Chapter Ten

A/N: First of all, a note for Annie – you are such an inspiration for offering your skills to the victims of the Grenfell tower blaze. Your message on the last chapter really moved me – it was an amazing gesture for you to make, and I am so grateful. Thank you!

Secondly, I'm very sorry for the delay in the appearance of this chapter. Various things conspired to keep me away. Thanks to anyone still willing to read, and thanks for the reviews I've had up until this point, they have been so lovely and very, very much appreciated.

The idea of seeing her again, face-to-face instead of through the medium of a PADD screen, was strange. Chakotay spent the fourteen hours between Janeway's surprise call and the shuttle's arrival trying not to let the meaning of both the visit and that short, unexpected and somewhat cryptic conversation crowd his thoughts. He attempted not to let himself over-analyse her brief words (Neutral ground. She'd used the term neutral ground, a phrase more suited to a battleground truce than- what…?), trying instead to focus on organizing the necessaries for the Captain's visit.

The Ellenial were ecstatic (Though when weren't they?) about Janeway's decision to join them, fussing over the correct way to welcome her from the shuttle and insisting that Chakotay approve their choice of rooms for her suite. He'd been on the verge of telling them that he was fairly sure the Captain of Voyager would find whatever accommodations their hosts gave her perfectly adequate without the need for further thought or discussion. Then he'd realised that the suite the Ellenial had chosen was directly beside his own and the words had somehow died in his throat. Chakotay had walked around the open, airy, stone-carved space – which was furnished, as his own rooms were, in tones of sand and gold – and had known that Kathryn would love it. The Ellenial followed the forms of nature rather than imposing their own requirements on their surroundings, but the caves they inhabited were anything but primitive. He knew, without even asking, that Kathryn Janeway would find it fascinating to directly experience a culture so scientifically advanced, knowing they had managed to reach that advancement without disturbing their natural environment.

Chakotay stood looking out from the balcony of what would be her rooms, wishing that he could grant Kathryn a week or more here. It would have done her good, he realised, wondering why Janeway hadn't considered herself for this assignment in the first place. He knew the answer as soon as the thought had entered his head and it came to him accompanied by a pang of guilt that he hadn't even questioned her decision. It was the Captain's job to stay with the ship.

Yet she is coming here now, a voice whispered to him. Neutral ground. Why does she need-

"Commander Chakotay? Is everything to your satisfaction?"

Chakotay turned to his Ellenial companion – Abbas, a tall, willowy woman with hair with the colour and sheen of polished copper above faintly unsettling violet eyes - with a smile. "Absolutely."

"Do you think Captain Janeway will be comfortable here? We are eager for her stay to be a pleasant one, especially since it is to be so short. If there is anything else you can think of that would aid that pursuit…" Abbas spread her hands, long fingers extended, "please do let me know."

As Chakotay cast another glance around the rooms, a thought occurred to him, absurd enough to make him smile at himself. His companion caught the expression.

"Commander?" Abbas prompted, her head tilted attentively. "You've thought of something, I see."

He shook his head. "A daft notion, Abbas, and one to ignore."

"No – please. If we can accommodate you or your captain, it would give us great pleasure, however… daft… the notion."

Chakotay hesitated, then glanced around the suite again. "I've seen some of your people with a creature called a jot," he began.

Abbas beamed. "Yes, commander. They are wonderful animals, very loving, very loyal. We keep them as pets. I have one myself."

He nodded. "There are similar such animals on Captain Janeway's home planet. I know that she misses her own," he paused, knowing how ridiculous the request he was about to make would sound. He needn't have worried, however. Abbas had already seen what he was about to ask.

"Say no more," the Ellenial said, resting one hand on his arm with another gleaming smile. "My own jot Tanna has just weaned her latest litter. I am sure she will lend your Captain one of her jotlings for the short days of her stay. And it will get my children used to letting them go: I suspect they would like to keep all of them, which we definitely cannot."

Chakotay smiled. "Thank you, Abbas. You are very kind."

"Not at all, Commander. We all wish there was more we could do to aid you and your crew. We praise your bravery and are amazed by your determination. The whole of Ellenia has been caught by the romantic tale of Voyager's long journey home."

