Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.
One More Try: Chapter Ten
ELIZA'S POV
Last night and this morning have been perfect with my wife. I know I've been feeling really crap lately, but Arizona has this way of putting me back together without me even realizing it. She's like a gift from the gods, I swear. She doesn't pressure me into anything. She simply waits it out and allows me to come to her when I'm ready. I love that about her. I love everything about her but most of all, I love the support she has for me. The support I've been missing since I pushed her away. Right now, though…she's here. I spent the entire night in her arms and yeah, she's totally here for me. In every way imaginable. I honestly don't know how I would survive without my wife. I know she could find better. I know she could have the pick of any woman in this world. She chose me, though. She chose to spend her life with me and that alone is enough reason for me to stay. I love her more than anything in this world, but I have to stop behaving like this. If I want the perfect life...if I want complete happiness, I have to let her in. I have to go with it and anticipate just how good this could be. I mean, she touches me like nobody else in this world but I can feel myself pulling away from her. I can feel myself backing off and I suspect she can feel it, too. I want to touch her and I plan on doing exactly that, but I'm not sure I can allow her to do the same. I'm not sure I can allow her to see me naked for the first time in what feels like forever.
My pregnancy was so harsh on my body that we've barely been intimate since before I gave birth. I know Arizona didn't expect anything when it was getting close to the end and she could see how tired I was, but she still deserved more. She still deserved a wife who could make her feel good. In bed. In the shower. In the car. Anywhere. She deserved that and I totally neglected her. In this moment, though…I want to touch her. I want to feel her shaking beneath me. From my hands. From my words. From me. It may be totally one-sided, but that's just how it has to be right now. I don't feel good enough to even think about getting naked with my wife, but why should she suffer?
The engine cutting out as we reach home, she glances at me and gives me one of her adorable dimpled smiles. She's looking as beautiful as ever today and I need to get inside our home with her. I need to show her what she means to me. God, I hope she doesn't freak out at my touch. I could hardly blame her, though. It's been so long since we were intimate and she may not feel the same as she used to around me. I guess I'm about to find out. "You're coming in, right?"
"Of course, I am." She smiles. "We're spending the day together…"
"Wasn't sure if you'd changed your mind." My gaze dropping, I climb from my wife's car and head up the porch. "Thank you for a great morning." Giving her a small smile as she follows me into our home, I drop my purse and run my fingers through my hair. "It was nice."
"It was." Arizona agrees. "It's always good spending time alone."
"You want coffee?" I ask.
"Sure, let me get it." Rounding the counter, my wife moves around our kitchen with ease. I could watch her forever. Smiling as she chews on her bottom lip, I know she is thinking. About us. About the fact that I was teasing her a while ago. I know she wants me to make the first move and I can definitely do that. I've pushed her so hard that she is scared to even initiate anything. That's not fair to my wife, not at all. It's not fair to our relationship.
"You, uh…you don't have anywhere to be today?" I clear my throat as I close the distance between us.
"No." She glances back over her shoulder and gives me a soft smile. "Just here to do whatever you wanna do. To talk, if that's what you need…" Giving me a slight shrug, I trap her body against the counter and her hands grip the edge. "Eliza…"
"Whatever I wanna do?" My lips press against the back of her neck. "What about what you want?" My voice low, I feel my wife shudder against me. "What you need?"
"I wish it were that simple." Her breathing labored, it seems pretty simple to me right now. She wants me and I know she does. I can feel it. I can feel her desperate need to be taken by me. "H-How about that coffee?"
"How about you just relax…" Slipping my hand down the front of her thigh, a whimper falls from her beautiful mouth and it only encourages me to cup her sex through her jeans. "I really want to touch you, Arizona."
"F-Fuck…" Her knees trembling, my body is the only thing holding her up right now. "I want that too but we should stop."
