"AUTHOR LADY! MY COSTUME IS RUINED!!!" someone yelled. Not what she wanted to hear the night of a performance. The author quickly ran down the hall, colliding with several creatures, to the direction of the screams. It came from dressing room B. She entered precariously. She found Slagar on the floor, crying his eyes out. The author would have burst out laughing, but her eyes fell on the crumpled heap on the floor and then to the guilty culprit. Cluny dropped his now empty extra, extra-caffeinated coffee cup and ran past the author out the door. She picked up the costume.
"It's only a little soggy," she said soothingly, though she felt far from soothed.
"It's RUINED! What will I do?" he bawled.
"The show must go on. Put it on and I'll go give Cluny a lecture about drinking extra, extra-caffeinated coffee," she said. She left to go find Cluny. Judging by the hyperactive sounds coming from the closet, she figured she was too late. The caffeine had already kicked in. She opened the closet. Cluny ran out, screaming, skipping, and literally bouncing off the walls like the beginning of High School Musical 2. At least he was in costume.
Avoiding the urge to sing "What time is it? Summertime!", the author decided to check up on the other cast members.
"Good, good, yes, check. LISTEN UP! Everyone who is in costume and ready, head to the black box for warmups," the author announced. She headed down to the end of the hall. The black box was a room with a black floor (that really ruins pointe shoes) and mirrors on one wall. A piano was against another wall and the rest of the walls were covered in black curtains. The creatures assembled.
"I need someone on piano!" the author announced.
"Are you saying you don't play the piano? I thought all musical directors did. Some singing coach," Mattimeo scoffed.
"Ignoring that. Anyone?" the author glared at Mattimeo, "If you really needed to know, I play the flute."
"Why don't you play it then?" he asked.
"Does it look like I have it with me?" the author felt her temper rising. Sensing this, Mattimeo shut up.
"Oh if I must. I'm not very good or anything," Celandine fluttered her eyelashes and sat on the bench. "I'm a little rusty. Don't expect much." She 'warmed up' by playing Hungarian Rhapsody No. 2 by Liszt. The author's eyes widened.
"Isn't that the so-called hardest piano piece in the world?" Rose asked.
"... Yes. But I played an F natural in there somewhere," Celandine trilled modestly.
"It'll be just fine. Start with a scale. Everyone sing along," the author shook her head in amazement. The response was a muffled 'la, la, la' and ended with a squeaking off-key C. "Ugg! Do you people know 'Do Re Mi'? 'Sound of Music'?" the author facepalmed. No one answered. The author popped a CD into a boombox.
"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!" some of the creatures screamed, "I can't STAND this song!"
The author was enjoying this. She sang along.
"Let's start at the very beginning, A very good place to start, When you read you begin with A-B-C, When you sing you begin with do-re-mi," she smiled wickedly at the tormented creatures. "Wait . . . didn't you sing this for your audition song Dotti?" the author asked.
"Oh yeeeeeeeeeeah!! So I did!" she realized.
"Woooooow. WARMUP!!" After some arpeggios and scales as well as rehearsing some songs, they were vocally ready. "STRETCH! Get ready for Dancing Through Life!!" the author yelled out. Some stretched on the barre. Cluny did a very nice port de bras and some strangely flexible splits.
"I can't even get down that far in the right splits! How do you do it?" the author exclaimed.
"I PRACTICED ALL SUMMER!" he yelled, throwing up his hands which caused him to all over. Everyone laughed.
"BUT! But I could sooooo beat you on the left!" she said, crossing her arms.
"PROVE IT!" he said, also crossing his arms and fell over again.
"I will!" The author stretched a little first and then sank into the left splits. She was close to being all the way down. Cluny sank to the same level. The author pushed herself lower. So did Cluny. The onlookers started chanting "Lower! Lower! Lower!" The author obliged, becoming red in the face, her hamstring burning. She was soooo close to the floor. Cluny also went down, breathing heavily. He was also really close. "LOWER! LOWER! LOWER!" The author squeezed her eyes tight. She pushed herself down once more. She was actually in the splits! Cluny gave up and toppled over.
"Ohhhhhh! BEAT THAT!!" the author yelled, losing her dignity. Cluny stuck out his tongue.
"Well, now I've reaffirmed my authority as the author, let's get ready. The show is set to start in half an hour. I'm going to go check on the house, " the author slowly got up off the floor. "I'm soooo going to regret doing that tomorrow in ballet class," she mumbled as she limped off, rubbing her hamstring and hoping they didn't notice.
The theatre doors had opened and creatures were filing in. It seemed every Redwall character ever was coming to see it. And judging by the amount of random minor characters that are mentioned like, "Brother Bob, please get me my glasses," or "Oxnibbler got crushed by the cart, sir," there was a theatre full.
