Chapter 10: The Hofstadter Sensitivity Cycle

Penny calls Bernadette to tell her that the guys are not coming. She tells Bernadette to come over and pick out something sexy from her closet to wear to the club tonight.

Penny: "Its Amy's birthday. We've got do something special for her."

Bernadette: "Yeah well, what do you have in mind?"

Penny: "You know my ex-boyfriend Zach, his father owns this club. It's the grand opening so he'll definitely be there tonight. Amy really liked him so I was thinking I might be able to convince him to dance with her since Sheldon won't be there. I don't want her to feel left out."

Bernadette: "Okay."

Penny: "And, I'm thinking about buying her a lap dance too. Do you want one too?"

Bernadette: "Seriously, a lap dance? I don't know Penny, do you really think that's appropriate? I mean I'm a married woman."

Penny: "SO!? You're not going to sleep with the guy, it's just for fun! Besides, we're still young Bernie and you only live once. Have you ever had a Dancer's Delight before?"

Bernadette: "No, I went to my cousin's bachelorette party once and there was a male stripper hired, but I was only seventeen at the time so she made me go in the kitchen during that part while I covered my eyes the whole time and sang Ave Maria."

Penny: "Oh its awesome... see first they blindfold you and make you wait in the middle of dance floor. Then one of the dancers at the club will come out and pull you in for a dance to your favorite song."

Bernadette: "Really, okay that sounds like fun."

Penny: "It is! And, the delightful part is by end of the song your hot dancer is totally naked and the blindfold comes off. So get ready because tonight we're all in for a real treat!"

Bernadette: "Alright, but Penny, Howard cannot find out about this okay. I don't want him to be jealous and we just had another huge fight about money again. I really shouldn't be spending any on lap dances."

Penny: "Don't worry, I've got you covered girl. The guys are spending the whole night in. Sheldon has a wicked ear infection and Howard's got pink eye again so Leonard's going take care of them."

Bernadette frowns, feeling worried for her husband now.

Bernadette: "Pink eye you say? Hmmm maybe I should bring them some drugs from my lab."

Penny: "Yeah I guess if you want to, but really its okay Leonard's got it covered. I'm not missing this. I'm supposed to spend the rest of the week babysitting Sheldon so I need to cut loose now while I still can. So do you sweetie. They won't even notice we're gone anyway just pick Amy up on your way here."

Bernadette: "Okay, I will. Thanks for doing this Penny. You always know how to have a good time. See you soon"

Bernadette smiles expecting this will be an extra fun night out for them and after working hard all week she definitely feels that she could use the break. She looks over towards her kitchen table at the present she just bought for Amy. Bernadette hangs up the phone with Penny and goes back to table to finishing wrapping it up.

Later, that pre-evening Leonard finally comes out of his room when Howard yells to tell him that Stuart is here. He is still a little upset about what happened early with Penny, but he perks up when he comes into the living room and sees Stuart setting up the Giant Jenga set. Howard and Rajesh have already filled up several bowls full of delicious munchies and placed beers on the table and one large Yoo-Hoo for Sheldon. Rajesh helps Howard set up the laser machine so they can play secret laser obstacle Giant Jenga.

Leonard: "Hey Stuart."

Stuart: "Hey."

Leonard: "So I screwed things up with Penny again."

Stuart barely looks up as he continues to stack Jenga blocks up properly. He is far too familiar with Leonard's love life problems and he really couldn't care less, but out of politeness he is willing to listen to Leonard bitch about it.

Stuart: "Yeah, what else is new?"

Leonard: "These idiots are pretending to be sick so we can stay home tonight and watch a bunch of sharks. Penny is going kill me when she finds out."

Howard: "Oh will you relax! They're not going to find out. After a few drinks they won't even notice we're not there."

Stuart nods in agreement with Howard because he knows exactly what it feels like to be ignored by drunk girls at a club.

Rajesh: "You know I looked up that club online and it seems pretty cool. It's got a mechanical bull and a mud wrestling pit and the menus are so cute. They are shaped like cowboy boots and hats."

Howard pauses for a moment thinking that the mud wrestling part does sound kind of cool, but then he shakes his head.

