Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, quotes, settings, etc., are the property of their respective owners and are simply used under 'fair use'. The original characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement intended. This story is written for legally recognized adults. Rated NC-17.
Beta'd by SexyLexiCullen, pre-read by Tasha. Changed a few music lyrics to suit storyline.
A/N: I'm ten reviews away from reaching 100! I am blown away that so many of you have given my little story a chance! Thank you so much! xoxo!
Songs:
"Last Kiss" by Taylor Swift
"Without You" and "Breakdown" by Mariah Carey
"I Love It" by Icona Pop
"Wanted You More" by Sarah Simmons
"(One of Those) Crazy Girls" by Paramore
"How Come You Don't Want Me Now" by Tegan and Sara
"Separated by Fools"
Chapter Ten
We're over.
I can't believe Edward ended things between us.
Once my wailing subsides, I sit up and wipe my face on my sleeve.
I'm still wearing his jacket.
I'm still in his backyard.
But I'm not sure I can stand up, let alone walk.
I contemplate trying the back door to see if it's unlocked, so I can try to make him hear me out. He needs to believe that I'm truly sorry for deceiving him.
Deciding against it, I walk home to give him time to come to terms with his decision.
My keys are in my pocket, and as I dig them out, they drop to the floor. Falling to my knees, I began to cry.
It hurts so fucking bad that I can't breathe. It's feels as though there's a huge hole that someone has been punched through my chest.
I just lost the only love I've ever known.
He's gone.
What do I do now?
I need to get him back.
But how?
I grab my cellphone from my back pocket and dial his number. It rings and rings, and soon his voice mail kicks in.
"This is Edward. Leave a message, and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Thanks."
I hang up and try again.
Same thing happens—it rings and rings until his message starts.
I end the call to try once more.
Only this time, it goes straight to voice mail.
Fuck. He must've turned off his phone.
I leave him a message.
"Edward, please call me back. I'm sorry...This can't be over," I cry, trying to compose my tears and continue, "I need to talk to you. Please, let me explain. Baby, I'm so, so sorry. Call me back. I love you..."
I try Alice's phone next. It doesn't even ring, going straight to voice mail.
I hang up.
Once inside, I go upstairs to my room.
Swiping my iPod from my desk, I lay on my bed and pop the ear buds in. I pull the comforter over my head and cry myself to sleep.
~~~SbF~~~SbF~~~SbF~~~
Charlie is beginning to think I'm having a nervous breakdown. All I do is cry, or sit motionless in my room.
Saturday, I sat in my room and listened to Taylor Swift, leaving her songs on repeat. After the fourth hour, my dad went to work. He hid all of the knives and scissors before he left.
I wasn't that bad, but I understood his concern.
See, he walked in my room and looked down at me. I was sitting on the floor wearing Edward's wife beater T-shirt and a pair of his boxers that I had rolled up. And I was also belting out the lyrics to "Last Kiss" by Taylor Swift at the top of my lungs.
So I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep
And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe
And I keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are
Hope it's nice where you are
Dad tiptoed out of the room and breathed, "teenagers," before he left.
I continued singing through my cries.
And I hope the sun shines
And it's a beautiful day
And something reminds you
You wish you had stayed
You can plan for a change in weather and time
But I never planned on you changing your mind
So I'll go sit on the floor
Wearing your clothes
All that I know is
I don't know how to be something you miss
Never thought we'd have a last kiss
Never imagined we'd end like this
Your name, forever the name on my lips
On Sunday, it was pretty much the same thing. Only this time I was singing and crying to "Without You" and "Breakdown" by Mariah Carey.
I can't live
If living is without you
I can't live
I can't give anymore
I can't live
If living is without you
I can't give
I can't give anymore
Dad finally came into my room later that night and sat on the edge of my bed.
"Bella, I know you're hurting, and I can only guess that this is over some boy…When did you even start seeing someone? Was it that serious? Why didn't you bring him by to meet me?" Dad asked.
I just sat there, not knowing what to say. How do I explain myself to him? Alice and Edward might know the truth, but I still have to continue lying to Charlie.
"Listen, Bells, I don't know what to do here or how to help you. Maybe you should go to Jacksonville and stay with your mom?" he suggested.
"I'm sorry, Dad. I just have to deal. I have school tomorrow…and I'm trying to get a handle on this heartbreak. I'll be alright. I promise."
