A/N: Oh man, oh man, oh man. I couldn't stop writing after updating the last chapter. Honestly, I was writing like a crazy person. This chapter was the one I thought of first. Inspired by Shameless, I knew it was going to be smutty so here you are.
PS: I imagine Clarke kissing Lexa just as the bass drops in the song. So while they're talking, the song is starting and then when everything starts going down BOOM, bass drop. Okay, yeah, I'm a dork. Enjoy and let me know what you think! I always love reading comments and responding!
~TGF
B/N: Holy shit, gus! Prepare yourselves for a doozy of an update. Get some ice. That's all I'm saying. ~RK
(10) Shameless – The Weekend
Clarke stood there, staring at the dark, sleek door in front of her. The notches and scratches in the wood were much more interesting than what most likely laid beyond them. She didn't know how long she had been there, standing in the hallway and questioning whether or not she should knock.
Her head ached but her chest ached more. She felt worse than she had at her apartment but still, here she was. She knew Lexa would be just on the other side and they were both a mess. She didn't have anywhere else to go, everyone else was so wrapped up in Raven—like she should be—that her dad wouldn't be at the forefront of their minds. If she went to her friends, they would want her to talk because they knew her better than she knew herself sometimes.
But with Lexa, there wouldn't be any of that talking, not if she shut herself down enough. Lexa wouldn't know about Clarke's dad or how torn up she was about his death. No, Lexa was simple and easy and that was what she needed.
Instead of thinking about it any further, Clarke brought her hand up and knocked firmly before she crossed her arms over her chest and licked at her lips nervously, bouncing on her toes as she waited.
The door swung open and Lexa revealed herself. The brunette was dressed in a pair of sweatpants and the same shirt from the night before, more rumpled albeit. Her hair was strung up into a messy bun and her eyes…well, her eyes were puffy and red. Her lips looked chapped and swollen as if she had been biting at them for hours on end.
"You look like a mess," Clarke blurted out.
Jade eyes rolled as Lexa placed a hand on her hip, the other rested against the door. "Did you come here to make me feel worse?" The comment was meant to be biting, but her voice was raspy and weak from lack of sleep and excessive crying.
"No," Clarke licked her lips, in all honesty she thought Lexa somehow managed to look just as beautiful as ever like this.
"Then what are you doing here?"
The artist opened her mouth to reply but then shut it when she didn't have a response. She glanced away, staring into the darkness of Lexa's apartment. She licked her lips again and squeezed her arms tighter around her as tears pricked her eyes. "I—" she paused before clearing her throat and blinking several times, "I needed to be somewhere else."
"Why?"
"Why have you been crying?" Clarke quirked an eyebrow and stepped forward, close enough to lean against the doorway, but still far enough away that she wasn't invading Lexa's space.
The brunette looked up for a second, her chest rising and falling in a slow, measured breath before her eyes returned to Clarke's. "It doesn't matter."
"Exactly," Clarke breathed, relieved because they were on the same page. She stepped closer and when Lexa didn't back down, she took another step until their chests brushed. Her eyes never deviated from Lexa's, the green just as calming as ever even though they were filled with a turmoil that Clarke didn't understand. Her fingers came up and brushed along the crook of Lexa's elbow lightly as she spoke her next words, "It doesn't matter."
They both surged forward at that, as if trying to keep themselves separated was too hard. Their bodies crashing together was anything but soft. Their lips were hesitant, as if both of them were testing the waters and only tenderly brushed. Once their lip touched though, their kisses grew heated as if neither of them could get enough of each other. Clarke took several large steps in Lexa's direction, swept her thumb over high cheek bones and kissed her harder than before, addicted to the taste of those lips.
Their bodies slammed against the far wall, Clarke's lips and body overpowering Lexa's easily at the sudden onslaught. The breath escaped Lexa in a huff and her shoulder blades flared with pain from the force. Lexa could feel her lips ache as Clarke bit at them, but found herself unable to pull away. The blonde was practically vibrating in front of her, the anger and hurt evident with every rough touch and bruising kiss.