Howard: "Still its not cooler than lasers, sharks or GIANT JENGA!"

Stuart smiles as he places the last Jenga block on top of the stack.

Stuart: "Absolutely! Okay the game is ready…uh… where's Sheldon?"

Leonard: "Oh he's probably still in basement doing laundry. I'll go get him."

Leonard walks out of his apartment to get Sheldon, but as soon as he walks out of the door he sees Penny and Bernadette coming out of Penny's apartment wearing long coats. He realizes his timing couldn't be any worse but he quickly closes the door to his apartment before they can see the big game they've set up inside.

Leonard: "Hi, wow you girls look really nice."

He smiles politely hoping they won't start asking him too many questions. He is also hopes that Penny is not still super mad at him. But, Penny rolls her eyes at him. She doesn't even speak to Leonard.

Penny: "Come on Amy, let's go!"

Amy finally walks out of the apartment wearing a long camel colored suede cowgirl skirt and a long sleeved ranch hand red and white blouse with red cowboy boots and a red cowboy hat. Penny takes off her coat and hands it to Amy pretending like she needs to adjust her dress for a minute, but really it is just an excuse to show off how sexy she looks in it to Leonard. Penny has on a super short red leather mini dress with decorative western fringe framing her cleavage nicely. Leonard stares at her totally lusting after how hot she looks, but before he can even speak Amy verbalizes what he is thinking because she is thinking almost the same thing.

Amy: "DAMN! Penny, you're so smoking hot in that dress!"

Penny: "Oh what this? …Nah it's just something I threw together."

Amy: "Well if I had exquisite breasts like yours I'd never stop touching myself."

Penny tries hard to keep smiling though she isn't sure what the hell to even say in response to that."

Bernadette opens up her coat revealing that she is also wearing a pretty dress only hers is yellow, not nearly as revealing, but still pretty cute.

Bernadette: "What about me?"

Amy: "Don't be needy, Bernie."

Bernadette rolls her eyes at Amy while Amy grins at Penny again. She can't understand why Amy always thinks Penny is so much hotter than everyone else, but Bernadette decides to just ignore it.

Bernadette: "Leonard, I brought this ointment from my lab. Tell them to make sure not to swallow any of it. Volunteers reported severe anal leakage upon digesting it, but it works great for pink eye and ear infections."

She hands Leonard the tube full of ointment cream and smiles sweetly as he takes it from her.

Leonard: "Penny, you know if you really want me too I'll come with you. The guys can probably get along with me."

Penny: "No, Leonard you had your chance. Stay here and make sure Sheldon's ear doesn't swell up."

Leonard: "But…."

Penny puts her coat back on and then she grabs her keys out of the pocket and locks the door to her apartment.

Amy: "Where is Sheldon, I really should say goodnight before we go. I haven't seen him since this morning."

Leonard: "He's down in laundry room."

Sheldon: "No, I'm not. I'm right here."

Leonard turns his head and sees Sheldon walking up the stairs carrying a big white laundry basket full of their freshly cleaned clothes.

Amy: "Sheldon, oh my goodness you poor thing you're ear looks terrible."

She walks over to Sheldon looking very worried about him now. Then Amy turns towards Leonard again and frowns at him.

Amy: "Leonard! I can't believe you still have him doing laundry as sick as he is….what is the matter with you!?"

Leonard: "But…I didn't! I mean…."

Sheldon: "Its okay, Amy. Leonard was too busy feeling sorry for himself over upsetting Penny."

Leonard: "I was not!"

Penny: "Well maybe you should feel sorry."

Leonard: "I do. I mean I am sorry! It's just…uh I mean we're still dating right?"

Penny scoffs loudly and rolls her eyes at him instead of answering his question. She walks towards the stairs so Bernadette and Amy follow closely behind her.

Sheldon: "Wait. Amy, before you go it is customary for me to offer you the obligatory birthday greeting song."

Amy: "Oh Sheldon, that's sweet of you, but you don't have to sing Happy Birthday. I know you're not feeling well. You should go rest."