Dad nodded and left me to continue crying my heart out.
~~~SbF~~~SbF~~~SbF~~~
Today goes by slowly, and I'm a mess. I haven't been able to keep anything down all weekend, and I can't stop the tears from falling.
I can't concentrate on anything else besides Edward and seeing Alice today. I don't know if she'll even talk to me anymore.
I walk into class and see Alice. She is just as cheery and peppy as ever, until she looks up and sees me. Her smile falls and she looks down at her book, pretending to read.
Sitting next to her, I begin to unpack my things and get settled in. The hour goes by quickly, and I spend the whole class writing her a letter.
In the note, I apologized for not telling her about Edward, about not telling her that I knew he was her brother, and I vowed to make it up to her somehow.
I fold the paper up and place it on the corner of her desk. Just then, the bell rings, and Alice picks up the note and throws it in her book, and then she walks out of class.
She doesn't talk to me for the rest of the day—not in any of our other classes.
After what feels like the longest day ever, I walk to my truck and head home.
~~~SbF~~~SbF~~~SbF~~~
Later that night, after coming home from Sex On Fire, I undress and take a hot shower. I'm covered in mud, because my piece of crap truck decided to take a dump on me in the middle of nowhere. After over an hour with messing with it, I was finally able to get it started and make it home.
This evening was a roller coaster of emotions. I sang my heart out to Edward, and he was so cruel. I didn't recognize him at all.
Thank God for Rosalie. She was the only one to give me any kind of solace tonight.
After getting undressed, I lay in bed thinking back on all that has transpired.
I really thought that we could sit and talk about our relationship and try to work things out.
But what does he do? He tells me to get over him and move on. What kind of shit is that?
I'm so angry! I finally admit to Edward that I love him, and he tells me to move on?
His behavior and the things he's said make me question his "love" for me.
If he loved me, how was it so easy for him to give up on me...on us?
What ever happened to fighting for the one that you love?
I grab the pack of ZzzQuil and pop two pills in my mouth. I drink them down and turn off my light to get some sleep.
~~~SbF~~~SbF~~~SbF~~~
Mrs. Newton needed some help today. Even though I was in no mood to work, I didn't want to let her down. Tuesdays are pretty slow, so I agreed to go in.
Twenty minutes before my shift ends, Mrs. Newton asks me if I can mop up a spill down one of the aisles, near the back.
After I was done mopping, I placed down one of those caution signs, so customers would know the floor was wet.
I guess I didn't prop the sign up right because it fell flat on the floor.
As I walked over to pick up the sign, I slid and fell, falling right on my butt.
I began to cry. Fuck my life! This is so just my luck!
"Hey, there. You're too pretty to be crying like that. You need to turn that frown upside down," a young guy tells me.
I crack a smile on how cheesy that line is, and he smiles back.
"There you go. You've got a beautiful smile. Have faith. Things will look up. Now, how about we get you off the floor?" he asks.
"Thank you for helping me up."
"No worries. I'm Kirk, by the way." He introduces himself.
"Bella, Bella Swan."
"Nice to meet you, Swan. Hope to see you around." Kirk hints.
~~~SbF~~~SbF~~~SbF~~~
I'm in my truck and the damn thing won't start—another thing to add to my list of shitty things that went wrong.
I have my head under the hood, and I hear someone approach me.
"Hey, Swan, need some help?" Kirk asks, as I wipe my hands on my red shop towel.
"Yeah, can you try to start her up for me? I hear a clicking noise and I think it may be my starter."
"Sure thing. Let me hop in." He enters the cab to turn the ignition.
The truck roars to life and Kirk smiles over the steering wheel before he exits the truck.
"I guess you have the magic touch," I tease.
"Nah, it was just luck. Listen, Swan, I was wondering if you'd like to hang out sometime?" he inquires.
"I don't think so, Kirk. I'm just getting out of a relationship and it's too soon to jump back into the dating scene. I'm sorry."
"No, it's cool. I just thought we could hang out as friends. No romantic expectations at all. What are you doing tomorrow night?" Kirk asks.
"I'm sorry. I have to work. I'm performing at Sex on Fire. It's a club out in Port A."
"Do you mind if I go check it out? I start school on the nineteenth, and I just want to have some fun before I go back," Kirk replies.
"Where do you go to school?"
