Something That Starts with "S" So I Can Do That Thing from Dead Space Where the First Letter of Every Chapter Spells Out a Big Twist

Rated T for censored language, and non-graphic death.

Welcome to the final chapter. That's right, this is the end; your suffering is nearly over. By the time you're reading this, The Blind Leading the Blind will have been marked as complete, unless you're a really fast reader, or the server is experiencing delays.

Since this is the end, I have decided to forego cohesiveness, for the most part, and just stuff as many references as I can in here. There are the obvious ones, of course, but I think I managed some obscure ones this time. Gotta catch 'em all.

This wasn't a rushed decision. I always planned to make this 10 chapters, I just didn't know where we would be, chronologically, by chapter 9.

Also note that, since this is entirely original events, it probably won't be as high-quality as when I have something to parody, so brace your expectations as such.

Without further ado, please enjoy.

Timeskip to the natural end of the series

Salem's Domain

Team RuhWubby was gathered with Team JNPR in Salem's domain, facing down Salem and her faction for the final battle. Backup was on its way, in the form of Team CFVY, and Team Slytheri…I mean Team Curdle not far behind. Cardin and his goons had tried to go to the Dark Side, but all Velvet had to do was glare at him, and he was back with a sandwich.

While Team RuhWubby faced down Salem, Team JNPR was fighting her faction. Ren fought Watts, and Nora fought Tyrian, while Jaune and Pyrrha duked it out with Cinder.

You may be wondering why Pyrrha hadn't died yet. The truth is, she had. It happened after one semester, when Team JNPR decided to go on a vacation. There were only three places that weren't totally booked. The first was a wax museum in an old, abandoned looking town. Jaune refused to go there because, when he was four years old, curiosity seized him and he stuck his hand into a freshly melted candle, burning it, then pigeons attacked him. The next option was an isolated cabin by a rural town, somewhere. The online reviews looked good; everyone who commented said "Join Us." They bought tickets, but didn't go, because Pyrrha's ticket was marked "Time of Death" instead of "Time of Departure". Since the House of Wax was out of the question, the only option left was an obscure art gallery called Guertena, or something like that. They bought tickets, and went in, but Pyrrha never came out. That night, when Jaune called his mother, she told him all about her day, and what his eight sisters were up to.

It was all fine, though, since not long after that, The Universe accidentally gave Jaune one of the Four Maiden's powers, and Jaune offered to trade them back to The Universe for Pyrrha's life. After making the trade, The Universe went off to help some blue haired kid seal up some kind of ancient evil; something about the moon being the body of a giant monster, but not the one where a child is born with its soul every 108 years.

Anyway, Team JNPR is facing off with Salem's faction, and Team RuhWubby is staring down Salem with their weapons at the ready. The evil, white haired maybe-deity with pale skin, "I'm-tripping-balls" eyes, and an object of some sort in the middle of her forehead, stood tall and imposing. Why does that description sound familiar?

"You're going down, Salem," Ruby says.

"It's time to settle this like men," Salem roars. Whatever she's taking must have made her aggressive.

"A motorcycle race?" Yang asked.

"A children's card game?" Weiss asked.

"Card games on motorcycles?" Ruby asked.

"None of us are men." Blake said.

"WRONG! ALL OF YOU!" Salem thunders.

"Well, actually Blake's-"

"WRONG!" Salem yells again. She's going to have to stop yelling, because I'm running out of synonyms, "I hope you're ready, because it's time…"

Dramatic pause.

"-for a Rap Battle."

"Seriously?" Weiss asked, "we're staking the fate of the world on a rhyming contest?"

And so, the epic rap battle for the fate of the world began. You don't get to see that though, because it was originally designed as sponsored content, but Generic Thug Academy terminated their sponsorship contract with me, so now I'm not making any money off their advertisements.