Sheldon: "Very well. As you wish. Just make sure to get my gift from Penny and I hope you like it."

Amy: "I'm sure I will. I'd ask for a birthday kiss, but since you're currently infected, I'll postpone it."

Sheldon: "Thank you. Good night Amy."

Amy: "Good night Sheldon."

Amy smiles one last time still wishing she could kiss her boyfriend goodbye one time on her birthday, but instead she just follows after Bernadette down the stairs.

Leonard: "Happy Birthday, Amy."

Amy stops at the landing and gives Leonard one last disapproving glance on Sheldon and Penny's behalf then she keeps walking down the stairs. Leonard sighs sadly as soon as girls leave wishing he hadn't disappointed them all. He doesn't understand how he always ends up being the one that gets in trouble while Sheldon seems to just get away with doing whatever the hell he wants to all the time.

Leonard: "Well this sucks!"

Sheldon goes inside their apartment and puts down the laundry basket on his work desk. Leonard follows him inside feeling sorry for himself again.

Sheldon: "Oh cheer up good buddy. Its, GIANT JENGA time!"

Leonard: "You know what; I'm not really in mood. I'm going to bed."

Sheldon: "But, Leonard we're a team! You can't leave now. You're team captain! GO TEAM SWORDFISH!"

Sheldon throws up his arms in excitement then he makes a fish shape with his hands expecting Leonard to pretend like he has a sword to cut the fish as part of their usual Team Swordfish style handshake.

Leonard: "Stuart's here just play with him. He can be Team captain this time."

Stuart stares at Sheldon nervously not sure if he's up to the task. Sheldon frowns at the both of them. He hates it when Leonard gets all broody and mopey.

Sheldon: "But…he's not been properly vetted for the job!"

Leonard: "It's not a big deal Sheldon. You can take over for me can't you Stuart?"

Stuart: "Uh…I guess so...sure."

Sheldon sighs irritated by this sudden change in leadership of Team Swordfish.

Sheldon: "Hold on a second, how long is the average swordfish?"

Stuart thinks about the answer for a few moments then he quickly responds.

Stuart: "I have no idea, but I brought Swedish Fish and Red Vines with me."

Stuart holds up a box of Red Vines, Sheldon's favorite candy. He sees it and immediately snatches the box up from Stuart.

Sheldon: "Fine! You can be captain. Now go make tea!"

Stuart: "Uh…okay."

Leonard: "Jesus, Sheldon what are you upset about now?"

Sheldon: "It's not for me smarty pants. It's for you. You're obviously upset about Penny and when someone's upset its polite to offer them tea."

Stuart immediately gets up off the couch and heads toward kitchen while Howard and Rajesh roll their eyes at Sheldon for being so rude. Sheldon sits down in his spot and then he yells at Stuart again.

Sheldon: "And since you're up Stuart make me some cocoa please. I'm outraged that Leonard is going to miss out on another classic Team Swordfish victory."

Howard: "Sheldon, he's not your servant! He's a house guest. Be nice!"

Sheldon: "Hey, in order, to be a leader first you must serve. Everyone knows that Howard…well everyone that has a doctorate does anyway."

Howard glares at Sheldon for being so rude to him and to Stuart.

Sheldon: "If Stuart is going to take over captain duties then that makes him responsible for making hot beverages for the entire team."

Leonard: "Whatever, I'm going to take a shower then I'm hitting the sack. See ya!"

He sighs sadly and heads into the bathroom so he can shower and fantasize about Penny wearing glasses. As Leonard leaves Rajesh stares at him and frowns.

Rajesh: "Jeez, what a party pooper!"

Sheldon: "He's probably at another sensitive point in his monthly cycle, either that or Leonard's upset because he's too short to ride Transformers at Universal Studios.

Rajesh nods his head in agreement then he grabs some popcorn to eat.

Sheldon turns on the TV and sets the DVR to start recording the first SHARK WEEK special. Once the Discovery Channel station is set. The guys all gather around the GIANT JENGA set and begin to play their new laser version.

Author's Note: Thanks for reading my story and please stay tuned to find out what happens when the girls start to cut loose at the club.