She headed back to the black box for a pep talk. As she entered, they were all chattering and nervously giggling and jumping up and down.
"Ok listen up. Make a circle big enough for everyone. Now I know we've had our problems and struggles, but this time we're not going to fail. We'd BETTER not! Um . . . anyway . . . " She looked around the circle at their awkward looks and glares. "Remember what I told you yesterday. The show must go on. Whatever happens. You guys are going to do fine if you pay attention to what's going on. Listen for your cues. I'll try to help, but I also want to watch. You know your stuff, you just have to do it. Now go out there and do great! Show them what Wicked is made of!!!" Everyone cheered as loudly as possible. The adrenalin was contagious.
"Into the wings! Everyone who is in No One Mourns the Wicked to The Wizard and I, get in the wings! Hurry now! Let's go, go, go!!!" She held open the stage doors and waved them along as they ran cheering into their wings. "Into positions! I'm going out front! You'd better not mess up!" she threatened them.
Once in the theatre, she sat in the very middle 3rd row seat, waiting for the show to start. She sat in between Baby Rollo and Cynthia.
"Ugggg! Hi, Mom? Mommy, I'm thiiiiiiiirrrsssttyyy!! And this stuff on my shoe won't come ooooooofff!!" She was talking on the phone to her mom.
"Where in the world did you get a phone?" the author asked, "And you realize there's a concession stand in the lobby?"
"Shut up person, I'm on the phone," Cynthia snapped. "But Moooooom I want Mixed Berry juice and they only have Fruit Punch! And I want a Happy Meal! Pleeeeeeeeeeease? Yay! I love you sooooooo much Mommy!" She hung up.
"Wow I'm surprised she's getting you anything in that annoying whiny voice. 'Moooooommy I'm thiiiiiiirstyyy'," the author imitated in a high-pitched whine. "And you do realize that there's a concession stand?"
"I heard you the first time! Yeah, but I don't waaaaaaanna get up. And they only have stupid stuff," Cynthia complained. Baby Rollo giggled.
"So cute!" the author squealed.
"So annoying!" Cynthia shrieked. "Why must everyone think you're cuter than me?" she glared at her brother. The author felt a little uncomfortable.
"Don't worry, he grows up to be old and ugly," the author comforted Cynthia. The theatre lights dimmed. The music started.
"This show is already better than Twilight!" Rotnose, who was in the row in front of them, whispered rather loudly to Fleabane, who was sitting next to him.
"Though I can't express how much I agree with you, SHUT UP!!" the author whispered even louder.
So far, so good. The sets were moving, the ensemble was singing, not screaming, and it was enjoyable.
"Goooood Neeews!" Basil stepped forward. He put on a theatrical pose. Putting a paw on his chest, he took a deep breath as if he was going to burst into dramatic soliloquy. The author facepalmed.
"Look! It's Glinda!" She let out a sigh of relief. The bubble came out with Cornflower riding in it. Everything went smoothly. Except for the fact that Badrang can't sing for his life and his epic failure was only made worse by the rude gestures and snickers from Clogg and his horde in the audience. No One Mourns the Wicked ended. No disasters . . . yet. *Cue foreboding soundtrack* Rose came out for Dear Old Shiz and the students were correctly in costume.
"Y'know, this would be much better if the Jonas Brothers were in it," Fleabane "whispered" to Rotnose.
"Wow, that's not weird at all. SHUT UP!!!" the author yelled as quietly as one can yell. The Wizard and I was starting. Rose had a youthful innocence about her as she sang. But . . . where was her suitcase?
"Oh . . . my . . . God Methuselah!" the author facepalmed. Rose carried on brilliantly. The author let it go.
"I could so picture this musical with Demi Lovato as the green one, mate," Rotnose told Fleabane.
"Oh my God you two are so annoying! And disturbing! SHUT UP!!"
"And I'll stand there with the Wizard! Feeling things I've never felt! Though I'd never show it," Rose clicked her heels together three times in excitement. "I'd be so happy I could, MELT!" she yelled with a big smile, "And so it will be for the rest of my life, and I'll want nothing else till I die," she sang with force and enthusiasm. "Held in such high esteem, when people see me they will scream, for half of Oz's favourite teeeeeeeeeeam! The Wizard, and IIIIIIIIIII!" Rose gave it all.
The author got up. She was going to be needed back stage for What Is This Feeling.
"Oh my God these seats are uncomfortable," she whispered to herself.
"What a whiner," Cynthia said to her brother.