While Team RuhWubby was trading flows with Salem, Team JNPR was fighting the members of Salem's faction. It was going fairly well; Team JNPR had grown significantly more skilled since they started at Beacon, and Jaune had finally discovered his semblance. Everywhere his aura touched, Legos spawned on the ground. Everyone on Salem's team was stepping on them, and it's just too horrific for a T-rated story, so I withheld it.

Ren was breaking their minds with his world-shattering secret,

"Nooooooo! I can't believe it's not butter! I won't...AGHHHH!," said Doc Brow… I mean Dr. Watso… I mean Dr. Watts.

Nora was breaking their heads with her bone-shattering hammer. Something something Game of Thrones joke with Tyrian.

After Tyrian fell over, dead, Nora looted his body-

"Nora! Stop that!" Ren said.

"Look, Ren, he has a bunch of bottle caps," Nora responded, "I bet they were going to use these for currency when they finished destroying/taking over the world,"

"That doesn't make sense, Nora," Ren said, "Grab them all."

Whilst searching Tyrian's body, Nora found a can of Generic Thug Energy Drink.

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"Mm-mm. That Generic Thug Energy Drink is dee-licious," said Tyrian, then he returned to being dead.

So it turns out that Generic Thug Energy Drink was willing to sponsor this next part, but you still don't get to see the rap battle.

Anyway, Nora grabbed the can of Generic Thug Energy Drink and opened it,

"NORA! No!" Ren said, but it was too late. She had already finished it. Ah, crap. She's vibrating now.

"Everybody, RUN!" Ren shouted.

"Ren! What's going on?" Jaune asked, as the world around him began to shake. Flashes of white filled everyone's vision, the Grimm started running away, salmon began swimming up waterfalls, and catching and eating bears, someone was looking for clothes at the Soup Store and worse, finding them. Reality was falling apart.

"Nora drank an energy drink," Ren shouted back, amidst the chaos, "she's vibrating at a universal resonance frequency!"

"What does that mean?" Jaune asked, because the author doesn't know what practical physical effects a resonance frequency actually has, but it sounds Sci-Fi, and it will probably go good with explosions, so that's what is happening.

"It means RUN!" Ren responded.

So, they ran, while explosions occurred around them like this was that one flashback from Chapter 3.

Eventually, they realized that they wouldn't be able to outrun the collapsing reality, and Ren stopped, a plan forming in his mind.

"Jaune, take Pyrrha and go," Ren said, "I've got a plan,"

"What about Nora?" Jaune asked, "Will she be alright?"

"She'll be fine," Ren responded casually, "She'll probably end up destroying reality, or something, then she'll break someone's legs and come back. This is a regular Tuesday for Nora."

Ren stopped, turned to Nora, and focused his mind. Then, the familiar abomination manifested from nowhere again.

"One last time, old friend," Ren said to it.

"TEKELI-LI! TEKELI-LI!" It took off toward Nora.

Reality distorted around it as it approached Nora, and it strained to maintain its sanity. When it got close enough, Nora jumped atop it, and grabbed two of its tendrils, pulling them like a pair of reins.

Nora steered the unholy abomination through hordes of Grimm, their heads exploding as she passed, as though she was a cowboy riding through a zombie-filled wasteland on the fourth horse of the apocalypse.

Salem shortly became visible at the edge of her vision, and she steered toward the villain.

"I'm still standin', huh! F**k! Come on! Go ahead! I take your f****n' bullet! Come on! I take your f****n' bullet! You think you kill me with bullets? I take your f****n' bullets! Go ahead!" shouted Salem, who had lost the rap battle off-screen, but was still very much tripping balls.

"By the power of Greyskull … I have the powerrr!" said Nora, riding up beside Salem.

Salem gaped, paralyzed by fear, at the visage of the horrid abomination before her,

"What is that thing?!" She asked, horrified.

"It's just Ren's sense of humor," Ruby said.

See, I told you it would even scare Salem.

"Not that," Salem said, then pointed to Nora, who was riding atop it "that!"