Tears pricked at Lexa's eyes, no matter how much she tried to stop them, she knew she'd hurt the woman before her. Her breath became ragged as Clarke's hands were everywhere at once, yanking vehemently at clothes because she wanted them off. Lexa managed to tear her lips away from Clarke's and suck in a needed gasp of air, but that didn't stop the blonde.
Soft lips trailed down the column of her neck, biting roughly and leaving dark red marks in their trail. Lexa yanked at Clarke's hair and blinked away the tears in her eyes before shoving at her shoulders to gain leverage.
Just as they separated, the blonde's hand came up and pressed hard against Lexa's sternum, keeping her pinned to the wall. The air left her lungs so suddenly she was left gasping, her chest aching. Their eyes met, Lexa's wide with confusion as Clarke's were alight with a fire and something worse, something a little less friendly that Lexa had never seen before.
"No," Clarke growled, firm and clear, her fingers not digging yet insistent against her skin.
This is different, Clarke thought, being with Lexa had meant something to her. Every time they had been together it had made Clarke fall slowly but surely deeper into the web of the brunette's charm and charisma. But she was done now.
This doesn't mean anything.
Lexa gave a firm nod, her chest ached but this was different. She could feel it and knew Clarke was only here for one thing.
As soon as she was given consent, Clarke surged forward again, her fingers unrelenting at stubborn clothes. Her lips were desperate as they moved against Lexa's. The brunette tried to hang on for dear life, considering that was all she could do.
Clarke couldn't take it; Lexa's shirt was yanked over her head just before a pair of lips latched on to her neck roughly. The brunette winced, but slid her fingers underneath Clarke's shirt anyway.
Blunt fingernails bit into the sensitive flesh at the base of her neck and an involuntary groan escaped her lips. Lexa's fingers pressed sharply against Clarke's hips, tight enough to bruise as she pulled away, gasping. Their eyes met for a moment, Clarke's burning an angry, insatiable blue.
A wandering hand slipped over the tight expanse of Lexa's stomach, tracing the contours and lines it found there. Clarke's other hand slid into Lexa's, tangling their fingers together before pinning it above her head.
Lexa squirmed and gasped, her stomach shivering at the light caresses of Clarke's calloused fingers. Her head thumped against the wall as those same fingers made a torturous downward trek towards Lexa's pubic bone.
She pulled away for a second, grabbing Lexa's other hand—which was clutching at the back of her shirt—and pinning it next to her other one. Finally, Clarke used one hand to tightly hold Lexa's wrist above her head. She squeezed hard, a clear indication to keep them there.
"Stay," Clarke growled right in her ear, sending gooseflesh radiating down Lexa's spine. Clarke kept her hand over Lexa's wrists but moved the other one down over the brunette's abdomen and into her sweatpants.
Lexa's eyes squeezed shut and her head rolled back as Clarke's fingers came in contact with the wet patch in between her legs. The blonde bit down on the tense muscles between Lexa's neck and shoulder in warning before pulling away when she elicited a moan.
"Keep your eyes open," she breathed in warning and shoved Lexa's soaked underwear to the side. She delved in, rubbing her fingers through slick, wet folds. Clarke nearly groaned out loud at the feeling. She couldn't help herself, she wanted to consume this woman before her. She wanted to make her a writhing mess of emotions beneath her. She wanted to make Lexa break beneath her touch.
Clarke circled Lexa's clit with her fingers for a moment, testing and teasing. Her tongue explored the cords of muscles along Lexa's neck again, finding the places that made the brunette squirm even more than she already was.
The CEO tried to pull her hands away, her back arching away from the wall when two of Clarke's fingers expertly slid down to her entrance and gathered copious amounts of wetness before plunging forward. Lexa's body felt like it was going to combust it felt so good.
Clarke eagerly thrusted hard and fast, barely giving Lexa any time adjust to the intrusion. But she didn't care, no the stretch and movement of Clarke's talented fingers had her completely lost in bliss. The brunette wanted to close her eyes but she knew what Clarke had said and forced herself to keep them open.
The blonde on the other hand, couldn't take it. She tried to get lost in the feeling of having Lexa at her utter mercy but all she could think about was how much it still hurt. Clarke dipped her head down and rested it in the crook of Lexa's neck, choosing to suck a huge hickey right into the base of her neck.