Chakotay glanced away. "There's not often much romance to it."

Abbas tilted her head, acknowledging the point. "And so every opportunity for respite offered is one to grasp with both hands, is it not?"

He smiled. "You're right, of course. In my duties as first officer, I try to get the crew to take exactly that attitude."

"But not so with Captain Janeway?"

"She has great responsibilities and feels them keenly. Time… is not often her friend."

Abbas returned his smile. "Then I am even more pleased that she has decided to join us. I think she must be a remarkable woman, your Captain Janeway. I am beyond honoured that I will have a chance to meet her."

Later, as the shuttle came into land, Chakotay stood between B'Elanna and Abbas amid a larger knot of Ellenial dignitaries. Paris and Janeway came into view, heads and shoulders small in the cockpit, just visible through the craft's viewscreen. He clasped his hands behind his back, standing somewhat to attention. Beside him, he felt B'Elanna shift, too, and realised that this awkwardness he felt was shared, though perhaps for different reasons.

How would she look at him, in that first glance? He knew her well enough to be sure that whatever personal issues she may want to address would be buried deep beneath the façade of her professionalism, at least at this particular juncture. Nonetheless, Chakotay wondered which Janeway he was about to be confronted with. Would it be the one with whom he had so unexpectedly become reacquainted by distance? Or the one that time had taken from him with a creeping brutality that he had – and he now readily admitted this to himself – been quietly complicit in accepting?

Would he be able to read her intentions from one look, as he had so often before? And if he could, what would he see there?

Abbas was the first to step forward as the shuttle's hatch opened. Her greeting was effusive, an enthusiasm the Captain took in her stride and returned with a warm smile and a bright look that belied the curl Chakotay saw in her fingers. She was tense about something, he could tell, however well she was hiding it from everyone else.

When she turned towards him, he knew what it was.

Him.

They had no time to talk, at least not purely between themselves. What discussions they had were concerning progress and logistics. Chakotay would have expected nothing less and would have been worried to receive anything more from the commanding officer he knew so well. Janeway launched into work with B'Elanna on the Elennial systems with barely a space to draw breath, yet still somehow managed to accommodate the stream of Ellenial visitors eager to meet and talk with her. Chakotay, meanwhile, acquainted Paris with an equivalent officer in the Elennial air force and then continued his role as he had since the team from Voyager had first arrived.

He watched Janeway from across the room in which they both worked, the way he had watched her in those early days on Voyager's bridge. Learning her anew, despite there being every indication that nothing had changed. What had you been expecting? he asked himself, and was unsurprised that his answer was Exactly this. To work as we have always worked. To know each other, while not knowing.

Yet something was different. He sensed it, though her face was turned away from him and her attention was firmly on the task at hand.

No, not something different, his mind supplied, correcting him. Something returned.

He knew it for sure when, as he passed her a PADD she had asked for, their hands brushed together. It was just barely a touch of skin against skin, but in its aftermath he felt something that he hadn't felt in years, a frisson skating between them, a spark no less electric for its strange familiarity. She hesitated, just for a second, glancing up at him so quickly, so briefly, that it would have been easy to discount as nothing. Perhaps, just weeks ago, it would have been.

But still, they had no time alone in which such things could be discussed, and Kathryn showed no indication of any desire to find any. The working day segued into more meetings and then seamlessly on into the Ellenial's great feast. Chakotay watched his Captain, pleased to see her enjoyment, gradually resigning himself to the fact that this was it. This was as close to a conversation as they were going to get, this quiet, side-by-side companionship, a return to a past period in their dual journey before bitterness had obscured their path. It was enough, he decided, and besides, it was better than he had hoped for.

Distance had apparently reminded each of them of what they'd had, once, of the value of it, the importance, and that was a precious enough thing to regain. Asking for more, Chakotay recognised, would be a mistake. Their circumstances aboard Voyager had not changed. Neither had Kathryn's character, nor her determination to put the ship first. He knew her. He knew her so well that whatever words to this effect she could have used in speech would surely be redundant, and he had no intention of putting her through the strain of actually having to say them.

They were on neutral ground and had signed a silent truce. Distance had begun to heal them. Let time now continue it.

