"There comes a time in your life when you have to choose to turn the page, write another book or simply close it."

Making love to Ashley was amazing. It had been full of love, passion and respect. I didn't regret that my first time had been with her. I had given myself completely to her.

But somehow that voice came back into my mind. The voice that told me she would leave. Just like Lizzy and Jenny had.

I knew she wouldn't leave me, but the voice took over my thoughts. It didn't help that my birthday was in two weeks.

My birthday reminded me of what I had lost. No twin sister to celebrate our seventeenth birthday with.

I could feel myself slip back into a depression. I didn't want to but it was to strong to fight it. It was easier to give into it than fight it. And that is exactly what I did.

I became quiet and put back up my walls. Not only with Ashley, but with the rest of the Bellas as well. They noticed and asked me concerned if I was okay. I couldn't talk to any of them how I really felt, and said I was fine.

One day after the Bellas rehearsal I waited till I was alone with Aubrey.

"Aubrey, can I talk to you for a moment?" I asked a bit nervous.

The blonde leader of the Bellas was very nice but she could be so strict that she scared me a bit. But I had something to tell her and this was the only moment I had.

"Of course. Are you alright? You seem a bit off lately" she said concerned.

"I'm fine. But I have to quit with the Bellas. I'm sorry" I said and then I ran away.

"Jessica wait!" I heard her calling me.

But I didn't stop. I didn't want to give her an explanation. I couldn't explain to her how afraid I was that I would lose them.

I grabbed my phone and opened WhatsApp. I left the group chat and turned off my phone. I needed to be alone with my thoughts. I couldn't face Ashley, the Bellas or my parents. I was a failure and soon they all would realise that. It was better to five up everything before they would give up on me.

I could feel something had changed in Jessica. She was quiet and didn't really talk or laugh anymore. Somehow I knew it hadn't anything to do with the things that happened between us. I knew she didn't regret it that we slept together.

Jess had always been quiet, but this was different. I tried to talk to her but she didn't say anything. She convinced me that she was okay, but deep in my heart I knew she was far from okay.

I knew she needed time alone. But I didn't expect her to leave the group chat. And I definitely didn't expect receiving a message from Aubrey that she had quit the Bellas.

Aubrey and the rest of the Bellas didn't accept this. They told me to get her back. I didn't know how I was supposed to do that, but I was willing to try everything to do that.

I wanted to respect Jess' decisions but I didn't understand why she did this. I tried to call her but her phone was shut off.

I didn't know what to do. I wanted to give her the space she needed, at the same time I wanted to make sure she was alright.

I didn't know where to go after I ran away from Aubrey. I didn't want to go back to my parents. I couldn't go back to my parents. All I knew was that I needed to go home. Home wasn't here in Atlanta. Home was where my sisters body was buried in the ground.

I don't know how I did it bit somehow I managed to book a flight back home. My family had money and I used my credit card to pay for my ticket. Although I wasn't eighteen, they didn't even ask one question why I would fly alone without luggage.

After a two hour flight I was home. The moment I smelled the air of my home town I felt instantly better. I didn't want to see anyone or inconvenience anybody so I called an cab.

I gave the driver the adress of the cemetery. The twenty minutes in the cab were the longest of my life. I didn't feel like talking and the driver seemed to pick that up.

When he dropped me off I paid him. I waited until he was gone before I opened the gate to the cemetery.

With lead in my shoes I walked the path I walked so many times the past year. My heart almost stopped when I entered the side where my sister and Jenny laid buried side by side.

Someone, I suspected Jenny's mom, had kept the gravestones tidy. Fresh flowers on both graves told me she hadn't been here long ago.

I sanked to the ground and positioned myself between the two graves. I took a deep breath and poured my heart out to the two best friends I ever had.

"I miss you both so much. There's so much happening in my life right now. Mom, dad and me moved to Atlanta. They thought a change of environment would help me. First I disagreed, but then I met an amazing girl, and an amazing group of friends."

"Ashley is the most beautiful girl I've ever met. I'm positive you would like her Lizzy. She is amazing and I never felt more complete as when I'm with her. Last week we slept together and it was amazing."

"And the rest of the girls I've met are so wonderful and sweet. Without knowing me, they accepted me their group. They are singers who call themselves Bellas. They are a group of misfits, but somehow they work. You would absolutely love them Jenny. If I do my best I can picture you and Fat Amy getting yourself in trouble. And I can see Lizzy fighting with Aubrey. Anyway because of them I started singing again."

"I fucked up big times. I quit the Bellas and ran away. I'm so scared without you guys. I'm so afraid that I'll will lose them just like I lost you, that I push everyone away who gets to close."

"In two weeks is our birthday Lizzy. Seventeen. We had so many plans. And now I have to do it al by myself. I can't do this by myself" she finally whispered.

It felt good to let go of all the build up emotions. They didn't answer her but it felt good to be so close to them.

She was so tired. With her head on her sisters grave and her feet on her best friends graves she fell asleep.