She thrusted harder, intent on making Lexa sore enough to remember this for a couple of days. Clarke squeezed her wrists, a warning to keep them where they were before letting go. She brought her hand down to Lexa's thigh, lifting it and bringing it around her waist. The change in angle had the brunette twisting her hips and rolling them in time with Clarke's thrusts.
"Fuck, Clarke," the brunette moaned, her hands clasping each other to keep them from grasping at the blonde. She wanted to pull her closer and she really wanted to kiss her like her life depended on it. But this was not the time for that. Now, Clarke was clearly fucking her out of frustration. "Please."
Clarke's buried her fingers deeper as she felt Lexa's walls clench tighter around them, indicating she was getting close. She curled them upwards, searching for the spongy spot that would make the brunette see stars. Lexa kept moving, in search for more and it drove Clarke crazy. She brought her free hand to Lexa's hip, roughly pinning her back against the wall.
Her fingers moved faster, curling at the end of every inward thrust and dragging out slowly every time. Lexa's skin was glistening with sweat and her face was scrunched up in pleasure and concentration as she tried to keep herself from dropping her hands from above her head.
Lexa's walls tightened even more and her heel dug into the back of Clarke's thigh as she got closer to the edge. It felt like a heavy ball was settled in the pit of her stomach, slowly expanding and building in size until Lexa felt as though she was about to burst. Clarke knew how to work over her body so well.
When Clarke added a third finger and brought her thumb over her clit, Lexa saw stars. Her stomach clenched and her entire body went ridged as she cried out, her orgasm crashing over her so unexpectedly she thought she was going to collapse. Her legs felt like Jell-o and if it wasn't for Clarke pinning her hips against the wall she was sure she wouldn't have been able to hold herself up.
Clarke slowed down but didn't stop, rubbing along Lexa's walls until she was too sensitive to allow her to continue. Lexa's hands came down and she lightly shoved against the blonde, unable to take anymore. The artist gave a couple more rubs to her clit before pulling out and pulling far enough away from Lexa to look at her.
They were still tightly pressed against each other. They were sweaty and breathing heavily. Lexa's body felt as though it was on fire still. She wanted Clarke still, but her body was too weak to really do much.
Her hand came up and brushed a sweaty strand of blonde hair away from her lover's neck. It was a tender gesture that made Clarke's stomach clench painfully because it was so different from what they were doing a moment before. They stared at each other though, blue staring intently into tired, dull green.
Lexa's eyes were filled with such a sadness that it pulled at Clarke's heart. They stared at each other and it was like seeing someone they didn't know. They were too different, too intertwined and too bad for each other. Yet here they were.
Tears pricked at Lexa's eyes again, but she didn't want to be weak. She didn't want to cry in front of Clarke, she didn't want to give the woman something to feel bad about. Though she wasn't sure that Clarke would feel bad. Instead she squeezed her eyes shut, laced her fingers through the sweaty baby hairs at the back of Clarke's neck and brought their lips back together in a hungry kiss.
She managed to shove the blonde away from the wall and wander into the living room. Lexa wrestled Clarke's jacket off of her shoulders along with the t-shirt underneath. Her lips and tongue made quick work of tasting her pale skin, enjoying the salty and familiar taste.
The armrest connecting with the back of Clarke's legs, caused her to fall backwards and Lexa's elbow to bite into her ribcage painfully as she fell on top of her, but that didn't deter either of them. Lexa scrambled up the blonde's delectable body to gain the upper hand and pressed their lips together once again. Her nails scraped down the bare, soft curve of Clarke's hip before tugging uselessly at her pants.
They both wanted this more than either of them could admit. It was like finally coming up for air after so long of drowning in the stress of their realities. So much had happened in such a short time that their simple, straightforward physical connection was a necessary relief.
Clarke hated it though. She hated it, but she also loved it. She loved all the complications that came with falling for this complex woman. That didn't mean she wasn't hurt, of course, not by a long shot. But for the moment she could forget about all of that and just feel. She could be selfish and Lexa would give her what she wanted. What she desperately needed.
