So this is what the first half of this chapter was actually going to be until I kept flushing it out and realizing I was heading toward a much longer chapter than I anticipated. So I decided to split it in two. It also allowed me to set some things up that weren't planned to begin with.

Also, the response to the last chapter (that I was terrified to post BTW) blew me out of the water. I can't say thank you enough!

Enjoy!

Chapter 10

After waiting nearly two hours, Harley finally came back to bed. She didn't say anything, almost as if what had happened earlier was normal. In a sense, it was, especially after coming back from Belle Reve. She allowed J to wrap his arms around just enough to let her know he was there and she was protected.

Harley wished it was enough but she just didn't feel all that safe with all the henchmen around and J coming and going as he pleased. While she knew Frost wouldn't be stupid enough to do something, even his presence put her on edge but since he was Joker's right hand man, she was willing to give him a pass. Still, she avoided leaving the bedroom unless she absolutely had to. Their bedroom was a safe haven for her, most of the time.

But right now, it didn't provide her any solace. That nightmare was still fresh in her mind and even being in J's embrace wasn't helping. She had been tossing and turning for the last hour and a half and still couldn't get herself comfortable.

"Harley, go to sleep," J growled.

"Can't."

"Yes you can; you just won't."

"I can't!"

J sat up, pulling Harley up with him. "And why not?"

Harley wouldn't say anything. She tried to worm her way out of J's grasp, only to have him hold her tighter.

"Harley," he warned. "Why can't you sleep?"

"It doesn't matter. I'll be quiet and I won't move so you can sleep."

J frowned. Harley wasn't complacent like this. She was an opinionated pain in the ass. He didn't like this new Harley. He wanted his Harley back.

"Talk."

"I...I can still feel their hands and…it…you don't get it! You...you don't understand! You wouldn't!"

"Then help me! Help me figure it out so we can get past this!" J shouted at her.

His tone caught Harley off guard. She knew he was still angry about what happened to her. Hell, she was still angry about what happened. She felt like her life had been completely ripped from underneath her and she didn't know how to piece it back together. She barely knew how to make it day to day right now.

"I...I think I need some space."

"You spent two hours sitting by our closet. You need sleep."

"You don't know what I need!" she screamed. "Stop pretending that you do!"

Harley kicked the blankets back and threw a pillow in J's face, giving her just enough time to get herself out of bed and head toward the door.

"Where are you going?!"

"I need space!" she reiterated, slamming the door on her way out.

The Joker threw his head back on the pillow when Harley left. Her mood swings were going to be the death of him. He was getting little sleep, no thanks to Harley's nightmares. They were getting worse. It started out with one a night. Not great, but he could deal with that. Then it escalated into two and three a night. Harley had reached a point where she was lucky to even get an hour of sleep without having some sort of nightmare. Every time she had one, it took J anywhere from a few minutes to a couple of hours to coax her back to sleep, depending on how bad it was. Last night was the worst. Harley had only been asleep for about forty five minutes when the nightmare hit, which meant the Joker got even less.

He expected to see Harley sitting outside their bedroom when he opened the door. He knew she didn't like to be far from him, especially not while she kept calling him Daddy.

"This is the most amazing product I've ever seen!"

Harley was in the living room, judging from the sound the echoed in the penthouse. That was the only room, besides his office, that had a television. And Harley knew damn well she wasn't allowed in his office right now.

"Can't get away from you, can I?" she mumbled as he marched downstairs. She must have forgotten that the Joker had excellent hearing, a side "perk" of his acid bath.

"I told you, I wasn't letting you out of my sight."

He doesn't trust you to be alone. Look at your arms.

Harley glanced down at her arms, red from all the scratching and excessive rubbing. J pulled her into his lap as he sat down, not wanting Harley to do something stupid. He wanted to trust her but earlier actions told him it was better to watch her like a hawk rather than give her the space she requested.

"So what are we watching?" he asked.

"And it's yours for the low, low price of $9.95!"

"Bad infomercials. It was that or news and I...laughter is better for me. Besides, if you're not causing the trouble, the news isn't that entertaining."

"We'll get back out there," he told her.

"You will. I doubt I will."

The world knows what's happened to you. Even if you make it back out, no one is gonna look at you the same way. They'll just see a victim, a pathetic example of life.

"We need to talk about your nightmares," J stated. He held off on talking about the voices, even though he could tell they were in her head from her cringing. The last thing he needed to deal with right now was her getting overwhelmed and shutting down.

"I don't think we do," Harley tried.

"Whether or not you think we do is not up for discussion. Tell me what happened."

"Why do you want me to keep reliving it?" she countered. "Can't we just agree that living through it was bad enough and let it go?"

J shook his head. "If it wasn't destroying you, then maybe. Right now, you need to discuss it. I...I don't know how to help you if you keep it locked in your head."

"Maybe I don't want your help," Harley snapped. She was getting defensive. J knew he was in for a long night with her.