"ENSEMBLE! Get in the wings! What Is This Feeling started!"she announced as she walked into the black box. It was chaos. Everyone was fighting, screaming, yelling, or giggling. She tried again. "ENSEMBLE! IN THE WINGS!" No response. "This is getting me nowhere." She grabbed Ambrose's megaphone. "ENSEMBLE!! IN . . . THE . . . WINGS!!!!!!" Everyone scrambled into the wings just in time. "That was too close for comfort," she mumbled as she headed back into the auditorium.
As she sat back down, What Is This Feeling ended and they were in the classroom. Thank goodness the blackboard is out this time, she thought to herself. Slagar looked incredibly confused and bewildered.
"Oh great," she mumbled. Something Bad was starting.
"Um . . . dreadful things!" Slagar yelled. "I've heard of an ox, a professor . . . um . . . in Crocs?" he looked at Rose, who was stifling a giggle. "No longer permitted to teach, who has lost . . . all his powers of quiche . . . " The author facepalmed and hoped no one was noticing the strange song lyrics. "And an owl in Something Rock, a picker with a thriving crop, Forbidden to . . . eat? Now he only can . . . sleep!"
"Are those really the lyrics?" Fleabane asked the author. She didn't reply.
"Only rumors, but still, enough to give laws, to anyone with . . . paws! Something bad is happening in Oz!" Slagar looked quite pleased he had gotten most of the words that time.
"Something bad? Happening in Oz?"Rose looked genuinely worried.
"Under the surface, beyond the sea, something bad . . . I mean baaaaaaaad," Slagar did a really bad goat impression. "Sorry, bad."
"Wow that really doesn't make any sense," Cynthia looked puzzled.
"So nothing bad," Rose tried to make up for Slagar's confusion. Silence.
"Oh! I hope you're right," Slagar un-spaced out.
"Nothing all that bad," Slagar did better with Rose singing with him. "Nothing . . . uber-bad. I mean baaaaaaaaaad," The audience looked severely confused. "Sorry, bad."
"It couldn't happen here, in Oz," Rose tried to hide a smile.
"Thank goodness that's over," the author breathed a sigh of relief as the sets changed to the set for Dancing Through Life. Matthias looked incredibly embarrassed when he first appeared/was dragged on stage. He was amazingly unresponsive until Cornflower kicked him in the shin. There was a strange pause when Martin was carted on stage.
"Oh for the love of . . . !" the author mumbled under her breath. Martin was genuinely fast asleep. Rose hit the side of the cart with her books.
"WAKE UP!" she yelled extra loudly. Luckily this seemed to bring Martin to his senses. It all went well until Martin had to dance. He was doing fine until the portion of the audience who had practically worshipped and honoured him for their whole life realized he was dancing. A ripple of giggling went through the seats. Martin scowled deeply.
"Hehe, it's that mouse!" Rotnose guffawed.
"He's dancing! You couldn't pay me a million dollars to do that!" Fleabane joined in. Martin's temper was rising. Did they not think he could hear them? Did they? Him? Their idol? Huh? He glared at a few certain members of the audience and carried on. The author whacked Rotnose and Fleabane on the head with a program.
"If I remember rightly, in the Martin the Warrior TV show, you two kinda danced around. So, SHUT UP!!!" The sets were changing into the Oz Dust Ballroom. Matthias was shooting dagger looks at Martin the whole time.
"No! No! It's because . . . because . . . " Matthias took a big breath, "Because you are so . . . um . . . beautiful . . . " he sang rather quietly. A couple snickers were heard.
"Oh Boq, I think you're . . . uh . . . wonderful. And we, um, deserve each other. Don't you see this is our chance," More giggles. "We deserve each other don't we Boq?" Tess breathed a sigh of relief. That was over with. Dancing Through Life ended without any problems. Both beds came out. The author could relax.
"Elphie, now that we're friends, I've decided to make you . . . my new . . . project!" Cornflower said excitedly.
"You really don't have to do that," Rose said warily. The author knew the exact feeling. Cornflower began to sing childishly with pure blond enthusiasm.
"You . . . will . . . be . . . "Cornflower gasped. "Popular! You're gonna be pop-u-lar!" She put her hands on Rose's shoulders. Rose put on a face of trepidation. The author remembered her friend giving her a make over and half expecting her to start singing this song. She decided to check backstage. She headed to the black box.
"Everyone from the classroom scene about to happen to One Short Day, in the wings!" she yelled. No one moved. "GET IN THE WINGS OR ELSE I WILL GET CLUNY TO WEAR THE POPULAR DRESS AGAIN!!" A crowd ran by. She headed back to the audience.
"Youuuuu're gonna grin and bear it! Your new found popularity! Eeeeek! Laaaaa la, la-a-a-laaaaa, you'll be popular," Cornflower pretended to sing into the mirror and then pointed to the direction Rose ran off. "Just not quite as popular, as meeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" The song ended with her looking adoring into the mirror. The author decided to take a trip to the wings.