They separated for another moment as Lexa focused more on the impossible button of Clarke's jeans rather than kissing her. She settled between Clarke's legs and pulled them over her hips and down her thighs. Blue eyes bore holes into her head as she watched Lexa move above her.
The artist wiggled her hips and helped Lexa before leaning up and pressing their lips together again. She managed to get her knees beneath her when the brunette was preoccupied and pressed Lexa back against the other side of the couch until she was hovering above her.
Clarke made quick work of Lexa's bra after untying her hair, allowing it to cascade down her back. The instant she did so, her fingers were tangled in the long, soft tresses. Running them through to smooth it before stretching downward to kiss along Lexa's neck and chest.
Clarke took a moment to marvel at the topless beauty underneath her, enjoying the way her chest fell and rose with every panting breath and the way she squirmed beneath her. The way her cheeks flushed and her eyes avoided Clarke's whenever they met.
Lexa was a nervous lover, one that took a while to open up. She wasn't confident about herself when it came to sex, not always at least. Clarke had learned that early on during their sexual relationship. It grew easier and easier for the brunette to take control every time they were together. But Lexa still liked to go slow, to savor and relish in what she was doing. Sometimes it was frustrating and sometimes it made Clarke feel as though she was being worshipped and praised.
Now, Clarke tried to ignore that and everything good about Lexa besides her attractive body and those ridiculously talented tongue and fingers. She focused on the pleasure points that had the CEO a writhing mess. That spot just below her jaw, her pulse point and her earlobe. It wasn't hard, purely pushing more buttons to bring her back to the threshold of sexual frustration so she would work her over again.
Every time Clarke's teeth scraped over Lexa's carotid artery, she shivered. Every pass of Clarke's damnably teasing fingers over her pelvic bone had her stomach spasming. Clarke loved teasing her, the way she responded could be so violent and explosive it was hard to resist being mesmerized.
Heat was radiating through Lexa's body, straight in between her legs until she was throbbing once again. Her previous orgasm had made it easy to rile her up all over again. But Clarke wasn't making any move to continue. Her lips nipped playfully at her neck, peppering light red marks along it that would fade within the next couple of hours.
Clarke's nose brushed along Lexa's neck, "What do you want?" Her voice was raspy with need.
Lexa opened her mouth, but before she could respond a firm thigh was pressed between her legs at the perfect angle and the only thing that escaped was a moan.
"What was that?" Clarke eased the pressure, but brought her fingers up to tease at one of Lexa's pebbled nipples.
Lexa gasped and squirmed, "You. Please, God, you. Again."
Clarke smirked at that, taking sadistic pleasure in getting this woman to say she wanted her in the living room she shared with her girlfriend. It was petty and childish, but a swell of pride spread through her chest. She hooked her fingers into the waistband of Lexa's pants, pulling them down and off as quickly as possible before reassuming her position between spread legs.
The brunette was clad in a pair of simple silky black underwear that were soaked in the crotch area. It was most definitely Clarke's fault that she ruined such a nice pair of underwear but she wanted more. Clarke brought her hand down and traced her fingers over the wet spot once again. She dipped her head and took one of Lexa's peaks deep into her mouth, lavishing it with her tongue and nipping it with the edge of her teeth.
Lexa arched into her instantly, her hands flying into golden tresses to hold Clarke's mouth where it is. Warm skin against hers, Clarke curved her hand around to Lexa's lower back, holding their bodies tighter together. She used her free hand to lightly twist and tease at the other peak, enjoying the moans and whimpers her movements elicit.
"Clarke, please," Lexa whined before devolving into a whimpering mess when attention was only switched to the other breast.
The blonde didn't let up and Lexa's core grew hot so quickly she thought she was going to spontaneously combust. She tried to clear her head as Clarke let go of her nipple and started sucking a hickey into a spot just along her ribcage. Her fingers yanked at blonde hair, trying to pull her away for a quick moment to gain the upper hand, but failing miserably.