"Seattle University. I'm on the swim team there." Kirk tells me.
"Okay, but it's 21 and up though."
"I'm 21, my birthday was in August." He says.
"All right, I'll see you tomorrow night," I tell him, hopping into the truck that's still running.
Kirk does a two-finger salute goodbye and leaves the parking lot.
~~~SbF~~~SbF~~~SbF~~~
About three miles from home, the truck stalls and shuts off. I am able to pull over to the side, and I scream at the top of my lungs.
I HATE THIS FUCKING TRUCK!
I beat the shit out of the steering wheel, until my wrist hurts.
I try starting the truck a few times and nothing. I debate about calling Charlie, but I decide not to.
I lie back on the seat and scroll through my iPod, making a mental note of the three songs I'm going to sing tomorrow night.
A little over an hour passes, and I sit up and try to start the truck again. It starts right up. The song on my iPod changes, and I start to slowly roll the truck home.
As I listen to the lyrics of the song playing, inspiration hits me.
Coming around a curve on Highway 101, I see the bridge that goes over Calawah River. I grab my backpack and iPod and I pick up what little speed I can. I see a patch of grass up ahead to my left. I open the truck door and roll out.
The truck crashes through the bridge and catches fire, then plummets into the river.
Fuck that truck and fuck Edward Cullen.
~~~SbF~~~SbF~~~SbF~~~
"Isabella Marie Swan. I don't know what the hell has gotten into you, but you need to take a look at your life. You're crying one minute and crash your truck the next? I don't understand you!" Dad yells.
"Whoops."
"Whoops? My insurance doesn't cover mood swings!" Dad barks.
"Tell them I had a seizure."
"Bells, I really think you need some time away. Go visit Reneé and Phil. They'll be happy to see you. I'll talk to the school principal and work it out," Charlie suggests.
"I'm fine. The starter in the truck was going out, and while I could have handled the situation better, I just snapped. I'll go visit Mom for Thanksgiving. Is that a suitable compromise?"
"Yes, and I'll handle your little accident. Here's the keys to my blue truck. Use that until we can figure something out. Deputy Steve can give you a lift home." Dad says.
~~~SbF~~~SbF~~~SbF~~~
Angela has invited Rosalie and I to get dressed at her place. I normally arrive at the club in jeans and a T-shirt. But nevertheless, I agree to do my hair and makeup there. I also have my overnight bag with me, since Angela asked if I wanted to spend the night too.
"Do you have your set list on you, Bella?" Angela asks.
"Yeah, it's here in my pocket."
I pull it out and Rosalie snatches it from my hand.
"Oh shit, I'm definitely singing backup for you tonight. This is going to be so much fun!" Rosalie exclaims.
"I have something to tell you girls...I met someone. But wait, let me explain. I met this guy, Kirk. He's on the swim team at SU. He's 21 and is coming to see me perform tonight."
"Bella, you're moving on after one weekend? That's pretty quick, even for me," Rosalie says.
"Not at all. I told him that I just got out of a relationship, and I'm not looking to date. Besides, he's going back to school in a few days."
"Maybe you should have told him you weren't looking for a random hookup either, B," Angela informs me.
"He said there would be no romantic expectations at all. I just don't see any harm in having a new friend to hang out with for the next couple of days."
"I hope you know what you're doing, Bella. Edward's going to be there tonight, and you know how he gets," Rose warns.
"He told me to move on, and I am. I'm just going to have a little fun."
We finished getting dressed and headed over to the club. I can't wait for the girls to see my outfit for tonight!
~~~SbF~~~SbF~~~SbF~~~
We walk into the back of the club and bypass Jacob. He flashes us his perfect smile and waves us in, and I go in the back to change.
Jazz stops me just as I reach the dressing room, and he tells me that Edward is working the front door. Emmett has the night off and he's still here, sitting at a booth while he waits for Rosalie to take the stage.
I ask Jazz if I can perform four songs tonight instead of three, and he is more than happy to let me.
She's going up first, then Angela, and I'm on last. I decide to stay in my street clothes until Ang is done with her set.
Rosalie has just finished her set and Angela is on stage now. I let Rose know that I'm going to go and change.
As I walk back out, Rosalie whistles and smiles at me, knowing whom my outfit is for.
"Damn, girl...You look hot! Your shirt is a nice touch, too," Rose laughed.