The wings were crowded with students. They headed on stage. She helped Methuselah, Winifred, and Foremole organize through the classroom scene and I'm Not That she was done, she went back into the audience.
"Hey, you know that new song by Miley Cyrus? I heard it's really cool," Fleabane asked Rotnose.
"I am going to kill you two!!! SHUT UP!!!" the author said angrily. One Short Day was starting. Cluny's horde could not sing for their lives. It was really horrible. The author sat in torture for those minutes.
"Sharing one wonderful, one . . . short . . . " the ensemble sang. Redtooth was spacing out. As usual.
"REDTOOTH! SNAP OUT OF IT!" Cheesethief yelled and gave him a kick that sent him sprawling. The audience roared with laughter. Except the author, who was fuming.
"The Wizard will see you now," Redtooth managed before he passed out.
"DAY!!!!!"
The Oz head didn't come out. The author ran blindly backstage. Meanwhile, Cluny was standing there in 5th position.
"HELLO!" Cluny yelled, stalling time.
"Hello," Rose and Cornflower answered.
"SO, YOU'VE COME TO THE WIZARD I SEE," he tried to make conversation. Backstage, the author pushed Winifred, Foremole and their helpers out of the way.
"Out of my way you idiots," she snarled. The head wouldn't budge. She settled for pushing it on stage. Hiding behind it, she pushed it on. The scene went on as normally as possible. Cluny began to sing.
"I AM A SENTIMENTAL MAN. WHO ALWAYS LONGED TO BE, A FATHERRRR," His singing was horrible. "FOR I AAAAAAAM, A SENTI-MENTAL, MAAAAAAAAAN," He finally ended. The author unplugged her ears. The scene ended and the author pushed the head off. In a huff, she went back to her seat in the audience.
"I hope you're happy! I hope you're happy now. I hope you're happy how you hurt your cause foreveeer! I hope you think you're cleveeerrr!" Cornflower scolded.
"I hope you're happy! I hope you're happy too. I hope you're proud how you would grovel in submission to feed your own ambition!" Rose countered.
"So though I can't imagine hooooooooowww, I hope you're happy, right nooooooooowwww!" they sang together. Cornflower then tried to be tender and soothing. But Rose wouldn't have it.
"But I don't want it. No! I can't want it, aaaannyyy mooooooorrrreee," Rose stepped forward. "Something has changed within me. Something is not the same. I'm through with playing by the ruuuules of someone else's game."
"Best song lyrics ever!" the author said to herself.
"Too late to go back tooo sleeeeeeep. It's time to trust my instincts, close my eyes...and leeeeeeeeaaaap!"
"Also best song lyrics ever!" she said to herself.
"Shut your gob, lady! You're disruptin' the show!" Fleabane turned around harshly.
"And you can't pull me doooooooooowwwwwn!" Rose looked excited.
Cornflower tried to change her mind. "Can't I make you understand, you're having delusions of grandeuuuuuurrr?"
"I'm through accepting limits 'cause someone says they're sooooo. Some things I cannot change, but till I try I'll never kn-nooooow!" Rose sang with major excitement and force. Everything went like rehearsed. Except the broom didn't fly.
"No! Not when we were going so well!" the author facepalmed. She looked up. There was an awkward pause. Then the broom lifted up. "Thank Goodness!" she sighed.
"Just you and I, defying gravity! With you and I defy-ing graviiiiityyy, they'll never bring us down," they sang so nicely together.
"I hope you're happy in the eeeeeeeennnnndd. I hope you're happy. My frieeeeeeennddd," Rose headed backstage. The author held her breath. The guards came out.
"Let go of her, she had nothing to do with it! I'm the one you want! It's me Elphaba! IT'S MEEEEEEEE!" The author couldn't look. By the gasp from Baby Rollo next to her, she hoped it worked. She looked up. Yes! She was flying!
"As someone told me lately, everyone deserves the chance to FLY! And if I'm flying solo, at least I'm flying freeeeeee! To those who ground me," Rose sang almost mockingly, "Send a message back, from meeeeeee, tell them that I'm defying gravity! I'm flying hiiiiigh, defyyying gravity, and soon I'll match them in reeenowwn," Rose brought the broom down, pointing it at the audience. "And nobody, in all of Oz, no wizard that there is or was, is ever gonna bring, me, dooooooooooooooowwwwwn!"
"Yes! The first act is almost over without any major, major disasters!" the author whispered to herself.
"Ah-ah-ah-ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!" Rose's voice rang out.
"DOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWN!" Rose brought the broom down, then twisted and pumped it up on the last beat. The stage went black.
First act is done! See, I said this one would be faster! Stay tuned for the last chapter. :( Ah, well, I have a good idea for another fanfiction, so my fun is not over quite yet!