When the artist finally allowed Lexa to coax her back up her body, Lexa switched their position in an expertly maneuvered flip. She didn't miss a beat as her lips and tongue found homage along Clarke's chest, the taste of her skin tinged with salt. Her fingers trailed around to Clarke's bra, unclasping it and pulling it off the blonde in a quick motion.
Before Clarke could begin to protest at the shift in power, Lexa's fingers are in her underwear. They delve between slick folds, finding an inexplicably large amount of wetness that makes Lexa's stomach clench with desire. Her fingers completely soaked, Lexa skated along Clarke's slit before climbing back up, avoiding her clit.
Clarke groaned, arching into the brunette's touch. "Fuck."
Two of Lexa's fingers traced around her entrance, teasing it as Lexa enjoyed the expressions flickering across Clarke's face. Her eyes were shut tightly and her teeth dug into her lower lip, whenever she wasn't whimpering, moaning or whining indistinguishable words of pleasure and want.
After several long moments of the chasing game and Lexa enraptured by the blonde's expressions, Clarke snapped. "Fuck, please, Lexa. Please."
"Please what?" Even though Lexa wanted to let everything go, all of the confusion and anger and feelings for Clarke and for Costia, she wanted to let it all escape and pour it into doing something. And Clarke wasn't going to easily get away with this. She had already given Clarke what she wanted, now it was her turn.
She didn't know what she was doing anymore, she only knew that she had wanted Costia and now she wanted a woman she wouldn't be able to have because she'd hurt her.
"Fuck me, please." Clarke's voice was breathless and cracked slightly over the last syllable because Lexa's fingers were already sliding into her. The blonde was so wet, there was little resistance, just welcoming warmth around her fingers. It elicited a groan before she took off, setting a brutal pace plunging in and out of her.
All of her emotion spilled forth as she curved her fingers in just the right way, searching for the spot that would drive Clarke crazy. She knew it and she knew it well, having come to crave the reactions it caused.
Clarke's words didn't come after that. They were just breathless moans and whimpers along with the occasional, mumbled 'more'. Lexa never stopped moving though. She sought out the places she knew would make Clarke scream with her mouth. She bit at sensitive flesh, then moved downward, fingers rubbing and thrusting along the way.
With every movement, Clarke got closer. Her eyes were squeezed tightly shut and her hips arched towards Lexa's fingers. Sharp jolts of heat and pleasure radiated through her abdomen causing the muscles to clench. Her fingers tangled in Lexa's hair, pulling and guiding the brunette to the most pleasant places.
It was mere minutes before Clarke was closing in on the peak of her orgasm. She could feel it building, slowly and surely—like an earthshaking wave of bliss. Her fingers tightened in Lexa's curls as her walls clenched around those long expert digits. She yanked the older woman up, crushing their lips together just as those fingers curled into just the right spot and she was sent plummeting in heavenly oblivion.
Clarke cried out into Lexa's mouth as she continued moving, but at a much slower pace. The kiss is soft, softer than hers had been as she comes down from her high. Slowly, her body uncoils from its tension and melts underneath Lexa. The brunette withdraws her fingers and their bodies relax against each other.
Their lips separated and their eyes met for a split second before Clarke dipped down and nipped along the column of Lexa's neck. Her calloused fingers caught along the curved, clenching muscles of the brunette's oblique. Clarke pressed against her skin, softly urging the woman above her off and into a standing position.
She followed quickly after her, cupping the side of her face and connecting their lips in another searing kiss. It rekindled the flames, their blood boiling in their veins and Clarke felt ready for more almost instantly.
Lexa guided them backwards, towards her bedroom. Clarke's hands roamed over her skin, grabbing roughly and possessively at her ass. The next thing she knew, Clarke was picking her up and she was being slammed against another wall. Her legs instinctively wrapping around rounded hips and her hands grasping at broad shoulders.
She squeaked, but it was drowned out by Clarke's tongue invading her mouth once again. She dominated it, easily taking control over Lexa and turning her into a mess of arousal and need. The blonde's nails raked over her sides again, sending burning trails of pleasure pain spreading through her.
Clarke grasped at the underside of Lexa's thighs, taking most of her weight into her arms. She moved away from the wall, stumbling down the hallway and towards the general direction of Lexa's bedroom.