Oh. That's what she was scared of.

"What is wrong with you people?!" Salem asked, she was about to continue, but was cut off by Nora,

"I'M A' FIRIN' MAH LAZER!" Nora said from atop Ren's sense of humor. And she did. I'm not talking about the thing she was riding, no, Nora fired the laser from her own mouth. I don't know how she learned to do that, but she did. The laser eviscerated Salem, wrapping the plot up somewhat cleanly. It also eviscerated most of the reality in Salem's domain. Fortunately, Team RuhWubby, has plot armor, so the blast knocked them out of the way, or something, and they're fine.

Some Sort of Infinite Abyss, Possibly the Internet

In the aftermath of Nora's laser, all that's left is her, falling gently in an endless void of black, all alone. Oh, wait, there's some kind of white sphere with a blue, eye-like thing, talking to itself. Nora listened in, but was only able to catch the tail end of the conversation.

"I'm proud of you, son." It said, in a deep voice.

"Dad, are you space?" It asked itself, this time in a higher voice.

"Yes. Now we are a family again." It responded to itself.

Of course, as with all things, Nora quickly grew bored of it, and decided to see how far she could fly with the ammunition remaining in her grenade hammer, Valkyrion the Magnhild Warrior. She folded it into its grenade launcher shape, and began firing. As she tumbled through the endless black, she saw an unconscious kid, also falling.

He had brown hair, and was wearing red shorts, decorated with chains and zippers, and on his feet were a ridiculously large pair of yellow shoes.

He was falling headfirst toward some sort of large, cylindrical platform decorated with a princess eating an apple, and several hairy people around her. She was eating the apple, not eating the hairy people. He was going to land on it, until Nora accidentally ran into him, and knocked him off track,

"Oops," She said, as he spiraled into the black, "I hope he wasn't too important."

As she continued to fall, she eventually spied another set of platforms, but these were square. One of them had a closed door on one wall, and a lamppost in the middle. Some say it was the ghost of Ozpin's favorite lamppost, that had been sent there after Ruby destroyed it. There was also a wastebin with something shining inside of it. The two square platforms appeared to have once been interconnected, but the bridge between them was destroyed. As Nora landed, she saw an old man just standing in one corner. Nora approached him to question him about their location,

"Where are we?" she asked.

"Welcome," he responded, "to the End of Time,"

Nora looked around, but nothing seemed to be able to keep her attention.

"Alright, well, I'm gonna go now," Nora said.

"No! Wait, please don't leave me! The only thing that talks to me around here is that," the old man said, gesturing to the closed door. Behind it, she could hear someone muttering about a Master of War, and yelling randomly about "running around the room while thinking 'magic.'"

"What about them?" Nora asked, pointing to several people, a humanoid robot, and an anthropomorphic frog, all standing on the other platform.

"They never say anything," the old man responded, "they don't even talk to each other. Occasionally some guy comes by in a hovercraft, drops a few others off and picks some of them up before leaving again, but other than that they just sit there, not even blinking. It's really creepy. I thought I saw one of them move once, so I destroyed the bridge, so they can't get over here."

Why don't you just leave?" Nora asked.

"In what? The only thing that can travel to and from this place is a hovercraft that some weird, silent kid drives,"

"You don't say,"

At that very moment, said hovercraft dropped down, and a kid with spiky, brown hair jumped out, along with a few others. Nora immediately jumped over to the platform, using Magnets, how-do-they-work-hild for extra lift, then broke the kid's legs, took the hovercraft, and left. She doesn't know how to fly it, of course, and so she has to learn by trial-and-error. In the course of such, she manages to ram Ren's dying sense of humor, which was still floating about in the void. It gave a final death-screech and released the omni-present, hyper-aggressive murder pigeons that had been trapped within since Chapter 7. The pigeons promptly latched onto a falling meteor containing some brand of magical powers and rode it into a different story to find someone who doesn't deserve to suffer and make them do just that. She also managed to ram a duck flying another spacecraft, who immediately began complaining, and a person falling gently through the void. The person stuck to the hood and Nora continued on with her new hood ornament back to Chapter 4 where she deposited him on a cloud to ride down as a hallucination.

