Two things woke Jane Rizzoli on that Tuesday morning, the one that ripped her from her slumber was the undeniable fact that she had kissed her best friend, the most fleeting of contact really and yet one she feared had changed everything.
it was a fact of her life now and one that was starting to haunt her. In her conscious moments, she could taste Maura's skin, the gentle coat of sweat mixed with the warm and spicy lip gloss she always wore. In her unconscious moments, not that she had found many of those that night, her mind toyed with her, played the 'what if' game. What if you'd deepened the kiss; in her dream she'd pulled Maura closer, squeezing out all the air between them until there was nothing but the crush of their bodies, her hands settling on Maura's waist as she tentatively brushed her tongue along the doctors top lip, a ginger request for entrance. What if Maura had allowed it, her own hands exploring the well-defined landscape of Jane's back, well-manicured nails digging into the thin fabric of her top as they dragged down her back?
What if she didn't? More than once, Jane had awoken in the night, her heart hammering wildly in her chest, tipping her towards panic.
it was this that ripped her from sleep. Brushing long strands of hair from her eyes, Jane was suddenly aware of a second hammering, one that matched the frantic beat of her heart. Only this one came from the front door rather than her chest. Getting slowly to her feet, the successes of the previous day fell like snow, unnoticed, as the familiar taste of bile burnt the back of her throat.
The hall from her bedroom to the door seemed impossibly long and yet her feet continued to carry her forward, seemingly unaware of the meltdown happening above.
"Who is it?" she called, amazed by how normal she sounded when she could feel her entire body giving up on her.
"UPS ma'am." A gentle voice replied from behind the thick wood. "Your neighbour said you'd take in a parcel." Jane scrunched up her face and reached for the chain, watching her fingers shake and fumble with the simple metal. Pulling her hand back, she slapped herself viciously on the cheeks, the sting clearing her mind just enough for her to pull the door open and sign for the box. If the young man stood before her had been surprised by the dishevelled woman, her grey tank half ridden up, exposing both her simple black panties and angry bullet scar, he had enough sense not to stare.
"Thank you ma'am.." he smiled at her warmly before turning and leaving. Jane slammed the door and for the first time in two days, gave herself over to panic.
-/-
With a soy latte in hand, Maura isles found a seat in a quiet corner of '911' and slumped silently at the table, her usual concerns over cleanliness all but forgotten as she struggled to work out the best course of action. Despite her many academic achievements, nothing had prepared her for falling on love with her best friend. There was no study she could refer to that told her the best way to deal with it, tell her what to say. Yes, she'd had sexual encounters, even relationships with other women, but she'd always known in advance that they would end up in a physical place, there was nothing at all in her past that equipped her for what she was about to face.
As if on autopilot, she had gotten ready for the day, driving over to Jane's neighbourhood without even checking the time. It was only when the 8am news report blared into the car that she'd realised how early it was. Returning to the 'scene of the crime' as it were, did nothing to quell the confusion and hop that fought within her.
"Erm…. Hi." A soft voice cut into her reverie andmaura looked up, surprised to find a woman of no more than twenty standing before her, shifting nervously on her feet.
"hello." Maura replied, grateful for the distraction. "May I help you?"
The young woman smiled, "May I sit with you, just for a few minutes." The blush that ran across her face reminded Maura a lot of herself at that age, nervous, and a tad too polite to fit in with her peer group. "I am meeting a friend and I'm early you see." The girl explained with a weak smile, "And there is a very peculiar man who keeps asking me bizarre questions that I'm not entirely sure are appropriate…. Or even in English"
Maura nodded slowly, gesturing for her to sit.
"Thank you so much." The girl curled herself into the chair, one long leg bending up so, should she wish, she could rest her chin on her knee. "I'm Louise Steinman." She extended a hand slowly, "My friends call me Lou." Maura shook the coffee warmed hand gently. "Maura."
Lou seemed to consider this new information before nodding in admiration. "Maura?"" she rolled the name in her mouth carefully, deciding on its flavour. "I like it."
Maura grinned, very few people ever commented on her name, and even fewer voice a preference for it. "So Maura, you look like a woman with a dilemma." It was phrased as a simple fact and Maura felt the blush run across her cheeks. If she couldn't hide her feelings from a stranger, there was no way she could hide from Jane.
"Care to share?" Lou asked as she sipped her coffee slowly, regarding the doctor with inquisitive blue eyes.
"I really don't want to burden anyone." Maura began, "But I do appear to find myself in a bit of a quandary." In that moment, she hated her inability to lie efficiently.
"Love or work?" Lou asked, leaning back against the wooden chair as she tipped another sachet of sugar into her drink.
