TW: There are no TWs here! YAY!

I sadly don't Death Note.

"What's that?" Rester says, sitting down next to me on the couch, pointing to the purple paper bag on the coffee table. I was half slouching on the other side, playing with the crystal like marbles Mihael had given me.

"It's... It's nothing." I couldn't help but smile. Though I didn't know why I didn't want to tell him.

He gave out a laugh, "It's definitely something, you've been smiley lately." he got off the couch, and sighed, heading into the kitchen.

"Well, it is, something, but..." I fiddled around, eying the structure inside the glass.

Rester opened a cabinet to get out a mug, pouring left over coffee into it.

He came home later than usual, so he must've been tired.

"Who gave those to you?"

"Gave what?" I put on the stupid act.

He walked over from the kitchen with his coffee, and plopped down next to me, "Those marbles?"

"Someone." I kept going and going at it. I didn't want to really tell anyone about Mihael. I have my own way of thinking about him.

That I didn't want to share with anyone.

I don't want anyone's opinions anymore.

I get off the couch, taking all my presents with me, and walk into my room, "I'm gonna do homework, bye." I awkwardly told him.

"Bye?" he giggled as he took a sip. He knew something had happened that made me odd lately. He was starting to laugh at the awkward side of me.

We haven't seen that side in years. But. I guess, someone cracked me. Someone cracked my depression.

Who knew it would've been Mihael.

I close the door, and I fall on my bed and stare at the ceiling. My ceiling had a few posters on it, some show fliers I got when I've first hung out with Gevanni. Usually they had some cool drawings on it, like an evil octopus or a crazy looking Egyptian cat. It was a great memoir. Then I had my favorite actors I've ripped out of some magazines, that I thought were so attractive I thought I needed to stare at them almost everyday because of eye candy.

But now, since Mihael, I didn't feel the need to look at them.

He beat all of that.

And then Mom's old Rolling Stones poster.

I thought of so many things at one time just staring up at that wall. My thoughts all clashed together, morphing into a big ball of emotion.

The memories with my old best friend, who I shouldn't have treated like shit, and Mihael, the beautiful, most popular boy at school who will never even like me back, ever, and Mom.

I swallow the big ball of depression, and it slowly leaks down my throat, tasting of raspy annoying metal, and then it quickly sinks into the pit of my stomach, where, it felt empty, and cold, and bitter, and every terrible sad, pathetic word in the dictionary.

I start to play with my marbles again.

I didn't need to think about this. Not right now.

I was actually happy a few minutes ago, let's keep it that way.

Then the phone rings and I spring up, I jolt, toward it, like the women at a wedding trying to catch the brides bouquet.

I was thinking it would be Mihael. I gave him my number today.

"Hello?!"

But who was I kidding, its Mihael, like he's not busy with everyone else in his life.

I was probably just a tiny, microscopic part of it.

"Nate." the phone echoed Gevanni's voice into my ears.
Tears started to sting in the back of my eyes. He's back. He wants to talk to me.

I don't know what I felt anymore, the depressing ocean just spewing its waves around in the pit, grew more soft from his voice, and the thought of him being my friend again, but it also got deeper. It was like the black deep abyss in Hell.

Was it relief? Guilt? Bittersweet happiness?

I don't know, I just swallow the rest of my lump down into that black hole and speak, trying to ignore everything brewing inside me,

"Gevanni...?!"

"I miss you." he blurts.

My throat grew sore from the sadness again.

"I miss you too."

"I... I'm sorry. For what I did. I'm sorry about the whole Mihael stuff... I didn't realize it until now. Until, yesterday that is." he started.

"What do you mean? I thought I'd never hear you say sorry about this..." I breathed a laugh and sat back down on the edge of my bed, starting to smooth out the creases on my blanket.

"I kind of felt guilty... that's all... Yesterday, I fucked up, Nate. I fucked up, and then I felt completely guilty. But... it was only because I was thinking because of you. If it wasn't for you, I would be proud of myself, believe me..." he rambled on, restlessly.

"Slow down... I don't get what you're saying, What happened? What did you do yesterday?"

"I did a fucking terrible thing..."

"Well, what was it, Gevanni? Tell me..."

"I beat up Mihael..."

My heart stopped for a second, "Wait, what?"

"I punched Mihael until his nose gushed out blood and he got a black eye..."

W-What's wrong with your eye?

I'm fine, don't worry about me.

"You... You... Why...?"

"Because he was just... pissing me off... he was talking to me about you."

My stomach twisted, "Wait... he talked to you? About me?"

"I got upset Nate okay... After that, I just felt guilty because I pounded his face in and he was your crush and stuff. So basically punching him means punching you... and I'm sorry, okay. I'm sorry. Nate."

confided I rubbed my forehead with my palm in emotional agony, "What did he say..."

I was so scared.

It must've meant that he had said something mean. Something mean and nasty. That would've been the only reason Gevanni beat him up.

I started to shake from my anxiety. I liked him that much.

I was so disappointed in myself with falling for someone like this. It was fair.

Mihael was a lie. I should've known.

I prepared myself for what terrible things to come. I took a deep breath.

"He asked me what you liked." he groaned softly.

I don't even know what to feel anymore at this extent as the words left his lips and drained to my ears from the speakerphone.

"That's it...?"

"Yeah..." he sounded guilty.

And he should be.

"Why the hell, would you do that Gevanni?!"

"Because... he likes you... and... I just got upset." Gevanni tried.

A hot rush grew to my face when he said he liked me. But, I tried to ignore that for a second,

"So... so you punched him?! H-how do even know he likes me in the first place, did he tell you?"

Gevanni didn't say anything for a long three seconds.

"No."

That sinking feeling.

Remind me to never get my hopes up about Mihael again.

To stop thinking there was any chance.

I set my standards to high on that one.

"W-well... You know what? I'm not going to be your friend..." I prompted.

"Fucking fair enough..." he muttered.

"... Until you get your anger together. I'm tired of you getting angry at people for small little things... I care about you so much... I don't want to see this anymore. Please." I begged.

He paused.

"Alright. I- I uh, love you, okay?"

"Look, I love you too and I hope we'll be friends again, but right now... I'm taking a break." I mused.

"I hope too... But... don't give up on Mihael, as much as I hate to say it... I think he likes you."

"H-how?" I pressed.

But Gevanni had already cut the line.

I think I'm going crazy.

I fell back down on my bed, and didn't blink once, my eyes wide open.

Again I caught myself thinking about Mihael for hours and hours.

I don't think I've ever liked someone like this before.

I actually want to kiss him and hold him and maybe even have sex.

I want to sleep with him in one bed. I want to kiss his beautiful smile. I want to breathe his smell in everyday.

I want to talk to him for hours.

I guess this is how it feels to finally want someone. But they don't want you.

I guess I know how Gevanni feels, how everyone else who ever liked me felt.

I was stubborn, and bitchy, all because I had a low self-asteem I didn't let anyone in.

I felt ridiculous on so many levels.

I guess I was getting karma, or something, right? This is what usually happens to stubborn people, am I right?

Then.

I think about everyone touching me. Every single person.

With my past, I didn't like people touching me. I hated feeling other people's skin against mine or other people's holds or any contact ever between humans.

It shriveled me up.

But when I think of Mihael touching me, I actually soothed. It was something new. It was a touch I didn't care about touching me. I was perfectly fine with it, and in fact hoped and dreamed of that touch to touch me.

Then memories about how he's touched me before and how I loved it, how I was perfectly fine with it in the moment.

Every single touch he had given me. It was creepy, but I guess that's how it feels to like someone like that.

I started to drift asleep, thinking about his touch.