The brunette reached out to her left, grabbing at the door handle as Clarke kissed down her neck again. She knew it would be bruised by the time they were finished, but at this point, she really didn't care. All she wanted was Clarke all over her. When they stopped their forward progression, Clarke lost in the feeling and taste of Lexa's bare skin, she turned and allowed the older woman to twist the door open and Lexa nearly fell backwards out of Clarke's arms as she stumbled forward.
Clarke laid her out on the bed, moving down the brunette's chest and lavishing her breasts with as much attention as she could until she was urged lower. She slowed down then, kissing over firm abdominal muscles and introducing tongue and teeth where needed. Lexa's stomach was sensitive and Clarke was easily entertained, watching and feeling the muscles flutter and jump beneath her skin was one thing Clarke could spend all day doing.
Quit it, she told herself, moving lower and hooking her fingers into Lexa's underwear as she fell to her knees, you're here for a reason. Her gaze trailed up the tanned curves and sharp edges of Lexa's body. She was lying flat on her back, breasts perking up on her chest and nipples tight points on the top. Her rest rose and fell with heavy breaths, accentuating the sculpted abs with every inhale.
There was no denying that Lexa Woods was a work of art Clarke would love to get the chance to paint. Her fingers itched to grab a sketch pad and capture this absolutely divine image before her. But she was here purely to ravage the woman before her, not get sentimental.
At Clarke's hesitation, Lexa glanced up in confusion. When their eyes met, green darkened with lust at seeing Clarke looking at her that way. The way she did sometimes when she thought she wasn't being watched. With such inexplicable adoration that it made Lexa's cheeks tinge red.
After a moment, Clarke finished discarding black underwear and pushed Lexa's legs apart. Her head dipped down and her tongue delved into the juncture between toned thighs.
Clarke felt dirty, lying in Lexa's bed, most likely on her girlfriend's side of the bed. This had been a horrible idea. A moment of weak, stupidity that she was going to regret along with a dozen other things in her life.
Lexa laid on her side, facing Clarke but her eyes were closed. She looked too at peace, especially with all the unspoken words still between them. Maybe they had worn each other out, but still, Clarke's brain was incredibly active and constantly rolling through unhealthy thoughts.
"I should go," she muttered, knowing Lexa wasn't completely asleep. Before the brunette could respond, she was up and grabbing for her underwear that had been tossed onto the floor. She pulled them on and was in search of her bra when Lexa moved to intercept her.
The brunette had pulled on a loose-fitting shirt that had been hanging off the dresser to cover up her nakedness. She lightly touched Clarke's shoulder as the blonde began clasping her bra on.
"You don't have to," she breathed, her voice soft and vulnerable as she spoke.
Clarke froze and tensed, rolling her eyes up towards the ceiling in frustration. She was too adept at giving Lexa whatever she wanted, especially when it was the complete opposite of what she needed. She finished putting her bra on and braced herself, "I don't think that's a good idea. I have somewhere to be."
"Clarke, please," Lexa's voice cracked for a split second. "Stay."
The blonde turned sharply, taking several steps forward and backing Lexa towards the dresser. "Why should I? After everything that's happened."
Lexa's breath hitched, but her eyes were the size of saucers and glistening with unshed tears and emotions. They had always been so expressive and easy to read for Clarke but right now, she couldn't be distracted by them.
"Please?" Lexa swallowed and licked her lips, looking past Clarke at something behind her. "Costia and I…we're over. It's over."
That shocked Clarke enough to make her pause. Her eyes searched Lexa's for any sign of a lie but when she found none she recoiled, stepping back. Maybe a spark of hope lit in her stomach, simmering into a warmth that spread through her body but she tried to tamp it down. She had gotten her hopes up too many times already.
She schooled her features and straightened her back, attempting to look as dignified and aloof as possible in just her underwear. Infusing as much venom into her words as possible, she said, "What makes you think I care?"
Clarke whipped around, not wanting to discuss anything else. She hastily entered the living room and scooped her pants off the floor by the couch, pulling them on and buttoning them. Her shirt was next but she could hear Lexa's footsteps following her and knew this wasn't over. She managed to pull the t-shirt over her head when Lexa yanked at her arm and pulled her so they were face to face.
