February 4th
"What about Tony? How is he doing?"
Steve rubs his hands together nervously, emitting a long sigh. He's never liked any sort of appointments and these with his psychologist are definitely his least favorites as of late.
"Tony is," Steve breathes out, searching for the words that won't make Steve seem like he's holding a grudge, "Tony is Tony. I mean, he was upset at first but I don't think he was ever as torn up about it as I was- am. But I know he cares. I know he worries about me a lot."
"Does he support you?"
Steve nods, worrying his lip nervously, "I'd say so. But, uh, he- he's drinking again. He thinks I don't- well, I'm not sure if he thinks that I don't know or he's just trying to hide it. But he'll get out of bed in the middle of the night and I can smell it on him when he comes back. I find liquor bottles that he's hidden around the tower."
Doctor Pozner nods and then reaches for a notepad. She scribbles for several moments before ripping the paper and offering it to Steve.
"I want you to take a look at one or two of these," she says, and Steve glances down to see that they're book titles.
"You don't even have to read the whole thing, you can just skim through it, see if any of this helps."
"Thank you," Steve nods, tucking the slip of paper into his pocket.
"Tony?" Steve calls from somewhere upstairs.
Tony rolls his eyes, idly wondering how long it's going to take him to realize that if Tony can't be found elsewhere, he'll be in the lab. He spins around in his chair, timing exactly how long it takes before Steve appears.
Forty-two seconds and Steve is in the room.
"Hey, how'd it go?" Tony asks, disinterested. He's only asking because he feels obligated to.
Steve shrugs a little, crossing over to the work table and leaning back against it, arms crossed.
"It was okay, I guess. Better than last time but again, she didn't really offer much insight and I certainly don't feel better."
Tony was done with this conversation long before it started and he's busying himself with Steve doesn't know what. Steve crosses the room, taking a seat on the couch and folding his hands in his lap. He's wanted to talk about Peter's due date but he can't ever seem to come up with an appropriate way to start the conversation. He doubts Tony would care anyway.
Steve's gaze floats around the room, finally settling on the floor and what seems to be the corner of a piece of paper peeking out from under the sofa. He hesitates but finally reaches down to grab it. But it isn't a paper; it's a folder. He opens it, thumbing through the pages that have his name and his medical information on them but he's never seen before. He flips through them, his heartbeat accelerating rapidly and by the time he gets to the very last page of Bruce's notes his hands are trembling.
"What is this?" he asks, standing to his feet. "Tony?"
"What is- oh. Um, where'd you get that?" Tony frowns, not really sure of what to say next, but it's okay because Steve knows.
"You knew why Peter died and you didn't tell me?"
Tony holds out his hands defensively. "Look, before you start- Steve, you've got to believe me, I was just trying to protect you."
"I don't need protection," Steve snarls, tossing the folder in Tony's direction as its contents float to the ground. "Goddamn it, Tony, I'm not a child! How long?" he demands to know, pointing at the folder accusingly, "How long have you known?"
"You don't want me to answer that," Tony mumbles.
"How long?"
"Since before Christmas."
Steve booms, "Before Christmas? Well, that's- that's just great! How many times have we had sex since then?"
"Enough to count them on one hand," Tony murmurs.
And that was a fucking shit thing to say and Steve isn't really sure of what he's doing before he reaches out and his fist collides with the side of Tony's face. Tony's in shock, the entire left side of his head is numb.
"Fuck you!" Tony snarls.
Steve blinks, not really sure what just happened and not to mention, what the fuck?
"Are you seriously mad at me?" Steve asks, mouth agape.
When their eyes meet Steve sees that distant look in Tony's eyes when he snaps, "Get the fuck out."
Steve obliges, making his way onto the street quickly. He's pretty sure he passed a book store on the way home and it should still be open. He idly wipes at the tears on his cheeks and by the time he's in the bookstore he can't even remember why he's here. All Steve thinks about is how it's his fault that Peter died. He feels so stupid for even trying to have a baby because they never stood a chance.
He takes a seat in the corner of the bookstore, the piece of paper in his hand, but he can't even think about looking for the books. All he can think about is when he and Tony decided on Peter's name.
"So I was thinking," Steve begins, looking over at Tony adoringly, "we should pick a name. Now that we know for sure it's a boy."
"'Kay," Tony agrees.
He scoots closer to his husband, lying on his side with an arm draped over Steve's belly. Steve takes Tony's hand, playing with his fingers idly.
"I want a traditional name. Nothing ridiculous," Steve insists, "any ideas?"
"Not really."
Steve hesitates, finally replying, "I like Peter.
"Why Peter?" Tony asks.
"Because I like it," Steve shrugs.
"It's fine."
"Tony," Steve scolds him, "this is an important decision to make. You aren't even helping."
"Here, I'll help. We'll name him Parker, I've always liked that name."
"I like Peter better," Steve replies quietly.
"Then why are you even asking me for my input?"
Steve sits up and kisses Tony without another word, a hungry, needy kiss, and he moves to straddle Tony. He's moaning into Tony's mouth, his fingers curling in Tony's hair helplessly and he finally breaks the kiss.
"What about Peter Parker?" Steve asks thoughtfully.
"Steve," Tony groans, his hands sliding up under the back of Steve's t-shirt. "Come on, that was like a minute ago. Move on, we're doing this now."
Steve reaches for Tony's hands, holding them still and reasoning, "Not until you agree on the name."
Tony struggles in frustration and Steve laughs when Tony finally groans, "Fine! Fine, Peter Parker. Fine. Now let go."
Steve obliges and Tony's hands are on him once more.