They walked back to their quarters together. Kathryn had yet to visit hers: Abbas had offered her a tour, but in true Janeway style she had wanted to prioritise work and had merely asked for the coordinates so that she could beam a fresh set of clothes from the shuttle. It had made him smile, the fact that what he'd assumed of her when asked had been so true – in Kathryn's mind, the circumstances of her brief stay were inconsequential. She wasn't the type of Captain to demand luxury, however much she might enjoy it when it was voluntarily presented.

Silence reigned between them, companionable and yet with something unspoken at its edges. At one point Kathryn paused – a falter in her step accompanied by a quick look cast in his direction – and Chakotay had the sense that there was something she wanted to say. Whatever it was, she reigned it in. They continued on, though the silence now had a pensive, heavy quality to it, so pregnant that when they reached her door Chakotay decided to give her one last opportunity to speak.

"This is you," he said, indicating the door.

She looked up at him, and in that instant he was struck by so many memories of her in this same position, one overlaying another overlaying another. Years of her looking up at him, her face tilted to meet his eye: that first time she had lifted her chin in the face of his Maquis anger; of her standing before him in a nightgown with a ruined brownie at her feet; with anger during the countless times they had argued; with shock as she noted that his attention had wandered to her bare shoulder; with despair; with determination; with defiance; so many times with the laughter he loved so much to hear, that smile; with fury; with resignation – too many instances to count, and he had missed it, he realised now, with a ferocity that could have stopped his heart.

"I'm glad you came, Captain," he told her, softly. "I hope you think it was worth the long journey."

Her gaze dropped to his chest. He wondered what she was thinking, what words she was processing in that complicated mind.

"It was," she said, eventually, looking back up at him with bright eyes. "This is a fascinating planet, and the Elennial have an extraordinary culture. Thank you, Chakotay – for telling me to come."

There was a brief silence and he felt it again, the same pulse of electricity that had passed between them earlier in the day and before that, through the PADD screen.

"Kathryn-"

"Chakotay-"

Their names stumbled over each other, tangling together and falling into the quiet chasm between them that, despite everything, Chakotay found he wanted to lean across. He wanted to trace that electric link between them back to its source. Could she see it in his eyes, the kiss he was contemplating at that moment? Could she read him as well now as she had on that night years ago when she'd been the one to close the gap? But they had come this far on the path back towards each other. To jeopardise it now…

What had she said during that blur of a call? He'd focused on 'neutral ground', but it hadn't been the only thing she'd said, had it? Sometimes 'I can't' means, 'I don't know how'. So should he push it? Should he be the one to-

"I – should get some rest," Janeway said, her voice a husk, a whisper. "It's been a long day, and tomorrow will be more of the same. For you too, I'm sure. Goodnight, Commander."

Too late. Either way, too late.

Chakotay smiled. "Goodnight, Captain," he said, softly. "Sleep well."

She closed her door behind her and seconds later he was doing the same. The sound of the ocean rolled through the open doors that lead to his balcony. Chakotay shut his eyes, levelling his breathing. After a moment he opened them again, and walked into the calm of the room. He unzipped his uniform jacket and pulled off his tank top until only his t-shirt remained. He stood, quietly, trying to let it all drift away with the salt on the cool breeze.

There was a knock at his door.

It took him a moment to respond. Then he dropped his discarded clothing on the bed and went to answer it.

Kathryn Janeway was standing on his threshold with a leggy bundle of brown fur in her arms. It took him a moment to remember the jotling that Abbas had promised. The creature stirred, lifting a small head to look at him with bright, dark eyes above a tiny blunt snout. It looked for all the world like a puppy. Janeway looked up at him with an unreadable expression.

"This was you," she said, her voice rough. "This was you."

He didn't know what to say, suddenly fearful that what he'd thought might bring her a modicum of joy had in fact provided something entirely different and completely unwelcome.

"Abbas wanted to know what might make your stay more pleasant," he told her, "and this was what sprang into my mind. But I can get her to take it back."

Janeway looked down at the animal for a moment. Then she looked away down the corridor, nodding, her jaw tensing and releasing as if she were trying to work out what to say. Then she looked up at him again.

"Can I come in?"

[TBC]