I Drive Your Truck
Lee Brice
What would happen if Beckett would have died in the shooting and Castle had to live without her? Would he cope? Or will something else happen, something that could change their relationship forever?
The shots rang out and Castle leaped across the podium and tackled Kate to the ground. He saw blood. And her eyes were open and blood on her chest. He whispered, "I love you. I love you Kate. Don't leave me. Please don't leave me."
By the time the doctor came out of the operation room, he called Ryan and Esposito over to talk to them in private. When they came out, they looked really sad.
"what is wrong. What did he tell you guys?" Castle asked when he saw them.
"She… She…"Esposito started but could not continue.
"She didn't make it. she is dead. I just cannot believe it." Ryan finished.
As soon as Castle heard those words he ran out of the hospital. He went to the place that he knew no one would look for him. Her mother's grave.
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A month had gone by since she passed and before he said goodbye to everyone at the precinct, he bought the patrol car that Beckett always drove. He needed something to remind him of her. Something positive. And every now and then he would take the keys and drive it around, just to feel her spirit.
He finally got the courage since the funeral to visit her grave site. And even though he knew that she would not respond to his words, he spoke anyways. "89 cents in the ash tray. A half empty bottle of Gatorade rolling in the floorboard. That dirty Mets cap on the dash. Dog tags hanging from the rear view. Old Skoal can, and hiking boots and an NYPD shirt folded in the back. This thing burns gas like crazy, but that is alright. People got their ways of coping. Oh, and I've got mine." He started as he layed flowers down on her headstone next to her mother. "I drive your truck. I roll every window down and I burn up. Every side street in this city. I even take it to the Hamptons. I find a field, I tear it up. Until all the pain's a cloud of dust. Yah sometimes I drive your truck."
He couldn't bear the fact that he was the reason that she was dead. He pushed too hard and she got shot in the heart because of him. Why?
"Did you know that I leave that radio playing that same old country station where you left it? I crank up the stereo. And you would probably shoot me right now. If you saw this tear rolling down on my face. I am trying to be tough and my mother asked me this morning, if I had been by your grave. But this flag and stone isn't where I feel you anyway. I drive your truck." He looked in the distance and thought he saw the silhouette of Kate, it couldn't be her, she was dead. It was just his imagination. So he focused on her grave and continued.
"I have cussed, I have prayed, I have said goodbye. Shook my fist and asked god why. These days when I am missing you this much. I drive your truck. I hope you don't mind. I hope you don't mind. I drive your truck." He felt someone watching him. And from working with Beckett for three years now, he learned to not spook them. So the pulled out his phone and was able to take a picture of the person without them noticing or so he thought. When he looked at the picture, he could see Kate, Kate was waving at him.
He looked over to where she was standing. She walked towards him and knelt down next to him in front of her mother's grave.
"Kate?"
"Hi, Castle."
"You are dead."
"No, I survived the shooting. But the boys, they thought there was a leak in the precinct so they had me fake my death that day. Not even my father knows. When I woke up from my surgery, I broke up with Josh and told him that I had to leave New York. I told him not to tell anyone. I have been up at my father's cabin."
"Why did they not tell me."
"Because I knew that if you knew that I was alive you would not be able to stay away from the precinct. You would not have been safe. I needed you to be safe."
"Do you even remember anything from the shooting? That day, I thought I lost you. And I have lived these last few weeks in pain, knowing that I would have to live without you."
"Castle, I remember everything. And there is something you need to know."
"Kate, listen to me. If you truly do remember everything, then you know that I had to live without the woman I love. I thought I had lost the woman I loved. And for a moment there when I told you, for a moment there I thought that look in your eyes was regret. I thought that you regretted allowing me to follow you. That maybe you thought that if you would have just said no to me three years ago, you wouldn't have had to go through this. That if I would not have been there, I would have never gone through your mother's case. And I would have never pushed you to look into it again. Montgomery would still be alive, and everyone would know that you are alive, because you never would have gotten shot. But I need to know, why did you reveal yourself to me? Of all the days. Why now? Exactly a month after you 'died?' "
"Because I am in love with you ." she blurted out. She couldn't hold it in anymore. "I didn't break up with Josh because I was supposed to be dead. I broke up with Josh because I realized that I loved you. And only you."
"then you should know that I love you too. But this will never work."
"It can if we try, Castle I love you. And if you care about me at all, just don't leave. I need you. I am sorry for the last month, but I couldn't put you in danger. I loved you too much."
"You know that there are only two people in the world that after something like this, I could forgive. And those two people who have been through everything with me."
"Castle I understand if you cannot forgive me, but…"
"What are you talking about? The only two people in the world that I could forgive are Alexis and you. We have been through everything together. I betrayed your trust and you forgave me. I went behind your back numerous times and you forgave me. We kissed and never talked about it. We almost die frozen in each other's arms and we never talked about it. I pulled you out of the hanger when Montgomery died. I tackled you off that podium when you got shot, and finally I delivered a eulogy that was the hardest thing I could ever write at a funeral I now know, had an empty casket. But through all that I can forgive you. Because of something you said during the second case we worked. You said you were a one and done kind of girl. And ever since I tried my hardest to prove to you that I was that one. But I can forgive you. Because I love you, and you do the craziest things for the people you love."
"Are we cool?"
"We are more than cool. As long as you promise that we can try. We can try to be happy. Because you deserve to be happy."
"I promise. Always. As long as you promise to love me." Kate said smiling.
"Always."