this story...next chapter up by midnight!