I'm wearing a yellow mini skirt with a long zipper down the middle that runs from the top straight down to the bottom. I have on a tank top with a yellow caution sign that says "Slippery When Wet," but instead of a figure of a person falling, it has a swimmer swimming. I also have on my black heels that have a thick black strap that goes around my ankle, the arch of my heel, and over my toes. I feel incredible.
"You ready to go on? Ang is on her last song," Rosalie tells me.
"I'm ready. I'm going to go take a peek out there and see if Kirk's here."
I move the curtain back an inch and look around. The bar is full, so after looking all around, I spot him at one of the tables with another guy, drinking a beer.
"He's here!" I tell Rose as I point him out to her.
Angela walks off; I walk on stage with Ben and the band as Jazz introduces me.
"Here is our last performer of the night, Bella Swan!" Jazz exclaims.
"I'm going to bring my girls out for this first song. Angela, Rosalie, can you come and help me with this one?"
They both walk up to their microphones to help me by singing backup.
Then I nod at Ben and the music starts playing.
I got this feeling on the summer day when you were gone.
I crashed my car into the bridge. I watched, I let it burn.
I threw your shit into a bag and pushed it down the stairs.
I crashed my car into the bridge.
I don't care, I love it. I don't care.
We repeat the verse again, and the crowd is jumping up and down with us. All of us are really getting the crowd going.
You're on a different road, I'm in the milky way
You want me down on earth, but I am up in space
You're so damn hard to please, we gotta kill this switch
You're from the 70's, but I'm a 90's bitch
I love it!
I love it!
We are jumping and fist pumping as we sing and soon after, the song ends. I thank the girls and they wave to the crowd and walk off the stage. I lean down and take a drink of water that is next to the mic-stand.
I'm feeling a little indifferent about this next song, but really love it. It showcases my vocal range and it's a different take on the country version.
I nod at Ben again and the music begins to play.
I kept waitin' on a reason
in a call that never came.
No I never, saw it comin'
Somethin' in you,
must have changed.
All the words unspoken,
promises broken.
I cried for so long.
Wasted too much time,
should have seen the signs.
Now I know, just what went wrong.
I guess I wanted you more,
and lookin' back now I'm sure,
I wanted you more.
I guess I wanted you more.
All the nights we spent just talkin'
of the things we wanted out of life.
Makin' plans and dreams together,
Wish I'd seen I was just too blind.
I can feel my eyes watering. All the feelings I have for Edward come flooding back. I'm really going to miss him.
My heart was open,
exposed and hopin'
for you, to lay it on the line.
But in the end, it seemed,
there was no room for me.
Still I tried, to change your mind.
I guess I wanted you more,
and lookin' back now I'm sure,
I wanted you more.
I guess I wanted you more.
I cry the ending of the rest of the song.
Ohhh, I don't need you,
I don't need you anymore.
I don't need you.
I guess I wanted you more,
and lookin' back now I'm sure,
I wanted you more.
I guess I wanted you more.
Ohhh, I don't need you,
I don't need you anymore,
I don't need you,
I don't need you anymore.
I finish the song and wipe under my eyes, then take another drink of my water.
"I'm in love with this song right now, and I think the lyrics are kind of funny, so here it is. I hope you like it."
Now when you say you wanna slow down,
Does it mean you wanna slow dance?
Maybe you just want a little extra time to focus
On our romance
What do you mean I got it backwards?
You know we're gonna be forever
Why are you telling me goodbye,
Aren't you gonna stay the night?
Are we really over now?
Maybe I can change your mind
Soon as you walk out my door
I'm gonna call a hundred times...
I look out into the crowd and see Kirk with his friend, and they seem to be enjoying themselves, and I continue with the song.
Now I walk under a pink sky
Lovers float along and pass me by
I pour my heart out to your voicemail
Let you know I caught a bus
To your side of town
And now I'm standing at your doorstep
With Forks behind me
If you don't answer I'll just use
The key that I copied
Cause I really need to see you
If you're not here when I break in
I'm gonna go to your closet
Just so I can smell your skin
As the chemicals swim
I know I'll never love again
I swear I'll never love again
Baby, are we over now?
Maybe I can change your mind
As soon as you walk out my door
I'm gonna call a hundred times
I think if I had any sort of stalker tendencies, I would totally stalk Edward. That's why I changed the lyric from 'Los Angeles' to 'Forks'.