Green eyes bore into blue, utter conviction and ferocity written on her face but her words were soft, "If you didn't care, you wouldn't have come here."
"I don't care," she tried to keep her voice steady, but even she could hear it shake.
"What about last night?"
"I was drunk and with my friends."
"The song?"
"It didn't mean anything."
"Yes it did," each word was emphasized with a slow articulation, as if Lexa had already convinced herself and needed Clarke to admit it as well.
Something snapped inside of Clarke, something that had been building up over months and months of their relationship. Her heart leapt in her chest and heat spread through her body, a fire igniting in her blood. She pushed Lexa back, advancing on her once again. "Of course I care, Lexa! You know I care! I've cared more than you could possibly imagine! You were just too wrapped up in yourself to notice how fucked up we are."
Lexa licked her lips, taken aback by the sudden attack. "I'm sorry."
"That's not good enough," Clarke growled, moving to step around the woman before her. The woman that had made her life a complicated mess for far too long. "I have to go."
Lexa couldn't let her leave; she physically could not take them separating on this horrible note. Her heart clenched and dropped into her stomach, but she reached out anyway, stopping Clarke in her tracks once again. "Please tell me there's something I can do."
Her eyes were pleading and Clarke couldn't look away. She opened her mouth to bite back a response, maybe something about never wanting to see Lexa again. But that was a lie. She wanted to see her every day, no matter how much it hurt.
"Please," Lexa insisted, bringing them closer together. "I have feelings for you, Clarke. I care about you more than I've ever cared about anyone. You're like a whirlwind of carefree and creativity I've never been capable of handling. You open my eyes to new ideas and make me think about things differently. I know I've hurt you and I know I can't change that. But let me prove to you that I can be here for you." When she couldn't tell if her words were getting through, she knew she had to take the leap. She had to put everything out there and tell Clarke exactly how she felt.
"Clarke," she began, sucking in a deep breath, "I'm falling in love with you. I have been for a while now and it took me too long to realize it. I'm sorry for everything I've done. Is there anything I can do? Just tell me." Her eyes clouded with tears and Clark's face blurred in her vision.
Clarke's heart stopped in her chest before resuming at a much faster pace. Her mind went blank and she blinked. This could not possibly be happening right now. This might have been something she would have been happy to hear months ago, when they had first started out and she had been happily oblivious to Costia's existence. But now was not then and Clarke couldn't just accept it.
She shook her head vehemently, denying that Lexa had even fathomed saying those words. She took several steps back, nearly tripping over her own shoes in the process. "No."
"I'm sorry, Clarke." Lexa reached out to touch her, but the blonde jerked away.
"Don't," she stuttered, "I can't believe you just said that." She brought her hands to her face and rubbed her eyes to stop the tears threatening to spill forth. "I need to leave. Now. Like right now." She reached for her jacket and couldn't get to the front door fast enough. Her fingers hovered over the doorknob as she paused.
Lexa hadn't followed her; she could leave just as quickly as she had come. But something stopped her from making that final move. From closing the door on them and their potential forever.
"Lexa?" She called, turning back around and facing the direction of the living room. She couldn't see the brunette, but she knew she was there.
"Yeah?" She turned around the corner, face flushed and eyes red-rimmed but dry of tears. She ran a hand through her hair, looking vulnerable and heartbroken before laying her eyes on Clarke.
Clarke closed her eyes, hating herself for saying her next words but unable to resist. "Are you sure?"
"Yes," was her instant response. "I'm sure."
"Three months, then. Give me three months and maybe I can find a way to forgive you," she finally opened her eyes and settled her breathing. "And forgive myself."
"Okay," the single word was tinged with multiple questions.
"Remember the park?"
"The fountain?"
"Yeah," Clarke nodded and leaned back against the door, ready to pull it open.
"Three months?" Lexa questioned, not fully believing that she was actually getting a chance. She thought she'd wrecked this, like she'd done with most things in her life as of late. But no, Clarke was giving her one more chance.
"Three months."