Story Starts:
M stood in the middle of the night. Jess opened one sleepy eye. "What the hell are you doing?" M gave her an impassive look. She took the stereo and went into vent. Jess followed. "Where are you going?" M gave her another look Jess stopped. She continued down the vent and went into Itachi's room. She plugged in the stereo.
"Dig me now and fuck me later!" The song Faggot by Mindless Self Indulgence on blast. Itachi fell off his bed. M smiled innocently at him. He was naked Kisame's head popped up from the sheets. "And sing it to the tune of faggot, faggot, faggot oh!" The girls were dancing around the room singing at the top of their lungs.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO DOING IN HERE DURING SEXY TIME?!!!" Kisame screamed.
"Singing Faggot…" Jess said innocently. "It should be you guys' song."
What… the fuck? The men thought. Itachi stood his penis completely in view. M and Jess screamed. "DRESS!!! WE HAD A BAD EXPERIENCE WITH SASUKE'S PENIS!!!" Itachi ducked under the covers.
"What bad experience could you have had with a penis?! You two are teenaged girls!" Kisame screamed.
M and Jess looked away, "You don't need to know."
"I've been denied all the best ultra sex." the song continued drawing attention from the next room.
"TURN THE FUCKING MUSIC FUCKING OFF!!!" Hidan's voice yelled. Everyone stared at the door wide eyed.
"Sorry Hidan-chan!" The girls said and lowered the music.
"I'M NOT A GIRL!!!"
"Sure your not…"
"I HEARD THAT!!!" They turned white. (jess: racist bitch. M: you know you love it…)
"Can you get out?!" Itachi shouted. "God, can't we ever have one night of passionate fucking in peace?!"
M raised one finger, "I. Did not. Need. To know. That." She said slowly. "Sex between men should just be made for our Friday night viewing! So SHUT UP! AND SCREW EACH OTHER!!!" M said and pulled out a video camera.
"NOT AGAIN!!!" The men hid under the covers.
"Come out…" Jess hissed. "What's wrong? You don't want anyone seeing your tiny penis'?"
"SHUT UP!!! THEY ARE LONG AND BIG!!!"
"Of course you would say that sweet cheeks."
"He really does have some sweet cheeks." Kisame sighed.
M gave him a look. "And what do exactly do you do with those cheeks?"
"I think you've seen that on Akatsuki's Gone Wild."
"Ah yes… good times…" Jess said. "Wait does that mean you have 5 some's every night?!"
"No! That was an extra special night…" Itachi said passion dripping into his lustful words.
"Woah ladies!!"
"Shut up you two!" The men screamed.
Once light and the sun was in the sky… but covered by gray clouds overcastting the area taking away all sorts of light. The Akatsuki gathered in their meeting hall. The power turned off, the usual routine. "Hello, Akatsuki, we are here to play a game…. A-!!!"
"M!!! JESS!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO DOING?!!!" Pein shouted.
"SHUT UP DADDY AND SIT THE FUCK DOWN!!!" M screamed. He sat in a chair. Tobi looked at him with twitching eyes.
"Jessie-chan?"
"Yes Father… it is I." Jess replied.
The Akatsuki started shouting and yelling and all was disturbed when Hidan screamed "I want my mommy!" Every stared at him.
"HE DIDN'T SAY FUCK!!!"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!"
"Anyway… as we were saying… WE WANT TO PLAY A GAME… AGAIN!!!!!!"
"We are going to have a mandatory coffee house!!"!
"A mandatory what?!"
"You all have to get up in front of each other and sing pretty songs!"
"NOO!!!!"
"YESS!!!"
"AND THE SOUND PEEPS SHALL JOIN PLUS A GUEST APPEARANCE!!!"
"BY WHO!!!"
"You need not know these things." Confusion swept over the Akatsuki.
"What hap-happens if we d-don't sing… or if we epically fail?" Itachi spoke up.
"Sparta has ever so kindly lent us a pit of death." Jess said. The Akatsuki screamed before Pein screamed out.
"HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET IN TOUCH WITH SPARTA!!!" Pein screamed. "THEY DON'T TALK TO ME!!! JESUS CHRIST OF THE LOG!!!"
"After I kindly gave them a donation, they gave me their number."
"We have phones?" Hidan asked.
"Apparently." Kakuzu answered.
"Interesting."
"SHUT UP!!! WHO GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO OPEN YOUR MOUTHS!!!"
"Oh sweet Jesus!!!! Mommy!!!!" Hidan screamed again and jumped into Kakuzu's arms.
"Tune in next week, children," There was an evil laugh, thunder and the Akatsuki screamed at the lights coming back up.
"Wait a minute…" lights went out again. "Hidan… you don't believe… in Jesus….?"
"So…? Jewish people say Jesus all the time!!!!"
"THAT DOESN'T COUNT!!! THEY'RE PRACTICALLY CHRISTIANS TOO!!"
"I thought they were practically golly fluff." M asked.
"What?!"
M smiled and the lights came back and the Akatsuki screamed again. "Do we really scare them that much?"