Disclaimer: Doc Martin is the property of Buffalo Pictures. I own nothing except my overactive imagination

The Gravel Road

Chapter 10

Louisa sat with Martin on the bed and listened intently as he started to speak.

"I won't bore you with all the details, but suffice to say I didn't have a particularly happy childhood. I didn't enjoy my time at any of the boarding schools I was sent to. The only respite was when I spent my summers at Joan's, but even that stopped when I was about ten years old. No one explained why, so I assumed it was something that I'd done, or that I was too much trouble, especially as I frequently wet the bed. I only discovered fairly recently that my father had found out that Joan was having an affair and he didn't approve, so to punish her he stopped sending me down, not caring that it also punished me."

Louisa had gathered from what little Martin had told her about his upbringing that it hadn't exactly been a loving family environment. And the fact that he had refused point blank to even consider inviting his parents to their wedding had confirmed to her that they were not a close family.

"It wasn't until I went to Medical School that I finally felt as if I'd found my place in the world, somewhere where I belonged, where I fitted in. I was no longer a square peg in a round hole. I was still considered somewhat odd, but I was surrounded by other people who were equally fascinated by all things medical, and as I was a brilliant student and excelled in all areas, I was accepted and respected."

Louisa realised that Martin wasn't boasting, merely stating a fact.

"And that's where I met Edith. She too was a brilliant student, and we used to compete for top place in exams. It wasn't long before we started studying together because we had so much in common and our minds were so similar, with our shared love of medicine and science. It was such a new experience for me, to have a friend, a companion, someone that I could talk to on the same level, unlike school where I was always considered a loner and an oddball. We very soon became a couple as we embarked on a relationship.

I'd never had a girlfriend before or any kind of a relationship with the opposite sex. Although naturally I knew all the theoretical side of things, I was a completely inexperienced virgin. Somehow that seemed to fascinate Edith, and she took great pleasure in initiating me in all matters sexual. She was very uninhibited and not in the least bit shy about her body, instructing me as to exactly what she wanted me to do, and how to improve my performance for maximum pleasure. I gave these studies every bit as much attention as my academic ones, as any young, hot blooded male would have done."

Louisa shuddered, horrified at the thought of that woman and Martin, and of how he had acquired the skills to become such a good lover. But she kept quiet, not wanting to interrupt Martin now that the floodgates had finally opened up and he was in full flow. However, Martin had seen the look on her face, and so stopped himself from elaborating any further about how broadminded and adventurous Edith had been, the kinky little games she'd made him play – there had been very little they hadn't tried out.

"And so I was besotted, acting like a stupid teenager with his first crush, believing I had found my soul mate. I declared my love for her, told her that I loved her, even wrote her stupid poetry. She just laughed, indulged me, and patted me on the head like a puppy dog. I think she was probably taken aback when I proposed, surprising her with a diamond engagement ring that I'd picked out, just like the one my mother wore. She accepted it, but warned me that she was in no rush to get married. I just assumed that we would marry once we were both qualified and had our career paths sorted.

I took Edith down to meet Joan one Christmas. They didn't really get on, but I wasn't worried. We were going to be based in London, so we wouldn't be seeing Joan very often anyway. My parents even met her, seemed to almost approve of her. Of course my father was all over her like a rash, he always did have an eye for a pretty young girl, and Edith was a pretty little thing in her own way, or at least I thought so at the time, when I was under her spell.

My father had numerous affairs over the years, that was one of the main reasons why I made a point of not introducing him to you that time they visited me in Cornwall. I couldn't stand to see him try his charms on you, it would have been too embarrassing to have to watch you fend him off. The whole visit was a disaster from start to finish. That was the last time I saw either of them. My mother told me that I'd ruined her marriage, ruined her life just by having the nerve to be born, that it was my fault that dad had lost interest in her. After that I really couldn't see any reason to keep in touch with her any more, and I haven't seen or heard from either of my parents from that day to this."

Louisa had been quite hurt at the time when Martin hadn't introduced her to his parents, but now she had a better understanding of the situation. She'd picked up from Joan that Martin's mother was not exactly the maternal type but even so, she was shocked to hear how his mother had treated her only son – what a horrid woman she must be. She was glad now that she'd resisted the urge to go behind Martin's back to contact her when they'd been arranging their wedding.

"Looking back I think Edith just liked the fact that she could dominate me, and control me even though she was physically such a tiny person compared to a big chap like me. That amused her I think. She always liked to be in control, to set the pace of things, to take the lead, and at the time I was quite happy to let her."

Louisa could quite believe that, having seen the arrogant manner of the woman at first hand.

"And so we graduated and began specialising in the areas we wanted to work in – gynaecology for Edith, vascular surgery for me. A few times I brought up the subject of us getting married, but Edith always avoided making any commitment, telling me there was no rush, and as I was so busy at the time I didn't really worry about it.