An indeterminate amount of space-time later.

Nora reappears immediately outside of Beacon in her sweet new time-traveling hovercar, and touches down beside Ren.

"You wouldn't believe where I've been," she told Ren, "I found a place where you were a vigilante, and you named your superhero persona after me,"

Vale, Several Years Later…

In the aftermath of that epic clash, Ren's sense of humor was fatally injured, and no one mourned its loss. In fact, after hearing the news, many of the villages near Ren's childhood home held celebrations. Ren's sense of humor's sacrifice was honored with a memorial plaque, right alongside Beacon's greatest heroes: Team BEER, Team LIQR, Team WSKY, and the P-800 who died when she tackled the G-1000 into a vat of molten metal. She was somewhat miffed that her death was for nothing, though, when it turned out that the G-1000 wasn't actually looking to facilitate world domination, at all. In fact, the G-1000 hadn't come from the future at all; it had just been commissioned by Glynda so she could take a long vacation without anyone noticing her disappearance. It seemed to be working splendidly too, aside from a lack of knowledge regarding what could and couldn't be eaten.

With his sense of humor now dead, Ren returned to being a stable, boring person, but never stopped planning his "pranks". After numerous arguments, and with no small amount of hesitation, he finally consented to share the great secret he knew with Nora. Of course, being Nora, she was able to comprehend it perfectly. Insanity keeps its distance from her for its own safety, after all. Upon hearing the words, a light came shining from the sky and fell around her. Nora began slowly levitating toward the source of the light.

"Check it out, Ren," she said, "I'm…ascending." She continued upward, to a higher plane of existence, where various deities roamed.

Ren never doubted that she would be able to understand it, or else, he wouldn't have given in and told her, but Nora was the only person in this universe that he actually cared about, the rest of the world could burn in their respective purgatories, so naturally he was worried about her well-being. He grabbed her ankle, and tried to pull her back down, but the divine force that was calling her would not be denied. Eventually, he lost his grip, and as she went toward the sky, he heard her parting words, barely a whisper,

"You stay. I go. No following,"

The tearful farewell didn't last long, though; Nora stayed up there for all of 15 minutes before she got bored, and returned to the world below. She may also have broken all of their legs. Stuffy deities. She arrived just in time to see Ren sending several packages in the mail. It was a bunch of tickets to Yatsuhashi's homeland. Wonder what that's about.

END

There aren't any deleted scenes this time. I really couldn't afford to cut out any of this, considering that it is entirely original material, and I have little enough as is. In lieu of any deleted scenes, however, have a list of jokes that I couldn't place in.

Unused Jokes:

"Brace yourselves, Winter is coming."

"You know nothing, Jaune Snow."

"You know nothing, John Qrow."

"Wake up, Neo. The Matrix has you."

Magnemite-hild

Magna Carta-hild

Magnanimous-hild

Weiss uses her summoning ability, Archer appears.

Cardin uses a Holy Hand Grenade to try to ward off Velvet. Spoiler Alert: It doesn't work.

Cardin Owned Count.

Cinder, when activating the virus in the CCT: "The time has come. Execute Order 66"

And for that Guest user who wanted, and I quote, "MORE TEAM BEER,"

Team VDKA

Team LAGR

Team WINE

Team MEAD

Team ALE (They did have four members, once)

Team SAKE

Team SHRY

Team SPRT

Team RUM (Another casualty)

Team CIDR

Ozpin's got a lot of time on his hands, okay.

Well, this is the end. If you still need something to do, then read it over again from the beginning. Maybe you'll catch a joke or reference that you didn't get the first time.