"Do you want me to stop?" I pop the button on her jeans and slip my hand past the waistband of her panties. Fuck, she's soaked. "Do you want to just sit here and continue to be the boring couple we've come to be…"
"I want you to be okay." My tongue trailing her neck, she tilts it a little and I've given better access. "I-I, oh god." Her knuckles white as the grip the counter, I smile against the skin of her neck. "Eliza, I want you so much bu-" Sinking my teeth into her shoulder, a gasp falls from her mouth.
"Let me do my job and take care of you." My fingers pressing against her aching clit, she grips my wrist and tugs my hand from her jeans. "Please?" My void now laced with fear, I don't know why she is stopping me. I don't know why she doesn't want me anymore.
Turning in my arms, her eyes are dark just like they used to be. Before I was a mess. Before I lost my mind. Before all of this turned to shit between us. "This is about us, Eliza. Not me."
"You don't want me anymore." I give her a sad smile. "I get that…I just thought I'd try."
"I want you more than anything…" She breathes out. "I want you so much that it hurts, Eliza."
"So, let me touch you."
Switching our position, I'm now trapped between the counter and for once, it feels good. "I need to feel you against me." Her thumb brushes my bottom lip. "I need to feel all of you."
"I-I…" Cut off when her lips press against my own, my stomach tightens and I want her here and now. Right this second. I need her. I need her like never before. I've got her, but I need more. Her lips are as soft as they've ever been and yeah, I need her. I need to hold her and tell her that everything is going to be okay. That I can be what she needs. What our kids deserve. "Arizona…" Pulling back, her forehead rests against my own and her eyes close. "I know you want me, so let me take care of you…"
"I want us." She whispers against my mouth. "I want to make love to you, Eliza." Deciding to silence her with my actions, my thumb brushes her material covered nipple and my wife's breath catches in her throat. "Please…"
"You deserve so much more than this, I know that." Unshed tears in her eyes as she glances up at me, Arizona shakes her head and a tear slips down her face. "I don't need you to touch me to know that you love me, Arizona...but I do want to feel you beneath me." Suddenly being lifted onto the counter, my wife rests between my legs and studies my face.
"We aren't doing this." She disagrees. "I can't take you to bed to reap the rewards when I want this with you more than anything."
"I'm trying…" I give her a sad smile.
"And so am I." Her hands settle on my thighs, my body craving her every touch. "You are beautiful and I need you to know that."
"I'm not but I appreciate you trying." Leaning in a little closer, her hand wraps around the back of my neck and her fingers graze my scalp. "I'm sorry I led you on…" I drop my gaze.
"Come with me?" She asks as she pulls me down from the counter, her arms now securely around my waist. "Just…please?"
"O-Okay." I nod, unsure of what the hell is going on right now. Guiding me to the staircase, she tugs my hand and I follow behind her as she takes the stairs slowly. Finding myself now standing outside our bedroom, Arizona turns to face me and gives me the most adorable smile.
"You remember the first time I ever brought you up here?" That memory flooding back, it was the night she screamed beneath me for the first time. How she was so soft and caring. How she didn't do anything I didn't want. I was a virgin and she completely respected me and my body. "You remember how we fell asleep in each other's arms?"
"I do." My own smile appears. "I remember that night like it was just yesterday."
"That following morning, I felt you come undone beneath me. I heard you moan my name for the first time without even touching you. God, what I'd give to feel you beneath me again right now…" Her eyes closing, I know she is reminding herself of better times. "I want you all over me, making me feel good. I want you to do the things only you can do to make me scream your name…but I don't want it like this." She shakes her head. "I don't want it to be one-sided."
"Just...what if everything is messed up when you look at me for the first time?"
"Maybe I could be the judge of that?" She raises an eyebrow, her eyes just pulling me further in. "Maybe you can trust me and believe that I love you and your body as much as I ever have?" Pushing her body further into our bedroom, she stumbles back towards the bed but stands her ground. "I love you but don't do this for me. This has to be what you want, Eliza."