I'm not one of those
Crazy girls
I'm not one of those
Crazy girls
I'm not one of those
Crazy girls
I'm not one of those
Crazy girls
Hey baby, are we over now?
Maybe I can change your mind
As soon as you walk out my door
I'm gonna call a hundred times
I repeat the verse again and finish up the song.
Now I'm one of those crazy girls
Now I'm one of those crazy girls
Now I'm one of those crazy girls
Now I'm one of those crazy girls
I take a deep breath and get ready to sing my final song of the night.
"Angela, can you come up and help me with this last song, please?"
Ang pulls the mic-stand to the front and stands next to me, and I begin to sing.
I can't say that I'm sorry
For getting so ahead of myself
I can't say that I'm sorry
For loving you and hating myself
I had nothing to show you
I had nothing to hold you down
It's killing me to walk away
How come you don't want me now?
Why don't you want to wait this out?
How come you always lead me on,
Never take my call, hear me out?
Why don't you want to win me now?
Why don't you want to show me off?
Tell me why you couldn't try,
Couldn't try and keep me here.
As I repeat the verse again, I think back to Edward letting me go. I guess he didn't think I was worth the trouble. He didn't want to fight for me and his love for me wasn't as strong as I had hoped, and that breaks my heart more than anything.
One day soon
I won't be the one who waits for you
Someday soon
I won't be the one who waits for you
How come you don't want me now?
How come you always lead me on,
Never take my call, hear me out?
Why don't you want to win me now?
Tell me why you couldn't try,
Couldn't try and keep me here.
How come you don't want me now?
Why don't you want to wait this out?
How come you always lead me on
Never take my call, hear me out?
Why don't you want to win me now?
Why don't you want to show me off?
Tell me why you couldn't try,
Couldn't try and keep me here.
I repeat the last verse again and finish up the song.
Walking off stage, I see Angela and Rosalie waiting for me.
"That was so good, Bella. I think that was your best performance to date," Angela confesses.
"Thanks, Ang. I'm going out front to see Kirk. You guys coming?"
"B, just so you know, Edward was inside watching your whole set," Rose informs me.
"I don't want to think about that right now. My friend came to see me sing, and I'm going out there to hang out. Let's go." I tell them, and I pull Angela's hand.
As I make my way to Kirk's table, I see Edward at the bar drinking a beer, in my periphery.
I tap Kirk on the shoulder, and he stands up and gives me a hug. I gasp, not expecting it.
"Swan, you were great tonight. Have a seat with us. This is my friend Conner," Kirk says, as he introduces us.
"Nice to meet you. This is my friend Angela. At the back corner booth are my friends Rosalie and Emmett." I tell Kirk, as I point in their direction.
He does his two-finger salute again and asks if I want a drink.
"What'll it be, Swan? A Cosmopolitan, maybe?" Kirk guesses.
"I'll take a Shirley Temple, please." Which contains no alcohol.
"Angela, did you want to order something? I can start a tab for us?"
"I'll have a Tequila Sunrise, please." Angela orders.
"I'll add it to my tab. But first, I have to compliment your shirt, Swan. Very classy." Kirk laughs.
I laugh with him and we begin to get to know each other—and for a while—I forget that my heart has been shattered.
A/N: Thank you so much for continuing to follow and review! Don't forget I post teasers on my blog! Find me on Twitter or Facebook! I'd love to chat! Here are a few recs for you of stories that I'm currently reading:
Higher by SexiLexiCullen - I LOVE THIS STORY! Hustleward is mad hot and this story makes me reminisce to back in the day!
Bella Donna by JiffyKate - My first vamp fic! LOVE Possessiveward and Whorella!
Crash Zone by JiffyKate - Cherry (Bella) is on a Roller Derby Team and Nerdward has a crush on her!
Firefly in Summer by primarycolor - Edward travels back in time to correct a tragic event and prevent two other tragic events from happening. Will Bella remember her love for him? Will he remember his love for her?
There Will Be Blood and There Will Be Freedom by johnnyboy7 - Edward's 25 and the son of a Chicago mob boss. He's second-in-command, cold and dangerous. Bella's 18, small town girl who has just enrolled as a freshman. A story about how love can survive in the cruelest of worlds. Then, two years have passed. Bella and Edward are safe on their island but will the dark underworld of crime pull them back in?