"Was it about one of your rapes?"

Harley cringed at the word rape. She still didn't want to admit that's what happened. The word made her feel weak, worthless.

You are. Surprised Mistah J still touches you.

"Griggs?" he tried.

She shook her head. "Some of the others."

"When..." the Joker started but then paused. He didn't want to ask this but he didn't want Harley hiding anything from him. "When you say some of the others, are you saying it was multiple people at once?"

He already knew what the answer was. He had one video with two assailants on her. It was the only video he had been able to watch in its entirety before he passed the duty onto Frost, the only person he trusted with information about what happened to Harley. Honestly, J really just wanted to see if Harley would be truthful in her answer.

Harley looked at him with wide eyes. How could he possibly know what her nightmare was about?

"Did he record that too?!" she screeched before she completely broke down crying. "And you've seen it?!"

Before J could respond, Harley pulled her knees up to her chest again.

"Bo-"

J quickly turned his head toward the kitchen and held his finger to his lips, telling Frost to be quiet, not needing Harley to be anymore upset than she already was. Frost held his hands up slowly in defense and backed out of the living room.

"You're okay," J cooed softly. "This isn't your fault. I'm not angry at you. So...calm down, alright?"

He placed his hand on her back and slowly rubbed in circles up and down her spine. To his surprise, Harley didn't flinch or try to pull away. She actually started to relax a little.

"That's it. Deep breath, Harls. Deep breath."

At least now he could rub her back without her panicking; it was a step in the right direction. Sex was still completely out of the question though. If he wasn't so damn in love with this woman, he wouldn't care about what she wanted or how she felt. And while it pained him to even think about admitting it, he would give everything up to make his queen feel better. To get her back to where she used to be.

Harley could barely keep her eyes open as the informercials dragged on. Her breakdown completely wore her out. She allowed J to lift her from the couch and take her back to the bedroom. Maybe now she would sleep. Her body certainly needed it.

"Daddy's going to go out for a little while you rest," he stated, leading her to the bed.

"Where?" Harley asked groggily. The lack of sleep was definitely catching up to her.

J refused to answer that. He didn't want Harley to worry about him when she had enough to deal with. "Frost will be here if you need something, alright?"

He pushed her hair to the side as she Harley tried to situate herself. She instantly realized what he was doing: he was going to drug her.

"I don't want it," she muttered before her body kicked into overdrive. "I'm not crazy, Daddy. You don't need to sedate me. I'm not crazy!"

"I need to make sure you sleep some while I'm gone," J justified. "You're barely sleeping."

"Then stay! I promise I'll go to sleep. Just stay with me."

This is it. He's finally going to leave you.

"I promise I'll be good!" she screamed. "I'll be your good little girl but don't leave me!"

You'll never be his perfect little girl again.

"I will!" she pleaded. Her face was red, due to her crying and screaming.

The Joker set the syringe on the nightstand, sighing heavily. Harley watched his every move, ready to fight back if absolutely necessary. No more drugs.

"Harley, are you afraid I'm going to abandon you?"

She held her breath. Why did he have to ask so many questions?! Why couldn't he just do what she said right now because that's what she needed! She did what he wanted but now that the tables were turned, it was like she didn't even matter.

You don't.

"Answer me," he ordered sternly, holding her chin tightly in his grasp. "Say it. Whatever the answer is, say it."

"Yes," she stuttered.

That's it. Show him how weak and powerless you are.

"You really think that? Fuck, Harley! I...fuck!"

"Stay."

"Sleep. You need rest."

"But the voices-"

He gripped her head harshly, letting his nails dig into her scalp. "The voices aren't real! Stop listening to them! They are destroying you! They're not fucking real!"

"They feel real!" she cried.

We are real. We're the reason you survived all this time.

"They're not! You only think they're real. They're not."

"Then make 'em stop!"

J wrapped his arms around Harley and slowly rocked her like a mother would do to a scared child. After all, Harley was scared, even if she wouldn't say those exact words. After coddling her and rubbing her back, J found Harley asleep after only fifteen minutes. Slowly, he pried himself free from her grasp. Thankfully, his movements hadn't woken her up. Still, the possibility of her having a nightmare weighed heavily in J's mind. Even though Harley didn't want it, J still sedated her. Odds were that Harley wouldn't get nearly enough sleep to function off of if he didn't. He needed Harley to sleep for more than an hour at a time and sedatives were the only thing he could think of. He wasn't particularly fond of the idea of sedating his girlfriend, especially with her being pregnant, but he couldn't find any other option. Harley wasn't able to function and that was affecting him. He couldn't have that. He couldn't deal with that on top of everything else

"You'll always be Daddy's little monster and I'll find a way to get you back there," he whispered into her ear. He tucked her bat under her arm and quietly closed the door.

Harley would probably only get a couple hours of sleep, but at least it would be better than nothing.