NCIS Los Angles does not belong to me. I've brought the characters out to play but will put them back in good condition when I'm done with them.

Anything in bold face type and quotes is an actual line from one of the episodes from the show. There are too many to list here but they are from most of the seasons of the show.

This chapter has given me fits. I wanted to post it sooner, but I kept tweaking it trying to make it better. I'm not sure if I succeeded. This story is coming to an end; there's only one more chapter after this one.

Reviews are always welcome. If you are enjoying this story, especially this chapter, or even if you're not, leave a review on the way out and let me know why.

Enjoy.

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CHAPTER 10: Taking a Risk

Cards on the table, we're both showing hearts

Risking it all, though it's hard

Things have been good with Kensi and me lately. We still have trouble communicating but we're getting better all the time. I still haven't been able to take the risk to let her know exactly how I feel about her in words. I'm so afraid it will be too much for her and I'll lose her to her fears. That frozen lake is still between me and showing her my heart's desire.

I mean we made plans to go to Mamouth together. I was really looking forward to that until work made it impossible to get away. And she found out about me knowing Kip Brigham during a case. I have to admit she was impressed. Especially when she found out we've known each other for years. But there are still some risks I think we're both afraid to take; some things we still haven't come clean about our pasts with each other. I want her to think the best of me. Maybe that's why I'm afraid to tell her some things.

It's really hard to expose yourself completely to another person; all the good and bad things you've done or had happen to you in your life. Once you do that, there's no going back. That's the risk. There are no do-overs once you've opened yourself up completely to another person. What if the person doesn't love you anymore once you've told them everything. That's what I was afraid of. I was afraid she would look at me and feel differently about me once she found out everything. There were things that happened to me as a child I still haven't told her. I've done things I'm not particularly proud of…oh, nothing illegal unless it was part of an undercover operation, but things I'm not proud of.

I'm sure in some ways she feels the same way. I've tried to convince her that nothing she could possibly tell me would change the way I feel about her. I know the true Kensi Marie Blye and there is no other person on the face of this earth I would rather be with than her; no one else I've ever loved or will ever love like I love her. As I've said before, she is my beginning and my ending. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I'll take anything she'll give me of herself and consider myself a lucky man.

I think we finally got across our "frozen lake" around Christmas time. Callen had been seeing this teacher, Joelle. She ended up involved in one of our cases and found out that Callen had been lying to her about who he really was and what he did for a living. Kind of killed the relationship for a while. Anyway, Michelle somehow got us all together at this outdoor ice skating rink. She had a surprise for Sam in the person of his son Aidan. He hadn't been able to get home for Thanksgiving because he was studying to become a Cadet Sergeant. Aidan got his promotion and came home for Christmas. It was nice to see how happy Sam was when he saw his son.

It was at the ice skating rink when Kensi finally took a risk and told me she wanted to be bold…with me. Well, it took her a little bit before she could come right out and say it. We were skating…and she told me she wanted to talk to me; actually she yelled at me at first.

"Deeks! Come here."

"I…All right."

She punched me in the arm when I stopped in front of her so I gave her a typical Marty Deeks reply. "…Ow!"

"Okay. Go for Santa." I chuckled, looking at her looking at me but not saying anything.

Kensi sighed which made me worry. I waited with some trepidation over what she was going to say. "What's going on? You're freaking me out."

She stumbled over her words a little bit "Oh, my gosh. You plan these things to say, and when the time comes, you can't say them…Um…Just you and me. Kensi and Deeks, Deeks and Kensi."

She paused for a moment causing my heart to skip a beat "A…Alone, we're bold, we're brash, we can move mountains. And together we're…um… We're safe" She stopped there and just looked at me.

With a sinking feeling in my heart I replied "Yeah, together we're safe." I didn't know what else to say. I thought for sure she was going to break my heart by telling me we could never be more than partners.

"Yeah, I know." she continued."I want to be bold, Deeks. But I want to be bold with you."