"I think I'm in love with my best friend." Maura sighed heavily, the words now free from her lips and dancing around the café, taunting her. "Yesterday we kissed." She couldn't' stop them escaping, "but I know that, well I'm the only one who…" Realising that she didn't actually know anything, Maura returned her focus to the foam on her coffee.
"So, why did your friend kiss you then, if they don't feel the same?" Lou had picked up in the small detail Maura had deliberately left out.
Snapping her eyes up, she smiled. There was an intelligence in those sparkling blue eyes that far surpassed the young woman's years.
"I would venture it was a mix of elation, adrenaline a, endorphins and testosterone." Maura offered eventually.
"And this friend…" Lou continued, as if Maura's explanation made perfect sense. "Has she kissed you before?" Maura shook her head, avoiding the gaze of the curious stranger. "And does she know you're into her?"
Maura pondered the question, a frown creasing her brow and knitting soft freckles together. She found it hard to believe that Jane wouldn't notice even though she had given the doctor no indication she was aware of Maura's increased feelings, although when it came to romantic interests, Jane was often completely unaware of a person's desire to date her.
"I don't believe so." Maura paused, playing back any event that could lead her to the conclusion she wanted. "I just don't know what to do." She admitted finally.
Lou seemed to pause, meeting the wet hazel eyes of the woman before her and holding her gaze longer than felt comfortable. "Wanna know what I'd do?" Maura nodded. An impartial opinion couldn't hurt.
"If she's that good a friend, she's gonna love you no matter what, right?" Lou tipped yet more sugar into her drink and stirred it slowly. "The only question you need to ask…" she paused, almost as if providing dramatic effect and sending Maura to the edge of her seat.
"What is the question?" Maura's usual saint like patience abandoned her.
Lou smiled thoughtfully as she took a long drink. "Could you live knowing you might have let the best thing in your life walk away because you were too scared to take a risk?"
"Lou!" a voice snapped both women from the question that fell to the table between them and Lou turned.
"That's my friend." She smiled sadly. "I should go." The younger woman uncurled herself from the chair and tossed her cup into the trashcan.
"Lou?" she stopped, waiting. "Thank you for your advice."
"You're real welcome." Lou beamed at her, "Good luck with your friend. Invite me to the wedding ok?" she laughed warmly as she trotted towards her friend and out of Maura's life forever.
Draining the rest of her coffee, Maura glanced at the clock on the wall. Almost 10am. Collecting herself, she got to her feet and threw the empty container in the bin. 'I'm coming Jane Rizzoli' she thought, 'I hope you're ready.'
-/-
"I got you a hideously over sugared confection." Maura called as she pushed open Jane's front door and tripped instantly over a large box. "Are we doing an assault course today?"
Jane appeared from the bedroom, her hair pulled back in a loose ponytail.
"Maura?" she seemed surprised to see the doctor, despite having made the arrangements herself. "Ooh, what'd ya get me?" she danced around the doctor; if she was feeling awkward about the previous day's events, she was hiding well.
"An all butter chocolate croissant." Maura sighed as she handed the bag over to the dancing detective. "You know it's all empty calories, you'll have a sugar crash in about an hour and a half."
Jane rolled her eyes as she bit into the pastry, delighted moans escaping her lips and blowing a shower of fine crumbs into the air. Maura shook her head but couldn't hide the smile that crept onto her lips. Jane had dealt with the previous day, she could see in her demeanour that the phone call had been enough to help her compartmentalise whatever had been happening with her and store it away, probably to never see the light of day again. And so, she would too.
"What we doing today?" Jane asked, sending another shower of crumbs spilling onto her t shirt, sending Maura scurrying for a plate.
"Something a little trickier than yesterday." She slipped the crockery under her friends chin, and nodding for Jane to hold onto it.
'Trickier?' Jane thought as she took the plate. 'Trickier than confusing the shit outta myself by kissing my best friend?'
"Yeah, like what?" she offered finally, settling the plate on the counter and watching Maura with concerned eyes.
Maura grinned at her. "You have choices." She told her proudly. "I'm going to let you decide.
Jane grinned playfully. 'I'd like to go running some more with you.' She thought. 'No, I'd like to kiss you some more.'
"What are my options then?" Jane asked, her impatience quick to surface.
"Well, you won't like either one." It was a simple fact. "But given how well you did yesterday…" she paused, glancing quickly at Jane for any signs of discomfort before continuing when she saw none. "You may either, go grocery shopping with me."
Jane felt her stomach flip violently. "Or?" she hoped the second option was easier.
"Or." Maura smiled. "You can stay home…."
"I'll take that one!" Jane grinned at her.
"And clean your service revolver."
All of the colour flooded from Jane's face along with the strength in her knees. She sat heavily at the counter and reached for the pad she kept by the fruit dish.
"I'll start writing a list then."