And then much to her horror, Edith discovered she was pregnant. She was absolutely furious about it. She'd been trying out a new type of pill at the time, a very low dose one from America that hadn't been approved for general use in this country. She always took it as regular as clockwork to ensure that there was no possibility of a slip up, so the only reason that she could put the failure down to was a very slight tummy upset she'd had, and so then she blamed me for not having thought to use a condom as a back up. I tried to reassure her, told her that I was happy for her to go ahead and have the baby as we planned to get married anyway, foolishly thinking that as she specialised in gynae she would be quite happy to have a baby of her own. She soon put me right about that.

'You don't seriously think that I'm going to go ahead and have this wretched baby do you? Do I look like the maternal type? I've worked far too hard on my career to give up on it now for some snivelling baby. And anyway, what on earth makes you think I'd want a baby like you, Ellingham? Can you imagine me having to deal with a child that had all your hang ups and problems – no thank you.'

She couldn't get to the abortion clinic quickly enough; she pulled strings to get an appointment as soon as she possibly could. When I tried to protest and urged her not to do anything hasty that she might regret later, she coolly informed me that the only thing she had any regrets about was telling me about the pregnancy, but that my opinion made no difference because I had no rights under the law in any case . To her, the baby was just a nuisance and an inconvenience that had to be got rid of as soon as possible, dealt with like a nasty infection. An infection that I'd given all this was going on, she received a fantastic offer for a position in Canada, to work under one of the most respected professionals in her field.

That was the final straw - an ambitious woman like Edith was never going to turn that down to marry me and have my baby, no matter what I said. I can hear her laughing and mocking me to this day.

'It's been fun while it lasted Ellingham, but it's just been a fling, a bit of fun. You didn't seriously expect us to actually get married did you? Surely you realised that all this talk of love was just bedroom talk. I love you, I love you, Edith – actually it's been getting on my nerves, having to listen to you pathetically bleating on about love all the time.' And I'm sorry, Louisa, but that's why I just can't bring myself to say those words to you now. They've been tainted by that woman."

Louisa's hand shot to her mouth in shock at how cruel Edith had been to Martin. She hadn't just broken his heart; she'd stamped on it and smashed it into smithereens.

Martin continued. "So she had her abortion and went off to Canada while I stayed in London. I was lucky enough to have made a couple of good friends by that time, one of them being Chris Parsons. In time, he helped me to see that Edith was in fact a cold hearted, manipulative bitch, who'd just been using me to amuse herself for a while. Apparently, she'd been making fun of me behind my back, and there were even rumours of her sleeping with other men. I don't know if that was true or not, and by then I no longer cared.

So after that experience of 'love', I decided that I certainly wouldn't be bothering with it any more, that I was much better off just being on my own, not having to rely on, or trust anyone else ever again. Instead, I concentrated on becoming the top vascular surgeon in the country. And I did. I pushed myself to the limit, working all hours, taking on the most difficult and complicated cases that were referred to me from all over the country, even from abroad.

And then all that came crashing down around me, when the wretched haemophobia kicked in. Looking back I realise that I had some kind of a breakdown brought on by stress and overwork, but at the time it just seemed like another cruel blow that I'd been dealt. The only thing that I was ever any good at taken away from me. And so that's how I ended up in Cornwall as your GP. Not something that I had ever thought I would end up doing in my wildest dreams."

"Oh Martin," Louisa murmured as she put her arms around him to console him.

"And then I met you, this irritating schoolteacher, the only one on the interview panel who argued against me becoming the GP, who kept on being a thorn in my side. And yet I found myself attracted to you, and unbelievably it seemed that maybe you were even attracted to me as well, for some incomprehensible reason, despite the fact that I seemed to be able to offend you so very easily without ever meaning to. But I fought hard against the attraction. Once bitten, twice shy. I certainly didn't fancy going through all that angst again, and anyway, I knew that once you got to know the real me, you wouldn't be interested anyway. It's common knowledge among male doctors that there are some women who have a 'thing' for doctors, so I put it down to that and tried my hardest to resist you and not get involved. But in the end I couldn't help myself. I'd find myself trying to catch a glimpse of you from a safe distance, and staring at you, thinking about you, dreaming about you. And of course I ended up asking you to marry me – and then stuffing everything up because I lost my nerve."

Martin now returned her hug as Louisa tenderly kissed his cheek.

"And you got pregnant too, but being the complete opposite of Edith, you instantly loved and wanted this baby, my baby, despite the fact that it was unplanned, because you are such a loving, caring and amazing woman. And I'm sorry that I just can't say what you want me to say to you…"

"Sshh. It's not important, words aren't necessary any more. Actions speak louder than words." Louisa gently put her finger to his lips.

Everything made perfect sense now. She finally got the picture, she understood why Martin was the way he was, what had caused the struggles and difficulties all through their complicated relationship over the years.

To show him that she meant what she said, she tenderly kissed his lips, and then started to pull his tie undone, sliding it off very slowly. Martin took the hint, and returned her kiss as he pulled the tie of her wrap dress undone, then slipped his hands inside and around her waist. They slowly undressed each other, sensuously kissing and touching, lingering and savouring, looking at each other intently. There was no need to rush things, so they took their time with their lovemaking, having reached a new level of trust in each other.

Both understood now that their baby would be brought up as part of a very close and loving family.