Just as before I had thought my heart was going to stop beating, now it felt like it was dancing for joy inside my chest. Maybe we were finally…finally going to move forward in our relationship. "So no more games then?" I asked her.

"No more games."

"Chips on the table? All in?"

"All in."

"Tonight? Tomorrow?"

"And the day after that…"

That was all I needed to hear. I kissed her with everything I had in me. It was an awesome kiss. Right up there with the one I gave her just before all hell broke loose with Siderov. When the kiss ended, we looked at each other with joy and kissed again. I've never been as happy as I was right then.

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We're finally passed where we were just before Kensi was sent to Afghanistan. We're keeping it quiet because we don't want anyone, and by anyone, I mean Hetty, the Dame of Deception, or Deputy Director Granger, to send one of us away again. Besides, it's none of their business what we do in our private time. We've worked out how to act at work and there isn't any more awkwardness at work just because we have a personal relationship outside of work. We're together most nights either at her place or mine. Having her next to me in bed is my idea of heaven, even if she does starfish all over the place I think it's adorable! And I don't know why but hearing her little snort snores makes me feel like anything is possible as long as we're together.

I've finally made peace with what I did when I thought Kens was dead. It took a while because I was so afraid I was turning into a monster like my old man but I finally realized that I stopped myself…I stopped myself, me…no one had to stop me. The second thing I finally realized was that I apologized for what I did or almost did to that blind old man and begged his forgiveness. My old man would never have done either of those things. I know the cleric was part of the Taliban, but he hadn't done anything to me personally. I found out just how far I would go for Kensi and it turned out it wasn't as far as I was afraid of at the time.

I want more now, I want it all; the house with the picket fence and little mutant ninja assassins running around and I want it with her, only her. I don't know if I can tell her I'm thinking about the house and little ninja assassins though because it involves a ring that has been burning a hole in my pocket for weeks now. I haven't been able to get up the nerve to ask her to marry me yet. It wasn't that long ago that I finally told her I loved her. I mean, I know I said I was falling in love with her the first time we made love, but so much has happened since then. And it hasn't been that long since the skating rink after all.

Almost all of my dreams came true the night when she didn't run but said "I love you too Marty" as we lay in bed after making love. Marty! She called me Marty. She always calls me Deeks. When she said my name I actually shivered and could feel the heat building once again in my groin. It was such a turn-on to hear my name coming from her lips.

"Say it again" I told her.

"What? Say I love you? I do you know. I have for the longest time but I was too afraid to say it."

"No…I…what I mean is…I love you too…but my name, say my name again."

"Marty" she purred.

"You never call me Marty, you always call me Deeks. Why the change, not that I'm complaining?"

"You're Deeks at work and I'm going to keep calling you that there, but from now on you're Marty when we're together away from work…Marty…Marty…I love you Marty." She was snuggling into my shoulder and running her hands down my chest as she repeated my name in a husky tone of voice.

"If you keep saying my name like that, I won't be responsible for what happens." I growled. "You are so hot right now and I want you so much."

"And I can be had…right now, Marty."

That was all I needed to hear. We spent the next few hours in bed together. I re-explored every inch of that beautiful body, worshiping her in the only way I knew how. I gave her all of me, several times in fact. I loved the soft sighs, moans and whispered pleas from her as I worshipped her with my hands and tongue. I know I saw stars when we came together and Kensi looked at me like I hung the moon and the stars in the sky. I took us both to the edge of time repeatedly where we fell together through the cosmos and on into infinity in each others' embrace.

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When I woke the next morning, I took one look at the beautiful woman beside me and burst into quiet laughter. She was in her classic starfish pose, but she had one arm over my chest and one leg over my legs like she was making sure I stayed right where I was. She needn't have worried. I didn't want to be anywhere but in bed with her. Her hair was spread out over my pillows and she had her head on my shoulder snort snoring quietly. It is so adorable when she does that. I couldn't help myself, I turned my head and kissed her on the forehead and began stroking her cheek.

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