"I love you, too." A small smile curling on my mouth, I need this with her. I need to let go and feel good for the first time in a long time. Arizona is the only woman who could do that, and I know she's right. I know I have to trust her. I do trust her. It's my mind that is defying me right now. My body…it is responding to my wife like it always has, but my mind is blocking everything I know I want and everything I know I need in this moment. Everything is so messed up and I don't know what to do with any of it.
"You don't want this, Eliza." She pulls me in close and our bodies are flush together. "You think you do, but I don't believe it's what you want…"
"I want you so much, Arizona." My voice breaking, I drop my gaze and internally chastise myself for doing this to my wife. Working her up only to let her down. Time and time again…it's the story of my life lately. "I'm craving everything that you are…"
"But you don't want me to touch you…" She gives me a sad smile. "I know you don't."
"I'm just scared that the moment you see me, you will walk out of that door…"
"That's not ever going to happen." Her own emotions getting the better of her, I can see how much she is struggling right now. "You know I wouldn't ever do that to you…"
"Maybe you should leave." I sigh. "Until I've fixed myself. Until I've fixed this mess…maybe you should leave."
"Do you want me to leave?"
"No," I answer honestly. "I don't ever want to be without you again."
"Then I'm not leaving." She says with certainty. "I don't need sex to know that we are in love, Eliza. I don't need to roll around in bed with you to make me feel something more. I couldn't be any more in love with you than I am right now."
Something changing deep inside of me, I'm beginning to realize that she doesn't see my body how I see it. I'm beginning to realize that we connect on a much deeper level than simply skin on skin. My wife loves me like nobody else ever could, and I have to let her in. I have to allow her to be there for me in every capacity. If I don't get out of my head soon, I'm going to ruin us forever. I can't ruin this any more than I already have, so no…I have to stop this before I make it any worse. She loves me and she wants me. Just like she always has. Just like she has always claimed. Just like she always will…
Popping the buttons on my blouse, Arizona swallows hard and my own fears are trying to get the better of me. You're hot…you always will be in her eyes. Closing my eyes and steadying my breathing, the soft material falls from my shoulders and gathers on the floor. She hasn't backed away. Relieved when I open my eyes to find Arizona very much still in front of me, her soft fingertips ghost up either side of my stomach and my body shudders in response. "Beautiful." She gives me the most adorable smile. "You will always be beautiful." Dropping down on the edge of the bed, her hands grip my ass and my wife pulls me in closer. Her lips connecting with the skin of my stomach, a gasp falls from my mouth as she works my body so perfectly with her mouth. "Don't ever think that I don't want you…" Her voice low, my hands find her hair and even if I wasn't sure I wanted this, I couldn't stop it from happening. I couldn't stop it because it feels too good. Everything about this moment feels like it should and no, I couldn't go back now. I need this. I need Arizona.
"I need you, Arizona." Tears slipping down my face, she glances up at me…her eyes telling me that she's got me. That I'm safe here with her. "I need you now more than ever…" Her hand brushing my nipple, it slips around my back and my bra is suddenly falling from my shoulders. "Please…just love me."
"I do." Standing, she pops the button on my jeans and turns our bodies, the backs of my legs now connecting with the edge of the bed. "I love you more than I could ever begin to explain." Gently pushing me down on our bed, my back connects with the mattress and I find her settling between my legs. "You want this?"
"Y-Yes." I nod slowly, my head burying deeper in the pillow as my wife slips my jeans from my thighs and her fingertips graze my skin. "So much."
"Relax…" She presses a kiss to the inside of my thigh. "We're perfect, okay?" God, I wish I could believe that. I know I need to seek help but this right now is what I need. I don't need medication or to lie on a couch in someone's office and have them tell me what they think I need to hear. Right now, in this moment…I need Arizona. I need our love. That connection. That spark. The spark I can feel building in the pit of my stomach right now. "You've no idea how lucky I am to call you my wife." Her teeth nipping at the skin of my hip, her tongue trails up my stomach before sucking my nipple into her mouth.
"Oh, god." My stomach tightening from her slightest touch, I've needed this for longer than I thought. I've needed this since the moment I wouldn't allow my wife to come anywhere near me. I know it wasn't fair to her, but she got it. She understood that I needed time to adjust to the changes in our life. "T-That…" Gasping when she sucks a little harder, my fingers tangle in her hair and I can feel her smiling against my skin. God, I love it when she does that. To most people, it's simply a smile but to me? To me, it tells me that my wife is happy to be here with me and creating these reactions. These sensations. "S-So good…" My back arching, she moves her body lower again and curls her fingers around the waistband of my panties.
"May I?" Glancing down at Arizona, I see nothing but pure love radiating from her. Her eyes are holding nothing but us right now.
"Please…" I breathe out. My panties disappearing from my body, my natural reaction kicks in and my legs fall open either side of my wife. Being with her like this feels as good as it ever does but I need her to not back away right now. I need her to continue, even if she doesn't want this. "Arizona…" Her eyes fixed on my soaked sex, they trail my body before settling on my own. "Please don't run…"
"Never." Her voice barely above a whisper, she shifts a little and settles between my legs, her thumb brushing my clit. "I've missed you…"
"F-Fuck." My mouth falling open as she runs her tongue the length of my center, my orgasm is already showing. My body is already close to falling over the edge. "Oh god…"
"You are so beautiful, Eliza." Pulling back, she blows gently on my clit and my back arches as her hand glides up my stomach and between my breasts. "Every inch of you is incredible…"
"T-Touch me, Arizona." Gripping the sheet to the side of my body, a low moan rumbles in her throat as she coats her fingers with my arousal. "Y-Yes…" My eyes closing, a gasp falls from my mouth as she slowly but surely slips two fingers inside of me with complete ease.
"God, I've missed us." Her lips sucking my clit into her mouth, her tongue rolls over it so perfectly that I'm not sure I will be breathing for much longer. "And you taste…" Moaning, she sinks a little deeper. "Fuck, you taste better than ever."
"I-I…" My mouth falling open as she hits that sweet spot, my chest is heaving with anticipation for what is to come. "Shit."
"Feel good?" She asks as her thumb replaces her tongue.
"Like you couldn't even begin to imagine." Climbing up my body, she rocks above me, her fingers working deep inside of me. "R-Right there, yes." Her pace picking up a little, Arizona's lips press against my own and it takes everything I have within me not to flip us.
"You've no idea how much I want you to come for me, Eliza." Her voice low and filled with complete want, she will be getting exactly that any moment now. "How much I want to feel you let go."
"A-Arizona." Gripping her back, I'm beginning to wish my wife was naked right now. I don't plan on this afternoon ending any time soon, but feeling her naked against me would have only heightened every sensation coursing through me in this moment. "F-Fuck, o-oh…"
"Let go, beautiful." Her lips brushing my ear, I shudder beneath her and my world slowly begins to fade. It's been so long since we have been intimate together and I know that I can't allow it to come between us anymore. I know that no matter how I'm feeling inside, this woman is the only one who can put me back together. I may need a little more help, but Arizona is my primary source of happiness and that feeling of being wanted. She is all I need. "Come for me…"
My back arching, my orgasm crashes through me but Arizona doesn't slow. She wants me to really feel this. She wants me to completely let go and give her what she wants. She deserves this. We both do. Curling her fingers, she presses her thumb against my clit a little harder and another orgasm approaches. "Y-Yes, oh fuck…" Shuddering and shaking beneath my wife, she smiles against the skin of my neck before pulling back and ghosting her lips over my own.
"Open your eyes…" She whispers. "Let me see you…" Doing as she asks, her perfect smile is waiting to greet me and I mirror it with one of my own. Slowing her pace, she settles on top of me and brushes my hair from my face. "Perfect."
"I love you." My words barely above a whisper, she nods slowly.
"I know you do…and I love you, too."
Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.